20 Date Ideas To Try at Home

While we know that quality time with our partners is essential as it boosts our connection, it can be challenging to think of new and creative ways to spend time together. Many couples may face difficulty arranging childcare, while others may be financially strained due to rising living costs, and some may simply enjoy the comfort of their own home.

How can you keep the romance and passion alive in your relationship? Here are some date night ideas that you can try at home. 

Date Ideas To Try at Home:

1. Try a Virtual Visit: 

There are many museum tours, aquariums, nature webcams and National parks that offer free virtual visits. This allows a unique opportunity to view places that are not local and you may not see otherwise or at least without having to travel a far distance. Taking a virtual tour also allows you and your partner to engage in good conversation about the art, landscape, animals, or scenery that you experience. It may give you a change in your normal surroundings and even help you to feel like you got to escape your home. 

2. Game Night: 

Are you and your partner in for a little healthy competition? Try a game night. You could bring out some of your favorite games from growing up or order some new ones to challenge each of you. Depending on your mood or even personality, you may be in for something more interactive, like charades or something with more strategy, like chess or poker. No matter your choice, having a game night with your partner can help shake up the normal routine and bring some fun into your home. 

3. Couples Enrichment Activities:

There are many great marriage boosting activities that you and your partner could try. It’s a great opportunity to allow for focus and dedication to your partner. Some marriage enrichment activities include journal prompts to either write about or just verbally share with your partner. You can find lots of articles with marriage tips and there are several free marriage tip videos that you could watch with your spouse. Many webpages have prompts and questions for couples that serve as great conversation starters. These types of activities help couples work on communication and connection.

4. Outdoor Movie:

Many couples enjoy snuggling up with one another while watching their favorite flick. If you’ve been binge-watching Netflix nightly from your sofa and want to change things up a bit, try creating an outdoor movie theater. Some people have outdoor TVs on their decks or even projectors that work with your smartphone so you can view the movie from a blank wall. You could string some lights for a more romantic glow, lay down a blanket and pillows and snuggle up under the stars. 

5. Creative Picnic:

Another fun outdoor activity is to create a picnic, either at a local park, your backyard, or even your living room. You could get appetizers from a favorite restaurant or choose an assortment of charcuterie to sample. Another fun idea is to make your picnic a theme, such as Hawaiian night, tastes of Italy, or an evening of sweet treats for a decadent touch. Picnics can also have a romantic touch with candles, lights, or simply under the moonlight. 

6. Romantic Dine-in: 

Create a space in your home for a romantic dinner. You could try dressing up an outdoor table or even a spot in your living room with a table cloth, candlelight, and perhaps some freshly picked flowers. The idea here is to re-create a private and romantic dining experience. You could pick-up take-out from your favorite spot that you get to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

7. Scavenger Hunt or Hide & Seek:

Bring back some fun childhood memories and an element of suspense and surprise by creating a scavenger hunt for each other or even play hide and seek with items throughout your home. While it may seem silly, it’s a great way to view your home, your partner, and the evening in a different way. You can try a scavenger hunt that’s filled with brain-busting riddles for your partner to solve along the way or how about a sexy hide and seek game with your favorite pieces of lingerie. Get creative with using your everyday space and household items to stimulate some fun together in a new way. 

8. Art Night:

Let your creativity flow! Try having a painting night where you both work on the same picture and compare at the end or even try a new craft or woodworking project together. Pinterest has lots of ideas that are not for the faint-hearted. You can keep things relationship-focused by creating a keepsake that highlights your relationship and the love you have together. 

9. Get to Cooking: 

Many people find cooking to be therapeutic and it can be a great activity for couples to do together. There are often cooking classes that are focused on couples and you may be able to find some online right now. You can also try following along with a cooking demonstration from a tv show or class or simply look up a new recipe online to try. You could also try a little competition and each creates a dish that you critique and share at the end. 

10. Food & Drink Pairing:

Try creating an interesting selection of food and drink pairings, such as local wine & artisan cheeses or your favorite tea and biscuits. You could try various tapas or appetizers from around the world or keep it close to home with samplings of beers from your local brewery. This can serve as a conversation starter by giving you something a little different to engage in and share your thoughts with your partner on the selections. You can discover what you and your partner like and don’t like while you compare notes.

11. A Mini Book Club:

A unique idea to share with your partner may be to try some new reading material together. There are often motivational marriage stories and other material for couples such as relationship boosters. You could try each reading a short story or other article and then sharing the content. The idea here is to choose an activity that you both enjoy, such as reading and find unique ways that you can share the time and engage in conversation about the activity. 

12. At-Home Spa Day: 

You can try and recreate a spa day in the comfort of your own home and with your partner. Think bubble bath for two, followed by facial scrubs and massages. You can even try some new or different products or even make your own sugar scrub or soap together. This may give you something new to try and be a great way to reduce stress.

13. Healthy Competition: 

Many couples may enjoy the healthy competition of video gaming, a fitness challenge, or even an online trivia game. You could also try having a sing-off with some living room karaoke or a pajama dance party to show off your best skills. The idea of challenging your partner in a healthy way can create some competition and maybe even fuel your sexual desire for each other. 

14. Fondue Tasting:

Another fun food idea is to try a night of fondue tasting. You can melt some of your favorite cheeses or mix various additions in with chocolate and have a sample. This again allows for an opportunity to try something different and promotes conversation for the two of you. For a romantic touch, you could try doing the entire fondue sampling by feeding one another. 

15. Backyard Camping:

If you are fans of camping but haven’t had the opportunity to go, then try creating your own camping experience right at home. You can get into the activity with roasting s’mores over your fire pit, inside in your fireplace, or melted in the oven. And if you don’t have space to pitch a tent in your backyard, then try a pillow fort in the living room. The point here is to completely shake up your normal routine and recreate a different and unique experience that you can share with your partner. 

16. Online Classes:

With so many things being virtual now, there is no shortage of interesting classes and activities online. You and your partner could try a new activity or exercise class, perhaps do some yoga or Zumba together. There are also several wellness classes offered for free that focus on your overall mind-body wellbeing, such as stress management or a mindfulness meditation class. Many top universities are also offering free classes on a variety of subjects such as gaming, design, writing, filmmaking, photography, science, business, or foreign languages. If you and your partner have ever talked about learning something new, now might be your chance! You can try a new class, hit pause, and share some thoughts along the way with your spouse.

17. Create a Photo Book or Digital Collage

Many couples enjoy reminiscing about some fun times they’ve had together! Try looking through old photos of vacations, trips or even your wedding or honeymoon. You can put together a digital collage to share on social or create a custom photo book to have printed. Looking through pictures can boost positive memories, good conversation, and build a connection between two people. 

18. Try Photography:

For those who may have an eye for photography, you may enjoy having a photography night. You could each take snapshots of unique items or views from around your home and share them later. You could even make it a contest and have your partner guess where the pic was taken or simply what the item is. Even if you don’t have a professional lens, you can simply click away with your smartphone and create unique pictures of everyday items. 

19. Get Outside: 

Many couples enjoy outdoor activities together and being in nature does have benefits. You can try hiking, biking, canoeing, fishing, gardening, or just simply go for a walk around your neighborhood. Being outdoors and in nature has been proven to boost feelings of relaxation and happiness. When shared with your partner, you can build some great memories enjoying nature and each other. 

20. Last, but not least, have sex! 

Seems self-explanatory, but take some time to just be intimate with your partner. Try something new. Think lingerie, feathers, sex toys, or role-play. If you have kids, this may not mean you will spend an afternoon in bed, but a quickie in the morning before the house wakes. Physical intimacy, touch, and sex are all great ways to boost those love hormones, which foster feelings of safety, affection, and love. 

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social:

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5 Tips for Increasing Emotional Connection in Relationships

5 Tips for Increasing Emotional Connection in Relationships

Emotional connection is the foundation of a healthy, loving, and thriving relationship. Whether you're nurturing a romantic partnership, family bond, or friendship, cultivating emotional intimacy can deepen understanding, build trust, and create a lasting connection. While every relationship is unique, there are core principles that can help anyone strengthen emotional ties. Here are five practical tips for increasing emotional connection in relationships:

1. Active Listening: Truly Hear and Understand

One of the most powerful ways to build an emotional connection is through active listening. Many people listen to respond, rather than to truly understand their partner's feelings and experiences. Active listening requires full attention, eye contact, and an openness to hearing what the other person is expressing—both in words and emotions. Simply taking an interest and caring about your partner's life and experiences can be very meaningful.

When listening, avoid interrupting or formulating your response while the other person is speaking. Instead, offer affirming nods or verbal cues such as “I understand” or “Tell me more.” This creates a safe space for the other person to express themselves without fear of being judged or dismissed, enhancing emotional intimacy. Reflecting on what you've heard, such as “It sounds like you feel frustrated when…” also shows empathy and ensures you’re interpreting their feelings correctly.

2. Share Vulnerabilities: Open Up About Your Inner World

Emotional connection thrives when both partners feel safe being vulnerable. Sharing personal fears, dreams, or past experiences can create a deeper bond as it invites the other person into your inner world. This doesn't mean disclosing every thought or feeling, but rather creating moments of openness where both of you can share something meaningful.

Being vulnerable allows your partner to see your authentic self, imperfections, and all. It also encourages reciprocal sharing, creating a feedback loop of trust. When you open up about something close to your heart, such as a personal struggle or a deeply held belief, it sends the message that you trust the other person with your emotional truth. This mutual vulnerability fosters deeper emotional intimacy. Read more on how self-awareness can boost your ability to be more emotionally open and vulnerable.

3. Practice Empathy: Understand Their Perspective

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and genuinely feel their emotions. Developing empathy allows you to better understand and respond to your partner’s emotional needs, creating a strong emotional bond. When your partner is going through something difficult, instead of jumping to problem-solving or giving advice, start by validating their feelings.

Simple statements like "That sounds really tough" or "I can see why you feel that way" show that you’re emotionally attuned to them. Empathy strengthens the emotional connection because it reassures the other person that you care deeply about their emotional experience, regardless of whether you can fix the situation or not.

4. Engage in Meaningful Conversations: Go Beyond the Surface

While day-to-day conversations are important, deep emotional connection often comes from meaningful conversations that go beyond small talk. Take time to discuss your shared values, goals, or aspirations. Ask thoughtful questions like, “What’s something you’ve been thinking about a lot lately?” or “What are you most passionate about?”

These conversations allow for deeper self-disclosure and help you connect over what really matters. It also strengthens your emotional bond by allowing each of you to feel seen and understood in a more profound way. By discussing topics like personal growth, fears, and hopes, you open doors to new levels of intimacy.

5. Physical Affection and Presence: The Power of Touch

Physical affection is often underrated in its ability to build emotional connection. A simple hug, holding hands, or a reassuring touch on the shoulder can communicate love, care, and security in ways that words sometimes cannot. Research shows that physical touch releases oxytocin, the "love hormone," which helps foster feelings of closeness and trust. Read more here on building physical touch in your relationship.

It’s also essential to be fully present when spending time together. This means putting away distractions like phones or laptops and focusing on your partner. Non-verbal communication, such as affectionate gestures or maintaining eye contact, strengthens emotional connection by reinforcing the feeling that you are fully engaged in the moment with them.

Final Thoughts:

Building emotional connections in relationships requires intentionality and effort from both partners. Through active listening, vulnerability, empathy, deep conversations, and physical presence, you can create a strong and enduring emotional bond. Emotional connection isn’t built overnight; it’s nurtured through consistent acts of love, care, and understanding.

Remember, relationships thrive when both partners feel emotionally safe and valued. By integrating these tips into your daily interactions, you can cultivate a deeper, more meaningful emotional connection that stands the test of time.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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10 Ways to Improve Your Relationship When Your Partner Won't

10 Ways to Improve A Relationship When Your Partner Won't

Relationships can be incredibly rewarding, but they also require effort and cooperation from both partners. When one partner feels unsupported, it can lead to frustration and resentment. If you're in a situation where your partner isn't actively helping to improve the relationship, it may feel like you're carrying the emotional load alone. While you can’t force your partner to change, there are ways to work on the relationship that may inspire growth and reconnection.

This is one of the most common complaints that I hear from my clients. I’m often contacted by one partner who is frustrated, hurt, and upset by the fact that they feel alone in trying to make their relationship work. They want to work on things, but can’t get their partner on board to agree to do the same. It’s important to stay on the right path for yourself and your relationship, regardless of what your partner chooses and it’s important to remember that we all decide to change at different times. So continue your path forward, while working on some of the tips below and give your partner that opportunity to be your teammate through this process. 

Here are 10 strategies to improve your relationship when your partner isn’t contributing as much as you’d like:

1. Lead by Example

Instead of focusing on what your partner isn’t doing, concentrate on what you can do. Show through your actions what a healthy, loving partnership looks like. For example, if you wish for more open communication, start by expressing yourself more clearly and empathetically. Try to steer clear of blaming, yelling, instigating, etc., and lead with kind open communication that will promote productive conversations between the two of you. When you take the lead, you set a positive tone, and your partner may follow suit as they observe the benefits of your efforts. You also show by example that you are making every effort to work toward a better you and a better relationship.

2. Focus on Your Own Growth

When your partner isn't engaged in improving the relationship, it's important to take responsibility for your own growth. Work on personal development by nurturing your interests, hobbies, and emotional health. By becoming the best version of yourself, you contribute more positively to the relationship dynamic and feel less dependent on your partner’s involvement for your own happiness.

3. Communicate Without Blame

It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming your partner for the relationship’s challenges, but this approach will likely lead to defensiveness. Instead, practice non-blaming communication by focusing on "I" statements rather than "you" statements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when we don’t spend quality time together” rather than “You never make time for me.” This makes it easier for your partner to hear your concerns without feeling attacked.

4. Appreciate the Small Things

While your partner may not contribute in the ways you wish, they may be helping in other areas you haven’t acknowledged. Look for small acts of love or support and express appreciation for them. Acknowledging your partner’s efforts, even if they’re subtle or different from your own expectations, can create a more positive atmosphere. This may encourage them to do more once they see their actions are valued. Sharing of appreciation is an important aspect of expressing and feeling love and affection in a relationship.

5. Set Healthy Boundaries

If your partner isn’t helping in areas that matter to you, it’s crucial to set healthy boundaries. Boundaries are not ultimatums but rather ways to protect your emotional wellbeing. For example, if your partner isn’t contributing to household tasks, you might say, “I can’t manage all of this on my own. I’ll do my part, but I need your help, or we’ll need to adjust how things get done.” Setting clear boundaries helps define your expectations while giving your partner the space to respond.

6. Adjust Your Expectations

While it’s reasonable to want your partner’s involvement in maintaining the relationship, sometimes expectations can become unrealistic or one-sided. Take a step back and reflect on whether you’re expecting too much or demanding change on your terms. Everyone has different capacities for emotional or physical involvement at different points in their lives, so it may be helpful to adjust your expectations based on what’s realistic and fair for both of you.

7. Practice Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance means acknowledging the reality of your situation without resisting or wishing things were different. If your partner isn’t contributing in the way you’d like, it doesn’t mean you need to settle for dissatisfaction, but accepting the situation as it is can reduce your frustration. For example, this might mean that it's important to accept that both partners communicate in different ways or that your partner has a different style or expectation around cleaning and household chores. When you stop resisting or fighting against the current state of your relationship, you can think more clearly about how to navigate it without the emotional burden of constant disappointment.

8. Make Self-Care a Priority

When one partner is not actively contributing to the relationship, the other can often feel emotionally drained, disappointed and sad. In this case, practicing self-care is essential. Taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally ensures that you are strong enough to manage the relationship’s challenges without feeling burnt out. Engage in activities that bring you joy, connect with supportive friends or family, and make sure to nurture your own well-being.

9. Reframe the Situation

Often, we get stuck in patterns of negative thinking that can harm our perception of the relationship. Instead of focusing on how your partner isn’t helping, try to reframe the situation to see it from a different perspective. Ask yourself, "Is there something else going on that might be affecting their behavior?" Perhaps stress from work, family issues, or personal struggles are impacting their ability to contribute. Reframing helps cultivate compassion and patience, which can shift the emotional dynamic between you.

10. Seek Professional Help

When you feel like you've tried everything and the relationship still isn’t improving, it might be time to seek outside support. Relationship coaching, pastoral counseling, or couples therapy can all offer a neutral space to address the issues at hand. While your partner may initially be resistant to this idea, you can start by seeking individual services to gain insight and strategies for managing your emotions and actions. Sometimes, when one partner starts the process, it encourages the other to join in. This will also provide you with an opportunity to express yourself, receive support from a neutral party, and give your partner time to get on board with the process of bettering your relationship.

Improving a relationship when your partner is reluctant to help can be challenging, but it isn’t impossible. The key is to focus on what you can control—your own actions, reactions, and mindset. By leading with empathy, clear communication, and personal growth, you can create an environment that fosters positive change. While you can’t force your partner to change, you may inspire them to take steps toward reconnecting emotionally. Remember, relationships are about mutual effort, and sometimes giving a little extra can eventually encourage balance.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Ways to Increase Affection in Your Relationship

Has your relationship hit a rut? Do you feel that you and your partner are just not as affectionate anymore? Are you trying to boost affection and physical touch in your relationship, but not sure how?

Well, you are not alone. One of the most common issues that I work on with couples in my relationship practice is the rebuilding of affection in their relationship. It’s incredibly common that affection decreases in a relationship, especially if we are not putting forth a conscious effort to maintain that intimacy and affection with our partner.

A reduction in the levels of affection can happen for a number of reasons. For many, it could simply be a difference in their personality style and comfort level. Perhaps they just are not as physically affectionate as their partner. This difference can often create challenges between the two parties. Decreased affection can also happen when there is increased stress, tension, arguments, or even when one party is experiencing some mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress, trauma, etc.

People can also simply feel off balance. Their focus may be too much on work or a social issue that they don’t even realize they’ve let the intimacy and affection levels drop in their relationship. Another similar and common issue is feeling very comfortable with your partner. While is generally a wonderful thing in a relationship, it can also lead people to stop putting forth as much attention and passion toward their partner, which will lead to a decrease in affection levels. One of the more common personal issues that tend to arise for people is having difficulty with vulnerability, trust, and letting their guard down. We can put up emotional barriers or walls that guard and protect us from being hurt, but they also separate and distance us from having intimate and loving experiences. Read more on some reasons behind lack of affection here.

Tips to increase affection in your relationship:

1. Talk it Out:

Well, first and for most, it’s important to talk to your partner. Communication is one of the best and most direct ways to address issues in a relationship. Sit down and have a conversation with your partner about how you are feeling and what you are noticing. It’s important to not point fingers and place blame as this can create defensiveness but to approach the situation with care and concern. This way you can discuss any feelings and develop a strategy for best addressing the situation. This is also crucial if your partner is struggling with an issue that may be hindering their ability to show you affection. Give them a chance to express what that may be and how the two of you can work on that.

2. Don’t Nag:

This may seem opposite from point #1 and in some ways it is, but it’s not that simple. A very common cycle that I see with couples is getting trapped in a nag and retreat pattern. This is when one partner nags and the other retreats. When the partner retreats and becomes even more emotionally distant, the nagging partner increases their behavior as well, which causes the retreating partner to retreat even more and so on. It’s a vicious cycle that seems to escalate and become very damaging to the relationship. If you have addressed your desire for more affection in a positive and constructive way, then try some other tips and ideas without hounding the issue further. Again, the continuous commenting on lacking in affection may actually cause your partner to retreat more so just be cautious and mindful when you do communicate. As stated in the above point, be sure that your communication is attempting to find strategies to address the issues rather than blaming them.

3. Boost the Good:

It can be helpful, positive, and uplifting to build upon the positives in your relationship. This doesn’t change or take away from the negative, but it can often make it feel much, much smaller. So while your partner may not be as affectionate as you would like, perhaps they are wonderful with providing for your family or taking care of household chores. Instead of focusing solely on the negative and lacking aspect, build upon the good. Praise them for the things done well, provide positive reinforcement and praise as can help everyone to feel good. If a partner is aware that they have difficulties expressing and showing affection, receiving praise in other areas that they do well, can be very helpful and even assist in breaking down emotional barriers and walls that may be contributing to their lack of affection. This strategy can also help to boost feelings of connection and intimacy between partners and this often leads to higher levels of love and even affection.

4. Work on You:

If you are the partner who is having difficulty showing affection, reflect on reasons that might be causing this for you. As stated before, many people have difficulty opening up due to trust issues, past trauma or betrayal, personality factors, challenges with emotional vulnerability, etc. It’s important if you are finding that expressing yourself through physical actions or verbally is difficult, then it may be time for some self-reflection. Also, start with baby steps! Take it one day at a time and slowly start with one small step each day. This can often help people to begin to build more trust and confidence in themselves, their partner, and their relationship; therefore, allowing them to be more emotionally vulnerable. Read more about reducing emotional barriers in your relationship.

5. Have Date Nights:

While this may seem obvious or perhaps you always have date nights with your partner, it’s important that when there are concerns about intimacy and affection in the relationship, you continue to utilize date nights as a means of having quality alone time with your partner. We can often get “stuck in a rut” in our relationship where we are necessarily making effort for quality time. We may sometimes engage in the same routines that feel comfortable, so try shaking it up a bit and change up your date nights. This can set the stage for some quality alone time with your partner in a new and different way. Sometimes getting out of our routine can spark a different way to connect and your partner may be more responsive to this avenue. This can also be the foundation for connection, intimacy, and that most sought after affection.

6. Initiate Affection & Intimacy:

Next, try initiating intimacy, sex, and affection with your partner or continuing to do so. It’s important that you continue to initiate affection as this shows your partner you desire a particular level of affection. While they may have a different level or need for affection, it’s important that we are compromising in our relationships and meeting somewhere in the middle. Also, when a person feels rejected then they can stop initiating affection also and when this happens, then all affection in the relationship is gone. So this is just to try and encourage you to continue to express love and care through affection. When you initiate intimacy, try discussing what things they enjoy about your partner or affection with them and assess where your partner’s comfort level may be with demonstrating affection. This way you can determine things that they like and dislike which may help build more affection and intimacy between the two of you and perhaps generate more helpful conversation on the topic as well.

7. Seek Professional Help:

If you and your partner have a difference in expressing affection or your partner is not able to show affection and it’s negatively impacting your relationship, then you may consider professional couples services. While seeing a professional for relationship issues can seem intimidating, it is actually quite helpful, normal, and can be very successful. Having a neutral party to discuss issues with can help in reducing the defensiveness between partners as well as facilitate better communication. It helps to have another set of eyes … or ears, to hear about your situation and offer suggestions and tips. You can find many local marriage counselors, couples therapists, religious leaders, and relationship coaches who offer services. Many also offer virtual and online services as well. See the section below for our virtual relationship coaching services.

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You can read more on common reasons for lack of affection here or see below for more relationship-related blogs & videos:

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free Facebook Group About Relationships

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Conflict Resolution for Couples

Arguments are inevitable in relationships. However, there are some important tips to helping couples have arguments that are more productive and result in understanding and forward progress. These conflict resolution tips are more helpful than continuing negativity and hurtful statements, which can build more resentment between partners.

Tips to resolve conflict and argue more fairly & productively:

1. Establish a time to talk: 

It’s important that both parties are going into a situation prepared to talk and come to a mutual understanding. It’s a common occurrence that one partner is ready to talk and bombards the other person before they are ready, which can result in further argument and a negative situation. So preface the situation by asking your partner if they are ready to talk or set up a time you both agree upon. This will help ensure that both parties are ready and willing, which can lead to more effective communication.

2. Prepare: 

Preparation before communicating with your partner is an important, but often overlooked step in conflict resolution. Preparing does not mean you are coming up with ammunition to yell at your partner, but more that you are preparing yourself mentally and emotionally to come to resolution. This will allow you to process your own thoughts and feelings about the situation and prepare yourself for what you hope to speak about. This provides time to calm yourself and really explore how you are feeling and what is important to you in this situation. 

To accomplish this, it is recommended to make a list with two parts to it: 

A. First: List the relevant topics that you would like to cover. Perhaps this is where you list things that have upset you. 

B. Second: Write about how you are feeling and why these topics are important to you. 

Now before presenting this list to your partner, flip it around. Start with talking about your feelings first, rather than jumping immediately to what has upset you.  The reason this is important is that most people are willing to listen with open ears when they hear these more vulnerable things from their partner rather than feeling blamed or as though their partner is constantly pointing the finger. So try starting with the vulnerable info first and see if this helps the conversation be more productive.

3. Calm Yourself: 

This is a really crucial step prior to talking with your partner as well as during the communication, that you calm yourself. It’s essential that you feel more calm and in control of your emotional state when talking through difficult and challenging material. If you find that you are feeling too upset to effectively communicate, then delay your talk to another day. Give yourself time. People often jump into having a conversation too quickly, when emotions are running too high and this just results in anger, yelling, and further arguments.

4. Talk with the Goal of Understanding & Being Understood: 

Most people enter a conversation with their partner with a goal of being heard. They want to get their point across and that is it. Be sure to focus on listening and understanding during the discussion. This means actually talking and not yelling, interrupting or criticizing. Make it a goal to actually understand your partner’s point of view in addition to getting your point across. This means that it is important to make it a primary focus to understand your partner’s point of view, even if you don’t agree with it and then to express your own point of view. This simple act of being heard and understanding your partner can have a meaningful impact that can often greatly reduce disagreements, better calm the situation and have a more productive argument. 

5. Forgive & Let Go:

This is a key step and it is really the definition of resolution. Forgiveness is essential. When you resolve something, that does not mean that you will forget it or pretend that it did not happen, it means that you will heal from it. It is important that we do not continue to throw arguments in our partner’s face or bring up past material once we have agreed to forgive and move forward. Make it a goal to actually move forward.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Can Your Marriage Survive Coronavirus?

When the coronavirus pandemic and social distancing first began, there were many jokes that we would see an increase in babies being born about 9 months from now, but the reality is, we’ve seen increased tension, stress, arguments, and even divorce. So while some couples may be spending their time having sex, others may be arguing and feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. This is an incredibly difficult time and especially with this being a novel situation that none of us have had to experience before. Navigating new and unknown waters is challenging. Our lives have been turned upside down and there are so many new and different stressors that we didn’t have before.

Many people have children without any childcare options or who may not be going back to school at all, which means parents are learning how to homeschool while also managing their jobs and other daily responsibilities. Many have tremendous financial concerns or may have even lost their jobs completely. Lots of people are juggling working from home, but also parenting in a different way and without any reprieve. We are navigating a new and different mask-wearing world where there are many public restrictions and a lack of any social outlets. And it's stressful. Situations like this can exacerbate already existing problems in a marriage and even create new ones. That's hard.

Here are some tips to help your marriage survive a pandemic:

1. Communicate:

One of the most important tips is to keep lines of communication open. Often, couples let problems, feelings, or complaints build until it's too late and it turns into a huge argument. These types of situations can often be avoided if we maintain good communication as small situations arises along the way. Many couples are spending more time together due to social distancing and therefore feel that they are “talking” all the time because they are constantly around one another, but the type of communication that I’m referring to is not the day-to-day chit chat, but deeper, more meaningful conversations. Be sure to check-in with your partner to see how they are feeling and functioning during this stressful time. Having open and consistent streams of communication can increase the understanding and happiness in a relationship.

2. Establish a Routine:

Often we don’t realize how many routines we have established in our lives until they are impacted and we are unable to do them. Routines offer us a sense of normalcy. Do your best during this time, to re-establish or maintain a routine in your home. This may be your evening or nighttime routine, which is very helpful if you have children. Also, for individuals or couples, it's helpful to establish some sort of routine during the day, especially if both or one person is working from home and that is not typical or something they are accustomed to. Try creating a routine and have healthy habits throughout your day, with your partner, with your family, and in your household. This can provide a sense of safety, comfort, normalcy, and balance.

3. Give Each Other Some Space: 

Most of us are spending way more time at home than ever before and this can create a strong feeling of togetherness. While that might be delightful for some or even be good for a small period of time, it can also get overwhelming. We are not used to seeing each other 24/7. Prior to social distancing, we often had natural breaks that are plugged in during our day due to work or school. Now we are seeing each other constantly. Create space for yourself and your family members. Give yourself and your partner some alone time. Having that “me time” is essential to practicing self-care and promoting a healthy balance in your life and your relationship. While most of us may not have many options in leaving the home, you could try some alone time without your house. Perhaps, explain to your partner that you need an hour to yourself and take a nice relaxing bath, read a book, go to your workshop or the garage, close yourself off in a bedroom and lock the door or just find a way that you can have a few moments to yourself. This time allows you to clear your mind, decompress, and gather your thoughts and feelings. It's important to find time for yourself and ensure that your family members are doing the same. 

4. Create New Memories:

Get creative! This can be a challenge, but try to think about new and different things that you and your partner can do together. Create some memories during this time that you can share and laugh about down the road. You may try something different within your home that you don’t usually do together. This can also be very helpful if you are a couple that usually does activities outside of the home. Try some unique family time, such as game nights, hikes, outdoor activities, etc. Finding new and different activities together can create more of a positive atmosphere, good memories during a challenging time, and help serve as a distraction during a stressful situation. Read more here on our blog: 20 Date Night Ideas During COVID.

5. Focus on Health: 

While it may seem obvious to focus on health during a pandemic, for many it isn’t and especially if they are feeling stress and overwhelmed. Health includes both your physical and your mental health an overall mind-body wellness. That means ensuring that you are monitoring your emotional well-being as well. Be sure to practice self-care and encourage your partner to do the same. Also, try establishing some goals together that will help you two focus on your health and well-being. This may be cooking together and focusing on healthy meals or even exercising at home or trying a new online workout program. The point here is that by focusing on health, it can create a positive goal that you share to boost your emotional and mental health. 

6. Find The Positives:

It can be incredibly easy to only focus on the negative right now. There are so many negative things to complain about! Everything feels unknown, uncertain, and very unsteady. Many places are closed down or have restrictions and nothing feels normal. It’s very easy to focus on how terrible all of that is, but it's also important to find something positive amidst all of this negative. It may be helpful to write down a few things that you are grateful for. Perhaps social distancing has brought you two together to complete some much-needed home improvement projects or you’ve taken a step back from work to actually be present and enjoy a family dinner together. Look for some of those positives that you can focus on and spin in a direction of growth and progress.

7. Try Online Activities:

As a couple, you could try some new activities together. There are currently many options for online and virtual activities as most businesses have increased their online presence due to the limitations of in-person services. Try a new online class, exercise program, yoga class, meditation program, or even some shared games that you can do together. Remember, as stated above, new memories and experiences can help to change the focus from all negative onto things that are positive and exciting.

8. Have Your Own Experience: 

It's okay to not agree on how to feel or handle the coronavirus. Guess what? This is pretty challenging for all of us and completely new and different. It's okay to feel the way that each of us feels. Whatever that might be. Give your partner the space to process the situation or have their own experience with the COVID restrictions. We may not always agree and it's challenging for all of us. We all have different reactions, beliefs, and thoughts about the situation and the best way to handle it. That’s okay. It can be challenging to have different viewpoints in the same household, but we have to create space for those differing opinions. Constant debates or trying to prove a point can lead to resentments, disagreements, and further distance in your relationship. Focus on your own experience, reaction, and emotional processing while giving your partner the space to do the same.

9. Let Go of Control: 

It's okay that things aren’t perfect right now. They shouldn’t be. This is new, different, and hard for us all and we are all having to figure out how to navigate these waters. So many things are unknown and cannot be planned. While this may make some people feel uncomfortable, we must remember that we can’t control what’s going to happen in the future. Things keep changing by the minute. It's frustrating, difficult, and can make your head spin. The point is that you have to let go of that desire to control the unknown and do your best to move forward. Let go of the expectation that things will feel the way they usually do. You may try a mindfulness meditation or simply focus on taking a few deep breaths throughout the day to re-center yourself and let go of that control.

10. Be Kind:

Last, but not least, be kind. Show kindness to your partner and yourself. These are tough times. Be sure that you are viewing your partner, your family, and yourself with patience and compassion. Know that this is hard for everyone and we have to show one another kindness, empathy, and compassion, especially during tough times. We can often let frustration, stress, and worry build to the point that it impacts how we treat others. Be mindful of your attitude, mindset, and actions toward others. This is especially true with your partner as you’re spending larger amounts of time together, which naturally can create a challenging dynamic. By practicing kindness, we can build stronger bonds and connections together that will outlast the coronavirus pandemic and boost the love in our relationship. 

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For more tips on maintaining positive mental wellness during COVID-19 & the coronavirus pandemic, click here to read more:

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT & Mindfulness CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. This class will cover strategies for coping with stress as well as teach you helpful mindfulness techniques. Click here for more information.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

---

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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See more of our Blogs & Videos below for tips on relationships & mental wellness:

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20 Date Night Ideas To Try During COVID

While we continue to grapple with the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic in the United States, many places still have social distancing mandates in effect and others are simply closed down. Finding fun and creative ideas for a date night with your partner can be challenging. 

In a time of stress, chaos, and uncertainty it can be important to find an outlet, a moment of relief, relaxation, and fun. This is especially true if you are enjoying it with your partner. Stress can often have a negative impact on a relationship so it’s important to continue to put forth that effort and dedication to your partner. 

How can you keep the romance and passion alive in your relationship while you remain safe during this pandemic? Here are some date night ideas that you can do in the comfort of your own home or in an outdoor space that allows for plenty of social distancing. 

Date Night Ideas While Social Distancing:

1. Try a Virtual Visit: 

There are many museum tours, aquariums, and National parks that are offering free virtual visits. This allows a unique opportunity to view places that are not local and you may not see otherwise or at least without having to travel a far distance. Taking a virtual tour also allows you and your partner to engage in good conversation about the art, landscape, animals, or scenery that you experience. It may give you a change in your normal surroundings and even help you to feel like you got to escape the four walls of your quarantined home. 

2. Game Night: 

Are you and your partner in for a little healthy competition? Try a game night. You could bring out some of your favorite games from growing up or order some new ones to challenge each of you. Depending on your mood or even personality, you may be in for something more interactive, like charades or something with more strategy like chess or poker. No matter your choice, having a game night with your partner can help shake up the normal routine and bring some fun into your home. 

3. Couples Enrichment Activities:

There are many great marriage boosting activities that you and your partner could try. While we are maintaining social distance, it’s a great opportunity to allow for focus and dedication to your partner. Some marriage enrichment activities include journal prompts to either write about or just verbally share with your partner. You can find lots of articles with marriage tips and there are several free marriage tip videos that you could watch with your spouse. Many webpages have prompts and questions for couples that serve as great conversation starters. These types of activities help couples work on communication and connection.

4. Outdoor Movie:

Many couples enjoy snuggling up with one another while watching their favorite flick. If you’ve been binge-watching Netflix nightly from your sofa and want to change things up a bit, try creating an outdoor movie theater. Some people have outdoor TVs on their decks or even projectors that work with your smartphone so you can view the movie from a blank wall. You could string some lights for a more romantic glow, lay down a blanket and pillows and snuggle up under the stars. 

5. Creative Picnic:

Another fun outdoor activity is to create a picnic, either at a local park, your backyard, or even your living room. You could get appetizers from a favorite restaurant or choose an assortment of charcuterie to sample. Another fun idea is to make your picnic a theme, such as Hawaiian night, tastes of Italy, or an evening of sweet treats for a decadent touch. Picnics can also have a romantic touch with candles, lights, or simply under the moonlight. 

6. Romantic Dine-in: 

Create a space in your home for a romantic dinner. You could try dressing up an outdoor table or even a spot in your living room with a table cloth, candlelight, and perhaps some freshly picked flowers. The idea here is to re-create a private and romantic dining experience. You could pick-up take-out from your favorite spot that you get to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

7. Scavenger Hunt or Hide & Seek:

Bring back some fun childhood memories and an element of suspense and surprise by creating a scavenger hunt for each other or even play hide and seek with items throughout your home. While it may seem silly, it’s a great way to view your home, your partner, and the evening in a different way. You can try a scavenger hunt that’s filled with brain-busting riddles for your partner to solve along the way or how about a sexy hide and seek game with your favorite pieces of lingerie. Get creative with using your everyday space and household items to stimulate some fun together in a new way. 

8. Art Night:

Let your creativity flow! Try having a painting night where you both work on the same picture and compare at the end or even try a new craft or woodworking project together. Pinterest has lots of ideas that are not for the faint-hearted. You can keep things relationship-focused by creating a keepsake that will represent your pandemic time together or a memento that highlights your marriage and the love you have together. 

9. Get to Cooking: 

Many people find cooking to be therapeutic and it can be a great activity for couples to do together. There are often cooking classes that are focused on couples and you may be able to find some online right now. You can also try following along with a cooking demonstration from a tv show or class or simply look up a new recipe online to try. You could also try a little competition and each creates a dish that you critique and share at the end. 

10. Food & Drink Pairing:

Try creating an interesting selection of food and drink pairings, such as local wine & artisan cheeses or your favorite tea and biscuits. You could try various tapas or appetizers from around the world or keep it close to home with samplings of beers from your local brewery. This can serve as a conversation starter by giving you something a little different to engage in and share your thoughts with your partner on the selections. You can discover what you and your partner like and don’t like while you compare notes.

11. A Mini Book Club:

A unique idea to share with your partner may be to try some new reading material together. There are often motivational marriage stories and other material for couples such as relationship boosters. You could try each reading a short story or other article and then sharing the content. The idea here is to choose an activity that you both enjoy, such as reading and find unique ways that you can share the time and engage in conversation about the activity. 

12. At-Home Spa Day: 

While many of us have missed our routine pedicure and trip to the local salon, you can try and recreate a spa day in the comfort of your own home and with your partner. Think bubble bath for two, followed by facial scrubs and massages. You can even try some new or different products or even try and make your own sugar scrub or soap together. This may give you something new to try and be a great way to reduce stress.

13. Healthy Competition: 

Many couples may enjoy the healthy competition of video gaming, a fitness challenge, or even an online trivia game. You could also try having a sing-off with some living room karaoke or a pajama dance party to show off your best skills. The idea of challenging your partner in a healthy way can create some competition and maybe even fuel your sexual desire for each other. 

14. Fondue Tasting:

Another fun food idea is to try a night of fondue tasting. You can melt some of your favorite cheeses or mix various additions in with chocolate and have a sample. This again allows for an opportunity to try something different and promotes conversation for the two of you. For a romantic touch, you could try doing the entire fondue sampling by feeding one another. 

15. Backyard Camping:

If you are fans of camping but haven’t had the opportunity to go or perhaps campgrounds are closed, then try creating your own camping experience right at home. You can get into the activity with roasting s’mores over your fire pit, inside in your fireplace, or melted in the oven. And if you don’t have space to pitch a tent in your backyard, then try a pillow fort in the living room. The point here is to completely shake up your normal routine and recreate a different and unique experience that you can share with your partner. 

16. Online Classes:

With so many things going virtual right now, there is no shortage of interesting classes and activities online. You and your partner could try a new activity or exercise class, perhaps do some yoga or Zumba together. There are also several wellness classes offered for free that focus on your overall mind-body wellbeing, such as stress management or a mindfulness meditation class. Many top universities are also offering free classes on a variety of subjects such as gaming, design, writing, filmmaking, photography, science, business, or foreign languages. If you and your partner have ever talked about learning something new, now might be your chance! You can try a new class, hit pause, and share some thoughts along the way with your spouse.

17. Create a Photo Book or Digital Collage

Many couples enjoy reminiscing about some fun times together! So try looking through old photos of vacations, trips or even your wedding. You can put together a digital collage to share on social or create a custom photo book to have printed. Looking through pictures can boost positive memories, good conversation, and build a connection between two people. 

18. Try Photography:

For those who may have an eye for photography, you may enjoy having a photography night. You could each take snapshots of unique items or views from around your home and share them later. You could even make it a contest and have your partner guess where the pic was taken or simply what the item is. Even if you don’t have a professional lens, you can simply click away with your smartphone and create unique pictures of everyday items. 

19. Get Outside: 

While many couples enjoy outdoor activities together, now is one of the best times to get outside and keep your social distance. You can try hiking, biking, canoeing, fishing, gardening, or just simply go for a walk around your neighborhood. Being outdoors and in nature has been proven to boost feelings of relaxation and happiness. When shared with your partner, you can build some great memories enjoying nature and each other. 

20. Last, but not least, have sex! 

Seems self-explanatory, but take some time to just be intimate with your partner. Try something new. Think lingerie, feathers, sex toys, or role-play. When many businesses are closed down, activities are limited and friends are socially distancing, there seems to be no better time than to spend an afternoon in bed. If you have kids, this may not be an afternoon in bed, but a quickie in the morning before the house wakes. Physical intimacy, touch, and sex are all great ways to boost those love hormones, which foster feelings of safety, affection, and love. 

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Have some great date night ideas that you’ve tried during the pandemic? Please share them in the comments section below! We’d love to hear more.

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Can Your Marriage Survive COVID?

Many couples have found that COVID has brought on new and different challenges or even highlighted existing difficulties. For many, it has been very hard, but with a few strategies on coping, it’s possible to make it though.

Click for more tips on helping your marriage survive the coronavirus pandemic.

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Tips for Mental Wellness Amid COVID-19

The coronavirus pandemic has been stressful and can take a toll on your mental health. Self-care and coping strategies are really essential during this time.

To read more about managing your mental health and mental wellness amid COVID-19, click here:

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FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

---

ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

---

See more of our Blogs & Videos below for tips on relationships & mental wellness:

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Tips for Surviving the Engagement Period

The engagement period is such an exciting time in a couple’s life. They recently decided to get married and spend their lives together. While this is a joyous period, many couples can argue more than normal and this often catches them by surprise.

The engagement period is an exciting time; however, it can also be incredibly stressful. There are so many demands, pressures, expectations, and changes that are all happening at once. Stress, in particular, plays a major role in conflict during the engagement period. Stress can arise due to many factors, such as the overwhelming process of planning a wedding, the pressures, and expectations from extended family members or friends as well as financial challenges and the stress of change in the relationship. Many couples are dealing with tremendous change and thinking about their future changing, such as moving in together, merging your life with someone else’s or even the change of future dynamics and goals. 

Partners may have expectations that have not previously been discussed such as how involved one will be or not with the wedding planning. There may also be expectations partners may have about family traditions that their partner isn’t aware of, which can create tension with their soon-to-be spouse. Often, the engagement period brings up questions that couples haven’t addressed in a relationship such as finances, religion, children or family obligations as well as future expectations, etc.

Couples may then argue as they work these details and dynamics out, which then can create worry about the future, their marriage and merging their two lives. The engagement period is a time of change and transition that can result in more understanding of one another, but it can be challenging and stressful to go through. 

Many couples can be surprised and even worried when they begin to argue more often soon after getting engaged. While this is typical, many people fear that their future relationship is doomed. It’s important to understand that this is a transition time with a lot of change and stress, which can put pressure onto a couple and create more tension than usual. 

Here are some helpful tips to tame fights during the engagement period:

1. Let Go of Perfection: 

Couples tend to desire that everything be perfect during the engagement period. The apprehension of the future can influence how couples act and feel. Couples may argue during this time and then get worried that their arguments are a negative sign and therefore, feel apprehensive about the future. There can be expectations that everything will fall right into place and when it doesn’t, it creates worry and fear about the marriage. Arguing, when done healthily, can lead to a better understanding of each other and the relationship, in general. Couples must let go of any expectation or idea that everything must be perfect. Couples should try and focus on the positive, which is their connection and commitment to one another as well as learning more about one another through this process. 

2. Let go of the Small Stuff: 

Focus on the bigger picture, which is the relationship and the commitment that a couple is making to be married and spend their lives together. People can get caught up in the small details with wedding planning or family expectations when at the end of the day, that will not be what creates a lasting marriage. It’s important to stay focused on the connection between one another during this time and let go of some of the small stuff.  

3. Communicate: 

Although communication is always important in relationships, it’s especially true during the engagement time because of the amount of change that a couple is experiencing as well as stress. Talking about these issues is crucial to the success of the relationship. Many people can have expectations of their spouse that they don’t communicate to them. They tend to think that their partner will be able to read their mind and just know what they want. It’s important to communicate your needs so that your partner knows. If you are wanting your partner to be more involved in the wedding planning, then it’s important to express that expectation. Communicating with one another and finding compromise is key here. 

4. Continue Courtship: 

One of the most important things that couples can do during their engagement is to remember to date and have fun together! This may seem completely obvious, but it’s very common that when a couple is newly engaged, they have more stress and demands from friends, family, and wedding planning that they can put their relationship on the back burner without even realizing it. Dating is an important factor in maintaining connection and intimacy with your partner because it allows you the alone time needed to be present, mindful and in the moment. So be sure to take a night off and enjoy quality time with your soon-to-be spouse.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP About RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Can Long Distance Relationships Really Work?

Can long-distance relationships really work? This is a question that I receive often by clients who’ve just started dating someone or who want to date someone who lives far away, but they’re hesitant to do so for fear that it just won’t work out. So while long-distance relationships can work, they do require extra effort to address the distance and to maintain connection, intimacy, and trust.

This connection is one of the most important aspects for making long-distance relationships successful, along with honesty and good communication as well. Long-distance relationships require mutual respect, trust, and dedication to the relationship and making the relationship work because relationships are difficult as it is, but then to add distance and other barriers, it can make it more challenging to balance.  So having both partners put forth the effort to make a long-distance relationship work, is crucial.

Here are some tips to maintaining connection:

1: Daily chitchat: 

Be sure to talk on the phone often and be open about the day to day activities that you’re involved in. When someone is not near you, it can be hard to know exactly what’s going on with them. So describe your day and discuss the little things. They can get overlooked, but this can help couples feel connected to one another and as though they are right there next to the other one. Talk about everyday things to feel as though you are right there in each other’s lives.

2: Plan distant date nights: 

So just as though you were in person, you should continue and maintain courtship, you may just have to get a bit more creative with it. So plan some activities that you can do together on video. So perhaps you both pick up take-out from a favorite restaurant to where you are locally and then share dinner together while on FaceTime or Skype. You could order your partner a meal to be delivered or watch a movie together or separately and then talk about it while on video. Seeing each other through video can be helpful to maintain that “physical” connection since you can actually see the person versus talking over the phone.

3: Make sweet gestures: 

This means that you could send each other care packages that include some of your partner’s favorite things or send a sweet card or love letter. There is something very sweet and romantic about getting a handwritten card or letter that’s a surprise from your loved one. Also, random text messages to express your love and appreciation for your partner can keep that romance alive.

4: Spend time together: 

So for many, this will be impossible or very difficult to do or even afford, but if you can, be sure to spend some time together. Spending time in person is essential to beating the challenge of distance so plan trips to visit one another in your location or you could even plan to meet somewhere new. This can help boost the physical intimacy of the relationship and it gives both partners something to look forward to! 

5: Maintain sexual intimacy: 

Having physical contact is important in relationships. The research shows us that physical touch, like hugging, kissing, handholding and sex can boost neurotransmitters and hormones, such as oxytocin that boost our feelings of being in love. While it may be impossible to physically touch while you are at a distant, you have to come up with some creative ideas to keep that passion, romance, and sexual tension alive in your relationship. This may be romantic ideas over the phone or video or it could be discussing intimate ideas for your next visit in person together.

I hope you find these tips helpful to maintaining connection in your relationship.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ON RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

View fullsize

Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

View fullsize

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

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Ways to Boost Intimacy in Your Relationship

Intimacy is a key element to maintaining a healthy relationship, just like trust and communication. Like other relationship components, we can often forget or overlook the importance of maintaining these aspects in our relationship. They do take work and effort. So intimacy should go beyond a special holiday or only date nights, it’s important to keep intimacy alive and well in your relationship all of the time. And remember, physical intimacy is more than just sex, it also includes other physical affection like touching, hand-holding, kissing, or even hugging.  These types of gestures stimulate a physiological reaction in the brain and body. It increases things like oxytocin and dopamine, which make us feel good, safe and loved.

The research shows us that these chemical and hormonal responses in the brain can produce feelings of love. Oxytocin, for example, is stimulated when a mother nurses her baby, which again produces feelings of love, safety, and connection. So it’s easy to see how the brain has an automatic response to physical touch that can increase our feelings of love toward our partners.

5 Quick TIPS to boost intimacy in your relationship:

1. Hug & kiss often:

So this could be something as simple as a daily hug or kiss when you greet or say goodbye to your partner. Or it could be an unexpected or spontaneous kiss when your partner is least expecting it. So this may sound simple, but a kiss or hug can be quite meaningful especially when it’s done with positive intention. 

2. Hug longer: 

While a quick embrace is great, try hugging for just a little bit longer. A longer embrace can work to increase that physiological response. The simple act of hugging has been shown to decrease the stress hormone cortisol and also increase oxytocin, which again can increase feelings of love. 

3. Try some sweet gestures: 

Writing little notes to your partner, giving compliments or small gifts. When partners show each other small tokens of appreciation and thoughtfulness, this can also increase feelings of connection and feeling cared about.

4. Date nights:

Make sure that you keep courting in your relationship. Dating is one of the most important intimacy building activities that we can do because it allows us private time with our partner and allows physical touch and intimacy. 

5. Sex: 

Put in the effort toward your sexual relationship. This means taking the time, making effort, changing up routines, if necessary, and changing up who initiates sex. Many couples can get stuck into a routine or simply not put forth effort and time to maintain their sexual relationship. So be sure to remember the things that attract you to your partner and maintain the sexual intimacy and bond in your relationship.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ON RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

View fullsize

Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

View fullsize

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Maintaining a Healthy Sense of Self in a Relationship

Maintaining self in a relationship is an important aspect of happiness within yourself and your marriage. Keeping a sense of self is crucial to your own empowerment, self-worth, independence, happiness and the satisfaction in your relationship. 

Holding onto yourself while in a partnership means maintaining your own identity as well as taking care of yourself, your own needs and your own goals. This is an important component of self-care. This is something that can actually lead to relationship happiness as well.

It’s much more common that when there are challenges in a relationship, people focus solely on repairing the issues between the two people and while this is extremely important and you won’t be able to resolve relationship conflict without doing that, people often forget that each party also needs focus. It’s crucial that each person is working on themselves. Remember: a healthy relationship cannot exist without 2 healthy people. Actually working on yourself is a critical component to relationship betterment.

components of maintaining SELF while in a relationship:

Take time for you:

Taking care of yourself is one of the most essential parts of being a healthy person. So be sure that you are making it a priority to take care of yourself. Your own self-care means taking into account your physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. Again, people tend to focus on the wellbeing of their relationship rather than also putting emphasis on their own wellbeing.

Maintain your own identity & interests:

People often have a misconception that they need to spend all their free time with their partner and share all of the same interests. While shared interests can be exciting and make the relationship fun because you get to enjoy things together, it is also okay to have some differences and separate interests and activities. So be sure that you are holding true to you and your own identity even while you are in a relationship. And have some separate activities or time with friends that are just for you. 

Surround yourself with healthy people:

Many people can become negatively influenced by unhealthy people in their life, so be sure that you surround yourself with positive and supportive friends and family. This means reducing drama and negativity that’s around you. Find people to add to your support network who lift you up and care for you.

Be a loving person to yourself, your partner, and others: 

It’s been known that the more positive energy you put out in the world, the more you will also receive. So focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be and treat others with kindness and compassion. This especially includes your partner. When you are in a relationship, focus on being a good partner yourself and you will likely experience reciprocity.

Find balance: 

Maintaining a good balance in your life means juggling your self-identity, your relationship, your work, your physical health, your friends, etc. This means if you have gotten out of balance with something in your life, such as your health, or your friendships, then work to get these things back in balance. When things are out of balance, that can impact the health of our relationship as well.  

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ON RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

---

ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

View fullsize

Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

View fullsize

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Maintaining Connection After Having a Baby

Having children can change the dynamics in our relationships and in our family structure. It can be a difficult adjustment period for many and often the challenges of caring for a child can have a direct impact on the intimacy levels in marriage. Just finding a few moments alone with your partner can be incredibly difficult and often when we have those moments, that’s when we need to get errands done, take a shower, or the many other million things on our list. Sitting down to just focus on our partner and talk is not usually the highest on our priority list, but it should be! Maintaining relationship and marital satisfaction is key to also having a happy family structure. Relationships take work and it really requires both parties to put in the effort, especially after having children. 

5 Tips to Maintaining a Strong Relationship After Having a Baby:

Alter Expectations: 

Give yourself and your expectations a break during this adjustment period. Having a baby and going through the transition of a changing family is difficult. It’s important that you do not set your expectations too high with how things “should be” in your love life or sex life, after having a child. This is a period when you should remain as flexible in your expectations as possible. So many things can change and be different from what we expected. If we are too focused on forcing them to be a certain way, we will inevitably be disappointed and unhappy. 

Keep Up With Strong Communication:

Talking is critical in a relationship and especially during the postpartum period. When a couple is going through the transition of bringing a new baby into the home, it’s important that they are talking along the way about how they are feeling and what needs they may have. For example, there can often be challenges with care-taking of a newborn and checking-in regularly with your partner is very important to maintain clear expectations and understanding during this time. One of the common challenges during adjusting to life with a baby is that many partners feel they are giving 80% of the work and care while their partner is only giving 20. Interestingly, your partner often feels the same way, which creates a disconnect and sometimes anger and resentment. Therefore, strong communication about how you are feeling is very important during this time as well as thoroughly discussing how to divvy up chores and duties around the house so that everyone feels comfortable with their role.

Outside of care-taking of an infant, communication is also key in maintaining intimacy and talking about your relationship and sexual needs. It’s important that couples are also talking about things outside of just the baby. The postpartum period can feel that life revolves around only the baby and often, it does, but it’s important if you are wanting to maintain a healthy and well-connected relationship, that you are embracing other factors in your relationship as well. Keep lines of communication open and strong about all aspects of your lives. 

Feel Good About You & Practice Self-Care:

After a baby, so many things can change, including our bodies, hormones and body image, especially for the partner who has given birth. It can be difficult to feel sexy in your own skin. Even for partners who haven’t physically given birth, just the shift in relationship dynamics and sometimes the lack of intimacy and sex can impact self-esteem and how people view themselves and their relationship. 

Practicing self-care is critical to reducing stress during the postpartum period as well as improving self-esteem, which both of these factors play a direct role in our relationship and satisfaction. It can be a challenge to balance infant care-taking with self-care and relationship work. Remember that a simple self-care practice is not necessarily something that is lengthy and time-consuming. You can do a quick activity in order to benefit yourself and your self-esteem with just a few minutes each day. While finding a few moments of free time each day is difficult with a child, just understand the importance of this activity to your ability to be a good parent and a good partner in your marriage. It’s definitely worth the effort. 

Embrace Changes in Your Sex Life:

Having a baby does not have to completely destroy your sex life. It may drastically change it, but with a little work, you can still have a very successful intimate and romantic connection with your partner. As we covered in the first tip, review and adjust your expectations. Many couples want their sex life to return to their pre-baby days and it just might not be possible, so it’s important to explore new ways to make intimacy work for you. It’s important to remember that after having a baby, especially for the new mother, hormones are still adjusting in the body and sexual desire may be lower. Also, as with a self-care practice, the postpartum period can impact one’s self-esteem and body image; therefore, having an impact on their sexual desire. So be sure to work on your own self-care and give yourself some time for your body and hormones to readjust. 

Many couples want the spontaneity in their sex life and while that can be very important, the reality is, it may not be possible with small children in your home. Life is hard after a baby and things might not be as smooth. So first, focus on bringing back the intimacy in any way that you can, even if it is scheduled. Later, you can work on spontaneity. This may include scheduling times to have sex with your partner that are during nap times for the baby or it might be a quickie at lunchtime when you used to take more time together in the evening. Your sex life may appear differently after having a baby, but it doesn’t have to completely go away. Find alternatives that work for you and your partner. 

Make Time for Intimacy:

While your sex life is essential in your relationship, just being intimate, close and well-connected is extremely important. Intimacy may include sex, but it doesn’t always. Sometimes it is just holding your partner’s hand and feeling close to them. So after a baby, make time to be emotionally present with your partner. Take the time to actually be engaged and connected to one another. It’s a time you can turn off the tv, put off the chores for 20 minutes and spend time actually talking to one another. 

When a couple is in the transition period of having a new baby, they can often focus on the long list of things that need to get done around the house or simply taking a much-needed nap when they get a moment alone. While you must also do those things (remember how important self-care is also), you must also find balance, even a few minutes every week, to just connect and check-in with your partner. Putting forth this effort into your relationship leads to a stronger connection and higher marital satisfaction.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

View fullsize

Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

View fullsize

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

How Better Self-Awareness Builds Stronger Connections & Intimacy in Relationships

Many couples find that no matter how long they’ve been together, there are periods where their level of intimacy and connection can really be lacking. While there are some natural ebb and flow in our relationships, we also should work to ensure that both parties are working toward maintaining that connection. Being in a long-term committed relationship does not automatically mean there are intimacy and closeness at all times, but it does allow for the foundation to build and work on it through a relationship. Commitment is based on the attraction and feelings we have for one another, but intimacy is a place we can be with our partner that is something and somewhere very different. It is a place of openness, vulnerability, defenselessness, and most importantly, a place of self-awareness.

The idea of self-awareness in intimacy is that we can maintain our own identity in a relationship while being fully aware of ourselves and how we are feeling. It is also the ability to look within ourselves for how we contribute to problems in a relationship and to see what role we play. Taking responsibility for our own actions and contributions to the problem can be quite difficult, but is essential for moving forward. Our initial reaction tends to be blamed on our partner and focus on what he or she is doing wrong. We could sit down and easily come up with a list of faults our partner has done wrong, but could we write a list of our own? Being self-aware and having the ability to focus on ourselves, including our own faults, is challenging, but reaching this higher level of awareness is important for making a healthy change in our relationships and increasing levels of intimacy.

5 Steps to Building Connection:

Be present and in the moment: 

Practicing mindfulness on a regular basis can actually help people to be very present and engaged while participating in activities or spending time with their significant other. This, therefore, boosts relationships as couples are more in tune and present when they are spending time together. This only helps to strengthen intimacy and connection between the two people. It can also boost passion and sexual pleasure. 

Engage in self-awareness: 

Again, one of the core pieces of being more vulnerable and intimate with your partner is being very aware of yourself. It’s important that you understand your role in the relationship and focus on actions for which you can be responsible and change. Most people focus on trying to change the other person when the one thing that we actually can change is ourselves. Be aware of your actions and ways that you could better the relationship. 

Be honest with your partner and yourself: 

We can often have ideas, thoughts, and expectations about the intimacy in our relationship, but we never truly connect with ourselves on those thoughts or express them to our partners. When this happens, then there can be times of miscommunication, misunderstanding and unfulfilled expectations. 

Communicate: 

Express to your feelings to your partner. This is crucial to relationship success, but many people avoid talking about certain things with their partners or they let their anger and resentment build to a point that it then becomes unhealthy and impacts the relationship in a negative way. Be sure to share the good and the bad also. Giving positive reinforcement to your partner about things that you enjoy can be a real booster, both for your partner and the sexual health and intimacy in your relationship. 

Take time to connect: 

Be sure to commit to making time for intimacy and connection in the relationship. This means really setting aside time for a regular date night or an intimate dinner at home as well as following through and being very present and engaged during your time together. Date nights or simply time alone with your partner to connect can be an often overlooked action and one that is frequently taken for granted. It is actually having this alone time to connect that can really boost the intimacy and health of your relationship. 

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

---

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

View fullsize

Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

View fullsize

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

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Do Insecurities Impact Your Relationship?

Insecurities can greatly impact a relationship. When someone is feeling insecure, they can project or take these issues out on their partner. This can create animosity, negativity and sometimes even cause their partner to feel the need to caretake or feel responsible to improve the mood and self-esteem of their companion. This causes an unhealthy dependency dynamic in the relationship where one partner feels a constant need to reassure and uplift the other. 

If someone is feeling insecure, they cannot be fully present in the relationship or be able to tend to their partner’s needs. Insecurities are internalized negative thoughts that can often turn outward and become negative behaviors, such as jealousy, paranoia or anger. These negative behaviors are often played out in the relationship and create challenging dynamics, such as starting arguments due to being jealous or even feeling paranoid and checking their partner’s social media accounts or phone. These types of behaviors, especially when they are due to someone’s insecurities, can cause frequent arguments, unhappiness and overall distrust in the relationship.

When someone is feeling insecure, it can impact all areas of their life. They may feel inadequate with their job or career, have body image issues or feel insecure with their family relationships. This can then bring down the overall happiness and satisfaction of the relationship altogether. Insecurities can also impact the sexual health of a relationship, especially if someone is struggling with body image issues. They may reject sexual advances or close physical contact because they are not feeling good about themselves or their body. When a couple is faced with problems in their sexual relationship, this can often impact their overall feelings of intimacy and connection.

Some causes behind insecurities:

Insecurities and fears most often stem from issues within the person, their background, childhood, or any emotional baggage that they may be bringing into the relationship from previous partners or bad experiences. We all have times of feeling insecure regarding a variety of things, the issue occurs if someone’s insecurities take over and begin to impact the health of their relationship or other aspects of their life.

We can often bring past emotional hurt or pain that we project onto our partner or our new relationship that hinders us from feeling fully secure in the relationship. For example, if someone had the experience of being betrayed or cheated on by their previous partner, they may feel more fearful, insecure and have difficulty trusting new people in future relationships. Insecurities can also stem from something much deeper, such as depression or anxiety. It’s important that if someone is feeling insecure, they address these issues as this can impact all areas of their life. 

Projecting insecurities onto others:

Projection is a defense mechanism that people use by unconsciously externalizing difficult emotions and putting them onto others. When someone projects their insecurities onto another, they are “taking out” their emotional issues on someone else. They may target aspects of someone that they feel bad about within themselves. 

When someone is projecting their insecurities onto their relationship, it will often be messages that are unrealistic or untrue. It may feel like the blame is being shifted elsewhere. The comments are usually unrealistic to what is actually happening and are more about their deep feelings of insecurity than about the reality of the situation.

When insecurities are projected, the topic and theme are usually about issues that your partner may have previously discussed as bothering them or something that they are struggling with, such as body image issues, confidence, or family related issues. 

Projection is also seen in a relationship if someone engages in baseless or unsubstantiated suspicious or paranoid behavior, such as suspecting that your partner is cheating or attracted to someone else, when in fact, you are simply feeling insecure about yourself and the connection in your relationship.

Ways to work on insecurities:

Exercise and get active:

The research has shown that being physically active and getting regular exercise can greatly impact and uplift your mood. Exercise can also activate endorphins and other neurotransmitters in the brain, which also help to give us a boost in mood and overall happiness. 

Take responsibility:

You feeling confident is not the responsibility of your partner or the relationship so be sure that you take responsibility for your own self-esteem and self-confidence. This requires you to believe in you and believe that you can feel good about yourself without anyone else.

Communicate & be open with your partner:

Just because self-confidence is the responsibility of the person experiencing it, does not mean you should not have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you are feeling. Being open with your experience and your emotions can help your partner to better understand your perspective and provide you support.

Understand the root cause:

It’s important that if you are feeling insecure, you gain understanding about where this issue is coming from for you. Perhaps you feel uncomfortable with your weight or body image or perhaps you’ve been cheated on in a past relationship and you fear the same with your partner. Spend some time reflecting on your situation and think about where these insecurities come from. Having this understanding can help you to navigate resolving and working on these issues. 

Let go of the negative:

Working to let go of negative past experiences can be helpful in moving forward and building self-confidence. This is especially true if you have had bad experiences in a relationship before or even just personally. Holding onto these negative things and having them directly impact your confidence and your relationship can be heavy and burdensome. Letting go can provide a sense of relief and give you a fresh start.

Engage in self-care:

Having a healthy self-care routine is essential in managing insecurities in a relationship. A self-care practice includes implementing coping strategies for yourself, such as meditation, mindfulness, exercise, yoga, journaling, listening to music, etc. Engaging in activities which are positive for yourself can help to boost your confidence and self-esteem. 

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

---

ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

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Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

View fullsize

10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

10 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship

We all know that being in a healthy relationship is important and can lead to a longer lasting partnership with higher levels of happiness and satisfaction. What exactly does it mean to be in a healthy relationship?

Here are some common signs:

1. You support & celebrate each other’s wins: 

When people are in healthy relationships, they tend to respond with happiness and cheer about their partner’s good news and celebrations. It’s important to truly support one another when you’re in a relationship. 

2. You have your own identity, activities, and friends: 

Maintaining your own self-identity is critical for a healthy relationship. People find that when they are able to express with own interests and identity, they have more satisfaction in their relationship. Maintaining a sense of self with your own activities, friends, and identity can lead to more overall happiness. 

3. You have common ground and a similar sense of humor:

While having your own identity, opinions and differences can be important in a relationship, sharing of common ground is also important. Research shows us that sharing of a sense of humor can also be beneficial in relationships. Laughing together and sharing of positive experiences can be beneficial in relationships. 

4. You split chores:

It can be common for couples to build resentments and feel taken advantage of if the chores and duties around the home are not shared in a way that both partners’ agree with. Therefore, it’s important to share in responsibilities and have both parties come to an agreement on what they both feel comfortable with. 

5. You try new things together:

While sharing of routines and habits together as a couple can be important, it’s also fun and healthy to try new things together. Being spontaneous and taking risks together as a couple, leads to further trust and stability in the relationship. It helps to build a positive alliance with one another. It can also create more excitement and joy by trying new and spontaneous things together. 

6. You recover from arguments & forgive: 

Moving beyond arguments and resentments is an important part of healthy relationships. Forgiveness is a key ingredient. Couples who have healthier relationships tend to move beyond arguments more successfully and engage in forgiveness, rather than letting negative resentments build and worsen over time. 

7. You get along: 

This one may seem silly, but if you’ve ever been in a relationship where there is constant drama or bickering, then you’ll understand the importance here. Getting along for the majority of the time and having mutual understanding is key to the health of a relationship. While arguments can be normal process and sometimes even healthy when done in an appropriate manner, you don’t want to be in a constant battle. This can lead to resentments, negativity, and bring down the health of the relationship.

8. You trust each other:

This one is really key to relationship success as trust is a basic foundation that is required in any healthy relationship. Without trust, couples can have a hard time getting emotionally close and being connected. Lack of trust can also lead to unhealthy patterns such as jealousy and dishonesty. Therefore, trust is a key ingredient in relationship happiness and success.

9. You find compromise:

Being able to find compromise as a couple is essential. Couples who show signs and willingness to work together as a team find that they tend to be happier and healthier. Couples who are unable to find compromise usually stay in a state of constant argument, resentments, and gridlock. Emotional gridlock is the idea that two people get in a standoff in their relationship and simply cannot move forward. They are then unable to make positive changes or find a compromise. 

10. You show each other love & affection:

The demonstration of physical affection is key to a happy relationship. The research shows that couple’s who engage in more physical affection report higher levels of happiness and relationship satisfaction. Demonstrating physical affection is also key to maintaining feelings of love, support, and safety. Physical affection increases neurochemicals and hormones in the brain, such as oxytocin, which is known as the “love hormone” because oxytocin increases our feelings of love. Oxytocin, for example, is also released when a mother breastfeeds her baby; therefore, increasing feelings of love, connection, and safety. Similarly, in romantic relationships, the release of oxytocin during sex or physical affection can also increase the overall feeling of being in love with the other person.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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How to Reduce Emotional Barriers in Your Relationship

Emotional barriers are invisible walls or blocks that are placed between you and your partner where you are keeping your guard up and not being completely open in the relationship. These barriers can be unconsciously or consciously placed. They prevent us from being fully mentally and emotionally engaged, vulnerable or trusting with our partner or in our relationship.

Intimate relationships require people to be open and trusting of another. This is a state of being vulnerable and ‘taking a leap of faith.’ Lack of trust can be one of the most common emotional barriers in relationships and this could develop due to past emotional wounds related to childhood, negative experiences in previous relationships, or fear of rejection or loss of the current relationship. Often when someone has issues related to trusting others, they can place emotional barriers around themselves as an attempt from being hurt in the future.

Emotional barriers are most often driven by fear. People fear failure or being rejected or hurt so they unconsciously remain closed off to others without even realizing it. This is especially true in relationships because the bond and connection require a deeper amount of intimacy than just a social connection or friendship.

When emotional barriers are present, it can prohibit the person from building a truly deep connection with another. They tend to be more guarded, standoffish and unable to fully form a secure attachment with someone else. This affects the closeness and attachment in the relationship and can create doubt and mistrust between both parties. When emotional barriers are blocking that attachment and connection the person can feel emotionally unavailable and often the other person does not feel that the relationship meets their emotional needs. This cannot only impact the emotional health in the relationship but also the sexual health, as deep intimacy requires trust and being vulnerable. All of these impacts can affect overall relationship satisfaction.

Can we unknowingly put up emotional barriers? 

We can often engage in seemingly innocent behaviors without realizing that those actions can create barriers and may be prohibiting us from forming secure attachments and deep connections with others. For example, simply not sharing how you are feeling or details about your day. This can come across as being closed off, distant and guarded and it can really prohibit good communication.

When people have walls up, they may be emotionally unavailable, meaning they do not talk about their emotions and are often uncomfortable when their partner expresses emotions. People who have emotional barriers up may tend to be more critical and judgmental of others. They do not want to put themselves out there in a vulnerable way; therefore, they tend to focus harshly on others.

Other examples of innocent behaviors that may create barriers include things like not ever initiating sex, hugging, kissing or any physical intimacy. People are often closed off from truly acting like themselves and letting their partner see all of their personality, identity and who they really are. Many people are also not being fully present in the moment with their partner or with communication. A person who has their emotional walls, barriers or guards up will appear distant, aloof and disconnected to the present moment.

Tips to breaking down the walls & being more emotionally vulnerable:

First, it’s important to become self-aware regarding issues around trust or other emotional barriers that one may be experiencing. It is important that the person is taking responsibility for their own trust related issues and working to resolve them. One way to begin this process is by practicing mindfulness or other self-reflection exercises as this can help in bringing more self-awareness and calm nervous or distrusting emotional states. This process will require you to also work toward building your own self-confidence, which can also help with building trust in your partner.

There are things to specifically work on with a partner as well to overcome some of these emotional barriers. First, work on basic communication with your partner. You can set up times to just talk about your day or how you are feeling. This can be something that is very brief, but when done on a regular basis, can be very beneficial as it becomes a healthy habit in your relationship where you are attempting to break down barriers and be more open and vulnerable. Next, share your feelings about any emotional barriers that you are noticing and work with your partner to develop strategies that the two of you can do together in order to break them down.

Another way to boost this process is to just start and be courageous by letting someone get close to you emotionally. This could be challenging yourself to share something emotional and vulnerable with your partner on a regular basis. This will push you to talk about your feelings, express yourself emotionally and open up to someone else. As you do this, it will become more comfortable, and get easier and easier. We can then begin to build trust and confidence that our partner is there for us and our fear reduces. We then start to build trust and become more successful with emotional bonding and attachment.

Lastly, set goals for yourself on how you can facilitate the process in your relationship. This may be that you will initiate physical contact more often with your partner or you may prompt discussions with your partner about how they are feeling if they have a difficult time doing so.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Are "Date Nights" Important in Your Relationship?

Are date nights really that important in your relationship? The short answer is yes! It’s so important to remember that courting, dating, and keeping intimacy and connection alive in your relationship. It’s essential to the wellbeing and overall relationship happiness. 

Being consistent with having a date night or always setting aside time to spend alone time with your partner can sometimes be really challenging. We all know that life can be hectic, chaotic, and just plain stressful. So finding the time, energy and effort to get some alone time with your significant other can sometimes be difficult. It is very important that this not get overlooked, however. Once we get too wrapped up in our day to day activities and forget about putting importance into our relationships, we are letting the passion drift away. 

When people have been in a relationship for many years, it’s easy to get comfortable, complacent and not put in the work that relationships require in order to stay connected. We have all heard people say that relationships take hard work and honestly, they are exactly right, but this “hard work” does not have to be viewed as a negative thing. Working hard on your relationship can also be fun. Date nights are one of those fun aspects. Having connection, intimacy and relationships are an important social aspect of being human. It keeps us motivated, supported, feeling good about ourselves and loving of others. 

So now that we’ve reviewed the importance of date nights, let’s look at how you can establish this as a routine in your relationship.

Tips for Establishing a Date Night Routine:

1. Set a Goal: 

It is important that you and your partner agree on your goal for establishing a date night. People have various thoughts on what is realistic and helpful for them. While one couple may prefer weekly date nights, another may find that to be too much and too difficult to accomplish so they will aim for one time per month. Find what is right for you and your partner. Be sure to discuss this as a goal with your partner so that you are on the same page and have the same expectations. Having a shared goal, such as this, may seem simple, but it really allows both parties to know what is expected and puts the expectation on both people to carry this goal out.

2. Get Creative:

This is an opportunity to try something new and different. One thing to remember; however, is that date nights do not have to be going out. After working for many years with couples who were raising young children, it was very easy to see that sometimes finding a babysitter and making the time to go out was an impossible task. So you may have to get creative if you aren’t able to go out for a date night. One idea may be to eat a small snack with your children at the “usual” dinner time and then once kids are in bed, have take-out from your favorite restaurant or enjoy a decadent dessert with your partner. Set up something different and special at home. You could light candles in the living room or set up a nice table on the patio. This way if you are not able to leave the house, then you still feel that this is a unique and different experience than your regular routine. You can still bring in romance and intimacy even in the most familiar environment. The importance is that you and your partner are getting time alone together.

If you are able to go out regularly and this is an important aspect for you, then get creative! Make a list of new restaurants that you want to try or a list of fun activities that you can do together. Maybe it’s having a picnic at a local park, going to a concert, finding a local Facebook event in your area that’s new and different, or taking a day trip to a nearby venue. It’s important that both partners contribute this list and put down each of your interests. So take some time to brainstorm some creative ideas together.

3. Take Turns Planning:

This can be a fun step. Have each partner take turns in planning the date night to surprise the other person. So if you choose weekly date nights then each partner takes responsibility for a week that is theirs to plan. This is where you can pull in that creativity to find something new to do or surprise your partner with a thoughtful activity. Each person may have a different idea on what is important for them, which is why it can be beneficial that each partner gets to plan ideas that they enjoy and think their partner will enjoy also. This also changes up who initiates things in the relationship, which can be a nice change of pace if you have been stuck in a familiar routine with your partner. Also, this allows for each partner to feel surprised and it brings in an element of spontaneity. 

4. Enjoy:

When you set the goal, get creative and take turns to plan a date, be sure to have fun and enjoy the moment. This can be easier said than done. It can be easy for some people to stay distracted while on a date and think or talk about their work and/or their kids and not focus on being connected to their partner. The goal here is to increase connection with your partner. Do your best to disconnect from other activities and stay in the present moment. This is a time to focus on your relationship and enjoy the moment together. Date nights can provide an opportunity to talk about things that are important to your relationship that you might not otherwise get a chance to discuss so take that opportunity to be present and attentive to your partner. Having meaningful conversations is very important when it comes to reconnecting and strengthening your relationship.

Date nights should be positive, pleasurable and fun. So set up a date night routine with your partner, get creative and most importantly, enjoy!

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Here are some at-home date night ideas you may want to try:

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free Facebook Group for Couples

Be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group: The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Reasons Behind Lack of Affection in a Relationship

Have you ever experienced times in your relationship when you felt that your partner was not as affectionate or was neglecting your needs for intimacy and comfort? In most relationships, the level of physical affection and intimacy tends to fluctuate over time. Relationships tend to ebb and flow in terms of intimacy level and closeness. People often worry that when their partner is not showing them physical intimacy, it means something bad about them or the relationship itself. While there are situations where that might be the case, there are also times when your partner may not be demonstrating affection, and it has nothing to do with you or the health of your relationship. 

Here are some reasons your partner might not be showing affection:

1. Different Boundaries & Personality:

People have varying comfort levels when expressing affection. For example, when someone grows up in a family that rarely shows affection, they may feel more uncomfortable demonstrating physical affection in their relationships. This has nothing to do with their partner, but it's simply a different boundary and comfort zone for the person. It is not something that they are used to or comfortable with. Personality also plays a role in people's level of comfort with showing affection. Introverts may feel less comfortable expressing affection, whereas extroverts often and easily show affection. We must understand our partner's comfort level, but we can still strive to communicate and gain insight into how we can work to meet each other's needs.

Another familiar theory highlighting the differences between partners is Dr. Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages. He explains that we have different ways of giving and receiving love. For example, if your love language is "physical touch" and your partner's is "words of affirmation," you may continually attempt to demonstrate love through physical touch, but they may be seeking words of affirmation instead, which could lead to misunderstanding and hurt feelings. This difference can also leave people feeling unloved, unwanted, and uncared for.

2. Feeling Too Comfy:

It is common in relationships that when a couple has been together for quite a while, they can feel very comfortable and forget the key aspects of courtship and affection. When we are first dating, there is often more attention placed on demonstrating affection. Once a comfort level is established, it is common for many people to put less effort into showing affection to their partner. The lack of demonstration is not necessarily due to a lack of desire for your partner but rather to feeling very comfortable and not putting forth the same amount of effort and attention. 

It's crucial that we continually make an effort and put forth time and dedication to our partnership, as it's key to maintaining the emotional and physical connection as well as the overall happiness and satisfaction in the relationship.

3. Difficulties with Vulnerability:

For many people, showing affection is a very intimate act. When someone is feeling fearful or closed off to intimacy, they will often avoid initiating any affection altogether. This could be due to something that has happened to them previously, in other relationships, or even in childhood. The person may be more closed off and resistant to physical affection, as well as emotional vulnerability. People can often put up emotional barriers or walls to prevent themselves from being too open or vulnerable with someone else.

This is often an issue about them, their comfort level with intimacy, and not always about their partner. It can be difficult for many people to show affection, not because they don't want to, but because it is very uncomfortable and challenging for them to do so. Demonstrating affection requires courage and vulnerability; therefore, if someone is not feeling brave or wants to put themselves out there in a vulnerable way, they will not be as willing to demonstrate affection. Addressing this discomfort and taking responsibility for reducing emotional walls and barriers we may put up in a relationship is essential.

4. Imbalance in Priorities: 

When individuals become preoccupied with other areas of our lives, such as work, school, or social aspects, we can unintentionally neglect other aspects of our lives. This lack of prioritizing affection toward a partner may not be due to a lack of desire but simply because our attention is focused elsewhere. It is common that if one partner has something significant happening in their life that is taking their complete focus or creating high levels of stress, such as a major work project, then they can get off balance and "forget" to demonstrate affection with their partner. It takes having a healthy balance and prioritizing your partner and relationship to maintain physical affection, intimacy, and connection within the partnership. 

5. Insecurities & Difficulty with Self-Esteem:

There may be times when someone feels less secure or confident within themselves. This could be due to body image issues or just overall self-esteem. Often, when someone lacks confidence, they are less likely to initiate affection. They may be experiencing more discomfort and, therefore, do not feel as secure within themselves to demonstrate their feelings toward their partner.

These types of challenges often have to do with their issues related to self-esteem and confidence and nothing to do with their partner. However, it is essential to note that when we are facing a personal challenge that directly impacts our relationship and our partner, it is crucial to take steps toward addressing these issues. Not only does working toward managing your self-esteem and insecurities bring you more growth and happiness, but it will also positively impact your partner and relationship.

6. Mental Health:

It is common that when someone is experiencing a disturbance in their emotional and mental health, they may not demonstrate as much affection as they would at other times. Some mental health examples include depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and even obsessive-compulsive disorder. When someone is in distress due to an emotional imbalance, they are less likely to show affection to their partner. If you notice your partner is experiencing mental health symptoms, then it is essential to talk with them about how they are feeling and ask if you can be of support or help them to seek professional help.

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Understanding of these reasons for lack of affection can help promote healthier communication on the subject between partners. Although the reasons above demonstrate that the lack of affection in a relationship may not be due to a lack of love toward a partner or even an indication of the health of the relationship, often and over time, this lack of affection can be damaging to a partnership and have a direct impact on the happiness of the couple. Read more below on our blog for ways to increase lack of affection in a relationship.

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So what can you do?

Read more in our blog on Ways to Increase Affection in Your Relationship:

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Professional services are available

If you are needing professional support or are interested in relationship coaching, individual psychotherapy services, or couples counseling, virtual services are available. You can read more about Online Services with Dr. Shelley. Sessions are available for individuals or couples and appointments can be booked online or simply email with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free Facebook Group About Relationships

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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See more of our Blogs & Videos below for tips on relationships & mental wellness:

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Free Facebook Group: The Couples Collaborative

Facebook has the opportunity to connect millions of people from all over the world with so many different experiences, opinions, and lifestyles that we can all learn from. So why not join and be active with a Facebook group?

I recently started: The Couples Collaborative, a free Facebook group that provides tips for couples, inspirational relationship quotes, and promotes positive and healthy discussions on challenging relationship issues. 

This type of forum is not meant to be couples therapy, but instead a member-led support group where people can exchange ideas, provide support, give feedback, and ask difficult questions on relationship-related issues. 

I will be posting weekly tips for couples as well as weekly thought-provoking posts that are either a discussion prompt to the group or an inspirational quote about love and relationships. I will also have a monthly post about date night ideas that we can all brainstorm and discuss together to come up with fun and romantic ways to stay connected with our partners. 

Click here for the free Couples Collaborative Facebook group: 

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Facebook group facilitated by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

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Tips for Getting Through the Holiday Season When Your Partner is Away

The holidays can be a joyous time where we spend time with our family, friends, and loved ones. For some, this is also a season that their loved one may be away or they are spending time apart. As a military spouse, I have to cope quite a bit with spending time away from my partner. Unfortunately, the time away can happen during holidays and special events. So how can you get through a special time or holiday without your significant other?

Here are some tips to coping when a partner is away:

• Communicate beforehand: Talking about being away from one another, especially during the holiday season is really critical for couples. This can help each partner understand the expectations and feelings that the other has about their time away. This also gives you an opportunity to plan and discuss some special times to connect while you are away from each other. 

• Maintain connection through distance: When your partner is away, continue communication through phone, text or online means like FaceTime or Skype in order to continue that closeness and feel like you are present with your partner. Talking online, in particular, can help us to actually see and hear the other person as though we are in the same room. 

• Share the small stuff: Be sure to share details about your day. Sometimes sharing the little things can help partners feel as though they are in their normal routine and connected in each other’s lives. Chatting about the little stuff can often turn into deeper more meaningful conversations as well. 

• Surround yourself with your support system: Make plans during the holidays with friends or family who provide you support. It’s important that you reach out and ensure that you have a supportive group of people near you. Many people may not plan ahead to ensure that they have some helping hands nearby when they may be feeling down. This is a really important step that can help with our overall coping and functioning during a difficult time. 

• Come up with unique ideas to share: There may be ways to “celebrate” with your partner in your own way. When couples are separated by distance during the holidays, there may be creative ways that you can “share” a special moment together. Perhaps plan a time to “see” each other online and open gifts or celebrate in some way. You can also send gifts or cards with each other beforehand to open at a scheduled time. It is always sweet when you find an unexpected card in your suitcase from your partner. This helps to know that they care and are thinking of you. These small, yet unique things, can really bring closeness and togetherness during a time when you are separated. 

• Set up a time to celebrate when you’re together: Remember that just because you are apart this holiday season and on a particular day, it doesn’t mean that you can’t celebrate when you are together. Set a plan for when you can spend the holidays together and celebrate with just the two of you in your own special way. This can also give a couple something to look forward to during their time apart. 

• Positive Mindset: As hard as it can be to celebrate the holidays without your partner, try your best to engage in positive thinking. You can think of ways that this may be beneficial for you both, such as the heart growing fonder while you are away. You could also try your best to focus on the homecoming and a celebration once you are both together again. Getting yourself in a more positive mindset can help with any disappointments that you may feel along the way.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are offered for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

Free facebook group on relationships

Be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group: The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

---

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

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View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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