10 Tips for Military Families Coping with the Emotional Stress of PCS

Moving is stressful. This is especially true in the military community as we tend to move often! On average, a military family moves every three years, about 4 times the amount of civilian families. On a scale of the most stressful life events that we can endure, moving comes in as the third most difficult and stressful experience. So given the frequency of moves and high stress, it comes as no surprise that military families have extra challenges for which they have to cope and learn how to manage. 

Coping with any change is challenging, but the frequent moving and changes that the military family endures are quite difficult. While there are many benefits to the adventures of moving and having new experiences, there are also struggles that can take an emotional toll. Here are some tips to help you cope with the emotional stress of moving and the upcoming PCS season.

10 Tips for Coping:

1. Engage in Self-Care: 

This is probably one of the most important aspects of coping with any sort of challenge. Engaging in self-care and using your coping strategies can make all the difference. A positive self-care routine includes things such as good nutrition, getting adequate sleep, staying physically active, and maintaining positive mental and emotional health. Coping strategies can include incorporating activities into your daily or weekly routine such as journaling, taking a relaxing bath, listening to music, or even taking a quick walk. The idea is that you should regularly engage in coping strategies that help you best manage your self-care and this is especially true during a move or other stressful period.

2. Process Your Feelings:

One of the most important parts of coping with emotional challenges is to be present and mindful of your feelings. Often when people experience high stress or challenging situations, they can try and stifle their feelings or pretend they do not exist. This can actually worsen the situation and create deeper and more difficult emotions. So during the PCS season, be sure to be open, honest and present with how you are feeling. Talk to your friends and family or even keep a journal to write about your experiences. The military community is a strong one, but we can and should explore our feelings as this helps create better healing and processing emotions in a healthy manner. 

3. Lean on Your Support Network: 

Be sure to share with family and friends how challenging this time can be and ask for some support. It is common that civilian family and friends may not fully grasp the life of a military family, but it can be important to lean on family and friends when you need it. So try explaining a bit to others what you’re going through. Also, leaning on your military support network can be essential. The military community knows all too well the difficulties that are faced with constant changes and unique challenges that most civilian families do not experience. So reach out to your military friends as they can be some of the best support during these times. 

4. Look at The Positive: 

While this may seem impossible at times, think of the new opportunities and advantages to your new location. Perhaps you’ll be living a closer distance to extended family or it will be a city that’s more affordable. Or if you aren’t looking forward to your new location or feel there’s not much to do, maybe you use this duty station as a time to do more traveling or stay home and work on some personal or home projects that you’ve been intending the accomplish or find a new and exciting hobby that you’ve always wanted to try. Having a change in one’s mindset and altering your perspective can actually better help you to move through a difficult or dreaded situation so try your best to find the positive. One activity that can promote this positive mindset is focusing on something that you are grateful for and engaging in a regular gratitude practice. By forcing yourself to find something that you are grateful for, it can really help alter your overall mindset to something more positive.

5. Remember Why:

Sometimes it helps to focus on the bigger picture of exactly why you are doing this, whether that is dedication to your spouse, family or this country. We all make sacrifices in our lives, but when we really understand the importance or feel passionate about the reasoning, it can feel much less like a sacrifice and more like a situation that you can successfully push through. So think about your reasoning and why it’s important to you. Perhaps this is a decision that was best for your family and this gives you, your spouse or your children advantages. Reflecting on whatever your reasoning may be, can help to put your mindset in a space that is again about pushing through for the cause versus focusing on the sacrifice.

6. Embrace Your New Community:

We can often move to a new environment and feel negative about the move, all of the change, or hesitant in embracing our new community. This can cause us to shut down and not be responsive to the new location. Be sure to be open to your new community and attempt to embrace it and get to know others. This can be a scary step as it requires us to be open and vulnerable, but this is also a key in handling an emotionally tough situation. This is also a key part of having the right mindset in order to best cope with a stressful situation. Join spouse networking groups, meet your neighbors, attend events with coworkers, and just get out there and meet new friends in your community. There are various Facebook groups, Meetups, community events or activities to try or get involved in. This can also demonstrate good modeling for your children as they may also be struggling with meeting new people and getting to know their new community. By showing that you, as the role model and parent, can put yourself out there, in a vulnerable way and be brave and courageous, they can also.

7. Think of The Ease of Connection: 

We can stay connected with friends and family via social media and other means so much easier than ever before. Be sure to take advantage of all of the opportunities to stay connected online with sharing photos or talking to friends and family through FaceTime, Skype, Google Hangouts or other online means. Today’s technology allows for a better opportunity to stay well connected with people all over the world, which is especially important if your new move is OCONUS. So be sure to remember and work on changing your mindset again, if you are feeling lonely, sad or stress regarding your move, you can connect with people from all over at any time!

8. Take Advantage of The Opportunity: 

One big advantage of moving often is that we get to learn about so many new and different places to live. In our family, we have really taken advantage of exploring the new states or regions in which we live. This is especially true if we’ve never lived there before. We take advantage of quick weekend trips to explore areas outside of our new city. It allows us to learn new things in the state and perhaps get to know an area that we may never live again. So again, focusing on altering your mindset to find positive opportunities to make the best of your situation.

9. Make the Move More Fun for the Entire Family:

While moving is absolutely stressful, try to focus on making the move more fun! One example could be to make the PCS a site-seeing trip across the country while you drive to your next destination. This could hopefully be a fun family vacation that’s worth remembering. This also lowers the stress for children, which is really important. Your kids have the opportunity to remember a road trip vacation that was fun versus the stress and tension of a move. The point is to ease the emotional stress of PCSing versus staying focused only on the challenges. The process can actually have some perks and create some fun memories for families! 

10. Use Your Resources: 

The military community is loaded with resources to help with the stress of PCSing. Although this particular blog doesn’t focus on the actual details of moving, there are many wonderful blogs written by military spouses and others that give you quick tips to packing with ease, how to work with TMO, and also several PCS checklists that help you to organize and better manage the move. Some other resources include Military One Source, Family Readiness or Military Family Resource Center as well as local base Spouse Groups that all have useful information. 

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples and a 3-way call option is available for couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Resource Links:

Military One Source:

https://www.militaryonesource.mil/moving-housing/moving/pcs

Milspouse Fest: The Colossal List of PCS Resources & Advice from Military Spouses:

https://milspousefest.com/colossal-list-pcs-resources-advice-inspiration-military-spouses/

Military.com Articles:

https://www.military.com/money/pcs-dity-move

Military Spouse: 7 Ways Military Spouses Can Hack a PCS Move:

https://www.militaryspouse.com/military-life/pcs/7-ways-military-spouses-can-hack-a-pcs-move/

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach, Military Spouse & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Tips for Getting Through the Holiday Season When Your Partner is Away

The holidays can be a joyous time where we spend time with our family, friends, and loved ones. For some, this is also a season that their loved one may be away or they are spending time apart. As a military spouse, I have to cope quite a bit with spending time away from my partner. Unfortunately, the time away can happen during holidays and special events. So how can you get through a special time or holiday without your significant other?

Here are some tips to coping when a partner is away:

• Communicate beforehand: Talking about being away from one another, especially during the holiday season is really critical for couples. This can help each partner understand the expectations and feelings that the other has about their time away. This also gives you an opportunity to plan and discuss some special times to connect while you are away from each other. 

• Maintain connection through distance: When your partner is away, continue communication through phone, text or online means like FaceTime or Skype in order to continue that closeness and feel like you are present with your partner. Talking online, in particular, can help us to actually see and hear the other person as though we are in the same room. 

• Share the small stuff: Be sure to share details about your day. Sometimes sharing the little things can help partners feel as though they are in their normal routine and connected in each other’s lives. Chatting about the little stuff can often turn into deeper more meaningful conversations as well. 

• Surround yourself with your support system: Make plans during the holidays with friends or family who provide you support. It’s important that you reach out and ensure that you have a supportive group of people near you. Many people may not plan ahead to ensure that they have some helping hands nearby when they may be feeling down. This is a really important step that can help with our overall coping and functioning during a difficult time. 

• Come up with unique ideas to share: There may be ways to “celebrate” with your partner in your own way. When couples are separated by distance during the holidays, there may be creative ways that you can “share” a special moment together. Perhaps plan a time to “see” each other online and open gifts or celebrate in some way. You can also send gifts or cards with each other beforehand to open at a scheduled time. It is always sweet when you find an unexpected card in your suitcase from your partner. This helps to know that they care and are thinking of you. These small, yet unique things, can really bring closeness and togetherness during a time when you are separated. 

• Set up a time to celebrate when you’re together: Remember that just because you are apart this holiday season and on a particular day, it doesn’t mean that you can’t celebrate when you are together. Set a plan for when you can spend the holidays together and celebrate with just the two of you in your own special way. This can also give a couple something to look forward to during their time apart. 

• Positive Mindset: As hard as it can be to celebrate the holidays without your partner, try your best to engage in positive thinking. You can think of ways that this may be beneficial for you both, such as the heart growing fonder while you are away. You could also try your best to focus on the homecoming and a celebration once you are both together again. Getting yourself in a more positive mindset can help with any disappointments that you may feel along the way.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are offered for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free facebook group on relationships

Be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group: The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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