Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt 7/25/19 Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt 7/25/19

Can Being Kind Increase Happiness?

Kindness is the simple act of being friendly, caring and compassionate toward others. Being kind is often undervalued, but can actually take courage and strong interpersonal skills as well as increase our happiness. Kindness has been noted to promote gratitude, optimism, stress relief and help reduce negative feelings.

Kindness is often a disregarded and undervalued trait. While kindness can be an undervalued trait, it is important to note that true acts of kindness take courage and strength as well as demonstrate a great deal of interpersonal skill. It carries a great deal of importance in our lives, however. Kindness is simply the act of being good, friendly, and compassionate toward other people. It also encompasses an element of being altruistic, which means that you are being kind to others without the expectation of something in return.

A few interesting facts about kindness:

Kindness can actually be good for you!

It can be helpful to both our physical and mental health. It’s been shown that even witnessing acts of kindness can produce oxytocin, which is often called the “love hormone.” Oxytocin helps to increase our optimism, confidence and even lower blood pressure. Kindness can also stimulate the production of serotonin, which can help you to feel happy. There was a research study done in Japan that showed that happy people were kinder than people who were not happy. So there really is a connection between our own happiness and being kinder to others.

Kindness has been shown to:

Help us to live longer
Reduce stress
Help get rid of negative feelings
Increases optimism
Lowers blood pressure
Increases happiness

Kindness is contagious!

After a person witnesses an act of kindness, they are more likely to engage in a good deed and “pay it forward.” Meaning that they are more likely to be kind to other people. Therefore, kindness is contagious and tends to spread.

To start living a kinder & happier life, here are some tips:

1. Start with being kind to yourself:

Remember that the happier you are, the more kind you will be to others. So first start with treating yourself in a kind matter. Many people find they can be critical of themselves or engage in negative self-talk. This includes that little voice in your head that may tell you that you can’t do something or that you aren’t good enough. Catch this negative self-talk and shoot it down. Engage in positive affirmations about yourself and your life. This will increase your overall positivity. Another activity that can help you begin to be kind to yourself is to make a list of your positive qualities and strengths. We can sometimes forget all of the great qualities that we possess.

2. Be more present and mindful:

When you live in the moment, you’ll be more likely to notice people around you and see opportunities where you can be kind to others. Being more in tune with the present moment will allow you to view moments of kindness that may be happening around you that you would have otherwise not noticed. Research shows us that the witnessing of kindness can help us to feel more positive and optimistic as well as increase the likelihood that we will spread that kindness. The practice of mindfulness can also ease your daily stressors and help you to be more aware of your critical inside voice and therefore, increase the kindness toward yourself.

3. Just start:

Do a small random act of kindness today or even this week. You can express gratitude to someone, hold the door open for a random stranger, or pay a compliment to a friend. It’s a small step toward a much bigger cause. Kindness is such an important concept for us on a personal level, for people around us, in our communities and neighborhoods and for all humans.

So remember - spread kindness today!

ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

Resources:

https://www.kindness.org

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-nourishment/201711/why-random-acts-kindness-matter-your-wellbeing

https://www.dartmouth.edu/wellness/emotional/rakhealthfacts.pdf

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

Pets can add a number of helpful elements to our lives, both physically and mentally. Pets are often used as service animals or support animals for this reason. Pets can provide us meaning, companionship, loyalty, emotional awareness, and relaxation.

If you are a “pet person” then it will come as no surprise that having pets can really be beneficial and happiness to our lives. Pets are very common in our lives. An estimated 68% of U.S. households have pets and 95% of those pet owners consider their pet a part of their family, which indicates the strong bond that pets create. Research shows us that pets can add a number of helpful elements to our lives, both physically and mentally.

For this reason, pets are often used as service animals or emotional support animals for a variety of disabilities and illnesses. Not only are certain animals capable of being trained to assist with physical and mobility needs, but many animals are highly in tune to how we are feeling and our emotional state, which means they also greatly assist with emotional and mental health needs.

Mental Health Benefits of Owning Pets:

1. Meaning:

Pet ownership can add so much meaning and fulfillment to our lives. They give us responsibility and something to care for. Many families add pets to their lives for the purpose of teaching responsibility to children and other family members. Pets can add so much meaning to our lives as well as prompt us to participate in pet driven activities, which can be very positive. Some of these activities may include daily walks, trips to the dog park or other outdoor activities such as hiking and visits to the park. Therefore, pets can motivate us to engage in positive physical activities outdoors as well as provide social opportunities with other pet owners.

2. Companionship:

Pets can help to combat loneliness. Surprisingly, just the presence of having a pet nearby can decrease loneliness and helps to make us feel that someone or something is close by. This presence can help people feel less lonely in general. Also, along with meaning, pets can get us outdoors, active and engaged, which obviously reduces feelings of loneliness and adds more opportunities for social experiences.

3. Loyalty:

Similar to companionship, pets also bring loyalty. Many people may have fears related to trusting another human being because they are scared of being rejected, hurt or even abandoned. Pets are loyal companions who want to spend their time right by our side, which can be very helpful for someone who maybe struggling with these issues. Just in general, having that loyal companion can add more fulfillment and a sense of love to our lives.

4. Emotional Awareness:

Pets are very in tune and sensitive to our feelings. Often, pets can sense when we are feeling down or bad and they can curl up right next to us to offer support. This ability that pets naturally have, is similar to mindfulness. Pets are very present in the moment and put their full attention to you in the present moment. This experience can be very helpful to their human counterpart by teaching us to also be mindful, in the moment as well as reduce stress and be more in tune to our emotional state. Studies have shown that pets can increase our serotonin levels, which can help ward off depression and improve overall mood. For this reason, pets are commonly used for mental health and emotional support.

5. Relaxation:

Research shows us that the simple act of petting an animal can be meditative and relaxing. This is one of the reasons many service animals are taken into hospital units to provide a calm experience for the patient that will promote positive emotional and mental health as well as physical healing. Specifically, the various studies on stress reduction and pet ownership show us that this lower stress can lead to a healthier heart. The results showed lower rates of heart disease and lower blood pressure. Also, the simple tactile act of petting your cat or dog can increase a relaxation hormone and lower the stress hormone cortisol, which lowers overall stress levels and increases relaxation.

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Tips for Managing Anger

Anger can be a healthy emotion when expressed in an appropriate way. When anger is repressed, it can lead to several negative impacts of your physical and emotional wellbeing. Read more for a few brief tips on better managing anger.

Do you find that you are easily frustrated, quick to anger, or have a hot temper? Managing your anger may be an important skill for you! Through better managing and control of anger, you can feel calmer, less stressed, and let things go more easily.

Letting anger continue to build can have a detrimental impact on your health. Anger increases stress and anxiety, which can increase blood pressure, sleep disturbance, headaches, and stomach discomfort as well as can have an effect on your cardiac health, impact your immune system, and increase your risk of stroke.

Working to better control anger can have several positive benefits for your physical, emotional, and mental health. Decreased anger can also have a positive impact on your relationships and overall outlook on life! Below are some tips to help you to work on better managing anger.

Tips for Managing Anger:

Pause before speaking:

This initial step is one of the most obvious, but also one of the hardest. It may take going through the next few steps to actually be able to get your emotions more in control where you are able to think before speaking or reacting. The goal here is to put in a pause when you are feeling overly upset or angry. This pause will allow you to regain your composure before you just speak or react to the situation.

Take a time-out:

This step is critical in helping you do task #1. When you take a quick time out, then it will allow you to do that pause before reacting. However, for some people, the time out may last for several days. The point is to take a break to allow yourself the space to get your emotions under control.

Get physically active:

Getting physically active on a regular basis as well as during times of high frustration and anger can be key in calming down and keeping your temper at bay. Having a physical outlet can help to express and get rid of anger in your body. Exercising or taking a walk when you are at peak anger can also provide an immediate decrease in anger.

Practice mindfulness:

Keeping yourself calm and relaxed is an important skill in managing anger. Mindfulness is a state of being fully in tune with how you are feeling, emotionally, mentally and physically. Being in this heightened state of awareness can be beneficial for many reasons, including having more insight and awareness about yourself as well as being calmer, more relaxed and lowering your anger levels. Try a brief mindfulness practice each day or several times a week to learn how to maintain a state of calm in your daily life.

Stress management skills:

Anger is often tied to high stress and tension; therefore, it’s important to implement stress management skills. Stress can be completely unavoidable; therefore, developing good coping skills to handle stress is crucial. Be sure to come up with a regular routine in your daily or weekly schedule that can help to reduce the stress and anxiety in your life. Some examples include: meditation, mindfulness, walking, running, reading a book, listening to music, art, knitting, fishing, etc. For more examples, click here.

Let it go:

An important piece to managing anger is practicing forgiveness. This is crucial because if you don’t let things go, they will only continue to build and actually accumulate. Therefore, expressing your anger (when you’re in a calmer state), letting it go and not holding grudges, is really key to moving forward and reducing anger.

Look Underneath:

The final tip is to be sure and review what may be underlying your anger. Perhaps you are feeling more stressed than usual, under a large amount of tension or feeling anxious or depressed? It’s important to examine the underlying reasons for your quick to temper state. Taking a few moments to engage in self-reflection can help you to examine any personal issues that may be impacting your mood, which can lead to resolving anger in a better and more effective manner.

It is important to note that if you are finding that you are regularly practicing the above steps and feel that your anger remains out of control, then it may be time to seek professional help. There are often anger management programs in your local area or you can search on online directories to find psychologists or coaches who treat anger and work on self-improvement.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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30 Activities to Reduce Stress

Stress is one of the most common issues that we face and it can have hugely negative impacts. Stress can effect our mental, physical, emotional and social functioning. Although, we cannot completely rid our lives of stress, there are several good coping skills that can help you to have better balance in your life and reduce stress.

We live in a fast-paced, quick moving and stressful world. At times, it’s hard to even find a moment of calmness. Stress impacts us physically and mentally. It impacts the ability to focus, to be more productive, it disturbs sleep, impacts relationships as well as overall happiness. Most of the time, it’s impossible to fully remove all the stress in our lives, so what else can we do? How can we plug in a relaxing activity that will offset and lower stress?

Well, there are lots of fun ideas out there to help relieve stress, but first, let’s discuss how you begin such a routine.

Take the time:

This is probably the most important step to learning to relax and reduce stress. It is most crucial because no matter how many relaxing ideas we come up with if you do not take the time to actually pause and take a break, it will never work. Set aside a reasonable amount of time that is needed and set up a plan for how you will accomplish this. We often feel we do not have enough time as it is. So find a few moments in your daily routine to engage in a fun and relaxing activity. For example, you may set a reminder on your phone to meditate or go for a walk or you may plan to play relaxing music in the car on your way home from work every day. It’s just important that you find the right thing that works for you and you set aside the time to actually follow through with the activity.

Relax your mind:

Be in the present moment when you are engaging in the activity. This is key to actually relaxing. Many people may focus on the physical aspects of relaxation, which is also important, but if you are not relaxing your mind, then your body also cannot relax. Think of how strong the mind-body connection can be and how important it is to address both aspects of ourselves at one time. If you get a massage, which may feel wonderful physically, but you do not address the mental aspect of calming, then your mind stays in a state of stress; therefore, impacting your body. Engage in mindfulness and take a brief mental pause. Also, if you are not mentally engaged in the activity and you are staying in a stressed state of mind, then you will not experience the maximum benefit. The goal here is to relax your mind as best you can and stay focused in the present moment with the activity that you are engaged in. In order to relax the mind, slow yourself, calm your breathing, and focus on your current state.

Practice:

Now is the important step of finding an activity that is actually helpful for you in both mind and body that will help you to relax. Try a variety of activities and practice! What one person does to relax, may not help the next person. It is important that you find the right activity for you. You may hate reading, so reading a book will not be a relaxing activity for you so while that may be helpful for many, it might not work for you. Start by making a list of activities that you think would be relaxing or that you have seen others do that helped them to relax. Try them! Take the time to test out some different activities to see if you find them relaxing. Be sure to find activities that will target both mind and body.

Here is a list of 30 fun activities that will help reduce stress:

1. Going for a walk or exercising

2. Taking a bath or shower

3. Practicing deep breathing

4. Reading a book, newspaper or magazine

5. Practicing meditation or mindfulness

6. Listening to relaxing music

7. Getting a massage

8. Sewing, knitting, cross stitching

9. Doing yoga

10. Petting your dog or cat

11. Horseback riding

12. Writing in a journal

13. Reading a book

14. Talking to a friend

15. Watching a movie

16. Playing a musical instrument

17. Arts and crafts

18. Gardening

19. Playing games

20. Practicing gratitude

21. Completing puzzles

22. Taking a nap

23. Having a spa night at home

24. Practicing positive self-talk

25. Engaging in a hobby

26. Drinking soothing tea

27. Getting a good night’s sleep

28. Reducing caffeine intake

29. Disconnecting from tech

30. Trying aromatherapy

Online services are available

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.