9 Essential Self-Care Tips for the Holiday Season

The holiday season is a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration—but it can also bring stress, exhaustion, and overwhelm. Amidst the hustle and bustle, it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being. Here’s a deeper dive into nine practical self-care tips to help you stay balanced and at peace this holiday season.

1. Set Boundaries

Between family gatherings, gift exchanges, and work parties, your schedule can fill up quickly. Saying “no” to events or obligations that don’t align with your energy levels or values is an act of self-care. Politely declining an invitation can free up time to recharge.

2. Stay Hydrated

It’s easy to forget the basics amidst the excitement. Drinking plenty of water keeps your energy steady and helps counteract indulgent holiday treats. Keep a reusable water bottle handy as a gentle reminder.

3. Prioritize Sleep

Late-night festivities are fun, but consistently losing sleep can take a toll on your mental and physical health. Make rest a non-negotiable priority. Stick to a regular bedtime when possible and allow your body to recover.

4. Take Breaks

The hustle of holiday shopping or prepping for guests can be overwhelming. Schedule short breaks throughout the day to pause, breathe, or step outside for fresh air. Even 10 minutes can make a difference.

5. Limit Social Media

While social media can inspire, it often fuels comparison and anxiety during the holidays. Take a step back from scrolling and focus on meaningful, in-person interactions or quiet moments with yourself.

6. Move Your Body

Staying active is a great way to boost your mood and relieve stress. A simple walk around the block, a quick yoga session, or even dancing to your favorite holiday songs can help you feel refreshed.

7. Practice Gratitude

Amid the holiday chaos, it’s easy to focus on what’s missing or stressful. Shift your perspective by jotting down three things you’re grateful for each day. Gratitude fosters positivity and keeps your spirits lifted.

8. Treat Yourself

The holidays often revolve around giving, but don’t forget to treat yourself. Whether it’s a cozy blanket, a favorite snack, or a good book, small indulgences can bring you joy and comfort.

9. Ask for Help

You don’t have to do everything on your own. Delegate tasks or ask friends and family for support. Sharing the load can ease stress and create opportunities for connection.

The holiday season should be a time of joy—not burnout. By incorporating these self-care strategies, you can enjoy the season while keeping your mental and physical health intact. Remember: taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s essential.

Wishing you peace and happiness this holiday season!

Developing a Gratitude Mindset

Gratitude is more than just feeling thankful or saying “thank you” to someone, it’s a deeper appreciation for someone or something that produces longer lasting positivity. Engaging in a regular practice of gratitude can give us many positives in our lives. Gratitude can change our perspective for the better and force more positive thinking. This positivity can play a role in having a healthier lifestyle with less worry, stress, and negativity. Research has shown that practicing gratitude can lead to an overall healthier and happier life.

In this article, we will discuss getting into the right mindset that will foster a sentiment of gratitude. This can be challenging, however. First, let’s review some of the benefits of gratitude and then we’ll review ways to develop a gratitude practice.

Benefits of Gratitude:

Increased Coping and Resilience: 

Gratitude allows you to be able to forgive and move on from challenging situations more easily. When we consistently focus on the positive, it can be easier to move forward when situations become difficult. Gratitude also increases our ability to cope with challenges as well as emotional and mental health challenges.

Gratitude can help people navigate challenges with greater strength and optimism. It shifts focus from what’s lacking to what’s already present, making it easier to cope with adversity.

Increased Self-Confidence: 

When we focus more on the positive, we often feel better, not only about the things around us but also about ourselves. Regularly practicing gratitude can uplift mood and boost self-confidence.  Gratitude helps reduce negative emotions like envy, resentment, and frustration, replacing them with more positive feelings, which allow for you to better focus on your own growth and confidence. Regularly reflecting on what you’re thankful for can lower stress and increase overall life satisfaction.

Increased Empathy & Overall Happiness: 

When showing gratitude, you are less likely to hold anger and resentment, which leads to overall happiness. This practice can also allow for increased empathy and care for others. Focusing on what you're grateful for increases positive emotions and overall happiness. Over time, gratitude rewires the brain to become more attuned to the good in life, fostering a more optimistic outlook.

Improved Physical Health: 

People who practice gratitude tend to take better care of their bodies. They are more likely to exercise regularly, eat healthier, and have better sleep quality. Additionally, gratitude has been linked to lower blood pressure and a stronger immune system. Expressing appreciation often tends to lead to less stress and anger, which have been shown to improve overall physical health.

Tips to start a regular gratitude practice:

Set a goal:

The first step to starting any new goal or habit is to simply set a goal for yourself. You can set up a timeline or date for when you hope to accomplish your goal and then tell others about your plan to hold yourself accountable. Be sure to make your goal reasonable and set reminders for yourself throughout your daily routine. Like any habit, consistency is key. Whether you practice gratitude in the morning, before bed, or at another set time, keeping it part of your routine helps it become second nature.

Practice:

Dedicate yourself to this project and achieving your goal. This means consistently working toward achieving your goal as well as practicing regularly. Take a moment during daily activities to pause and appreciate the present moment. Whether it’s enjoying your morning coffee or taking a walk, practicing mindful gratitude helps you stay grounded in the moment.

Allow for errors & keep going:

You must allow yourself errors and mistakes while setting a new goal or habit in your life. For many, it’s common that once they miss their goal for a day or week, then they completely give up and stop working toward the outcome. It’s important that you forgive yourself for these errors and just get back on track when you can. The most important aspect when you are trying to achieve a goal or healthy habit is progress. Just keep trying and keep moving forward.

Keep it simple

Try creating a gratitude journal. Writing down things that you are grateful for will keep things in perspective and remind you of the positive things in your life. Write down three to five things you're grateful for each day can help make gratitude a habit. They don’t have to be big—small, everyday moments like a delicious meal or a kind word from a friend can be just as impactful. Reflecting on these entries over time will remind you of the good things in life.

Simply express gratitude to others: 

Say thank you when you can. Express to others when you appreciate something they have done for you or for being in your life. Share compliments and praise for others. These small tokens of appreciation can go a long way. Go beyond private reflections—express your gratitude to others.

Reflect often: 

Include a gratitude exercise during meditation, end of day or morning reflection, during a walk, etc. Include positivity based activity or action and set a goal to think of one thing that you are thankful for. You can also get a daily inspirational calendar or engage in positive social media or apps that promote gratitude.

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ONLINE SESSIONS

For more information on virtual counseling services, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Remote services are provided online through an online HIPAA compliant web portal, which allows for you to be in the comfort of your own home during your sessions and have increased privacy & confidentiality. Online appointments may also be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Getting Through The Holiday Season - COVID Edition

While our nation and most parts of the world continue to deal with the devastation of the COVID pandemic, we are right in the holiday season. For many, this is a joyous season where they get to spend time with family, honoring decades-long traditions and starting new ones with their youngest family members. Some people look forward to ringing in the New Year with friends and spending the night out on the town. 

This year is different. 

Many have lost their lives to the coronavirus. Some have lost their dearest family members, and others are frustrated and tired of social distancing, masks, lines at grocery stores, and being told they need to protect others' health and safety. Regardless of your opinion, I think we can all agree that we want normalcy again. We want our day-to-day lives to go back to "normal." We want closeness and connection with our family and friends. We want to enter whatever store we'd like and freely go about our business at restaurants and movie theaters. We want our lives back. 

The holiday season can exacerbate some of these desires and the frustration that life isn't normal right now. We may have to change our plans and figure out how to do things differently. We may be grappling with particular family and friends not agreeing with our decision to spend the holidays. You may be an avid mask wearer and social distance every chance you get. Meanwhile, your Uncle Ron thinks 350K dead isn't a big deal and says he's socially distancing while he quickly comes into land a big sloppy kiss. Tensions are raised amongst family members and even friends with differences in opinions and choices on handling safe options during a pandemic. 

Many are having a tough time making the right decision on how they spend their holidays. Many are sad that they will be away from family and friends, and many won't make a change at all. Regardless of how you choose to celebrate the holidays, it is absolutely different for all of us this year. Managing your emotional and mental health during this time is essential, and doing a few key things can make all the difference. 

1. Acknowledge how you're feeling

It's okay to be upset, sad, frustrated, or even angry that your plans have changed or are different this year. It's been a challenging year. The world is suffering from a pandemic, and our nation has endured such a divide for months now. Everyone is handling this situation differently, and we are all entitled to how we are feeling. It's our reaction and response to others that are key. Be open and honest with yourself about how you are feeling. Acknowledge your emotions. Write about them, journal, talk to a friend, or sing in the shower about it if you need. Just be true to yourself and express what you're feeling.

2. Understand That It's Different

While we know the world is different right now, we see the masks on faces, we see the signs and markers to keep our distance, we hear about the deaths on the news, and we may have even suffered a loss ourselves, we can also become so numb that it's hard to comprehend. Be sure to acknowledge and prepare yourself for the differences this holiday season. Know that gatherings will be different or not happen at all. You may spend the holidays alone for the first time in years, or you may keep it small and safe with your chosen pod. Regardless of your plans, it's essential to acknowledge that things will undoubtedly be different this year. We must mentally prepare ourselves for that. Going into a situation expecting things to be the same as years before can set you up for more disappointment. This year will look a bit strange, but we can have hope for the future to bring back a sense of normalcy. 

3. Don't Dwell on the Negative or the Past

While you should acknowledge the differences this year, don't get stuck on the past events or the way things "should" look. Staying stuck on this will keep you in a mindset of disappointment. View this as a temporary change that will get better. If you focus only on the negative and the things you don't like or wish were different, it doesn't allow you to move forward mentally.

4. Engage in Mindfulness

While mindfulness is good any time of the year, it can be beneficial during the holidays as it allows you to take a moment, slow down, and be present. More than others, this holiday season can be critical to really be in the moment and be mindful. Practicing mindfulness lowers stress and increases mental attention and focus, and it will help you have deeper and better connections with those around you. 

5. See the Positive & Make it Special

Find a way to focus on the good this year and make new memories. Many people chose Christmas ornaments to commemorate 2020 with masks, hand sanitizers, or images of quarantines and social distancing. Some took photos of their family in masks or kept their distance with a porch pic. Find new ways to let this year go down in the history books. Look for a positive way to mark this year as complete and move toward the future.

6. Focus on What You Can Control

This year has proven that so much of life is really just out of our control. That's hard. It can be challenging not to have control of significant aspects of our life, especially our day-to-day routines. Rather than dwelling on all of the things, you can't change, focus on what you can. If you have family members who don't take health seriously, don't ruminate on their decisions or behaviors and instead maintain your own health and safety. Make a good decision for you and your family and continue walking your own path forward. 

7. Reach Out to Others

Reaching out to others if you need support is essential. We can also reach out to others in a unique way this year to celebrate at a distance. Reach out to family and friends for a virtual video call or to share your favorite food or drink recipe together. Commemorate the holidays with a unique "at a distance" photo or online celebration. Also, pick up the phone and call a friend if you need support. It's okay to reach out for help. Our support system is just that, a system of support for when we need it. If you are struggling, let someone know. Talk about how you are feeling and share with others your process. 

8. Be a Role Model for Your Children

Remember that our children absorb what we say and do. They watch how we act, and we teach them through our own actions and how we face the world. If we complain every day about how awful life is, they feel that and begin to express it too. Be a positive role model for them. Show and teach them that it's okay to express how you feel, and it's okay to feel disappointed or upset. But also teach them that we can find the positive in a very negative situation. Create something special for you all as a family to help you move forward and persevere during this challenging time. 

9. Practice Gratitude 

There is much research to show the many mental, emotional, and physical benefits of gratitude. It can be beneficial to focus on the positive and think about things for which you are grateful. The practice of gratitude has many benefits and helps during stressful and challenging times. By practicing gratitude, we are forcing ourselves to find the positive in a challenging situation. It also helps to gain perspective in our lives and see that many positives still exist.

10. Make Good & Healthy Decisions

Making good and healthy decisions may mean saying "no" to a gathering or family event that you don't feel comfortable with and setting good boundaries. Or it may mean sticking to good healthy food and monitoring yourself for overindulgence. Monitoring alcohol consumption should also prioritize, as the holidays can most certainly be a time of excess. Making good decisions is really key to managing good emotional health. Be sure to eat healthy meals, get plenty of sleep, include some physical activity into your daily routine, and avoid excess alcohol use. Also, manage the amount of news and social media that you consume. We live in such a connected world that it can be easy to stay glued to our phones and know every post on social, but that can often come with a hefty price tag. Look to maintain overall balance in your life this holiday season. 

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For more articles on maintain good mental health during the COVID19 pandemic, click here.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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20 Date Night Ideas To Try During COVID

While we continue to grapple with the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic in the United States, many places still have social distancing mandates in effect and others are simply closed down. Finding fun and creative ideas for a date night with your partner can be challenging. 

In a time of stress, chaos, and uncertainty it can be important to find an outlet, a moment of relief, relaxation, and fun. This is especially true if you are enjoying it with your partner. Stress can often have a negative impact on a relationship so it’s important to continue to put forth that effort and dedication to your partner. 

How can you keep the romance and passion alive in your relationship while you remain safe during this pandemic? Here are some date night ideas that you can do in the comfort of your own home or in an outdoor space that allows for plenty of social distancing. 

Date Night Ideas While Social Distancing:

1. Try a Virtual Visit: 

There are many museum tours, aquariums, and National parks that are offering free virtual visits. This allows a unique opportunity to view places that are not local and you may not see otherwise or at least without having to travel a far distance. Taking a virtual tour also allows you and your partner to engage in good conversation about the art, landscape, animals, or scenery that you experience. It may give you a change in your normal surroundings and even help you to feel like you got to escape the four walls of your quarantined home. 

2. Game Night: 

Are you and your partner in for a little healthy competition? Try a game night. You could bring out some of your favorite games from growing up or order some new ones to challenge each of you. Depending on your mood or even personality, you may be in for something more interactive, like charades or something with more strategy like chess or poker. No matter your choice, having a game night with your partner can help shake up the normal routine and bring some fun into your home. 

3. Couples Enrichment Activities:

There are many great marriage boosting activities that you and your partner could try. While we are maintaining social distance, it’s a great opportunity to allow for focus and dedication to your partner. Some marriage enrichment activities include journal prompts to either write about or just verbally share with your partner. You can find lots of articles with marriage tips and there are several free marriage tip videos that you could watch with your spouse. Many webpages have prompts and questions for couples that serve as great conversation starters. These types of activities help couples work on communication and connection.

4. Outdoor Movie:

Many couples enjoy snuggling up with one another while watching their favorite flick. If you’ve been binge-watching Netflix nightly from your sofa and want to change things up a bit, try creating an outdoor movie theater. Some people have outdoor TVs on their decks or even projectors that work with your smartphone so you can view the movie from a blank wall. You could string some lights for a more romantic glow, lay down a blanket and pillows and snuggle up under the stars. 

5. Creative Picnic:

Another fun outdoor activity is to create a picnic, either at a local park, your backyard, or even your living room. You could get appetizers from a favorite restaurant or choose an assortment of charcuterie to sample. Another fun idea is to make your picnic a theme, such as Hawaiian night, tastes of Italy, or an evening of sweet treats for a decadent touch. Picnics can also have a romantic touch with candles, lights, or simply under the moonlight. 

6. Romantic Dine-in: 

Create a space in your home for a romantic dinner. You could try dressing up an outdoor table or even a spot in your living room with a table cloth, candlelight, and perhaps some freshly picked flowers. The idea here is to re-create a private and romantic dining experience. You could pick-up take-out from your favorite spot that you get to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

7. Scavenger Hunt or Hide & Seek:

Bring back some fun childhood memories and an element of suspense and surprise by creating a scavenger hunt for each other or even play hide and seek with items throughout your home. While it may seem silly, it’s a great way to view your home, your partner, and the evening in a different way. You can try a scavenger hunt that’s filled with brain-busting riddles for your partner to solve along the way or how about a sexy hide and seek game with your favorite pieces of lingerie. Get creative with using your everyday space and household items to stimulate some fun together in a new way. 

8. Art Night:

Let your creativity flow! Try having a painting night where you both work on the same picture and compare at the end or even try a new craft or woodworking project together. Pinterest has lots of ideas that are not for the faint-hearted. You can keep things relationship-focused by creating a keepsake that will represent your pandemic time together or a memento that highlights your marriage and the love you have together. 

9. Get to Cooking: 

Many people find cooking to be therapeutic and it can be a great activity for couples to do together. There are often cooking classes that are focused on couples and you may be able to find some online right now. You can also try following along with a cooking demonstration from a tv show or class or simply look up a new recipe online to try. You could also try a little competition and each creates a dish that you critique and share at the end. 

10. Food & Drink Pairing:

Try creating an interesting selection of food and drink pairings, such as local wine & artisan cheeses or your favorite tea and biscuits. You could try various tapas or appetizers from around the world or keep it close to home with samplings of beers from your local brewery. This can serve as a conversation starter by giving you something a little different to engage in and share your thoughts with your partner on the selections. You can discover what you and your partner like and don’t like while you compare notes.

11. A Mini Book Club:

A unique idea to share with your partner may be to try some new reading material together. There are often motivational marriage stories and other material for couples such as relationship boosters. You could try each reading a short story or other article and then sharing the content. The idea here is to choose an activity that you both enjoy, such as reading and find unique ways that you can share the time and engage in conversation about the activity. 

12. At-Home Spa Day: 

While many of us have missed our routine pedicure and trip to the local salon, you can try and recreate a spa day in the comfort of your own home and with your partner. Think bubble bath for two, followed by facial scrubs and massages. You can even try some new or different products or even try and make your own sugar scrub or soap together. This may give you something new to try and be a great way to reduce stress.

13. Healthy Competition: 

Many couples may enjoy the healthy competition of video gaming, a fitness challenge, or even an online trivia game. You could also try having a sing-off with some living room karaoke or a pajama dance party to show off your best skills. The idea of challenging your partner in a healthy way can create some competition and maybe even fuel your sexual desire for each other. 

14. Fondue Tasting:

Another fun food idea is to try a night of fondue tasting. You can melt some of your favorite cheeses or mix various additions in with chocolate and have a sample. This again allows for an opportunity to try something different and promotes conversation for the two of you. For a romantic touch, you could try doing the entire fondue sampling by feeding one another. 

15. Backyard Camping:

If you are fans of camping but haven’t had the opportunity to go or perhaps campgrounds are closed, then try creating your own camping experience right at home. You can get into the activity with roasting s’mores over your fire pit, inside in your fireplace, or melted in the oven. And if you don’t have space to pitch a tent in your backyard, then try a pillow fort in the living room. The point here is to completely shake up your normal routine and recreate a different and unique experience that you can share with your partner. 

16. Online Classes:

With so many things going virtual right now, there is no shortage of interesting classes and activities online. You and your partner could try a new activity or exercise class, perhaps do some yoga or Zumba together. There are also several wellness classes offered for free that focus on your overall mind-body wellbeing, such as stress management or a mindfulness meditation class. Many top universities are also offering free classes on a variety of subjects such as gaming, design, writing, filmmaking, photography, science, business, or foreign languages. If you and your partner have ever talked about learning something new, now might be your chance! You can try a new class, hit pause, and share some thoughts along the way with your spouse.

17. Create a Photo Book or Digital Collage

Many couples enjoy reminiscing about some fun times together! So try looking through old photos of vacations, trips or even your wedding. You can put together a digital collage to share on social or create a custom photo book to have printed. Looking through pictures can boost positive memories, good conversation, and build a connection between two people. 

18. Try Photography:

For those who may have an eye for photography, you may enjoy having a photography night. You could each take snapshots of unique items or views from around your home and share them later. You could even make it a contest and have your partner guess where the pic was taken or simply what the item is. Even if you don’t have a professional lens, you can simply click away with your smartphone and create unique pictures of everyday items. 

19. Get Outside: 

While many couples enjoy outdoor activities together, now is one of the best times to get outside and keep your social distance. You can try hiking, biking, canoeing, fishing, gardening, or just simply go for a walk around your neighborhood. Being outdoors and in nature has been proven to boost feelings of relaxation and happiness. When shared with your partner, you can build some great memories enjoying nature and each other. 

20. Last, but not least, have sex! 

Seems self-explanatory, but take some time to just be intimate with your partner. Try something new. Think lingerie, feathers, sex toys, or role-play. When many businesses are closed down, activities are limited and friends are socially distancing, there seems to be no better time than to spend an afternoon in bed. If you have kids, this may not be an afternoon in bed, but a quickie in the morning before the house wakes. Physical intimacy, touch, and sex are all great ways to boost those love hormones, which foster feelings of safety, affection, and love. 

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Have some great date night ideas that you’ve tried during the pandemic? Please share them in the comments section below! We’d love to hear more.

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Can Your Marriage Survive COVID?

Many couples have found that COVID has brought on new and different challenges or even highlighted existing difficulties. For many, it has been very hard, but with a few strategies on coping, it’s possible to make it though.

Click for more tips on helping your marriage survive the coronavirus pandemic.

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Tips for Mental Wellness Amid COVID-19

The coronavirus pandemic has been stressful and can take a toll on your mental health. Self-care and coping strategies are really essential during this time.

To read more about managing your mental health and mental wellness amid COVID-19, click here:

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FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Tips for Mental Wellness Amid COVID-19

With the isolation of social distancing and fears and uncertainty of COVID-19 coronavirus, our worlds have been turned upside down. In a matter of days and without warning, we’ve had to rearrange our lives, finances, work, schedules, childcare, emotions and much more. This is hard and we’re all experiencing a variety of reactions. Most of us have never faced a pandemic and are doing our best to function in this time of crisis. As with anything new, different, scary or out of our control, it challenges us to get creative and be dedicated to strategies of self-care, connection, health, and mental wellness. 

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Here are some tips to help you get through:

1. Connect with Others:

We are social creatures and being isolated for long periods can be harmful to our emotional and mental wellbeing. Be sure to stay connected to loved ones while continuing to practice social distancing. One common idea is virtual time through Skype, FaceTime, Zoom, etc. to enjoy shared dinners, happy hours and conversations with friends and family. This provides an opportunity to receive much-needed support from loved ones and be supportive of them as well. Being helpful to others can often provide us with a sense of purpose and meaning. This time also offers a unique situation in which we can focus on boosting our relationship and being better connected with our partners. Try some quarantine approved date night ideas.

2. Practice Self-Care:

Be sure to engage in self-care activities. This is more important than ever! During times of high stress, anxiety, and uncertainty, it’s critical to take care of your emotional, mental and physical health. Try reading a book, taking a bath, sewing, gardening, playing guitar, cooking, journaling, listening to music, coloring, engaging in any hobby or activity that can serve as coping and distraction. Creative activities can also be helpful in processing and expressing emotions. 

3. Stay Healthy:

Physical health and nutrition play key roles in mental and emotional wellbeing. Studies show that we have a higher likelihood of illness when we are not maintaining good mental health. Less stress can actually boost your immune system. There’s a strong connection between gut health and mental health so eat whole nutritious fruits and veggies while avoiding processed, sugary and less nutritious foods as this can help us to feel better. Exercise also stimulates neurotransmitters in the brain that bring on positive feelings. Go for a hike, walk around your neighborhood, dance in your living room or take advantage of the many free and low-cost online exercise or yoga programs. You can even try sitting outside for some fresh air and sunshine. Just stay active!

4. Be Mindful:

Practice mindfulness, meditation or prayer. Taking time for a mental break, to sit in silence and focus on your current state can bring about much needed inner peace. This will allow your brain a moment of calm. The heaviness of our situation is emotionally and mentally taxing and it’s important to plug in some relief.

5. Find the Good:

In a time of so much negativity, give yourself time to focus on something positive. It’s important that we are getting a reprieve because facing a pandemic is scary and overwhelming. Try focusing on something positive every day. This could be reading a funny story, watching a comedy, or finding stories of recovery and hope. You can also try practicing gratitude and thanking our healthcare providers, grocery store workers, delivery drivers and many more who are working the frontlines to keep us safe. Just make time to adjust your mindset to one of hope and positivity as this plays a role in how you feel.

6. Be Kind:

First and foremost, be kind to yourself. This is a tough situation. Monitor your expectations and cut yourself some slack. It’s okay to struggle right now. During difficult times, we must focus on simply doing the best that we can. Next, be kind to others. You never know how someone may be impacted. Send a check-in text to a friend, FaceTime your family or check on a neighbor. Right now, being supportive of ourselves and those around us is more important than ever. We are a community of people impacted together and kindness matters. 

7. Set a schedule:

Do your best to keep a regular and consistent schedule. This helps maintain some normalcy, predictability, and control in your life, which is especially important in times of uncertainty. When our world feels out of control, we need a consistent routine to feel more in control of our daily life. Try to wake at the same time, shower and dress as though you’re leaving the house, start your day with something positive, and be sure to plug-in some “me time” for self-care practice throughout the day. 

8. Limit news:

It’s important to stay informed about the current pandemic; however, when stress levels are high, too much can be a bad thing. Reading and watching all things- COVID19 can create and exacerbate feelings of fear and anxiety. Aim for a healthy balance of staying informed and also limiting harmful exposure. Try including some positive stories of hope, recovery, and strategies for your own health and safety. 

9. Strike a Balance:

While these are incredibly challenging and uncertain times, it’s important to find a bit of balance in your life. We need to balance safety, be socially distant, practice good hygiene, hand-washing, and protective techniques, while also not living in fear. This is difficult. We are faced with empty streets and stores, people wearing face masks and protective gear and reading stories of people dying from a virus that could impact us at any moment. It is scary. But we cannot function well by living solely in fear. We must also find space for things that bring us feelings of safety, security, and control.  

10. Sit With Your Emotions:

While this is uncomfortable, it’s important to be aware of and process your feelings. This is a time of intense emotion and we can experience a variety: fear, stress, anxiety, sadness, frustration, trauma, and even grief. If we try to sweep emotions under the rug, they’ll eventually find their way out and it’s often in the most difficult of ways. Sit with your feelings and identify how this experience is impacting you as this helps with healing. 

11. Seek Online Support:

Virtual therapy or coaching services can be helpful by having a professional and neutral person to talk with about feelings, frustrations and the current situation. There’s been a huge boost in teletherapy and online coaching. This is a service that can be done from the safety of your own home and provide some much-needed support. Check-out our virtual services.

12. Just Survive:

Last, but not least - do the best you can! Maybe the best you can means you’re barely making it through the day. Maybe your kids are driving you nuts and you haven’t spent this much time with your partner in decades so it’s exhausting. Maybe you don’t create the latest Martha Stewart inspiration or Marie Kondo your entire house. Maybe you haven’t become an expert, homeschool, stay-at-home parent or created a sensational educational project from an online kids program. Maybe you are just making it day-to-day. Maybe YOU, like the rest of us, are just trying to get by. And you know what? That’s okay too. Just know you’re not alone and we will all take it one day at a time

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Ways to Cope With Stress

Stress is one of the most common challenges that we experience. It can have huge ramifications on our physical health, mental health, cognitive functioning, and emotional health so it’s essential to address stress and implement coping skills to help reduce the impact on our wellbeing.

This article will focus on a few coping skills to help reduce stress, but if you are looking for more in-depth information in an educational format, you can find our online Mindfulness & Stress Management class on our webpage. The program will delve more deeply into the negative impacts of stress, importance to address stress, stress management techniques, mindfulness, and several homework assignments to ensure your progress throughout the class.

In this article, we will look at coping strategies in a couple of different areas: physical and cognitive. You may notice that everyone handles stress differently. Some people take on stress more in a physical way, such as tension in your shoulders or back, disturbances in sleep or even headaches or stomachaches. It would be recommended that that person looks toward coping skills that take into account physical activities, such as exercise, massage, or yoga. 

Another example is the difference in the way in which we deal with stress is the person who is more impacted by cognitive effects. This is a person who may get stuck mentally in their stress, ruminate on the problems and have difficulty shutting their mind down. This person would most likely benefit from cognitive activities that address coping with stress, such as recognizing unhealthy thinking, changing your perspective or engaging in positive self-talk.

TIPS TO COPE WITH STRESS:

Behavioral Strategies:

• Physical stress relief, such as regular exercise or a daily walk

• Mindfulness and relaxation focused exercises. This may include a long bath, meditation, mindfulness practice, etc.

• Happiness activities: engage in activities that promote your happiness such as doing yoga, listening to music, or getting a massage.

• Write in a journal. The act of writing can provide an outlet for the release of emotions and thoughts, which can help with healing and coping.

• Consider emotional support activities such as talking to friends or family 

• Keep things in moderation: coffee, diet, and alcohol. Overuse of substances can create further dependency as become a crutch with coping.

Cognitive Strategies:

• Cognitive Restructuring: the act of recognizing your unhealthy thinking patterns and altering them to more positive and healthy cognition.

• Recognize unhealthy thinking patterns. By being able to catch yourself when you are thinking negatively or even ruminating on your stress, you can counteract its impact and reduce future experiences of stress.

• Perspective: Accept what you cannot control and do your best. The less we focus on perfectionism and attempting to control

• Use Positive self-talk: Try saying positive things to yourself daily. You can say things, like: “I can get through this,” “This is hard, but I can do it.”

Prevention:

• Balance: Maintain a better balance so that you do not get stressed in the future. This may include saying “no” and declining some events as well as maintaining a good balance with work-life so that life does not become overwhelming.

• Learn your triggers: For the future, learn triggers that lead to high levels of anxiety in your life. This way you can decrease or avoid these triggers and better cope.

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ONLINE SESSIONS

For more information on virtual services, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Remote services are provided online through a HIPAA compliant web portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during your sessions and have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Online Stress Management Class

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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The Benefits of Mindfulness

The concept of mindfulness has been around for many years, but we are just now learning more and more about the positive impact that the practice of mindfulness can have on our mind and body. What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is a state of active attention to the present moment. It is bringing your full awareness and attention to your body, thoughts, feelings, surrounding environment, etc. 

Have you noticed that we often function on autopilot? This means that we just go through an activity automatically, without much focus or attention to it. This happens often when driving from home to work, for example. Since this is an activity that you do often, people can often drift off in their thoughts or not fully pay attention to the task at hand and accomplish this in autopilot. Mindfulness is the opposite! Mindfulness is having a complete awareness of everything you are doing and everything around you.

A simple way to start a mindfulness practice: 

Calm your mind and be very present

Raise your awareness to everything around you and you

Focus on your breathing, slow your breathing down

Observe your thoughts without judging them and release them

Sit for a few moments in the present moment

Check out our mindfulness video to be guided through simple and basic mindfulness practice. 

After engaging in mindfulness regularly, you may soon notice some of the many benefits. Mindfulness can impact our emotional, physical and mental health in positive ways. This practice is being promoted in many places due to the current research demonstrating such positive impacts. Many schools, places of employment and community centers are now promoting a regular mindfulness practice.

Benefits of Mindfulness:

Lower stress:

Mindfulness allows for moments of calmness and can help to lower stress and anxiety. The practice also promotes positive coping and engaging in self-help strategies. By consistently engaging in coping strategies, this can also keep stress and anxiety at levels that are better managed. 

Increased mental focus and attention:

This practice also increases our ability to be mentally focused and attentive to things around us and our thoughts and emotional process. The purpose of mindfulness is to be better aware in the present moment, therefore by regularly practicing this skill, people find that they can demonstrate increased focus and attention throughout their day and regularly.

Less emotional reactivity:

Since mindfulness is the practice of increasing self-awareness and better understanding one’s emotional and physical responses, this allows you to have more control over your reactions. People may notice that mindfulness helps them to reduce their emotional reactivity and overreaction to situations. 

More cognitive flexibility:

With regular mindfulness practice, you can also increase your ability to be cognitively flexible. This means that you can change your train of thought and mental tasks more easily. This flexibility allows you to switch mental tasks with ease and be able to focus on a new skill in a better way.

Improved connections with others:

Many people are surprised by how mindfulness increases their connection and relationships with others. Mindfulness allows for you to be more present, in the moment and aware when you are spending time with others. Being more present and connected in your relationships creates a better bond and more relationship happiness.

More in tune with your mind and body:

Since increasing mindfulness can increase your self-awareness and your attention to your thoughts, feelings, body and physical surroundings, this ultimately allows you to have a better relationship with your mind and body.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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The Healing Power of Journaling

Why is writing so beneficial? Journaling is a method of expressing and releasing thoughts and feelings. It can be a powerful tool for healing. Just as talking to someone about feelings, experiences, and emotions, journaling can also allow for the release of these thoughts and allow you to emotionally process what you’ve been dealing with. This essentially relieves the brain of holding all of these experiences within your mind and body and allows for a release, which can be essential to healing and feeling better. Journaling allows you to be open and honest with yourself. This type of truthful expressive writing about your thoughts and feelings can be quite therapeutic. It has been noted to improve both your cognitive and emotional wellbeing. 

The act of writing accesses your left brain, which is your rational and analytical side. While your right brain is creative, emotional and intuitive. So while your left brain is distracted with the task of writing, this allows your right brain to tap into the emotional and intuitive side to express your feelings. This can be very helpful in accessing both parts of your brain to clarify your thoughts, feelings, and know yourself on a deeper level. This specific act of writing can tap into your brainpower, improve mental wellbeing and get your creative juices flowing. 

Benefits of Journaling:

1. Express & clarify emotions, thoughts & experiences

Writing can help you to process your feelings on a subject. By writing, you can thoroughly explore what you are feeling and openly and honestly. This allows for further healing and even clarification on things that you may be struggling with.

2. Improve self-confidence

Journaling can bring on self-confidence as you are better able to explore your thoughts and feelings, thus feeling more confident and secure within yourself. Feeling more confident goes hand-in-hand with feeling secure and strong in your thoughts, actions, and feelings on a subject.

3. Increase self-awareness

Through the act of writing, you can more thoroughly explore your feelings, thoughts, and therefore, increase your understanding of yourself. This is the act of self-awareness and being more clear and confident with who you are as a person. Having a strong sense of self-awareness can also build higher confidence and help you to feel better about yourself. 

4. Reduce stress

Journaling allows you to express yourself, similarly to talking to a friend or therapist. Through this act of divulging your thoughts and feelings, you can reduce stress and anxiety that you may be holding in. Writing allows for these emotions to be expressed and often allows for feelings of relief, which can reduce stress.

5. Work on problem-solving

Writing can be a great way to brainstorm and explore ways to problem-solve challenges in your life. Through writing about problems, feelings, and experiences, you can work on strategizing and solving problems in your life. This helps you to explore various outcomes and ways in which you’d like to work toward handling difficult situations, which can be very helpful. 

6. Improve memory & cognitive function

Our brains require activities to stay alert, receptive and continually growing. These activities keep our brains and cognitive function healthy. Writing and journaling can be one of those great mental tasks which help to promote good memory and strong cognitive functioning.

7. Better coping with mental health issues 

Stress, anxiety, and depression are some of the most common emotional and mental health issues in the United States. Many people require various strategies to treat these conditions, which are often through therapy, coaching and psychiatric medication. There are many self-help strategies, however, and journaling is one that is often used in conjunction with therapy and coaching or simply as an ongoing strategy to help process these feelings. This is because journaling helps to boost coping and is overall a wonderful coping strategy to employ in your toolbox of self-care.

8. Help with goal setting

Writing helps to explore things within yourself such as working toward goals and handling challenges in your life. Writing things down can often make it feel more “real” and help you to visualize a step-by-step plan for achieving goals in your life. 

Tips to Start a Journaling Practice:

The first step in starting a journaling practice is to buy a journal, notebook, pad of paper or anything you like and just begin writing! It’s recommended that you set a goal of about 20 minutes per day. Also, choose a time of day in your schedule to plug in this activity and make it a goal. Perhaps you spend a few minutes each morning writing before starting your day or at night, to recap your day and your experiences. 

Many people may need a bit more structure to start, so if that’s you, then one idea may be to use daily or weekly prompts. Prompts are questions or themes that you can write about, which keep you focused on a topic and a bit more organized with your writing.

If your purpose of journaling is to work on emotional healing then ask yourself questions that you can write about that are related to healing, such as, “how can I focus on my healing today?” Or “what did I do today that has helped me to heal?” Another theme may be to focus on personal growth and write about your strengths or personal challenges that you’d like to grow from and overcome.

A gratitude journal is another common theme idea. You can write statements of gratitude each day. Writing about something that you are grateful for can give your mind a positive mental shift. 

I hope you’ve found these tips helpful and that you can start your writing journey.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Tips to Getting Over a Break-Up

Going through a break-up, ending a relationship or divorce is a major loss and can be very challenging to navigate. Many people experience feelings of grief, loss and even trauma. It’s a major transition to lose a relationship with someone and it’s difficult to experience. Divorce can be especially challenging considering that many people have shared possessions, legal considerations, and even children that they must also care for through the process. 

Tips to help you cope with a break-up:

1. Take Care of Yourself:

Implementing coping skills and a self-care practice is essential to surviving the pain of divorce or a break-up. Try setting a daily or weekly goal of participating in at least one activity that will be beneficial to your emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. Some activities could include writing in a journal, meditating, exercising, taking a hot bath, reading a book or any other activity that you find helpful and healing. Be sure to make taking care of yourself a priority. You can set an alarm or calendar reminder to complete your daily healing activity. 

2. Use your support system:

Lean on your friends and family during this difficult time. It’s important to have a good strong support system that you can lean upon in a time of need. Having support helps by having someone to talk to, distract you, vent to or even to laugh with. Support can also come in many forms. You can find support with your friends and family as well as social clubs, community-based groups, and even grief and healing support groups. Support groups can be especially helpful to talk with people who may be experiencing a similar situation as your own.

3. Express your feelings:

If you find it helpful, be sure to talk about your feelings, but be sure that you are doing so in a healthy & constructive way. Many people want to vent and for a short time, that can be helpful, but if we get stuck on the same material in an unhealthy way and not move forward, it ends up being more detrimental than helpful. Talking about how you feel can be helpful with releasing hurt feelings and difficult emotions so be sure to find opportunities to express yourself and situation. 

4. Take the time that you need:

Don’t rush into feeling better and especially according to other people’s standards. You don’t have to jump back into dating right away and remember that responses to break-ups can be very different as every relationship, break-up, and situation is completely different. Some relationships may be short in comparison to others, but it could be that the shorter relationship hits harder because it was more intense. Perhaps your breakup came as a surprise, which can play a role in the response, reaction and how you need to heal. Again, each situation and relationship is completely different, which means the path to recovery and healing will also be different. Therefore, allow yourself the time you need to heal. 

5. Use Distraction:

Be sure to engage in fun activities or hobbies during your healing process. Many people may want to hide or find that doing anything fun while they are in pain is impossible, but it’s these distracting activities that can facilitate healing. By hiding inside your house or not socializing, you may find that this will cause you to constantly think of their ex or memories that you had together, which tends to make things feel worse. So when you feel up for it, distract yourself with a fun activity. You can try going to coffee or lunch with a friend, get a manicure or pedicure, go watch a movie, or join a new social group. The point here is to attempt to force yourself into finding a distracting activity that can help to facilitate your mental and emotional healing. 

6. Do something new:

Trying something new or spontaneous can boost self-esteem, excitement, and distraction, which can all be helpful when you’re going through a break-up. This is similar to finding a distracting activity or hobby, as stated above, but the difference here is trying something new. When we engage in something new, it can be very beneficial for our minds. It causes us to use more focus, attention and mental energy since we are unfamiliar with the task. New activities can be very helpful for your brain health as well because it creates new neural pathways in the brain and again enhances mental and cognitive focus and attention. These types of activities can help with emotional healing.

7. Engage in Reflection:

Self-reflection allows you to think about things that you may have learned about yourself while in a relationship. Take time to reflect on aspects that you liked and did not like about your relationship, yourself or your partner. This can be very eye-opening and allow you to be more self-aware and healthy for future relationships. Many people can see aspects or dynamics that they do not want in future relationships simply due to something negative that has happened previously. This again can help us to better future relationship as well as ourselves. 

8. Practice Gratitude:

Expressing ‘thanks’ may sound opposite of what you want to engage in during a break-up or while ending any relationship, but it can be quite helpful and healing. Try forcing yourself to find the positives in a very negative situation. This is similar to engaging in self-reflection as you may want to review things that you learned from your relationship and what you feel thankful for. This can be extremely helpful in the healing process. Expressing gratitude helps to boost optimism and happiness and it can lead to a happier and healthier relationship in the future. 

9. Use Caution With Social Media:

While you do not need to completely stay off of social media, it’s important that you are not giving into temptation and searching for your ex online or stalking their social media profile. While this can be very tempting and hard not to do, this can create lingering emotions and even stir up new emotional content, especially if you see current or recent pictures of your ex. This tends to be unhealthy and not very helpful in the healing process. Be sure to use caution with social media and engage in activities online that will be helpful for your own healing.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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5 Tips for Mindful Eating

We know how important mindfulness can be in our daily lives and that it provides many wonderful benefits, but how about being mindful at mealtime? Yes, you guessed it, being mindful while eating has powerful benefits! This is especially true for a person who may be experiencing and struggling with unhealthy eating patterns, such as mindlessly overeating or eating unhealthy foods. 

The idea of mindfulness is being fully present and in the moment with your thoughts, sights, sounds, and experience. Therefore, mindful eating means being fully in tune with your eating experience, including being aware of the food you are eating, the taste, texture, flavor, and the experience while also paying close attention to your feelings and emotional state. This allows us to slow down while eating, be fully aware of the present moment with ourselves and the food we are putting into our bodies as well have a better overall relationship with food. 

A mindful eating practice can help with particular challenges, such as binge eating or overeating and it can also help anyone wanting to begin a more healthful eating habit. By slowing down and being more mindful while eating, this reduces overeating and creates more awareness of healthy eating.

Here are a few strategies to get you started with a mindful eating practice.

5 Tips for Mindful Eating:

1. Take the time: 

We live in a fast-paced and stressful culture and tend to rush through tasks during the day. One of those tasks is eating and mealtime, which is especially true during the busy workday. Most people will rush through their mealtime and not pay attention to what they are eating, how fast or how they are feeling. This type of situation often encourages people to eat more rapidly, rather than slowing down and actually enjoying their meal in the moment. This can encourage overeating since you are mindlessly rushing through so quickly that your brain and stomach do not have time to sufficiently communicate when you are full. 

Another common example of not taking the time to eat is snacking on the go or in front of the television. Again, these are situations that can encourage overeating as well as not being fully present in the moment. I know it can be difficult to always sit down for a meal, but when you can, try it! This is an important step to slowing down, being more aware of what you are doing in the moment and engaging in more mindful eating.

2. Breathe beforehand: 

Before you even begin to take a bite of your meal, sit still, and just breathe. This could be 5 deep breathes to slow yourself down and be fully present with the activity. By focusing on breath, this allows you to better connect to the moment. Remember mindfulness is about being fully aware of the present moment and in tune with how you are feeling. So take that time to take 5 deep breaths before beginning to eat and get yourself in a calm, connected, and mindful state.

3. Slow down: 

Once you start eating, slow down. We often become rushed and want to speed through the experience, which can actually increase overindulgence and the amount of food that we are taking in. Slow down and savor each bite. Similar to the breathing exercise before you began eating, you also want to slow down between bites and while chewing. You could even try taking a few deep breathes in between bites to really slow down take notice of your experience. During this time, be sure to connect to how you are feeling and everything that is happening in the moment.

4. Enjoy & savor: 

During this step, it’s important that you are aware of the moment and experience and actually enjoy the food that you are eating. Be sure to really take time to notice everything your current experience. It’s important to really savor each bite of food. This means that you will observe what the food looks like on your plate, take note of the colors, the shape, and size. Also, notice if the food has any smell and sit for a moment as you breathe them in. Then as you eat your meal, really savor the flavors in each bite. Notice how the food tastes, what flavors you taste, what the texture is like in your mouth and how the food feels as you eat. This step will allow you to be very aware, present and mindful of the food you are eating, which really encourages a more healthy eating pattern. 

5. Repeat: 

Like most new activities, it takes continued practice to really get the hang of it. Repeat this exercise many times until it becomes more of a habit during your mealtime routine. When you are beginning a new habit, it is easy to fall back into your same old routine. It really does take time, effort and practice. So try these techniques often and remember that if you get off track for a few days, that is completely normal. The key here is to get back on a healthy and more mindful path. It will take work and practice, but you are worth it.

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Online Mindful Eating Class

For more information on mindful eating, check out our self-guided online class: Mindful Eating: A Healthy Relationship With Food. This class provides a workbook complete with information on emotional eating, mindful eating tips and homework assignments to guide you through the material as well as an hour and half of video series content. The class also comes with a guided mindful eating exercise.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Will Anxiety Ever Get Better? Helpful Tips for Coping

There are times when it feels that anxiety will never get better. It’s worrisome, exhausting and overwhelming. But yes, anxiety is a very treatable disorder and with work and dedication to reduce the symptoms and implement coping skills, it can get better.

Anxiety disorder is the most common mental health condition in the United States with nearly 40 million adults experiencing it at some point in their life. Anxiety can impact people differently and have a wide variety of symptoms. Usually, the symptoms impact our cognitive, emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. Because the symptoms impact such a variety of areas, the coping skills should also target these different areas. 

Read more below about the common symptoms and some tips for coping.

Symptoms of Anxiety:

• Feeling restless or nervous

• Easily fatigued & feeling overwhelmed

• Having trouble sleeping

• Feeling irritable & restless

• Impact memory & judgment

• Increased muscle tension or headaches

• Difficulty controlling worry

• Increased sweating & trembling

• Difficulty concentrating

• Having trouble making decisions

• Increases self-doubt

Tips for Coping: 

Positive Thinking:

Altering your mindset can be a key factor in managing anxiety. In fact, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective treatment strategies in addressing and reducing anxiety. CBT aims to address the role of one’s cognitions and thoughts with how that is impairing their behavior and emotional state. CBT is quite effective in helping people to alter and adjust their negative thoughts while replacing them with more positive thinking. The power of positive thinking has had extensive research showing its effectiveness and usefulness when implemented during challenging times. So when you notice yourself worrying or feeling anxious, try your best to force positive thoughts, such as saying positive affirmations to yourself or even thinking of something in which you are grateful. These are small exercises that can actually have a large impact in reducing overall anxiety.

Mindfulness Meditation: 

Mindfulness can help to calm the mind and this is especially important when one is experiencing anxiety, stress, and high levels of worry. Even taking a few moments each day to just breathe can be extremely helpful. The idea of meditation and mindfulness means that we are creating a safe space for ourselves to engage in a calming experience where we will be keenly aware of our body, mind, and physical space. There are many mindfulness exercises that will guide you through practicing a meditation. You can try this for a few moments each day or even on a weekly basis.

Exercise:

There is extensive research on the mental and emotional benefits of physical activity. When people are experiencing high stress or anxiety, they can often forget the importance of making time for exercise. It is this activity that can actually help to reduce stress and anxiety so it is therefore very important. Physical exercise boosts certain neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and other endorphins, which can again, help us to manage our mood and emotional state. You can start small and set daily goals, such as a 20-minute walk in your neighborhood. Any physical activity can help in boosting your mood so get out and try a little exercise to improve your emotional wellbeing. 

Healthy Nutrition:

Eating healthy foods is an important aspect to maintaining both good physical and mental health. Healthy nutrition, just as exercise, plays a direct role in our mind-body functioning. People often notice if they eat more processed, high sugar or junk foods, they feel more sluggish, have difficulty thinking clearly and it often impacts their mood. Be sure to focus on maintaining a healthy diet during times of stress as this actually helps in reducing and controlling our mental health symptoms. Also, it’s important to limit alcohol and caffeine as both of these substances can play a direct role in feelings of anxiety. Alcohol, in particular, can work to numb the negative feelings; however, when you are not drinking alcohol, the feelings then return, which can ultimately worsen your situation.

Support System: 

Having a strong support system is an important aspect of managing anxiety symptoms. Support systems can be a variety of people, such as friends, family, sports clubs, therapy groups or even community-based groups. Depending on the situation, it can be helpful to talk to others about what you’re experiencing. If talking to your friends or family has not been helpful or if you are feeling that they may not understand, then perhaps joining support groups with individuals who are experiencing similar situations can be helpful. Support groups can provide a distraction, positive interaction, companionship or other general support needed during a difficult time. 

Master your Time: 

Time management is a critical skill in managing anxiety. This is because if we take on too many tasks or procrastinate and wait until the very last minute, this creates additional stress and contributes to an anxiety-provoking situation. By managing your time wisely and not waiting until the last minute or taking on too many projects, you can reduce the overall anxiety of situations.

Learn to say “no:”

Setting appropriate boundaries and not taking on too many tasks as discussed with time management, can be helpful in learning how to control your anxiety levels. Many people can get caught up in the worry and concern about others, which can lead them to have an increase in their own anxiety. It’s important to realize that by taking on other people’s worry, you ultimately increase your own. So if you are experiencing high levels of anxiety, stress, and worry, try setting better boundaries and say “no” when you need to in order to reduce tasks. 

Get a good night’s sleep:

Getting adequate sleep is actually crucial for both our physical and mental health. People can often find themselves in a negative cycle where worry and anxiety are keeping them awake at night and they find it hard to fall or stay asleep. However, it is also this experience of not getting enough sleep that will actually worsen the anxiety; therefore, adequate sleep is essential. 

There are a few strategies that can assist a positive bedtime routine and better sleep:

    Wind down before bed: For many, spending the last 30 minutes to an hour before bed, to wind down with calming activities can help them sleep better. This means reducing or completely eliminating over-stimulating activities such as watching tv, your phone or exercise. Calming activities may include lighting candles in your house to reduce bright lights, read a book, soak in a hot bath or shower, meditate or use aromatherapy.

    Write in a journal: Writing down your thoughts before bed can be helpful in reducing anxiety and worry that you might experience during the night. People often find that they are focused on their thoughts while trying to go to sleep or something worrisome wakes them in the night. By keeping a journal on your nightstand, you can write down some of these thoughts and attempt to get them out of your mind to create better sleep.

    Speak to your healthcare provider. Lastly, if you have attempted several strategies, repeatedly overtime and still feel that you are unable to get adequate sleep, then talk to your doctor as there may be physical ailments that are contributing to insomnia or perhaps a sleep aid or medication may be appropriate. 

Unplug Regularly:

It’s important that we take time away from technology on a regular basis. This doesn’t have to be something too complicated either. It could be something as simple as putting away your cell phone and turning off your ringer during dinner with your family or something bigger, such as a tech-free weekend. If you work in a job where you are on-call and need to be by your phone, and then schedule time away from tech when it’s your break from on-call. Make this a commitment that will work for you. Staying overly connected to technology, social media, email, and our phones do not give our minds time to actually take a mental break. It keeps us connected, distracted and stressed.

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Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management Program

For more information and strategies for reducing stress and anxiety, check out our online Mindfulness & Stress Management program. This is an 8-module program that covers: what stress and worry are, the negative impacts of stress, how to live life in better balance, the benefits of calming, strategies to reduce stress, mindfulness, cognitive restructuring and how to establish healthy habits. The program purchase includes a corresponding workbook, at-home assignments, and video series content featuring Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, psychologist & founder of the Loving Roots Project.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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10 Tips for Military Families Coping with the Emotional Stress of PCS

Moving is stressful. This is especially true in the military community as we tend to move often! On average, a military family moves every three years, about 4 times the amount of civilian families. On a scale of the most stressful life events that we can endure, moving comes in as the third most difficult and stressful experience. So given the frequency of moves and high stress, it comes as no surprise that military families have extra challenges for which they have to cope and learn how to manage. 

Coping with any change is challenging, but the frequent moving and changes that the military family endures are quite difficult. While there are many benefits to the adventures of moving and having new experiences, there are also struggles that can take an emotional toll. Here are some tips to help you cope with the emotional stress of moving and the upcoming PCS season.

10 Tips for Coping:

1. Engage in Self-Care: 

This is probably one of the most important aspects of coping with any sort of challenge. Engaging in self-care and using your coping strategies can make all the difference. A positive self-care routine includes things such as good nutrition, getting adequate sleep, staying physically active, and maintaining positive mental and emotional health. Coping strategies can include incorporating activities into your daily or weekly routine such as journaling, taking a relaxing bath, listening to music, or even taking a quick walk. The idea is that you should regularly engage in coping strategies that help you best manage your self-care and this is especially true during a move or other stressful period.

2. Process Your Feelings:

One of the most important parts of coping with emotional challenges is to be present and mindful of your feelings. Often when people experience high stress or challenging situations, they can try and stifle their feelings or pretend they do not exist. This can actually worsen the situation and create deeper and more difficult emotions. So during the PCS season, be sure to be open, honest and present with how you are feeling. Talk to your friends and family or even keep a journal to write about your experiences. The military community is a strong one, but we can and should explore our feelings as this helps create better healing and processing emotions in a healthy manner. 

3. Lean on Your Support Network: 

Be sure to share with family and friends how challenging this time can be and ask for some support. It is common that civilian family and friends may not fully grasp the life of a military family, but it can be important to lean on family and friends when you need it. So try explaining a bit to others what you’re going through. Also, leaning on your military support network can be essential. The military community knows all too well the difficulties that are faced with constant changes and unique challenges that most civilian families do not experience. So reach out to your military friends as they can be some of the best support during these times. 

4. Look at The Positive: 

While this may seem impossible at times, think of the new opportunities and advantages to your new location. Perhaps you’ll be living a closer distance to extended family or it will be a city that’s more affordable. Or if you aren’t looking forward to your new location or feel there’s not much to do, maybe you use this duty station as a time to do more traveling or stay home and work on some personal or home projects that you’ve been intending the accomplish or find a new and exciting hobby that you’ve always wanted to try. Having a change in one’s mindset and altering your perspective can actually better help you to move through a difficult or dreaded situation so try your best to find the positive. One activity that can promote this positive mindset is focusing on something that you are grateful for and engaging in a regular gratitude practice. By forcing yourself to find something that you are grateful for, it can really help alter your overall mindset to something more positive.

5. Remember Why:

Sometimes it helps to focus on the bigger picture of exactly why you are doing this, whether that is dedication to your spouse, family or this country. We all make sacrifices in our lives, but when we really understand the importance or feel passionate about the reasoning, it can feel much less like a sacrifice and more like a situation that you can successfully push through. So think about your reasoning and why it’s important to you. Perhaps this is a decision that was best for your family and this gives you, your spouse or your children advantages. Reflecting on whatever your reasoning may be, can help to put your mindset in a space that is again about pushing through for the cause versus focusing on the sacrifice.

6. Embrace Your New Community:

We can often move to a new environment and feel negative about the move, all of the change, or hesitant in embracing our new community. This can cause us to shut down and not be responsive to the new location. Be sure to be open to your new community and attempt to embrace it and get to know others. This can be a scary step as it requires us to be open and vulnerable, but this is also a key in handling an emotionally tough situation. This is also a key part of having the right mindset in order to best cope with a stressful situation. Join spouse networking groups, meet your neighbors, attend events with coworkers, and just get out there and meet new friends in your community. There are various Facebook groups, Meetups, community events or activities to try or get involved in. This can also demonstrate good modeling for your children as they may also be struggling with meeting new people and getting to know their new community. By showing that you, as the role model and parent, can put yourself out there, in a vulnerable way and be brave and courageous, they can also.

7. Think of The Ease of Connection: 

We can stay connected with friends and family via social media and other means so much easier than ever before. Be sure to take advantage of all of the opportunities to stay connected online with sharing photos or talking to friends and family through FaceTime, Skype, Google Hangouts or other online means. Today’s technology allows for a better opportunity to stay well connected with people all over the world, which is especially important if your new move is OCONUS. So be sure to remember and work on changing your mindset again, if you are feeling lonely, sad or stress regarding your move, you can connect with people from all over at any time!

8. Take Advantage of The Opportunity: 

One big advantage of moving often is that we get to learn about so many new and different places to live. In our family, we have really taken advantage of exploring the new states or regions in which we live. This is especially true if we’ve never lived there before. We take advantage of quick weekend trips to explore areas outside of our new city. It allows us to learn new things in the state and perhaps get to know an area that we may never live again. So again, focusing on altering your mindset to find positive opportunities to make the best of your situation.

9. Make the Move More Fun for the Entire Family:

While moving is absolutely stressful, try to focus on making the move more fun! One example could be to make the PCS a site-seeing trip across the country while you drive to your next destination. This could hopefully be a fun family vacation that’s worth remembering. This also lowers the stress for children, which is really important. Your kids have the opportunity to remember a road trip vacation that was fun versus the stress and tension of a move. The point is to ease the emotional stress of PCSing versus staying focused only on the challenges. The process can actually have some perks and create some fun memories for families! 

10. Use Your Resources: 

The military community is loaded with resources to help with the stress of PCSing. Although this particular blog doesn’t focus on the actual details of moving, there are many wonderful blogs written by military spouses and others that give you quick tips to packing with ease, how to work with TMO, and also several PCS checklists that help you to organize and better manage the move. Some other resources include Military One Source, Family Readiness or Military Family Resource Center as well as local base Spouse Groups that all have useful information. 

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples and a 3-way call option is available for couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Resource Links:

Military One Source:

https://www.militaryonesource.mil/moving-housing/moving/pcs

Milspouse Fest: The Colossal List of PCS Resources & Advice from Military Spouses:

https://milspousefest.com/colossal-list-pcs-resources-advice-inspiration-military-spouses/

Military.com Articles:

https://www.military.com/money/pcs-dity-move

Military Spouse: 7 Ways Military Spouses Can Hack a PCS Move:

https://www.militaryspouse.com/military-life/pcs/7-ways-military-spouses-can-hack-a-pcs-move/

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach, Military Spouse & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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How Practicing Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

When things are going well in life, it can be easy to find things we are grateful for, but when times are tough, it can feel daunting to find hope or have any optimism. The challenge of forcing yourself to find something positive during a very trying time can actually be a wonderful cognitive task that can help reduce the negative.  

Research has shown that by practicing gratitude, we can actually uplift mood, reduce negative thinking, and increase happiness. Practicing gratitude can have many benefits for our mind-body wellness. The studies have also shown that a regular gratitude practice can boost sleep, improve physical health, and help build stronger immune systems. 

5 Gratitude-Expressing Activities That Help Ease a Bad Day:

1. Write in a gratitude journal:

This is probably one of the most common gratitude practice examples. It involves simply having a journal that you can write in on a daily basis to express things you are grateful for. When we are having a challenging or difficult day, it can seem impossible to find something positive; however, when we force ourselves into positive thinking it can have a profound impact in a beneficial way. Forcing yourself to look through your pain can be powerful.

2. Make a gratitude box:

This involves less writing than a gratitude journal and it can simply be a random box, jar or other household items that you can use to store brief slips of paper where you write down something that you are thankful for during that day. These small statements can be something jotted down on a post-it note and placed in the box and perhaps it expresses how you are feeling with your struggles that day like “this is horrible, but I will get through it."

3. Say it out loud: 

Express your gratitude and appreciation to someone else. This could be something as simple as paying someone a compliment or it could be something much deeper. Perhaps you have a friend who is always supportive to you and when you are having a bad day, it may be helpful to call up that friend or send them a message expressing exactly how grateful and appreciative you are for their support and friendship. Being kind to others, helps us to feel good too.

4. Share it on social: 

Use your social platforms as a way to express and share something positive even on a day when you are finding it the hardest to be positive. You can find an inspirational quote, a positive blog or article on something you are passionate about or just post something that you are grateful for. Again, this idea of expressing something positive even in the worst of situations can really bring about a change in one’s mindset.

5. Personal Affirmations: 

So while saying it aloud to others by paying compliments or expressing appreciation is very important, sometimes the most impactful thing we can do is express it to ourselves. Use daily affirmations to help ease your negative day to a more positive one. Examples of daily affirmations could be something like, “you can do this,” “you can get through this.”

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Self-Help Tips for Managing Depression

With numbers as high as 1 in 6, there are many, many people who are impacted by mental health disorders and one of the most common is depression. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that more than 16 million people in the United States, over the age of 18 will experience at least one major depressive episode in a year. Statistics show that 50% of people do not seek treatment. 

Depression is a serious illness and many people respond best to intensive treatment, which may include psychotherapy and medication. However, there are some self-help tips that many people find helpful in the management of their symptoms. These self-help strategies are not meant to replace treatment, but to be a supplement and additional assistance to help combat depression and put people on the path toward betterment. 

Symptoms of Depression: 

• Depressed mood

• Sadness

• Hopelessness

• Diminished interest or pleasure in activities

• Significant weight loss or weight gain

• Sleep disturbance (oversleep or inability to sleep) 

• Psychomotor agitation

• Fatigue and loss of energy 

• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt

• Diminished ability to concentrate

• Indecisiveness or recurrent thoughts of death

10 Tips for Managing Depressed Mood:

1. Good Nutrition:

It comes as no surprise, but there is a strong link between healthy eating, good nutrition, and mental health. As we know, there is a strong mind-body connection and therefore, taking care of your body also helps with the care of your mind. This means eating healthy whole foods and cutting out the processed, sugary and refined carb foods can help to improve mood. It is also important to manage caffeine and alcohol intake as both of these substances can play a direct role in mental and emotional wellbeing.

2. Journaling: 

The act of writing is a method to process emotions by fully and honestly disclosing how you are feeling. Processing of your feelings is essential to the management of emotions. Journaling provides an outlet to express your feelings in a safe and non-judgmental space. One specific example of journaling that may be helpful is a gratitude practice. By journaling each day on something or several things that you feel grateful for, it can help to shift your mindset onto something positive, which can improve mood and reduce depression. 

3. Exercise & Physical Activities:

Trying to get more physically active can be very beneficial during times of depression. It is often the opposite of what someone feels like doing, but there is a lot of research that shows the benefit of exercise and the increase of endorphins and other chemicals in the brain during physical activity, which helps to combat depression. So try and push yourself to try a quick walk several times a week.

4. Social Support:

Get involved with social groups or engage with friends. It can be helpful to talk and express your feelings to others. Having meaningful connected relationships are important in times of need and support. Be sure to surround yourself with positive and healthy people. There are also places to find new friends through groups and social networks, such as events on facebook.com or interest groups through sites such as meetup.com. 

5. Mindfulness:

Engaging in mindfulness meditation can serve as a key element in managing difficult moods. Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present, aware, and in the moment. This allows you to calm yourself through breathing and a meditative state to be very aware of your emotional state and how you are feeling. This is important during a depressive episode because emotions can be overwhelming and very stressful. This is especially true if you are finding yourself obsessing over your thoughts or that your negative thinking is controlling you and/or your mood. Take a few moments each day to implement a mindfulness practice to allow you to calm your thoughts, mind, and better manage your mood. 

6. Outdoor activities/Sunshine & Fresh Air:

Research shows getting outdoors and surrounding yourself with nature can actually be helpful in lifting one’s mood. As we already know, physical activity can be helpful, but so can getting sunshine. Spending time outside and in sunshine has been found to be effective in combating depression, especially if someone is dealing with a seasonal depression, which occurs more in the cold winter months. 

7. Keep Stress Down:

Managing of life’s stressors is essential for overall coping. Many of the same coping skills that people use and find effective that keep stress levels down, also play an important role in reducing depression. When someone is struggling with depression, they can also feel overwhelmed with feelings of stress. Implementing coping strategies that focus on relaxation and the management of stress, can also help cope with depression.

8. Hobbies & Happiness Activities:

When we are feeling down, it’s important to try to find activities to engage in. This is helpful as a distraction, it also gets you physically and mentally active and depending on the activity, it can help you to express emotions and boost feelings of happiness. Be sure to look for new and engaging hobbies or even everyday activities that could bring enjoyment. Again, it is common that when someone is feeling depressed, they often do not want to engage in a hobby or activity, but just remember it’s these activities, which can help with the management of depressed mood. 

9. Reduce Negative Thinking:

While this is incredibly challenging to do, especially if you are feeling depressed, it does play an important role in managing mood. The power of positive thinking can have strong positive outcomes and is essential in reducing depression. There are several techniques which can help to boost positive thoughts including keeping mood journals, tracking and altering negative thinking, positive thinking apps and engaging in daily affirmations. Positive affirmations are a simple technique to say positive things to yourself which will help to increase the positivity in your thought process. This means starting each day with saying things like, “I can do this,” “I am strong,” or “I deserve to be happy.”

10. Seek Professional Help: 

Major Depressive Disorder is very real and can be a difficult condition. Although this blog is about some example self-help strategies to manage depression, it is important to point out that for many people, self-help strategies will not be as effective as medical treatment. Many people often need a jump start to fighting their depression either by seeking psychotherapy or with medication or both. This is especially true if you ever have thoughts of suicide. Seeking treatment is essential. Depression is a very real and extremely difficult condition to face. There are several treatment options available.

You can search for psychologists in your area for psychotherapy strategies that treat depression, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. An online directory that may be helpful in finding psychologists in your area is psychologytoday.com. It may also be helpful to check with your health insurance plan to find out what your mental health treatment plan options are and search directly through your health insurance for providers in your area. Psychiatrists can also be very effective in prescribing appropriate antidepressant medication that may be helpful in treating depression. You may check with your general practitioner for recommendations and referrals for psychiatric treatment in your area. 

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Resources:

For More Information on Depression: https://www.depression.org

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (800) 273-8255

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Tips to Finding Your Center

When we speak about being centered, physically, we often think of the center of gravity and being well-balanced. For mental and emotional states, it is very similar. Being centered means being very balanced and at peace. It is often referred to as a state of emotional and spiritual equilibrium. It allows you to be accepting of the good and the bad in life and understand that things are always changing, but you can return back to your center to help yourself feel more balanced and grounded when things are difficult.

Being grounded and centered is more of an emotionally controlled state. Similar to mindfulness, it is a position where you are connected to how you are feeling, what you are thinking and you feel in control of these thoughts and emotions. Now it would be completely impossible for any person to be in complete control 100% of the time and if we really examine our experiences you will want to have times of intense emotions, such as happiness or surprise. It is also normal to experience sadness and even anger. If we sit emotionless then we are not connected truly to how we are feeling so that is not the goal here.

The goal is to feel what you feel in the moment, but also be reflective and pensive about the situation so that you are more centered and in control of your experience. This is a time when we want to focus on having balance between our emotions and our thoughts. Again, many people can focus too much on their thoughts and be wrapped up in their head or the reverse and be too focused on emotions. That is not the goal. Again, the goal is about maintaining a balance of our thoughts and our feelings - our head and our heart.

Being centered or being able to return to center during an emotionally difficult situation is very helpful. Centering allows you a moment of self-reflection and to work on bettering yourself. Centering also helps you to be more in tune and aware of how you are feeling as well as your overall mind-body well-being. This will help you to cope with difficult emotional experiences in the future as well. Centering can help with coping of many negative emotions, such as grief, anger, trauma, depression, and sadness. A regular practice of centering can also allow you to have deeper and more meaningful connections with others. 

Tips for centering yourself:

1. Breathe Mindfully:

Take a few minutes each day to meditate, pray, or sit in a quiet space being mindfully present and focus on breath. Take it easy in the beginning and start with 30 seconds, then build to 1 minute, 2 minutes and so on. Practice and work up to 5 minutes. Many people are turned off at the idea of meditation because it seems too difficult or they do not fully understand what that may entail. This is simply a breathing exercise that provides time to pause, breathe and just be. A time to be quiet without distractions and be very present in the moment. One of the easiest ways to be mindful is to focus just on your breathing.

An example breathing exercise is to sit or lay comfortably, close your eyes or leave them in a soft gaze and focus on your breathing. You’ll take notice of each time you breathe in and what this feels like. Slow your breathing down to a controlled state. Pause after you breathe in and then exhale slowly, again while paying close attention to how this feels both physically and emotionally. Continue these steps for a few minutes, again building on the amount of time you do this. This simple breathing exercise will assist you in feeling more centered and it’s a great way to start your day being more mindful and present.

2. Be Present:

Focus on the moment. Limit your distractions and be present. Put technology away for a brief time and be present. Now, this isn’t possible every moment of the day. We need to make phone calls, check our email, do work, etc., but this is making a purposeful effort to be present with those around you at particular times. For example, you may be out to lunch with a friend or having date night with your partner and you think to yourself, this is a good time to put my phone away and be present with the person I am with. This allows you to be more engaged in the experience and moment. The point here is that being in a more centered state means that you are very present in the moment. So work to increase times of being present in your day to day routine.

3. Be Aware:

Be aware of your emotional state and take a moment to pause when you are feeling out of balance. Many times throughout the day we may succumb to feelings of stress, anxiety or sadness and when we take a moment to realize those feelings and sit with them, it can have a profound impact. You can be present for a moment with the feelings and get rebalanced and centered before continuing your day. Often times, if we do not get rebalanced or centered, we continue to carry these emotions and they build throughout the day often leaving us with overwhelming feelings of stress or anxiety. This idea of being present with your emotions is not necessarily going to make all the “yucky feelings” go away, but it will help you to be more aware, more present and more in control to how you are feeling. This helps you to feel more centered, aware and in control.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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View fullsize

How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Finding Happiness in Everyday Things

Do you feel that you have difficulty finding time for activities that you love? Many people don’t take on new hobbies or activities simply because they don’t feel they have enough time, but it’s these activities and hobbies that can help bring happiness and enjoyment in life. So what about utilizing the activities that you already do? Can you maximize on those in order to increase meaning and happiness in your life? Many activities that we already do can actually become therapeutic and assist us when we are in the right mindset. This has many personal benefits, such as creativity, meaning, stimulation, distraction, and emotional healing.

People use going to the gym, exercising, knitting, gardening, painting, cooking, etc. as their own type of “therapy” without even realizing it. Although activities cannot truly replace psychotherapy, the point is, we can often make everyday activities therapeutic in some way if we set our mind and intention to do so. This requires you to really think about the activity before doing it and setting your mind to making the activity therapeutic for you. This can supplement personal growth and add deeper meaning and intention to our lives. This means that the activity is not just a mindless activity, but it’s something that can actually be beneficial to our mental, emotional or spiritual health and it adds to our life, meaning, and purpose.

These activities can be helpful for us to disengage from our day to day life, distract us from challenges we may be facing, reduce stress, assist us processing difficult emotions, help us pay more attention, focus in the present moment, and overall provide us with opportunities to engage in positive activities that bring meaning and health to our life.

You can increase the therapeutic benefit of everyday activities by following these steps:

Select: Choose an activity that will be meaningful to you in some way. So maybe it’s something that’s important for your health, such as exercise. Or maybe it's an everyday activity that you’re already engaged in, that’s important to you, such as walking your dog. Put some thought into an activity in which you feel that you can be mentally present. This needs to be something that fits you, your personality and interests. For example, many people find cooking to be therapeutic, but if you hate to cook, then that is probably not the best activity for you! Find something that you enjoy and believe that you can find meaning in.

Pause: Take a moment to pause before you begin your activity. Be present, mindful, and in the moment. Mindfulness is about being completely in tune and highly aware of a given moment. This is a chance to reflect on the activity, how you are feeling and focus on how this activity will be therapeutic for you. Take the time to think about how this is a therapeutic activity that you enjoy and are using in a way to promote health and happiness. For example, before walking your dog, think to yourself what the benefits are of the activity and how this might be helpful for you. So you may think about the physical benefits of walking as well as the benefit of stress reduction and the help of distracting your mind and mentally “clearing your head” while walking.

Enjoy: Often, we get into a routine of doing an activity and we go into autopilot, without even paying attention to the activity that we are doing. If you are wanting to make an activity therapeutic, then it's important that you are following these recommendations in order to really pause before engaging in the activity and be more mindful and present in the moment. This will allow the activity to have more meaning for you, bring more fulfillment and more joy. So be sure that once you have selected an activity with purpose and intention, you will then pause for a moment to be mindful and present. Lastly, enjoy the activity and make the most of the moment. This way, you are more likely to reap the benefits of a therapeutic and healing activity.

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Online services are available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Simple Steps to a Calm Mind

Rushing through our day-to-day lives, juggling work, family, and errands can be hectic, chaotic, stressful and constantly busy. It can feel hard to stop your mind at the end of the day. This mental exhaustion can have impacts on our concentration, memory, focus and even sleep. Taking a few moments each day to calm the mind and just breathe, can have incredible benefits. One popular strategy for calming the mind is through meditation or mindfulness.

Mindfulness is described as a mental state in which a person is highly present and aware of their own body, mind, thoughts, and surroundings. We are often not fully aware of how we may feel in a given moment or what specific thoughts are present in our minds. We are usually on autopilot. By increasing awareness of one’s physical and mental experience, this can assist in building appreciation for various aspects of life as well as gain better emotional control, focus, and even help to create more concentration, empathy, and lower stress.

Many people feel intimidated by the idea of starting a mindfulness practice. One simple way to begin is to simply focus on breathing. The act of focusing on your breath can slow you down, help you to maintain focus, and stay in the present moment.

Simple Breathing Exercise:

1. Pause & take a moment to just breathe.

2. Sit or lay down and get comfortable.

3. Close your eyes or leave them at half gaze.

4. Breathe in slowly and deeply while counting to 5 in your mind.

5. Pause with your breath for a small count of 5.

6. Exhale completely while counting to 5.

7. Continue this 5 - 5 - 5 pattern for several minutes while breathing in deeply, pausing, exhaling, and repeating.

8. Practice daily! 

Now that you’ve read through the instructions, practice and try this exercise on your own. Remember, breathe in while counting to 5, hold your breath for 5, and then exhale while counting to 5. Simple, yet calming.

Try this exercise for a few minutes each day for one week and see how you feel. Maintaining a regular practice can have many benefits, including lowering stress, increasing mental focus and attention, less emotional reactivity, more cognitive flexibility, improving connections with others, and being more in tune with your mind and body.

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Online services are available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Benefits of Unplugging & Having a Tech-Free Day

We are more connected than ever before. Well, by technology anyway. We have more access to information and resources through tech and social media. This keeps us “connected” with friends, family and perhaps people who we may have lost contact with otherwise. Technology and social media can increase the speed of dissemination of information with relevant news or law enforcement postings and be wonderful in sharing of relevant info. However, we are also exposed to so much negativity and it can actually pull us further away from our connections with people in front of us and in the present moment. This is especially true when the use of technology or social media is not done in moderation or awareness of the negative exposure is not better monitored.

Most of the latest research regarding our use of technology and with social media, in particular, has indicated several negative impacts on self-esteem, depression, anxiety, body image, unhealthy sleeping patterns, addiction and cyberbullying. While there can be both benefits and negative impacts of technology and social media, it’s important to understand that occasional breaks can be very helpful. This goes for children’s screen time as well. There is a National Day of Unplugging that is a good reminder to all of us, to take a much-needed break from tech.

Here are some benefits of unplugging:

Let’s us connect to people in the moment

The irony is that social media can keep us connected to people at a distance, but sometimes we can lose focus and connection with people right in front of us. Taking a brief break, allows you to be present, in the moment and connect with people in your life. Not being focused on your phone, allows you to be more aware, mindful and in tune with the present moment.

Increases personal growth

When we take breaks from technology, it can help us to focus on activities that are focused on our personal growth and development. This will give you an opportunity, for example, to go for a hike and leave your phone turned off so that you can fully enjoy being present in nature. You can also work on journaling or another activity that helps in the expression of emotions, such as practicing gratitude. Not being glued to our phones allows us the opportunity to engage in self-love and self-care as well as living with more intention and meaning in your day-to-day.

Less comparison to others

People may not realize that when they see images of other people’s lives, they can often compare this to their own. So taking a break from social media allows for “out of sight, out of mind.” This takes away that unconscious desire to compare ourselves to others. We stop looking at photos or videos of others and comparing them to our own lives. This comparison can really bring down mood and self-esteem without even realizing it. Taking that much-needed break will allow you to focus on yourself and what brings you happiness in your own life.

More free time

When we are not glued to our phones, tablets or computers, we have more time to do other stuff! You could set up a game night with your family or friends or you could go see a movie. There are lots of fun activities that take us away from being on our phones or computers. Many of these hobbies and fun activities can bring us more meaning and happiness in our lives.

Increases communication

Often times, when we are present in the moment with people in our lives and increase our connection, we are also more thoroughly engaged and increase levels of communication. Not being glued to our phones, allows us the opportunity to talk and engage with the people we are with and have more meaningful connections with others. This encourages a higher rate of engagement with those around us.

Gives a moment to recharge

This gives you an opportunity to rest your body and mind from technology. We often don’t realize how consuming news, social media, and graphic images can be. Usually, people feel refreshed and recharged once they get a brief break.

Improves sleep

Many studies show that the use of phones and other technology can impact our sleep and this is especially true when we use devices right before going to bed. Images, stories and even the phone light can stimulate our brain and when this happens before bedtime, it can be challenging to calm down and fall asleep. It’s best to begin a nighttime routine without the use of screens.

Ideas to get Started:

• Set up rules for tech-free family dinner or game night. Everyone can place their phones in a bowl or central location so that they all agree to enjoy the evening together.

• Have a tech-free weekend; Go on a family camping trip; Go see a movie.

• Put your phone away and on silent when you’re with friends and family and try not to pull it out to check it until you’re done with your activity.

• Set up a calendar reminder every week or every month to take a few hours off.

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Online services are available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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30 Activities to Reduce Stress

We live in a fast-paced, quick moving and stressful world. At times, it’s hard to even find a moment of calmness. Stress impacts us physically and mentally. It impacts the ability to focus, to be more productive, it disturbs sleep, impacts relationships as well as overall happiness. Most of the time, it’s impossible to fully remove all the stress in our lives, so what else can we do? How can we plug in a relaxing activity that will offset and lower stress? 

Well, there are lots of fun ideas out there to help relieve stress, but first, let’s discuss how you begin such a routine.

Take the time: 

This is probably the most important step to learning to relax and reduce stress. It is most crucial because no matter how many relaxing ideas we come up with if you do not take the time to actually pause and take a break, it will never work. Set aside a reasonable amount of time that is needed and set up a plan for how you will accomplish this. We often feel we do not have enough time as it is. So find a few moments in your daily routine to engage in a fun and relaxing activity. For example, you may set a reminder on your phone to meditate or go for a walk or you may plan to play relaxing music in the car on your way home from work every day. It’s just important that you find the right thing that works for you and you set aside the time to actually follow through with the activity.

Relax your mind: 

Be in the present moment when you are engaging in the activity. This is key to actually relaxing. Many people may focus on the physical aspects of relaxation, which is also important, but if you are not relaxing your mind, then your body also cannot relax. Think of how strong the mind-body connection can be and how important it is to address both aspects of ourselves at one time. If you get a massage, which may feel wonderful physically, but you do not address the mental aspect of calming, then your mind stays in a state of stress; therefore, impacting your body. Engage in mindfulness and take a brief mental pause. Also, if you are not mentally engaged in the activity and you are staying in a stressed state of mind, then you will not experience the maximum benefit. The goal here is to relax your mind as best you can and stay focused in the present moment with the activity that you are engaged in. In order to relax the mind, slow yourself, calm your breathing, and focus on your current state.

Practice: 

Now is the important step of finding an activity that is actually helpful for you in both mind and body that will help you to relax. Try a variety of activities and practice! What one person does to relax, may not help the next person. It is important that you find the right activity for you. You may hate reading, so reading a book will not be a relaxing activity for you so while that may be helpful for many, it might not work for you. Start by making a list of activities that you think would be relaxing or that you have seen others do that helped them to relax. Try them! Take the time to test out some different activities to see if you find them relaxing. Be sure to find activities that will target both mind and body.

Here is a list of 30 fun activities that will help reduce stress:

1. Going for a walk or exercising

2. Taking a bath or shower

3. Practicing deep breathing

4. Reading a book, newspaper or magazine    

5. Practicing meditation or mindfulness

6. Listening to relaxing music

7. Getting a massage

8. Sewing, knitting, cross stitching 

9. Doing yoga

10. Petting your dog or cat

11. Horseback riding

12. Writing in a journal

13. Reading a book

14. Talking to a friend

15. Watching a movie

16. Playing a musical instrument

17. Arts and crafts

18. Gardening

19. Playing games

20. Practicing gratitude

21. Completing puzzles

22. Taking a nap

23. Having a spa night at home

24. Practicing positive self-talk

25. Engaging in a hobby

26. Drinking soothing tea

27. Getting a good night’s sleep

28. Reducing caffeine intake

29. Disconnecting from tech

30. Trying aromatherapy

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Online services are available

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Tips for Coping with Emotional Pain

Dealing with emotional pain is extremely difficult. Learning how to cope and heal from this pain in a healthy way can be even harder. Emotional pain can come from many circumstances such as grief, loss, trauma, stress or toxic relationships. Developing good coping skills is really essential to the process of healing. We all need outlets. We need healthy ways to express our feelings and emotions. Actually healing from emotional pain is so important and powerful, versus getting stuck and letting negative feelings hinder you from moving forward and living to your full potential.

Most people attempt to avoid emotional pain that they are feeling and this often causes them to get trapped in a cycle that actually ends up holding onto negative emotions. Some people may use unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol or other substances as a means of numbing bad feelings. Often, this is unconscious. This, unfortunately, just temporarily masks the pain and does not actually help in the healing process.

Another common response to negative emotions is simply trying not to deal with them at all. Unfortunately, when we engage in this behavior, emotions do not heal and they will work themselves to the surface, but often in a very negative way. For example, with unresolved grief or other emotional pain, a person may find that they later have an increase in periods of high anxiety or acute stress. They may also notice more physical symptoms, such as difficulty sleeping, upset stomach, constant worry and rumination or even high blood pressure. It is crucial to learn healthy and appropriate ways to work through these difficult emotions. Learning good coping skills and self-care can heal pain and help to move forward. 

10 Tips For Healthy Coping:

1. Write in a journal 

Writing about emotional pain can be very powerful and help to actually release the emotions. Journaling allows you to mentally think about and process your feelings while you are “expressing” them, by writing, which can, in turn, release them and encourage the healing process. There have been many positive benefits seen from journaling about emotional pain. To start journaling, find anything that you feel comfortable writing in and just begin! If it’s more comfortable to be structured or use prompts then think of questions for yourself, such as “how did I get to the place where I am today?” “in my darkest place, I felt …” or “what have I learned from this experience?” The point is to write about your experience in great detail and write thoroughly about how you are feeling. This allows for the “expression” of the emotion and the symbolic “release,” which is critical to healing.

2. Use Your Creativity

This could be drawing, knitting, art, dance, photography, music, pottery, or really any activity that you enjoy. This exercise is similar to writing in a journal as it allows for the release of emotions. Through activities, we are able to find fun, freedom, distraction and often times, relief from holding onto negative emotions. This is another avenue that allows you to process and express emotions; therefore, release and heal from them.

3. Find a Healthy Support System

This could include talking to a friend or family member or even joining support groups. Having a social and emotional outlet is important. Also, speaking with someone and actually saying the words out loud about how you are feeling can be beneficial to healing. One word of caution with this step; however, is to not get too bogged down with just repeatedly venting where it can turn into unhealthy rumination and you get stuck. It’s important that you are using your support system to discuss how you are feeling, in a healthy way.

4. Use Self-Reflection

Think about your own role in the situation that is upsetting you and look for ways in which you can improve. Most of the time, when we become angry at someone else, we finger point and look to blame. We may focus on the ways in which the other person has hurt us or what they have done wrong. It can be important to express how we have been wronged and discuss that with the person who wronged us, but it is also helpful to look at ways in which we could have handled things differently, what we can change about our own behavior or how we can approach a situation differently in the future.

Another example is when people experience a bad situation that is outside of their control and they were victim to something. This can lead people to feel helpless and as though they had no control over their situation. While this may be true, it’s important to focus on what things they can do or change for the future. Perhaps it’s focusing on the positive and building their current relationships or focusing on bettering their health. These are things that we can control and keep us focused on the positive and moving forward.

5. Try Relaxation Techniques

There are many different types of relaxation techniques that can be helpful during the time of emotional pain and stress. These include using simple breathing techniques, meditation or mindfulness activities or it could even include grounding exercises, which are helpful in situations of trauma or acute stress. The point with these activities is to slow yourself down, to be very present in the moment and give yourself an opportunity of calming and healing.

A simple breathing exercise could take just a few short minutes to do and have very helpful effects. Here is an example of a simple breathing exercise: breath in and count to 5 as you are doing so, now hold your breath and count to 5 again and then exhale for 5. Repeat. This will allow you to slow your breathing and pay more focused attention on how you are feeling. After a few minutes of this calm focused breathing, you will notice a calming in your mind and your overall state of being.

6. Distract Yourself

There are times when our emotional state can be overwhelming and difficult to manage. This is when having a distraction could be helpful with coping. A distraction can be something as simple as watching a movie or having coffee with a friend. It just allows you a moment to not think about your emotional pain and in some ways, regain composure and control over how you are feeling. A distraction is a temporary relief strategy, but should not be your constant. It’s important to actually sit with your emotions and heal from them; therefore, distraction is best used only to help you through the process when you need a break or things feel too heavy. Having a temporary break from emotional pain and distracting yourself can be really important in the process.

7. Exercise

Physical exercise is a key component of mind-body wellness. Movement can allow for our negative emotions to become unstuck and actually move; therefore, allowing us to process these emotions and release them. So, do not discount the importance of going for a walk or going to the gym. Exercise can also help in reducing any negative impacts that stress has caused to the body. If you are not someone who exercises often, then a simple 20-minute walk around the neighborhood may be a great place to start to get your body and mind moving.

8. Identify Unhealthy Thinking Patterns

Learn to identify unhealthy patterns with your thinking, such as rumination or negative thinking and work toward changing those patterns. This is a common cognitive-behavioral strategy that is often seen in the management of stress or even depression and trauma. For example, when you notice yourself engaging in negative thinking or ruminating over the bad situation that happened, use self-talk to change that pattern. You can say things like, “I will get through this,” “I am strong” or “I am brave.” First, you must identify when we are not thinking in a healthy manner and then work to change that. Changing the way that we think can have a very positive impact.

9. Sit With Your Emotions

Now, this is the opposite of what I described above with distraction, but both can be healthy and healing in their own way and at the right time. As difficult as it can be, there is importance to just sitting and being present with how you are feeling. This allows you to be very aware, in the present moment with how you are feeling and to not dismiss or hide from painful emotions. It allows for an opportunity to reflect and validate your emotions and how you are feeling. It also allows for you to express these emotions to yourself and perhaps allow yourself time to cry or grieve. This again will help you to process how you are feeling and work toward healing.

10. Look Forward

It is important in the process that we do not get stuck in a negative cycle for too long. It’s crucial to keep moving forward. Of course, you should always allow yourself time to heal because this is an extremely difficult process. However, it is also important that you are working toward progress and looking for a future time when these emotions do not weigh heavily on you. This could include setting goals for something in the future or perhaps making plans for an activity as something to work toward and look forward to. This action of thinking about the future can be helpful. When people are overwhelmed with difficult feelings in the moment, it can be hard to think about the future or even picture a time when they aren’t experiencing this emotional pain. So it’s a challenge, but a purposeful one that can actually be quite helpful. This can get you setting future goals and thinking positively, which helps with healing.

Positive thinking can have a major impact in a good way toward healing. Many people underestimate the power of positive thinking, but it can help us to adjust our mood and the way that we think overall. When we have gone through a difficult situation and are working toward healing from emotional pain, it can be extremely challenging yet helpful to find something positive and meaningful in our situation, such as something we learned from the experience or how we can take a bad experience and move forward in a positive way.

Working through painful emotions is never easy. The importance here is that you are finding healthy activities and coping mechanisms that will promote your healing in a positive way. Each person is different and the situation that they experienced is very different; therefore, the coping strategies and personal preferences will also be different. It’s essential to find things that work well for you and stick to it. Painful emotions take time to heal so don’t give up right away. Keep moving forward and working on your own self-care. Healing will come and you will get through this.

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ONLINE SESSIONS available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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