Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt 11/13/19 Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt 11/13/19

How to Live a Well-Balanced Life

Aiming to live life in better balance can create a higher level of mental health & life satisfaction. Having good balance in your life means that you are constantly reviewing where your time and energy is being spent and trying to alter that to reach a good level of homeostasis.

Why is balance important in life? Have you ever felt overwhelmed with an area of your life, such as work or felt that your attention was being pulled in one area so you could not devote enough time to other things? These are examples of life being out of balance and for all of us, that can be a normal experience when it’s infrequent and happens occasionally. The problem is, for many, being out of balance is a common occurrence that creates chaos and stress in their lives. Balance is important in one’s life because it creates harmony, a greater sense of peace and life satisfaction and it helps us to be more attentive to areas in our life as well as productive and successful.

It is impossible to have everything in your life completely balanced and perfect order at all times. The goal here is not perfection as that would be impossible. The goal is to learn how to adjust to the “give and take” that life demands and continually strive to come back to center when you notice things may be out of balance.

For example, if you notice that you have had to devote a lot of time to work due to a big work project or assignment, which has caused you to neglect free time activities, your social life or your family, then when you get your work project completed, it’s important that you spend some time re-centering your life. This may mean purposely devoting some time and energy to things which may have been neglected. The point here is that you are constantly changing with where your time is needed and ensuring that you are continuously working to bring that much-needed balance in your life. When people allow their lives to be too out of balance and for too long, it can impact their work, their relationships, friendships, and even their health.

There are a few ways to think about bringing better balance to your life. One would be to examine your current levels of energy and where your time is devoted. So think about the most important aspects of your life. For most people, those categories include their work, social life, health, relationship, and personal time. You may have other categories as well such as school or spiritual life.

I have included this pie graph below with some of the most important categories.

After reviewing your life and thinking about where you are devoting most of your time, draw your own graph or think deeply about what percentages you would give to the different categories. How does your personal graph look? Are you spending a huge chunk of time at work or on your romantic life and not enough time on your personal growth, health or spirituality?

The point here is to visually see where your time is going and to see what is lacking the most. Now that you have a good visual, set some goals for how you will make some adjustments in your life. How can you currently bring better balance? Some example goals may be to spend time with your family this weekend or to plan a date night for your partner. Perhaps you set some fitness or personal goals that address self-improvement or some sort of self-care activity.

The most important aspect is that you review your life on a regular basis to examine where you are spending your time and alter that as needed. Once you get into the consistent habit of adjusting and balancing the various priorities in your life, you will begin to see relief, less stress, greater satisfaction and overall happiness.

Good luck in bringing on better balance in your life!

Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management

For more information about living life in better balance, check out our online self-guided class called Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management Program. This program is taught by psychologist & Loving Roots Project founder, Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt. The online class includes 2 hours of video content along with a program workbook that covers 8 modules on a various topics with corresponding assignments and worksheets for practice at home.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

Learn more

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

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5 Tips for Self-Improvement

Self-improvement is a process that we should all be working on in order to improve ourselves, our relationships, and create more happiness and meaning in our lives. Read our latest blog for tips on self-improvement and personal growth.

Self-improvement is important. Growing as a person is essential to having a full and meaningful life. Living to your full potential means that you have to put forth effort into being open to changing yourself and continuing to grow. Ensuring you are being the best person you can be.

5 Tips for Self-Improvement:

1. Life-Long Goal:

Make it an ongoing goal to work on being a better person, constantly. It should be a daily goal and mission that you set and stick with it. It’s more than just a goal that you set and walk away. It’s a bigger process that requires constant work. It’s something that requires mental dedication. People may often read an article or see an advertisement related to bettering yourself, whether it’s physically, mentally, etc. and then they become focused on achieving that; however, once they feel they are in a good place, they drop their focus of this being something they work on. Make this something that you will continuously strive toward as it will always have rewards and benefits in your life.

2. Boost Self-Worth

One of the main principles and a foundation for why this activity is important is feeling enough self-worth and believing that you are worth it. Believe in yourself, know the goal is important as this is your life and your ability to be the best person and best version of yourself that you can be. It’s important to believe in self-improvement and feels that you are worth this process and hard work. Once you have that foundation of strong self-worth and dedicate your time and energy to working on yourself, you can make quite a difference in your own life and ultimately achieve higher satisfaction and happiness.

3. Growth in All Areas

Make it a goal of constantly working on self-improvement in physical, mental and spiritual areas. It can be quite common that people resort to “spot treatment.” This means that when they are feeling “off” with their mental health, experiencing higher than usual levels of depression or anxiety, then they will seek help. Then they wait and when something happens again, either mental health or even physical health then they go get treatment for that issue. While this is a positive thing as we should be seeking treatment and help for issues that we are experiencing, it is healthier to maintain progress and growth toward keeping mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing at a good place. This means that we should constantly be looking at ways to improve our overall person rather than only when there are problems. This can help keep problems at bay when you have good maintenance. Get creative and look for activities and things you can get involved in, which benefit your growth as a person on an ongoing basis.

4. Positive Social Support

Surround yourself with like-minded individuals. This is the time to rid your life of toxic people. The people in our lives can often be quite influential even without us noticing. When we are surrounded by people who are negative, not supportive, criticize us or judge us, that can weigh heavily over time. So be sure to evaluate the relationship in your life to ensure that they are positive and supportive. Join positive groups and make connections with people who have the same goals. The better the people in your life, the higher and more positive the impact. You can all work to life one another up and support one another to achieve goals.

5. Ever-Changing Process

Make this a process that is fluid and forever changing, not static. Forgive yourself if you get off track and then restart again. There isn’t an ultimate goal or finished project, but a constantly changing version of yourself who are devoted to self-improvement. When we have this mindset versus thinking of it as a final destination or end goal, it helps us to realize that working on ourselves and focusing on self-improvement is something that we must continually work on.

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How Spending Time Alone Can Boost Personal Growth

When done correctly, spending time alone can be meditative, refreshing & lead to higher self-awareness and personal growth.

Going into any activity with the right mindset can help to maximize the benefits. Having alone time is one of those activities that can have wonderful self-care and coping benefits, especially when done right.

So first, why is alone time important? Well, being alone allows the space for self-reflection and it allows you to relax and focus on your personal needs. It reduces our likelihood of being overstimulated and it allows us the space for healing, self-care, and practicing good coping skills.

Our society tends to be based on instant gratification as well as being constantly connected and stimulated. But we are missing out on the connection with ourselves and the calmness that our brain can desire and benefit from. For some, being in solitude for a length of time without social contact or technology can be extremely difficult.

One study found that we can spend as much as five hours a day on our phones, which means we are more connected than ever and we may find it challenging to disconnect. It’s important to note that having alone time is not selfish or abnormal. And solitude is not only for introverts. It’s an exercise of self-care that can be beneficial for everyone.

Benefits:

Promotes mindfulness
Increases creativity
Allows space for daydreaming
Increases problem-solving skills
It can make you smarter
Increases self-awareness
Increases empathy
Increases focus & connection with people in your life
Improves your health
Boosts energy & productivity
Increases calmness & happiness
Helps to manage stress

Tips to Maximizing Your Alone Time:

Be mindful.

Think about activities and your time wisely. This means when you set the space for some alone time, choose wisely and with intention. Focus on what will be meaningful for you to do and be sure to put your phone away and stay off social media. This just allows you to reconnect with yourself during this time.

Make your needs a priority.

Think about activities that may be helpful for you or help with something you’re currently struggling with, such as your health or even stress. Keep an ongoing list that you can turn to when you want to spend some time alone.

Choose activities that focus on your self-care.

You can engage in activities like journaling, reading, gratitude, mindfulness, cooking, taking an online class, exercise, trying something new or something you’ve wanted to try, or take a nap! Rest and relaxation are also important to a self-care routine.

So be sure to schedule some alone time for yourself and enjoy the solitude!

ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

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Benefits of Unplugging & Having a Tech-Free Day

Using of technology and social media can have so many benefits, but it’s also important that we are keeping our screen time in moderation and taking much needed breaks when necessary. Unplugging can have many wonderful benefits for our own personal growth, connections with others and even our sleeping patterns.

We are more connected than ever before. Well, by technology anyway. We have more access to information and resources through tech and social media. This keeps us “connected” with friends, family and perhaps people who we may have lost contact with otherwise. Technology and social media can increase the speed of dissemination of information with relevant news or law enforcement postings and be wonderful in sharing of relevant info. However, we are also exposed to so much negativity and it can actually pull us further away from our connections with people in front of us and in the present moment. This is especially true when the use of technology or social media is not done in moderation or awareness of the negative exposure is not better monitored.

Most of the latest research regarding our use of technology and with social media, in particular, has indicated several negative impacts on self-esteem, depression, anxiety, body image, unhealthy sleeping patterns, addiction and cyberbullying. While there can be both benefits and negative impacts of technology and social media, it’s important to understand that occasional breaks can be very helpful. This goes for children’s screen time as well. There is a National Day of Unplugging that is a good reminder to all of us, to take a much-needed break from tech.

Here are some benefits of unplugging:

Let’s us connect to people in the moment

The irony is that social media can keep us connected to people at a distance, but sometimes we can lose focus and connection with people right in front of us. Taking a brief break, allows you to be present, in the moment and connect with people in your life. Not being focused on your phone, allows you to be more aware, mindful and in tune with the present moment.

Increases personal growth

When we take breaks from technology, it can help us to focus on activities that are focused on our personal growth and development. This will give you an opportunity, for example, to go for a hike and leave your phone turned off so that you can fully enjoy being present in nature. You can also work on journaling or another activity that helps in the expression of emotions, such as practicing gratitude. Not being glued to our phones allows us the opportunity to engage in self-love and self-care as well as living with more intention and meaning in your day-to-day.

Less comparison to others

People may not realize that when they see images of other people’s lives, they can often compare this to their own. So taking a break from social media allows for “out of sight, out of mind.” This takes away that unconscious desire to compare ourselves to others. We stop looking at photos or videos of others and comparing them to our own lives. This comparison can really bring down mood and self-esteem without even realizing it. Taking that much-needed break will allow you to focus on yourself and what brings you happiness in your own life.

More free time

When we are not glued to our phones, tablets or computers, we have more time to do other stuff! You could set up a game night with your family or friends or you could go see a movie. There are lots of fun activities that take us away from being on our phones or computers. Many of these hobbies and fun activities can bring us more meaning and happiness in our lives.

Increases communication

Often times, when we are present in the moment with people in our lives and increase our connection, we are also more thoroughly engaged and increase levels of communication. Not being glued to our phones, allows us the opportunity to talk and engage with the people we are with and have more meaningful connections with others. This encourages a higher rate of engagement with those around us.

Gives a moment to recharge

This gives you an opportunity to rest your body and mind from technology. We often don’t realize how consuming news, social media, and graphic images can be. Usually, people feel refreshed and recharged once they get a brief break.

Improves sleep

Many studies show that the use of phones and other technology can impact our sleep and this is especially true when we use devices right before going to bed. Images, stories and even the phone light can stimulate our brain and when this happens before bedtime, it can be challenging to calm down and fall asleep. It’s best to begin a nighttime routine without the use of screens.

Ideas to get Started:

Set up rules for tech-free family dinner or game night. Everyone can place their phones in a bowl or central location so that they all agree to enjoy the evening together.
Have a tech-free weekend; Go on a family camping trip; Go see a movie.
Put your phone away and on silent when you’re with friends and family and try not to pull it out to check it until you’re done with your activity.
Set up a calendar reminder every week or every month to take a few hours off.

Online services are available

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Tips for Boosting Self-Esteem

Increasing self-esteem can be a very challenging task, but self-love and feeling confident plays an important role in our overall happiness. Our self-esteem can also impact our productivity with work, school as well as our relationships with others.. Here are some tips to help boost your confidence.

Many people go through periods of feeling down on themselves, self-conscious, and needing a boost in their self-esteem. Increasing self-esteem can be a very challenging task, especially if you are accustomed to being critical about yourself or easily fall into negative thinking. The following are some tips to help break this pattern, but it’s important to remember that you are starting a practice of more positive thinking and just as starting any new practice or habit, it will take work, commitment and time!

So how can we give our confidence a boost? Here are 6 tips you can start today:

1. Get moving & exercise!

It’s amazing how much better we feel when we exercise and it is a tremendous confidence booster. There is such a strong mind-body connection that not only does exercise get your endorphins flowing causing an actual biological change in your brain, but it can also reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, worry, sadness and overall make you feel better. So take a walk around the neighborhood, dance in your living room to your favorite jams, and get moving!

2. Surround yourself with good people.

Ensure you build a good network of people who encourage you, support you, and love you. We’re often in unhealthy relationships without even realizing it! These unhealthy relationships can pull us down and hold us back. Think of the people who you surround yourself with as a reflection of who you are and who you desire to become. Rid yourself of these unhealthy relationships and move forward in your life to let your self-esteem flourish.

3. Start your day with positive affirmations.

Positive thinking has been shown to have huge benefits in helping us feel better and increasing happiness. You can find many avenues for positive affirmations, such as apps, journals, calendars, etc. You can also write your own! Think of positive aspects about yourself and write them down on post-it notes or in a journal and read through them each morning to start your day on a positive note.

4. Love your body.

Feeling good about our bodies is an important aspect of feeling good about ourselves overall. It’s important to recognize that beauty is a state of mind and more than just outward appearances. Think of all the wonderful things your body can do for you and view yourself as a whole person, both inside and out. Also, remember step one: get moving and exercise! There is a strong connection between the mind and body for overall wellness and happiness. The more active and physically healthy we are, the happier.

5. Find hobbies and activities that you enjoy.

Engaging in activities that you enjoy can provide you with a positive outlet, allow you to socialize and meet new people as well as boost your confidence by trying something new. You can join a neighborhood group, a book club, an athletic or sports group, a community-based organization or a volunteer program. You can check out things like meetup.com or even Facebook to search for activities, events and interests that might be fitting for you. Being active with hobbies and interests can really allow you an opportunity to flourish and has so many benefits.

6. Set goals for yourself.

It’s important that we are working toward self-improvement and personal development at all times. This is a never-ending process, not a single goal that we achieve and then we are done. We should always be on the hunt for personal growth and progress. It’s important that you continue to work on yourself, your confidence and your mind and body wellness. This will help you maintain your self-confidence and self-esteem as well as continue to grow and thrive as a person.

ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts: