Ways to Increase Affection in Your Relationship

Has your relationship hit a rut? Do you feel that you and your partner are just not as affectionate anymore? Are you trying to boost affection and physical touch in your relationship, but not sure how?

Well, you are not alone. One of the most common issues that I work on with couples in my relationship practice is the rebuilding of affection in their relationship. It’s incredibly common that affection decreases in a relationship, especially if we are not putting forth a conscious effort to maintain that intimacy and affection with our partner.

A reduction in the levels of affection can happen for a number of reasons. For many, it could simply be a difference in their personality style and comfort level. Perhaps they just are not as physically affectionate as their partner. This difference can often create challenges between the two parties. Decreased affection can also happen when there is increased stress, tension, arguments, or even when one party is experiencing some mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress, trauma, etc.

People can also simply feel off balance. Their focus may be too much on work or a social issue that they don’t even realize they’ve let the intimacy and affection levels drop in their relationship. Another similar and common issue is feeling very comfortable with your partner. While is generally a wonderful thing in a relationship, it can also lead people to stop putting forth as much attention and passion toward their partner, which will lead to a decrease in affection levels. One of the more common personal issues that tend to arise for people is having difficulty with vulnerability, trust, and letting their guard down. We can put up emotional barriers or walls that guard and protect us from being hurt, but they also separate and distance us from having intimate and loving experiences. Read more on some reasons behind lack of affection here.

Tips to increase affection in your relationship:

1. Talk it Out:

Well, first and for most, it’s important to talk to your partner. Communication is one of the best and most direct ways to address issues in a relationship. Sit down and have a conversation with your partner about how you are feeling and what you are noticing. It’s important to not point fingers and place blame as this can create defensiveness but to approach the situation with care and concern. This way you can discuss any feelings and develop a strategy for best addressing the situation. This is also crucial if your partner is struggling with an issue that may be hindering their ability to show you affection. Give them a chance to express what that may be and how the two of you can work on that.

2. Don’t Nag:

This may seem opposite from point #1 and in some ways it is, but it’s not that simple. A very common cycle that I see with couples is getting trapped in a nag and retreat pattern. This is when one partner nags and the other retreats. When the partner retreats and becomes even more emotionally distant, the nagging partner increases their behavior as well, which causes the retreating partner to retreat even more and so on. It’s a vicious cycle that seems to escalate and become very damaging to the relationship. If you have addressed your desire for more affection in a positive and constructive way, then try some other tips and ideas without hounding the issue further. Again, the continuous commenting on lacking in affection may actually cause your partner to retreat more so just be cautious and mindful when you do communicate. As stated in the above point, be sure that your communication is attempting to find strategies to address the issues rather than blaming them.

3. Boost the Good:

It can be helpful, positive, and uplifting to build upon the positives in your relationship. This doesn’t change or take away from the negative, but it can often make it feel much, much smaller. So while your partner may not be as affectionate as you would like, perhaps they are wonderful with providing for your family or taking care of household chores. Instead of focusing solely on the negative and lacking aspect, build upon the good. Praise them for the things done well, provide positive reinforcement and praise as can help everyone to feel good. If a partner is aware that they have difficulties expressing and showing affection, receiving praise in other areas that they do well, can be very helpful and even assist in breaking down emotional barriers and walls that may be contributing to their lack of affection. This strategy can also help to boost feelings of connection and intimacy between partners and this often leads to higher levels of love and even affection.

4. Work on You:

If you are the partner who is having difficulty showing affection, reflect on reasons that might be causing this for you. As stated before, many people have difficulty opening up due to trust issues, past trauma or betrayal, personality factors, challenges with emotional vulnerability, etc. It’s important if you are finding that expressing yourself through physical actions or verbally is difficult, then it may be time for some self-reflection. Also, start with baby steps! Take it one day at a time and slowly start with one small step each day. This can often help people to begin to build more trust and confidence in themselves, their partner, and their relationship; therefore, allowing them to be more emotionally vulnerable. Read more about reducing emotional barriers in your relationship.

5. Have Date Nights:

While this may seem obvious or perhaps you always have date nights with your partner, it’s important that when there are concerns about intimacy and affection in the relationship, you continue to utilize date nights as a means of having quality alone time with your partner. We can often get “stuck in a rut” in our relationship where we are necessarily making effort for quality time. We may sometimes engage in the same routines that feel comfortable, so try shaking it up a bit and change up your date nights. This can set the stage for some quality alone time with your partner in a new and different way. Sometimes getting out of our routine can spark a different way to connect and your partner may be more responsive to this avenue. This can also be the foundation for connection, intimacy, and that most sought after affection.

6. Initiate Affection & Intimacy:

Next, try initiating intimacy, sex, and affection with your partner or continuing to do so. It’s important that you continue to initiate affection as this shows your partner you desire a particular level of affection. While they may have a different level or need for affection, it’s important that we are compromising in our relationships and meeting somewhere in the middle. Also, when a person feels rejected then they can stop initiating affection also and when this happens, then all affection in the relationship is gone. So this is just to try and encourage you to continue to express love and care through affection. When you initiate intimacy, try discussing what things they enjoy about your partner or affection with them and assess where your partner’s comfort level may be with demonstrating affection. This way you can determine things that they like and dislike which may help build more affection and intimacy between the two of you and perhaps generate more helpful conversation on the topic as well.

7. Seek Professional Help:

If you and your partner have a difference in expressing affection or your partner is not able to show affection and it’s negatively impacting your relationship, then you may consider professional couples services. While seeing a professional for relationship issues can seem intimidating, it is actually quite helpful, normal, and can be very successful. Having a neutral party to discuss issues with can help in reducing the defensiveness between partners as well as facilitate better communication. It helps to have another set of eyes … or ears, to hear about your situation and offer suggestions and tips. You can find many local marriage counselors, couples therapists, religious leaders, and relationship coaches who offer services. Many also offer virtual and online services as well. See the section below for our virtual relationship coaching services.

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You can read more on common reasons for lack of affection here or see below for more relationship-related blogs & videos:

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free Facebook Group About Relationships

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Conflict Resolution for Couples

Arguments are inevitable in relationships. However, there are some important tips to helping couples have arguments that are more productive and result in understanding and forward progress. These conflict resolution tips are more helpful than continuing negativity and hurtful statements, which can build more resentment between partners.

Tips to resolve conflict and argue more fairly & productively:

1. Establish a time to talk: 

It’s important that both parties are going into a situation prepared to talk and come to a mutual understanding. It’s a common occurrence that one partner is ready to talk and bombards the other person before they are ready, which can result in further argument and a negative situation. So preface the situation by asking your partner if they are ready to talk or set up a time you both agree upon. This will help ensure that both parties are ready and willing, which can lead to more effective communication.

2. Prepare: 

Preparation before communicating with your partner is an important, but often overlooked step in conflict resolution. Preparing does not mean you are coming up with ammunition to yell at your partner, but more that you are preparing yourself mentally and emotionally to come to resolution. This will allow you to process your own thoughts and feelings about the situation and prepare yourself for what you hope to speak about. This provides time to calm yourself and really explore how you are feeling and what is important to you in this situation. 

To accomplish this, it is recommended to make a list with two parts to it: 

A. First: List the relevant topics that you would like to cover. Perhaps this is where you list things that have upset you. 

B. Second: Write about how you are feeling and why these topics are important to you. 

Now before presenting this list to your partner, flip it around. Start with talking about your feelings first, rather than jumping immediately to what has upset you.  The reason this is important is that most people are willing to listen with open ears when they hear these more vulnerable things from their partner rather than feeling blamed or as though their partner is constantly pointing the finger. So try starting with the vulnerable info first and see if this helps the conversation be more productive.

3. Calm Yourself: 

This is a really crucial step prior to talking with your partner as well as during the communication, that you calm yourself. It’s essential that you feel more calm and in control of your emotional state when talking through difficult and challenging material. If you find that you are feeling too upset to effectively communicate, then delay your talk to another day. Give yourself time. People often jump into having a conversation too quickly, when emotions are running too high and this just results in anger, yelling, and further arguments.

4. Talk with the Goal of Understanding & Being Understood: 

Most people enter a conversation with their partner with a goal of being heard. They want to get their point across and that is it. Be sure to focus on listening and understanding during the discussion. This means actually talking and not yelling, interrupting or criticizing. Make it a goal to actually understand your partner’s point of view in addition to getting your point across. This means that it is important to make it a primary focus to understand your partner’s point of view, even if you don’t agree with it and then to express your own point of view. This simple act of being heard and understanding your partner can have a meaningful impact that can often greatly reduce disagreements, better calm the situation and have a more productive argument. 

5. Forgive & Let Go:

This is a key step and it is really the definition of resolution. Forgiveness is essential. When you resolve something, that does not mean that you will forget it or pretend that it did not happen, it means that you will heal from it. It is important that we do not continue to throw arguments in our partner’s face or bring up past material once we have agreed to forgive and move forward. Make it a goal to actually move forward.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Can Your Marriage Survive Coronavirus?

When the coronavirus pandemic and social distancing first began, there were many jokes that we would see an increase in babies being born about 9 months from now, but the reality is, we’ve seen increased tension, stress, arguments, and even divorce. So while some couples may be spending their time having sex, others may be arguing and feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. This is an incredibly difficult time and especially with this being a novel situation that none of us have had to experience before. Navigating new and unknown waters is challenging. Our lives have been turned upside down and there are so many new and different stressors that we didn’t have before.

Many people have children without any childcare options or who may not be going back to school at all, which means parents are learning how to homeschool while also managing their jobs and other daily responsibilities. Many have tremendous financial concerns or may have even lost their jobs completely. Lots of people are juggling working from home, but also parenting in a different way and without any reprieve. We are navigating a new and different mask-wearing world where there are many public restrictions and a lack of any social outlets. And it's stressful. Situations like this can exacerbate already existing problems in a marriage and even create new ones. That's hard.

Here are some tips to help your marriage survive a pandemic:

1. Communicate:

One of the most important tips is to keep lines of communication open. Often, couples let problems, feelings, or complaints build until it's too late and it turns into a huge argument. These types of situations can often be avoided if we maintain good communication as small situations arises along the way. Many couples are spending more time together due to social distancing and therefore feel that they are “talking” all the time because they are constantly around one another, but the type of communication that I’m referring to is not the day-to-day chit chat, but deeper, more meaningful conversations. Be sure to check-in with your partner to see how they are feeling and functioning during this stressful time. Having open and consistent streams of communication can increase the understanding and happiness in a relationship.

2. Establish a Routine:

Often we don’t realize how many routines we have established in our lives until they are impacted and we are unable to do them. Routines offer us a sense of normalcy. Do your best during this time, to re-establish or maintain a routine in your home. This may be your evening or nighttime routine, which is very helpful if you have children. Also, for individuals or couples, it's helpful to establish some sort of routine during the day, especially if both or one person is working from home and that is not typical or something they are accustomed to. Try creating a routine and have healthy habits throughout your day, with your partner, with your family, and in your household. This can provide a sense of safety, comfort, normalcy, and balance.

3. Give Each Other Some Space: 

Most of us are spending way more time at home than ever before and this can create a strong feeling of togetherness. While that might be delightful for some or even be good for a small period of time, it can also get overwhelming. We are not used to seeing each other 24/7. Prior to social distancing, we often had natural breaks that are plugged in during our day due to work or school. Now we are seeing each other constantly. Create space for yourself and your family members. Give yourself and your partner some alone time. Having that “me time” is essential to practicing self-care and promoting a healthy balance in your life and your relationship. While most of us may not have many options in leaving the home, you could try some alone time without your house. Perhaps, explain to your partner that you need an hour to yourself and take a nice relaxing bath, read a book, go to your workshop or the garage, close yourself off in a bedroom and lock the door or just find a way that you can have a few moments to yourself. This time allows you to clear your mind, decompress, and gather your thoughts and feelings. It's important to find time for yourself and ensure that your family members are doing the same. 

4. Create New Memories:

Get creative! This can be a challenge, but try to think about new and different things that you and your partner can do together. Create some memories during this time that you can share and laugh about down the road. You may try something different within your home that you don’t usually do together. This can also be very helpful if you are a couple that usually does activities outside of the home. Try some unique family time, such as game nights, hikes, outdoor activities, etc. Finding new and different activities together can create more of a positive atmosphere, good memories during a challenging time, and help serve as a distraction during a stressful situation. Read more here on our blog: 20 Date Night Ideas During COVID.

5. Focus on Health: 

While it may seem obvious to focus on health during a pandemic, for many it isn’t and especially if they are feeling stress and overwhelmed. Health includes both your physical and your mental health an overall mind-body wellness. That means ensuring that you are monitoring your emotional well-being as well. Be sure to practice self-care and encourage your partner to do the same. Also, try establishing some goals together that will help you two focus on your health and well-being. This may be cooking together and focusing on healthy meals or even exercising at home or trying a new online workout program. The point here is that by focusing on health, it can create a positive goal that you share to boost your emotional and mental health. 

6. Find The Positives:

It can be incredibly easy to only focus on the negative right now. There are so many negative things to complain about! Everything feels unknown, uncertain, and very unsteady. Many places are closed down or have restrictions and nothing feels normal. It’s very easy to focus on how terrible all of that is, but it's also important to find something positive amidst all of this negative. It may be helpful to write down a few things that you are grateful for. Perhaps social distancing has brought you two together to complete some much-needed home improvement projects or you’ve taken a step back from work to actually be present and enjoy a family dinner together. Look for some of those positives that you can focus on and spin in a direction of growth and progress.

7. Try Online Activities:

As a couple, you could try some new activities together. There are currently many options for online and virtual activities as most businesses have increased their online presence due to the limitations of in-person services. Try a new online class, exercise program, yoga class, meditation program, or even some shared games that you can do together. Remember, as stated above, new memories and experiences can help to change the focus from all negative onto things that are positive and exciting.

8. Have Your Own Experience: 

It's okay to not agree on how to feel or handle the coronavirus. Guess what? This is pretty challenging for all of us and completely new and different. It's okay to feel the way that each of us feels. Whatever that might be. Give your partner the space to process the situation or have their own experience with the COVID restrictions. We may not always agree and it's challenging for all of us. We all have different reactions, beliefs, and thoughts about the situation and the best way to handle it. That’s okay. It can be challenging to have different viewpoints in the same household, but we have to create space for those differing opinions. Constant debates or trying to prove a point can lead to resentments, disagreements, and further distance in your relationship. Focus on your own experience, reaction, and emotional processing while giving your partner the space to do the same.

9. Let Go of Control: 

It's okay that things aren’t perfect right now. They shouldn’t be. This is new, different, and hard for us all and we are all having to figure out how to navigate these waters. So many things are unknown and cannot be planned. While this may make some people feel uncomfortable, we must remember that we can’t control what’s going to happen in the future. Things keep changing by the minute. It's frustrating, difficult, and can make your head spin. The point is that you have to let go of that desire to control the unknown and do your best to move forward. Let go of the expectation that things will feel the way they usually do. You may try a mindfulness meditation or simply focus on taking a few deep breaths throughout the day to re-center yourself and let go of that control.

10. Be Kind:

Last, but not least, be kind. Show kindness to your partner and yourself. These are tough times. Be sure that you are viewing your partner, your family, and yourself with patience and compassion. Know that this is hard for everyone and we have to show one another kindness, empathy, and compassion, especially during tough times. We can often let frustration, stress, and worry build to the point that it impacts how we treat others. Be mindful of your attitude, mindset, and actions toward others. This is especially true with your partner as you’re spending larger amounts of time together, which naturally can create a challenging dynamic. By practicing kindness, we can build stronger bonds and connections together that will outlast the coronavirus pandemic and boost the love in our relationship. 

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For more tips on maintaining positive mental wellness during COVID-19 & the coronavirus pandemic, click here to read more:

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT & Mindfulness CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. This class will cover strategies for coping with stress as well as teach you helpful mindfulness techniques. Click here for more information.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Finding Happiness in Everyday Things

Simple Steps to Creating Healthy Habits

A healthy habit is any behavior or activity that is beneficial for your physical, mental or emotional health. They may include things like good nutrition, exercise, self-care routine, stress management, or happiness related hobbies. These positive and healthy habits can lead to an overall happier and healthier lifestyle. 

When we focus on creating change in our life, one way to work toward this change is by creating healthy habits in our daily schedule. Many people may think of goal setting to create change and while this can be very helpful, for most, the longer-lasting change will come from creating habits rather than just short-term goals.

There is a major difference between goal setting and habit formation although much of the idea may overlap. A habit is more of an automatic response than a goal you set out to achieve, which forces you to think about and work toward. A habit is something ingrained in you and your routine, that you do it without much thought. 

Setting healthy habits in your life that can be incorporated into your daily routine show higher success rates with actually reaching the target than simply setting goals. The research shows that habit formation is more likely to last and create long-term response than goal setting.

6 Tips to Start Healthy Habits:

1. Make a mental shift

   Consider why it’s important to change something in your life and contemplate the good and positive reasons for doing so. You could even make a list of why your new desired habit is a good thing and write down the negatives for your current behavior or action that you are trying to change.

2. Think about the long-term

   It can be helpful to focus on the long-term and reflect on your life in the future. Think about how you would like things to look, whether that is with your health, relationships, work, etc. This will allow you to see things on a bigger level and change your focus from short-term goal setting to overall healthy habits. For example, if you have a weight loss or health goal, then it is healthier to think of it as altering your lifestyle to a healthier one rather than just to lose 20lbs. A healthier lifestyle will include positive habits such as eating healthy and exercising, which you can work to include in your daily routine.

3. Start small and reasonable

   One of the best ways to start a new healthy habit is to start small and build. People often set a goal that is too big and then it will be impossible to reach. For example, a goal may be to go to the gym daily, but a better way to start might be to focus ongoing 2 days a week, then 3, and so on. Again, as with the step above, you should also focus on your overall healthy lifestyle rather than just a simple goal as well. This can help you to be more successful with achieving the task and being able to better incorporate it into your lifestyle.

4. Incorporate the new behavior into your daily routine

   It’s important to plug in your new habit into your routine so that it can be more of a habit. Be sure to work out a plan for how you will incorporate this into your day-to-day life. When we can add a new behavior into our already established routine, then we are more likely to be successful with following through with this task. If we set something up that is not usual or regular for us and is too difficult to accomplish, then we are less likely to be successful.

5. Have cues to prompt and remind:

   When you plug a new habit into your routine, you must have consistent cues and reminders that will set us up for success to follow through with the new behavior. If you are hoping to add the gym to your daily schedule as you work toward developing a healthier lifestyle, then you may want to set a reminder on your cell phone calendar that will prompt you to remember the gym or even pack your gym bag and set it on the seat of your car. 

6. Have rewards that will reinforce

   It is also important to reward yourself for your progress toward your goal. This will help to maintain motivation and continued desire to follow through with your goals. So be sure to give yourself something positive that will encourage your continued hard work, such as some new workout clothes or a gym bag if you are working on a healthy lifestyle. No matter the reward, just remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself much needed encouragement.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Tips for Surviving the Engagement Period

The engagement period is such an exciting time in a couple’s life. They recently decided to get married and spend their lives together. While this is a joyous period, many couples can argue more than normal and this often catches them by surprise.

The engagement period is an exciting time; however, it can also be incredibly stressful. There are so many demands, pressures, expectations, and changes that are all happening at once. Stress, in particular, plays a major role in conflict during the engagement period. Stress can arise due to many factors, such as the overwhelming process of planning a wedding, the pressures, and expectations from extended family members or friends as well as financial challenges and the stress of change in the relationship. Many couples are dealing with tremendous change and thinking about their future changing, such as moving in together, merging your life with someone else’s or even the change of future dynamics and goals. 

Partners may have expectations that have not previously been discussed such as how involved one will be or not with the wedding planning. There may also be expectations partners may have about family traditions that their partner isn’t aware of, which can create tension with their soon-to-be spouse. Often, the engagement period brings up questions that couples haven’t addressed in a relationship such as finances, religion, children or family obligations as well as future expectations, etc.

Couples may then argue as they work these details and dynamics out, which then can create worry about the future, their marriage and merging their two lives. The engagement period is a time of change and transition that can result in more understanding of one another, but it can be challenging and stressful to go through. 

Many couples can be surprised and even worried when they begin to argue more often soon after getting engaged. While this is typical, many people fear that their future relationship is doomed. It’s important to understand that this is a transition time with a lot of change and stress, which can put pressure onto a couple and create more tension than usual. 

Here are some helpful tips to tame fights during the engagement period:

1. Let Go of Perfection: 

Couples tend to desire that everything be perfect during the engagement period. The apprehension of the future can influence how couples act and feel. Couples may argue during this time and then get worried that their arguments are a negative sign and therefore, feel apprehensive about the future. There can be expectations that everything will fall right into place and when it doesn’t, it creates worry and fear about the marriage. Arguing, when done healthily, can lead to a better understanding of each other and the relationship, in general. Couples must let go of any expectation or idea that everything must be perfect. Couples should try and focus on the positive, which is their connection and commitment to one another as well as learning more about one another through this process. 

2. Let go of the Small Stuff: 

Focus on the bigger picture, which is the relationship and the commitment that a couple is making to be married and spend their lives together. People can get caught up in the small details with wedding planning or family expectations when at the end of the day, that will not be what creates a lasting marriage. It’s important to stay focused on the connection between one another during this time and let go of some of the small stuff.  

3. Communicate: 

Although communication is always important in relationships, it’s especially true during the engagement time because of the amount of change that a couple is experiencing as well as stress. Talking about these issues is crucial to the success of the relationship. Many people can have expectations of their spouse that they don’t communicate to them. They tend to think that their partner will be able to read their mind and just know what they want. It’s important to communicate your needs so that your partner knows. If you are wanting your partner to be more involved in the wedding planning, then it’s important to express that expectation. Communicating with one another and finding compromise is key here. 

4. Continue Courtship: 

One of the most important things that couples can do during their engagement is to remember to date and have fun together! This may seem completely obvious, but it’s very common that when a couple is newly engaged, they have more stress and demands from friends, family, and wedding planning that they can put their relationship on the back burner without even realizing it. Dating is an important factor in maintaining connection and intimacy with your partner because it allows you the alone time needed to be present, mindful and in the moment. So be sure to take a night off and enjoy quality time with your soon-to-be spouse.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP About RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

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Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Can Long Distance Relationships Really Work?

Can long-distance relationships really work? This is a question that I receive often by clients who’ve just started dating someone or who want to date someone who lives far away, but they’re hesitant to do so for fear that it just won’t work out. So while long-distance relationships can work, they do require extra effort to address the distance and to maintain connection, intimacy, and trust.

This connection is one of the most important aspects for making long-distance relationships successful, along with honesty and good communication as well. Long-distance relationships require mutual respect, trust, and dedication to the relationship and making the relationship work because relationships are difficult as it is, but then to add distance and other barriers, it can make it more challenging to balance.  So having both partners put forth the effort to make a long-distance relationship work, is crucial.

Here are some tips to maintaining connection:

1: Daily chitchat: 

Be sure to talk on the phone often and be open about the day to day activities that you’re involved in. When someone is not near you, it can be hard to know exactly what’s going on with them. So describe your day and discuss the little things. They can get overlooked, but this can help couples feel connected to one another and as though they are right there next to the other one. Talk about everyday things to feel as though you are right there in each other’s lives.

2: Plan distant date nights: 

So just as though you were in person, you should continue and maintain courtship, you may just have to get a bit more creative with it. So plan some activities that you can do together on video. So perhaps you both pick up take-out from a favorite restaurant to where you are locally and then share dinner together while on FaceTime or Skype. You could order your partner a meal to be delivered or watch a movie together or separately and then talk about it while on video. Seeing each other through video can be helpful to maintain that “physical” connection since you can actually see the person versus talking over the phone.

3: Make sweet gestures: 

This means that you could send each other care packages that include some of your partner’s favorite things or send a sweet card or love letter. There is something very sweet and romantic about getting a handwritten card or letter that’s a surprise from your loved one. Also, random text messages to express your love and appreciation for your partner can keep that romance alive.

4: Spend time together: 

So for many, this will be impossible or very difficult to do or even afford, but if you can, be sure to spend some time together. Spending time in person is essential to beating the challenge of distance so plan trips to visit one another in your location or you could even plan to meet somewhere new. This can help boost the physical intimacy of the relationship and it gives both partners something to look forward to! 

5: Maintain sexual intimacy: 

Having physical contact is important in relationships. The research shows us that physical touch, like hugging, kissing, handholding and sex can boost neurotransmitters and hormones, such as oxytocin that boost our feelings of being in love. While it may be impossible to physically touch while you are at a distant, you have to come up with some creative ideas to keep that passion, romance, and sexual tension alive in your relationship. This may be romantic ideas over the phone or video or it could be discussing intimate ideas for your next visit in person together.

I hope you find these tips helpful to maintaining connection in your relationship.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ON RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

View fullsize

Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

View fullsize

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

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Ways to Boost Intimacy in Your Relationship

Intimacy is a key element to maintaining a healthy relationship, just like trust and communication. Like other relationship components, we can often forget or overlook the importance of maintaining these aspects in our relationship. They do take work and effort. So intimacy should go beyond a special holiday or only date nights, it’s important to keep intimacy alive and well in your relationship all of the time. And remember, physical intimacy is more than just sex, it also includes other physical affection like touching, hand-holding, kissing, or even hugging.  These types of gestures stimulate a physiological reaction in the brain and body. It increases things like oxytocin and dopamine, which make us feel good, safe and loved.

The research shows us that these chemical and hormonal responses in the brain can produce feelings of love. Oxytocin, for example, is stimulated when a mother nurses her baby, which again produces feelings of love, safety, and connection. So it’s easy to see how the brain has an automatic response to physical touch that can increase our feelings of love toward our partners.

5 Quick TIPS to boost intimacy in your relationship:

1. Hug & kiss often:

So this could be something as simple as a daily hug or kiss when you greet or say goodbye to your partner. Or it could be an unexpected or spontaneous kiss when your partner is least expecting it. So this may sound simple, but a kiss or hug can be quite meaningful especially when it’s done with positive intention. 

2. Hug longer: 

While a quick embrace is great, try hugging for just a little bit longer. A longer embrace can work to increase that physiological response. The simple act of hugging has been shown to decrease the stress hormone cortisol and also increase oxytocin, which again can increase feelings of love. 

3. Try some sweet gestures: 

Writing little notes to your partner, giving compliments or small gifts. When partners show each other small tokens of appreciation and thoughtfulness, this can also increase feelings of connection and feeling cared about.

4. Date nights:

Make sure that you keep courting in your relationship. Dating is one of the most important intimacy building activities that we can do because it allows us private time with our partner and allows physical touch and intimacy. 

5. Sex: 

Put in the effort toward your sexual relationship. This means taking the time, making effort, changing up routines, if necessary, and changing up who initiates sex. Many couples can get stuck into a routine or simply not put forth effort and time to maintain their sexual relationship. So be sure to remember the things that attract you to your partner and maintain the sexual intimacy and bond in your relationship.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ON RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

---

View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

View fullsize

Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

View fullsize

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Can Being Kind Increase Happiness?

Kindness is often a disregarded and undervalued trait. While kindness can be an undervalued trait, it is important to note that true acts of kindness take courage and strength as well as demonstrate a great deal of interpersonal skill. It carries a great deal of importance in our lives, however. Kindness is simply the act of being good, friendly, and compassionate toward other people. It also encompasses an element of being altruistic, which means that you are being kind to others without the expectation of something in return. 

A few interesting facts about kindness:

Kindness can actually be good for you!

It can be helpful to both our physical and mental health. It’s been shown that even witnessing acts of kindness can produce oxytocin, which is often called the “love hormone.” Oxytocin helps to increase our optimism, confidence and even lower blood pressure. Kindness can also stimulate the production of serotonin, which can help you to feel happy. There was a research study done in Japan that showed that happy people were kinder than people who were not happy. So there really is a connection between our own happiness and being kinder to others.

Kindness has been shown to:

• Help us to live longer 

• Reduce stress

• Help get rid of negative feelings

• Increases optimism

• Lowers blood pressure

• Increases happiness
  

Kindness is contagious! 

After a person witnesses an act of kindness, they are more likely to engage in a good deed and “pay it forward.” Meaning that they are more likely to be kind to other people. Therefore, kindness is contagious and tends to spread.

To start living a kinder & happier life, here are some tips:

1. Start with being kind to yourself:

Remember that the happier you are, the more kind you will be to others. So first start with treating yourself in a kind matter. Many people find they can be critical of themselves or engage in negative self-talk. This includes that little voice in your head that may tell you that you can’t do something or that you aren’t good enough. Catch this negative self-talk and shoot it down. Engage in positive affirmations about yourself and your life. This will increase your overall positivity. Another activity that can help you begin to be kind to yourself is to make a list of your positive qualities and strengths. We can sometimes forget all of the great qualities that we possess. 

2. Be more present and mindful:

When you live in the moment, you’ll be more likely to notice people around you and see opportunities where you can be kind to others. Being more in tune with the present moment will allow you to view moments of kindness that may be happening around you that you would have otherwise not noticed. Research shows us that the witnessing of kindness can help us to feel more positive and optimistic as well as increase the likelihood that we will spread that kindness. The practice of mindfulness can also ease your daily stressors and help you to be more aware of your critical inside voice and therefore, increase the kindness toward yourself. 

3. Just start:

Do a small random act of kindness today or even this week. You can express gratitude to someone, hold the door open for a random stranger, or pay a compliment to a friend. It’s a small step toward a much bigger cause. Kindness is such an important concept for us on a personal level, for people around us, in our communities and neighborhoods and for all humans.

So remember - spread kindness today!

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Resources:

https://www.kindness.org

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-nourishment/201711/why-random-acts-kindness-matter-your-wellbeing

https://www.dartmouth.edu/wellness/emotional/rakhealthfacts.pdf

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

View fullsize

How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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How to Reduce Emotional Barriers in Your Relationship

Emotional barriers are invisible walls or blocks that are placed between you and your partner where you are keeping your guard up and not being completely open in the relationship. These barriers can be unconsciously or consciously placed. They prevent us from being fully mentally and emotionally engaged, vulnerable or trusting with our partner or in our relationship.

Intimate relationships require people to be open and trusting of another. This is a state of being vulnerable and ‘taking a leap of faith.’ Lack of trust can be one of the most common emotional barriers in relationships and this could develop due to past emotional wounds related to childhood, negative experiences in previous relationships, or fear of rejection or loss of the current relationship. Often when someone has issues related to trusting others, they can place emotional barriers around themselves as an attempt from being hurt in the future.

Emotional barriers are most often driven by fear. People fear failure or being rejected or hurt so they unconsciously remain closed off to others without even realizing it. This is especially true in relationships because the bond and connection require a deeper amount of intimacy than just a social connection or friendship.

When emotional barriers are present, it can prohibit the person from building a truly deep connection with another. They tend to be more guarded, standoffish and unable to fully form a secure attachment with someone else. This affects the closeness and attachment in the relationship and can create doubt and mistrust between both parties. When emotional barriers are blocking that attachment and connection the person can feel emotionally unavailable and often the other person does not feel that the relationship meets their emotional needs. This cannot only impact the emotional health in the relationship but also the sexual health, as deep intimacy requires trust and being vulnerable. All of these impacts can affect overall relationship satisfaction.

Can we unknowingly put up emotional barriers? 

We can often engage in seemingly innocent behaviors without realizing that those actions can create barriers and may be prohibiting us from forming secure attachments and deep connections with others. For example, simply not sharing how you are feeling or details about your day. This can come across as being closed off, distant and guarded and it can really prohibit good communication.

When people have walls up, they may be emotionally unavailable, meaning they do not talk about their emotions and are often uncomfortable when their partner expresses emotions. People who have emotional barriers up may tend to be more critical and judgmental of others. They do not want to put themselves out there in a vulnerable way; therefore, they tend to focus harshly on others.

Other examples of innocent behaviors that may create barriers include things like not ever initiating sex, hugging, kissing or any physical intimacy. People are often closed off from truly acting like themselves and letting their partner see all of their personality, identity and who they really are. Many people are also not being fully present in the moment with their partner or with communication. A person who has their emotional walls, barriers or guards up will appear distant, aloof and disconnected to the present moment.

Tips to breaking down the walls & being more emotionally vulnerable:

First, it’s important to become self-aware regarding issues around trust or other emotional barriers that one may be experiencing. It is important that the person is taking responsibility for their own trust related issues and working to resolve them. One way to begin this process is by practicing mindfulness or other self-reflection exercises as this can help in bringing more self-awareness and calm nervous or distrusting emotional states. This process will require you to also work toward building your own self-confidence, which can also help with building trust in your partner.

There are things to specifically work on with a partner as well to overcome some of these emotional barriers. First, work on basic communication with your partner. You can set up times to just talk about your day or how you are feeling. This can be something that is very brief, but when done on a regular basis, can be very beneficial as it becomes a healthy habit in your relationship where you are attempting to break down barriers and be more open and vulnerable. Next, share your feelings about any emotional barriers that you are noticing and work with your partner to develop strategies that the two of you can do together in order to break them down.

Another way to boost this process is to just start and be courageous by letting someone get close to you emotionally. This could be challenging yourself to share something emotional and vulnerable with your partner on a regular basis. This will push you to talk about your feelings, express yourself emotionally and open up to someone else. As you do this, it will become more comfortable, and get easier and easier. We can then begin to build trust and confidence that our partner is there for us and our fear reduces. We then start to build trust and become more successful with emotional bonding and attachment.

Lastly, set goals for yourself on how you can facilitate the process in your relationship. This may be that you will initiate physical contact more often with your partner or you may prompt discussions with your partner about how they are feeling if they have a difficult time doing so.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

View fullsize

How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Forgiveness: 3 Steps to Help Learn to Let Go

Have you ever forgotten to take your dog for a walk or play fetch and still find that you get greeted daily with tail wags and kisses? It’s easy for animals to forgive as they just live in the moment and forget the bad. But for us? Oh no. We remember every detail that someone has done to wrong us. We don’t forget. Even times when we want to forget and move on, many find it difficult to do so. Forgiveness is hard, especially when we feel hurt, betrayed, or wronged by someone. The act of forgiveness is one of the most challenging and difficult things that we can do as human beings.

Why is it important to let go? Because holding onto anger and resentment can be burdensome. It can cause us stress, be emotionally overwhelming and often cause negative physical responses due to being continually angry. It ends up hurting you way more than the person whom you are angry with. Forgiveness is important and healthy. We all may need a different amount of time to come to the stage of forgiveness, however. Some, may be able to forgive quickly, while others may need to feel angry and hurt and forgive at a later date, and that’s okay too. The point is, forgiveness is a healthy release of emotion that we should work toward doing, but in our own time. 

Steps to Forgiveness:

1. Engage in empathy

This can be a very difficult task when you feel hurt by someone. It’s so challenging to put yourself in their shoes, practice empathy and imagine how and why they could hurt you. This is an important step though. There is much research that points to empathy being a key component in learning to forgive. The act of empathy can actually help lessen our own anger by looking at the situation from someone else’s point of view and help toward the process of healing. If we have a better understanding for why a spouse cheated or a friend lied to us or someone broke into our home, we can learn to forgive. This does not mean that we will forget or that we are saying this bad action is okay. It just means that we are trying to understand a different perspective that will help us in our healing. It may sound impossible, but when you sit and analyze for a moment why someone did something you consider terrible, you may learn that action was about them, and not you. Maybe it was due to their insecurities, a power and control issue, their addiction or mental illness, etc. Again, these things do not make it okay, but it can certainly give you a different perspective. With this understanding, there is hope to release the burdensome anger.

2. Practice gratitude

One activity to try when working on forgiveness is to practice gratitude. Think of the person who has hurt you, the things they have done wrong and things you feel resentful about. This will probably be very easy to do. Now think about things you feel grateful to them for. If it was a stranger, think of things about the situation that you can be grateful for or something that you learned from it. Again, this can be challenging and, at first, may seem. For many, it may seem impossible to think of something positive in a terrible situation, but perhaps the situation led you closer to others who are positive in your life, or perhaps it made you stronger, or maybe it just opened your eyes to see another person differently. The point here is to have you step out of a place of complete and utter consumption with anger and see a different perspective. 

3. Ceremonial act of letting go

The last exercise is to engage in a ceremonial act of forgiveness. Another crucial step in your healing is the actual act of letting go, which can be quite powerful and gratifying. It could include writing down all of your resentments and anger toward someone and burning that piece of paper, burying it in the dirt, or sending it off with a balloon. You could write the person a letter explaining how terrible their actions made you feel and never send it by either tearing it up or burning it. Now, it’s important to remember that you may be in a situation in which you need to actually discuss your hurt and pain with another person and that may be very important for you healing, but this activity is for you personally. This is your own personal healing and something for you to do without having to prepare to deal with another person. The point of this step is that you engage in a meaningful activity that allows you to work toward closure and letting go.

Now that you’ve gone through the process of forgiveness, you can let go and move forward with the important things in your life, without anger weighing heavily on your shoulders.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals and couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free Facebook Group On Relationships

Be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group: The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

View fullsize

How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Loving Roots Project

As a psychologist and wellness coach, I’ve spent many years studying human behavior and working with clients in a variety of settings to make positive changes in their lives. My experience seeing how difficult this process can be, yet also how empowering, beautiful, at times crucial, and always inspiring is what drove me to embark on this venture.

I started the Loving Roots Project with the mission of reaching out to as many people as possible with positive messages about personal growth and development. I hope to share inspirational content on this blog, webpage, and social media to promote positivity and empower others on their journey. 

The name Loving Roots Project represents first solidifying a foundation of self-love. The importance of our core being solid is critical before working on lasting, healthy love in our relationships, as well as a bigger mission of love, kindness, and positivity in our communities.

Self-love is one of the most important aspects of living a healthier, happier and more meaningful life. Many people may worry that this is selfish, but it is actually quite the opposite. We are able to be more loving, caring and helpful to those around us when we have a healthy love for ourself FIRST. You often hear the analogy on an airplane to put your oxygen mask on first before putting your child’s on or helping others around you. This is a similar concept. If you are not in a good place in your own life, you will have a harder time being positive and productive with other activities and relationships.

The bigger picture is that after we’ve established a healthier love for self and engage in healthy relationships, then we naturally carry a kindness that is spread to those around us. This idea is based on feeling good inside and in our relationships so that we enter the world with more kindness, compassion and gratitude. How many times have you seen messages of hate posted online or spoken in your community and when you really analyze the position of the person who made such a statement, most people would agree that they can see hate, anger and unhappiness. When people are happy and feel good about themselves, they generally want to spread kindness and joy to others.

With these principles in mind, I hope that the Loving Roots Project can help to motivate others to work on their own roots and core. That they begin the process of self-love first and work toward living the best life they can. Then, spreading this same idea to those around them and engaging in positive and healthy relationships. This will only helps us to maintain more uplifting, kind and compassionate communities.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. These services are available for couples or individuals. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

---

View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

View fullsize

How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day