How Better Self-Awareness Builds Stronger Connections & Intimacy in Relationships

Many couples find that no matter how long they’ve been together, there are periods where their level of intimacy and connection can really be lacking. While there are some natural ebb and flow in our relationships, we also should work to ensure that both parties are working toward maintaining that connection. Being in a long-term committed relationship does not automatically mean there are intimacy and closeness at all times, but it does allow for the foundation to build and work on it through a relationship. Commitment is based on the attraction and feelings we have for one another, but intimacy is a place we can be with our partner that is something and somewhere very different. It is a place of openness, vulnerability, defenselessness, and most importantly, a place of self-awareness.

The idea of self-awareness in intimacy is that we can maintain our own identity in a relationship while being fully aware of ourselves and how we are feeling. It is also the ability to look within ourselves for how we contribute to problems in a relationship and to see what role we play. Taking responsibility for our own actions and contributions to the problem can be quite difficult, but is essential for moving forward. Our initial reaction tends to be blamed on our partner and focus on what he or she is doing wrong. We could sit down and easily come up with a list of faults our partner has done wrong, but could we write a list of our own? Being self-aware and having the ability to focus on ourselves, including our own faults, is challenging, but reaching this higher level of awareness is important for making a healthy change in our relationships and increasing levels of intimacy.

5 Steps to Building Connection:

Be present and in the moment: 

Practicing mindfulness on a regular basis can actually help people to be very present and engaged while participating in activities or spending time with their significant other. This, therefore, boosts relationships as couples are more in tune and present when they are spending time together. This only helps to strengthen intimacy and connection between the two people. It can also boost passion and sexual pleasure. 

Engage in self-awareness: 

Again, one of the core pieces of being more vulnerable and intimate with your partner is being very aware of yourself. It’s important that you understand your role in the relationship and focus on actions for which you can be responsible and change. Most people focus on trying to change the other person when the one thing that we actually can change is ourselves. Be aware of your actions and ways that you could better the relationship. 

Be honest with your partner and yourself: 

We can often have ideas, thoughts, and expectations about the intimacy in our relationship, but we never truly connect with ourselves on those thoughts or express them to our partners. When this happens, then there can be times of miscommunication, misunderstanding and unfulfilled expectations. 

Communicate: 

Express to your feelings to your partner. This is crucial to relationship success, but many people avoid talking about certain things with their partners or they let their anger and resentment build to a point that it then becomes unhealthy and impacts the relationship in a negative way. Be sure to share the good and the bad also. Giving positive reinforcement to your partner about things that you enjoy can be a real booster, both for your partner and the sexual health and intimacy in your relationship. 

Take time to connect: 

Be sure to commit to making time for intimacy and connection in the relationship. This means really setting aside time for a regular date night or an intimate dinner at home as well as following through and being very present and engaged during your time together. Date nights or simply time alone with your partner to connect can be an often overlooked action and one that is frequently taken for granted. It is actually having this alone time to connect that can really boost the intimacy and health of your relationship. 

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

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10 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship

We all know that being in a healthy relationship is important and can lead to a longer lasting partnership with higher levels of happiness and satisfaction. What exactly does it mean to be in a healthy relationship?

Here are some common signs:

1. You support & celebrate each other’s wins: 

When people are in healthy relationships, they tend to respond with happiness and cheer about their partner’s good news and celebrations. It’s important to truly support one another when you’re in a relationship. 

2. You have your own identity, activities, and friends: 

Maintaining your own self-identity is critical for a healthy relationship. People find that when they are able to express with own interests and identity, they have more satisfaction in their relationship. Maintaining a sense of self with your own activities, friends, and identity can lead to more overall happiness. 

3. You have common ground and a similar sense of humor:

While having your own identity, opinions and differences can be important in a relationship, sharing of common ground is also important. Research shows us that sharing of a sense of humor can also be beneficial in relationships. Laughing together and sharing of positive experiences can be beneficial in relationships. 

4. You split chores:

It can be common for couples to build resentments and feel taken advantage of if the chores and duties around the home are not shared in a way that both partners’ agree with. Therefore, it’s important to share in responsibilities and have both parties come to an agreement on what they both feel comfortable with. 

5. You try new things together:

While sharing of routines and habits together as a couple can be important, it’s also fun and healthy to try new things together. Being spontaneous and taking risks together as a couple, leads to further trust and stability in the relationship. It helps to build a positive alliance with one another. It can also create more excitement and joy by trying new and spontaneous things together. 

6. You recover from arguments & forgive: 

Moving beyond arguments and resentments is an important part of healthy relationships. Forgiveness is a key ingredient. Couples who have healthier relationships tend to move beyond arguments more successfully and engage in forgiveness, rather than letting negative resentments build and worsen over time. 

7. You get along: 

This one may seem silly, but if you’ve ever been in a relationship where there is constant drama or bickering, then you’ll understand the importance here. Getting along for the majority of the time and having mutual understanding is key to the health of a relationship. While arguments can be normal process and sometimes even healthy when done in an appropriate manner, you don’t want to be in a constant battle. This can lead to resentments, negativity, and bring down the health of the relationship.

8. You trust each other:

This one is really key to relationship success as trust is a basic foundation that is required in any healthy relationship. Without trust, couples can have a hard time getting emotionally close and being connected. Lack of trust can also lead to unhealthy patterns such as jealousy and dishonesty. Therefore, trust is a key ingredient in relationship happiness and success.

9. You find compromise:

Being able to find compromise as a couple is essential. Couples who show signs and willingness to work together as a team find that they tend to be happier and healthier. Couples who are unable to find compromise usually stay in a state of constant argument, resentments, and gridlock. Emotional gridlock is the idea that two people get in a standoff in their relationship and simply cannot move forward. They are then unable to make positive changes or find a compromise. 

10. You show each other love & affection:

The demonstration of physical affection is key to a happy relationship. The research shows that couple’s who engage in more physical affection report higher levels of happiness and relationship satisfaction. Demonstrating physical affection is also key to maintaining feelings of love, support, and safety. Physical affection increases neurochemicals and hormones in the brain, such as oxytocin, which is known as the “love hormone” because oxytocin increases our feelings of love. Oxytocin, for example, is also released when a mother breastfeeds her baby; therefore, increasing feelings of love, connection, and safety. Similarly, in romantic relationships, the release of oxytocin during sex or physical affection can also increase the overall feeling of being in love with the other person.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

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Are "Date Nights" Important in Your Relationship?

Are date nights really that important in your relationship? The short answer is yes! It’s so important to remember that courting, dating, and keeping intimacy and connection alive in your relationship. It’s essential to the wellbeing and overall relationship happiness. 

Being consistent with having a date night or always setting aside time to spend alone time with your partner can sometimes be really challenging. We all know that life can be hectic, chaotic, and just plain stressful. So finding the time, energy and effort to get some alone time with your significant other can sometimes be difficult. It is very important that this not get overlooked, however. Once we get too wrapped up in our day to day activities and forget about putting importance into our relationships, we are letting the passion drift away. 

When people have been in a relationship for many years, it’s easy to get comfortable, complacent and not put in the work that relationships require in order to stay connected. We have all heard people say that relationships take hard work and honestly, they are exactly right, but this “hard work” does not have to be viewed as a negative thing. Working hard on your relationship can also be fun. Date nights are one of those fun aspects. Having connection, intimacy and relationships are an important social aspect of being human. It keeps us motivated, supported, feeling good about ourselves and loving of others. 

So now that we’ve reviewed the importance of date nights, let’s look at how you can establish this as a routine in your relationship.

Tips for Establishing a Date Night Routine:

1. Set a Goal: 

It is important that you and your partner agree on your goal for establishing a date night. People have various thoughts on what is realistic and helpful for them. While one couple may prefer weekly date nights, another may find that to be too much and too difficult to accomplish so they will aim for one time per month. Find what is right for you and your partner. Be sure to discuss this as a goal with your partner so that you are on the same page and have the same expectations. Having a shared goal, such as this, may seem simple, but it really allows both parties to know what is expected and puts the expectation on both people to carry this goal out.

2. Get Creative:

This is an opportunity to try something new and different. One thing to remember; however, is that date nights do not have to be going out. After working for many years with couples who were raising young children, it was very easy to see that sometimes finding a babysitter and making the time to go out was an impossible task. So you may have to get creative if you aren’t able to go out for a date night. One idea may be to eat a small snack with your children at the “usual” dinner time and then once kids are in bed, have take-out from your favorite restaurant or enjoy a decadent dessert with your partner. Set up something different and special at home. You could light candles in the living room or set up a nice table on the patio. This way if you are not able to leave the house, then you still feel that this is a unique and different experience than your regular routine. You can still bring in romance and intimacy even in the most familiar environment. The importance is that you and your partner are getting time alone together.

If you are able to go out regularly and this is an important aspect for you, then get creative! Make a list of new restaurants that you want to try or a list of fun activities that you can do together. Maybe it’s having a picnic at a local park, going to a concert, finding a local Facebook event in your area that’s new and different, or taking a day trip to a nearby venue. It’s important that both partners contribute this list and put down each of your interests. So take some time to brainstorm some creative ideas together.

3. Take Turns Planning:

This can be a fun step. Have each partner take turns in planning the date night to surprise the other person. So if you choose weekly date nights then each partner takes responsibility for a week that is theirs to plan. This is where you can pull in that creativity to find something new to do or surprise your partner with a thoughtful activity. Each person may have a different idea on what is important for them, which is why it can be beneficial that each partner gets to plan ideas that they enjoy and think their partner will enjoy also. This also changes up who initiates things in the relationship, which can be a nice change of pace if you have been stuck in a familiar routine with your partner. Also, this allows for each partner to feel surprised and it brings in an element of spontaneity. 

4. Enjoy:

When you set the goal, get creative and take turns to plan a date, be sure to have fun and enjoy the moment. This can be easier said than done. It can be easy for some people to stay distracted while on a date and think or talk about their work and/or their kids and not focus on being connected to their partner. The goal here is to increase connection with your partner. Do your best to disconnect from other activities and stay in the present moment. This is a time to focus on your relationship and enjoy the moment together. Date nights can provide an opportunity to talk about things that are important to your relationship that you might not otherwise get a chance to discuss so take that opportunity to be present and attentive to your partner. Having meaningful conversations is very important when it comes to reconnecting and strengthening your relationship.

Date nights should be positive, pleasurable and fun. So set up a date night routine with your partner, get creative and most importantly, enjoy!

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Here are some at-home date night ideas you may want to try:

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free Facebook Group for Couples

Be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group: The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Reasons Behind Lack of Affection in a Relationship

Have you gone through periods in your relationship where you felt your partner wasn’t as affectionate or addressing your needs for intimacy and comfort in the relationship? It can be quite normal in relationships for the level of physical affection and intimacy to vary. Relationships tend to ebb and flow when it comes to the intimacy level and closeness. People often worry that when their partner is not showing them physical intimacy, it means something bad about them or the relationship itself. While there are situations where that might be the case, there are also times that your partner may not be demonstrating affection and they have nothing to do with you or the health of your relationship. 

Here are some reasons behind your partner not showing affection:

1. Different Boundaries & Personality:

People have some basic differences with the amount of affection that they are comfortable expressing. For example, when someone grows up in a family that did not show affection often, then they may feel more uncomfortable demonstrating physical affection in their relationship. This has nothing to do with their partner, but it’s simply a different boundary and comfort zone for the person. It is not something that they are used to or comfortable with. Personality also plays a role in people’s level of comfort with showing affection. Introverts may feel less comfortable with expressing affection, while extroverts show affection often and with ease. It’s important that we have an understanding of our parnter’s comfort level. Another common theory showing a difference between partners is the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. He explains that we have different ways in which we recieve and give love. For example, if your love language is physical affection and your partner is words of affirmation, then you may continually attempt physical touch with your partner as a way to demonstrate love, but they are desiring words of affirmation. This difference, therefore, can leave people leaving feeling unloved or lacking in affection. This is a simple difference that having an understanding between partners may help with.

2. Feeling Comfy:

It is common in relationships, that when a couple has been together for quite a while, they can feel very comfortable and forget the key aspects of courtship and affection. When we are first dating, there is often more attention placed on demonstrating affection. Once there is a comfort level established, it is common to not place as much effort in showing your partner affection. This is not necessarily due to not desiring your partner, but simply due to feeling very comfortable and not putting forth the same amount of effort and attention. It’s important that we are continuously making that effort and putting forth time and dedication to our partnership as it is a key to happiness and relationship satisfaction.

3. Closed off to Intimacy:

For many people, showing affection is a very intimate act and when someone is feeling fearful or closed off to intimacy, then they will avoid initiating any affection altogether. This could be due to something that has happened to them previously, in other relationships, or even in childhood. The person may be more closed off and resistant to physical affection or even emotional vulnerability. People can often put up emotional barriers or walls to prevent being too open or vulnerable with someone else. This is an issue that is about them, their comfort level with intimacy and not their partner. It can be difficult for many people to show affection and not because they don’t want to, but because it is very uncomfortable and difficult for them to do so.

4. Off-Balance: 

Often, when we get caught up in focusing on other areas of our life, such as work, school, or social aspects, then we can unintentionally neglect other aspects of our life. This may not be due to not desiring our partner or the relationship, but simply because our attention is focused elsewhere. It is common that if one partner has something major happening in their life that is taking their full focus or creating high levels of stress, such as a major work project, then they can get off balance and “forget” to demonstrate affection with their partner. It really takes having a healthy balance and putting your partner and relationship as a priority to maintain physical affection, intimacy, and connection in the partnership. 

5. Insecurities & Difficulty with Vulnerability:

There can be times when someone may not be feeling as secure or confident within themselves. This could be due to body image issues or just overall self-esteem. Many times when someone is not feeling confident, they will not want to initiate affection. Demonstrating affection does take courage and being vulnerable; therefore, if someone is not feeling brave or wanting to put themselves out there in a vulnerable way, then they will not be as willing to demonstrating affection. This again has to do with their own issues related to self-esteem and confidence and nothing to do with their partner.

6. Mental Health:

It is common that when someone is experiencing a disturbance in their emotional and mental health, they may not demonstrate as much affection as they would at other times. Some mental health examples include depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, or even obsessive compulsive disorder. When someone is under distress due to an imbalance of emotions, then they are less like to show their partner affection. If you notice your partner is experiencing mental health symptoms, then it is important to talk with them about how they are feeling and ask if you can be of support or help them to seek professional help.

Although the reasons above demonstrate that the lack of affection in a relationship may not be due to a lack of love toward a partner or even an indication of the health of the relationship, often and over time, this lack of affection can be damaging to a partnership and have a direct impact on the happiness of the couple.

So what can you do?

Read more in our blog on Ways to Increase Affection in Your Relationship:

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Online services are available

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & has increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free Facebook Group About Relationships

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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See more of our Blogs & Videos below for tips on relationships & mental wellness:

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Free Facebook Group: The Couples Collaborative

Facebook has the opportunity to connect millions of people from all over the world with so many different experiences, opinions, and lifestyles that we can all learn from. So why not join and be active with a Facebook group?

I recently started: The Couples Collaborative, a free Facebook group that provides tips for couples, inspirational relationship quotes, and promotes positive and healthy discussions on challenging relationship issues. 

This type of forum is not meant to be couples therapy, but instead a member-led support group where people can exchange ideas, provide support, give feedback, and ask difficult questions on relationship-related issues. 

I will be posting weekly tips for couples as well as weekly thought-provoking posts that are either a discussion prompt to the group or an inspirational quote about love and relationships. I will also have a monthly post about date night ideas that we can all brainstorm and discuss together to come up with fun and romantic ways to stay connected with our partners. 

Click here for the free Couples Collaborative Facebook group: 

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Facebook group facilitated by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

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Unlocking Happy Relationships: Balance is the Key

Most people desire healthy, mature relationships that bring joy and satisfaction to life.  Maintaining a healthy relationship is challenging, but it’s also an exciting opportunity to work on intimacy and connecting with others. While two imperfect people can never have a perfect relationship, these ideas can enhance your love life--or try modifying the tips to improve friendships or family relationships. 

Be Yourself

Many have known a friend or family member who, the moment she begins a relationship, separates from people and activities she once enjoyed.

Cultivating your own interests, activities and friends is crucial to overall happiness and often results in a more satisfying relationship. The goal is to preserve each individual’s identity while investing time and effort together.

He Says, She Says

We all have expectations, especially for our relationships. Many assume our partners should know our wants and needs but when they fail to have the magic ability to read our minds, we experience disappointment. 

It’s important for both partners to talk about their feelings and expectations – and just as important to listen. This is particularly true if your partner is less verbal than you.

Mutual communication inspires a sense of safety, promotes confidence and encourages the honest expression of feelings. It creates a better environment for love -- and passion!

To Forgive is Divine

Of course, fights and arguments are inevitable. But if conflicts are not properly resolved, couples find themselves in a negative pattern of arguing, including nagging, becoming emotionally detached or using sex as a bargaining tool. 

In a hurry to ease the tension during a conflict, we often “kiss and make up,” convincing ourselves and our partners that the issue at hand has been resolved. In fact, if forgiveness is not extended, old arguments can resurface to hurt our partners. It’s easy to get in this rut when we are unable to let go of hurtful events from the past.

Ideally, a conflict ends with true forgiveness, a difficult step that takes practice. It is much easier to hold grudges and resentments than to forgive and move forward. Learning to genuinely forgive will ease tensions and lead to a more peaceful relationship.

Keep Courting

After a period of time, many couples experience a roadblock:  They like the comfort and familiarity of a long-term relationship, but the routine makes them feel tired and bored; they complain there isn’t a spark. This is sign that change is needed! 

Just like a summer romance that swept you off your feet, your long-term relationship can be passionate and exciting. Try mimicking your courtship with creative date nights; you’ll both remember the exhilaration of young love. Don’t underestimate the thrill of spontaneity and trying something new together.

Keeping your relationship healthy is all about maintaining a balance in these areas: preserving self-identity, expressing your feelings, resolving conflicts, keeping passion alive. Relationships can be tough and challenging, but also joyful and exciting. 

Good luck in your life’s journey to find love, happiness and balance!

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you and your partner to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free Facebook Group for Couples

Be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group: The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Loving Roots Project

As a psychologist and wellness coach, I’ve spent many years studying human behavior and working with clients in a variety of settings to make positive changes in their lives. My experience seeing how difficult this process can be, yet also how empowering, beautiful, at times crucial, and always inspiring is what drove me to embark on this venture.

I started the Loving Roots Project with the mission of reaching out to as many people as possible with positive messages about personal growth and development. I hope to share inspirational content on this blog, webpage, and social media to promote positivity and empower others on their journey. 

The name Loving Roots Project represents first solidifying a foundation of self-love. The importance of our core being solid is critical before working on lasting, healthy love in our relationships, as well as a bigger mission of love, kindness, and positivity in our communities.

Self-love is one of the most important aspects of living a healthier, happier and more meaningful life. Many people may worry that this is selfish, but it is actually quite the opposite. We are able to be more loving, caring and helpful to those around us when we have a healthy love for ourself FIRST. You often hear the analogy on an airplane to put your oxygen mask on first before putting your child’s on or helping others around you. This is a similar concept. If you are not in a good place in your own life, you will have a harder time being positive and productive with other activities and relationships.

The bigger picture is that after we’ve established a healthier love for self and engage in healthy relationships, then we naturally carry a kindness that is spread to those around us. This idea is based on feeling good inside and in our relationships so that we enter the world with more kindness, compassion and gratitude. How many times have you seen messages of hate posted online or spoken in your community and when you really analyze the position of the person who made such a statement, most people would agree that they can see hate, anger and unhappiness. When people are happy and feel good about themselves, they generally want to spread kindness and joy to others.

With these principles in mind, I hope that the Loving Roots Project can help to motivate others to work on their own roots and core. That they begin the process of self-love first and work toward living the best life they can. Then, spreading this same idea to those around them and engaging in positive and healthy relationships. This will only helps us to maintain more uplifting, kind and compassionate communities.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. These services are available for couples or individuals. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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