5 Tips for Increasing Emotional Connection in Relationships
Emotional connection is the foundation of a healthy, loving, and thriving relationship. Whether you're nurturing a romantic partnership, family bond, or friendship, cultivating emotional intimacy can deepen understanding, build trust, and create a lasting connection. While every relationship is unique, there are core principles that can help anyone strengthen emotional ties. Here are five practical tips for increasing emotional connection in relationships:
5 Tips for Increasing Emotional Connection in Relationships
Emotional connection is the foundation of a healthy, loving, and thriving relationship. Whether you're nurturing a romantic partnership, family bond, or friendship, cultivating emotional intimacy can deepen understanding, build trust, and create a lasting connection. While every relationship is unique, there are core principles that can help anyone strengthen emotional ties. Here are five practical tips for increasing emotional connection in relationships:
1. Active Listening: Truly Hear and Understand
One of the most powerful ways to build an emotional connection is through active listening. Many people listen to respond, rather than to truly understand their partner's feelings and experiences. Active listening requires full attention, eye contact, and an openness to hearing what the other person is expressing—both in words and emotions. Simply taking an interest and caring about your partner's life and experiences can be very meaningful.
When listening, avoid interrupting or formulating your response while the other person is speaking. Instead, offer affirming nods or verbal cues such as “I understand” or “Tell me more.” This creates a safe space for the other person to express themselves without fear of being judged or dismissed, enhancing emotional intimacy. Reflecting on what you've heard, such as “It sounds like you feel frustrated when…” also shows empathy and ensures you’re interpreting their feelings correctly.
2. Share Vulnerabilities: Open Up About Your Inner World
Emotional connection thrives when both partners feel safe being vulnerable. Sharing personal fears, dreams, or past experiences can create a deeper bond as it invites the other person into your inner world. This doesn't mean disclosing every thought or feeling, but rather creating moments of openness where both of you can share something meaningful.
Being vulnerable allows your partner to see your authentic self, imperfections, and all. It also encourages reciprocal sharing, creating a feedback loop of trust. When you open up about something close to your heart, such as a personal struggle or a deeply held belief, it sends the message that you trust the other person with your emotional truth. This mutual vulnerability fosters deeper emotional intimacy. Read more on how self-awareness can boost your ability to be more emotionally open and vulnerable.
3. Practice Empathy: Understand Their Perspective
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and genuinely feel their emotions. Developing empathy allows you to better understand and respond to your partner’s emotional needs, creating a strong emotional bond. When your partner is going through something difficult, instead of jumping to problem-solving or giving advice, start by validating their feelings.
Simple statements like "That sounds really tough" or "I can see why you feel that way" show that you’re emotionally attuned to them. Empathy strengthens the emotional connection because it reassures the other person that you care deeply about their emotional experience, regardless of whether you can fix the situation or not.
4. Engage in Meaningful Conversations: Go Beyond the Surface
While day-to-day conversations are important, deep emotional connection often comes from meaningful conversations that go beyond small talk. Take time to discuss your shared values, goals, or aspirations. Ask thoughtful questions like, “What’s something you’ve been thinking about a lot lately?” or “What are you most passionate about?”
These conversations allow for deeper self-disclosure and help you connect over what really matters. It also strengthens your emotional bond by allowing each of you to feel seen and understood in a more profound way. By discussing topics like personal growth, fears, and hopes, you open doors to new levels of intimacy.
5. Physical Affection and Presence: The Power of Touch
Physical affection is often underrated in its ability to build emotional connection. A simple hug, holding hands, or a reassuring touch on the shoulder can communicate love, care, and security in ways that words sometimes cannot. Research shows that physical touch releases oxytocin, the "love hormone," which helps foster feelings of closeness and trust. Read more here on building physical touch in your relationship.
It’s also essential to be fully present when spending time together. This means putting away distractions like phones or laptops and focusing on your partner. Non-verbal communication, such as affectionate gestures or maintaining eye contact, strengthens emotional connection by reinforcing the feeling that you are fully engaged in the moment with them.
Final Thoughts:
Building emotional connections in relationships requires intentionality and effort from both partners. Through active listening, vulnerability, empathy, deep conversations, and physical presence, you can create a strong and enduring emotional bond. Emotional connection isn’t built overnight; it’s nurtured through consistent acts of love, care, and understanding.
Remember, relationships thrive when both partners feel emotionally safe and valued. By integrating these tips into your daily interactions, you can cultivate a deeper, more meaningful emotional connection that stands the test of time.
ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE
If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
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10 Ways to Improve Your Relationship When Your Partner Won't
Relationships can be incredibly rewarding, but they also require effort and cooperation from both partners. When one partner feels unsupported, it can lead to frustration and resentment. If you're in a situation where your partner isn't actively helping to improve the relationship, it may feel like you're carrying the emotional load alone. While you can’t force your partner to change, there are ways to work on the relationship that may inspire growth and reconnection.
10 Ways to Improve A Relationship When Your Partner Won't
Relationships can be incredibly rewarding, but they also require effort and cooperation from both partners. When one partner feels unsupported, it can lead to frustration and resentment. If you're in a situation where your partner isn't actively helping to improve the relationship, it may feel like you're carrying the emotional load alone. While you can’t force your partner to change, there are ways to work on the relationship that may inspire growth and reconnection.
This is one of the most common complaints that I hear from my clients. I’m often contacted by one partner who is frustrated, hurt, and upset by the fact that they feel alone in trying to make their relationship work. They want to work on things, but can’t get their partner on board to agree to do the same. It’s important to stay on the right path for yourself and your relationship, regardless of what your partner chooses and it’s important to remember that we all decide to change at different times. So continue your path forward, while working on some of the tips below and give your partner that opportunity to be your teammate through this process.
Here are 10 strategies to improve your relationship when your partner isn’t contributing as much as you’d like:
1. Lead by Example
Instead of focusing on what your partner isn’t doing, concentrate on what you can do. Show through your actions what a healthy, loving partnership looks like. For example, if you wish for more open communication, start by expressing yourself more clearly and empathetically. Try to steer clear of blaming, yelling, instigating, etc., and lead with kind open communication that will promote productive conversations between the two of you. When you take the lead, you set a positive tone, and your partner may follow suit as they observe the benefits of your efforts. You also show by example that you are making every effort to work toward a better you and a better relationship.
2. Focus on Your Own Growth
When your partner isn't engaged in improving the relationship, it's important to take responsibility for your own growth. Work on personal development by nurturing your interests, hobbies, and emotional health. By becoming the best version of yourself, you contribute more positively to the relationship dynamic and feel less dependent on your partner’s involvement for your own happiness.
3. Communicate Without Blame
It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming your partner for the relationship’s challenges, but this approach will likely lead to defensiveness. Instead, practice non-blaming communication by focusing on "I" statements rather than "you" statements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when we don’t spend quality time together” rather than “You never make time for me.” This makes it easier for your partner to hear your concerns without feeling attacked.
4. Appreciate the Small Things
While your partner may not contribute in the ways you wish, they may be helping in other areas you haven’t acknowledged. Look for small acts of love or support and express appreciation for them. Acknowledging your partner’s efforts, even if they’re subtle or different from your own expectations, can create a more positive atmosphere. This may encourage them to do more once they see their actions are valued. Sharing of appreciation is an important aspect of expressing and feeling love and affection in a relationship.
5. Set Healthy Boundaries
If your partner isn’t helping in areas that matter to you, it’s crucial to set healthy boundaries. Boundaries are not ultimatums but rather ways to protect your emotional wellbeing. For example, if your partner isn’t contributing to household tasks, you might say, “I can’t manage all of this on my own. I’ll do my part, but I need your help, or we’ll need to adjust how things get done.” Setting clear boundaries helps define your expectations while giving your partner the space to respond.
6. Adjust Your Expectations
While it’s reasonable to want your partner’s involvement in maintaining the relationship, sometimes expectations can become unrealistic or one-sided. Take a step back and reflect on whether you’re expecting too much or demanding change on your terms. Everyone has different capacities for emotional or physical involvement at different points in their lives, so it may be helpful to adjust your expectations based on what’s realistic and fair for both of you.
7. Practice Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance means acknowledging the reality of your situation without resisting or wishing things were different. If your partner isn’t contributing in the way you’d like, it doesn’t mean you need to settle for dissatisfaction, but accepting the situation as it is can reduce your frustration. For example, this might mean that it's important to accept that both partners communicate in different ways or that your partner has a different style or expectation around cleaning and household chores. When you stop resisting or fighting against the current state of your relationship, you can think more clearly about how to navigate it without the emotional burden of constant disappointment.
8. Make Self-Care a Priority
When one partner is not actively contributing to the relationship, the other can often feel emotionally drained, disappointed and sad. In this case, practicing self-care is essential. Taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally ensures that you are strong enough to manage the relationship’s challenges without feeling burnt out. Engage in activities that bring you joy, connect with supportive friends or family, and make sure to nurture your own well-being.
9. Reframe the Situation
Often, we get stuck in patterns of negative thinking that can harm our perception of the relationship. Instead of focusing on how your partner isn’t helping, try to reframe the situation to see it from a different perspective. Ask yourself, "Is there something else going on that might be affecting their behavior?" Perhaps stress from work, family issues, or personal struggles are impacting their ability to contribute. Reframing helps cultivate compassion and patience, which can shift the emotional dynamic between you.
10. Seek Professional Help
When you feel like you've tried everything and the relationship still isn’t improving, it might be time to seek outside support. Relationship coaching, pastoral counseling, or couples therapy can all offer a neutral space to address the issues at hand. While your partner may initially be resistant to this idea, you can start by seeking individual services to gain insight and strategies for managing your emotions and actions. Sometimes, when one partner starts the process, it encourages the other to join in. This will also provide you with an opportunity to express yourself, receive support from a neutral party, and give your partner time to get on board with the process of bettering your relationship.
Improving a relationship when your partner is reluctant to help can be challenging, but it isn’t impossible. The key is to focus on what you can control—your own actions, reactions, and mindset. By leading with empathy, clear communication, and personal growth, you can create an environment that fosters positive change. While you can’t force your partner to change, you may inspire them to take steps toward reconnecting emotionally. Remember, relationships are about mutual effort, and sometimes giving a little extra can eventually encourage balance.
ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE
If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:
What's the Difference Between Therapy and Coaching?
In the pursuit of personal growth, mental health, or life fulfillment, many individuals find themselves wondering whether they should seek the help of a psychotherapist or a coach. While both professionals can play pivotal roles in guiding individuals through challenges, psychotherapy and coaching are distinct disciplines with different methods, goals, and frameworks.
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THERAPY & COACHING?
In the pursuit of personal growth, mental health, or life fulfillment, many individuals find themselves wondering whether they should seek the help of a psychotherapist or a coach. While both professionals can play pivotal roles in guiding individuals through challenges, psychotherapy and coaching are distinct disciplines with different methods, goals, and frameworks.
Let’s take a look at some of the key differences between psychotherapy and coaching, helping you understand which approach might be best suited to your needs.
1. Purpose and Focus
One of the fundamental differences between psychotherapy and coaching is their purpose and focus.
Psychotherapy: The primary aim of psychotherapy is to heal emotional or psychological distress. It is often the treatment for mental health disorders. It focuses on resolving past traumas, managing mental health conditions (such as anxiety, depression, PTSD), and improving emotional well-being. Therapists are trained to identify underlying issues and patterns, often rooted in childhood or early life experiences, and help individuals work through these problems to foster healthier thinking and behaviors. Therapy often involves exploring deep-seated emotions and addressing dysfunctional beliefs or coping mechanisms.
Coaching: In contrast, coaching focuses on goal-setting, personal development, and future-oriented growth. Coaches help individuals clarify their goals, enhance their performance, and achieve success in various areas of life, such as career, relationships, or overall fulfillment. While coaching may touch on emotions, it is generally more action-oriented and solutions-based, concentrating on improving present and future outcomes rather than analyzing the past.
2. The Nature of the Relationship
The relationship dynamic between a client and a therapist or coach is another critical distinction.
Psychotherapy: The therapist-client relationship is often more structured and hierarchical, with the therapist taking on the role of an expert who guides the client through the healing process. Therapists are ethically and professionally bound to provide clinical support based on psychological theories and techniques. This relationship is typically more formal, with clear boundaries in place to maintain a safe and supportive environment for discussing sensitive issues.
Coaching: The coach-client relationship tends to be more collaborative and equal. A coach acts as a partner in helping the client achieve their personal or professional goals. Coaching is less about treating problems and more about maximizing potential, so the relationship is built on mutual trust, open communication, and shared responsibility. Clients are encouraged to take ownership of their growth, and coaches provide accountability, motivation, and practical tools to help them succeed.
3. Training and Credentials
The training and credentials required for therapists and coaches are vastly different.
Psychotherapy: Therapists are mental health professionals who must undergo extensive education, training, and certification. Most therapists hold advanced degrees in psychology, counseling, or social work (e.g., a master’s or doctoral degree), and they are licensed to practice by state or national boards. They are required to follow strict ethical guidelines and receive ongoing supervision and education throughout their careers. Therapists are also trained to diagnose and treat mental health disorders, making them uniquely equipped to handle complex emotional or psychological issues.
Coaching: Coaching, while an established and growing field, is not regulated in the same way as psychotherapy. Coaches come from a variety of backgrounds and typically receive training through coaching certification programs. While some coaches may have backgrounds in psychology or related fields, formal psychological training is not required to become a coach. The certification process for coaches is generally shorter and less rigorous than that for therapists, and there are many coaching organizations with different standards and approaches. However, reputable coaches often obtain certifications from well-known coaching bodies, such as the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and often hold masters or doctorate degrees.
4. Scope of Practice
Another significant difference between therapy and coaching is the scope of practice—what each professional is legally and ethically allowed to address.
Psychotherapy: Therapists are trained to work with individuals dealing with mental health disorders, trauma, and deep emotional struggles. They can diagnose psychological conditions such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. Therapists are also equipped to manage crises, including issues of self-harm, suicidal ideation, or substance abuse. Therapy typically involves in-depth exploration of emotional, cognitive, and behavioral patterns, often delving into past experiences to foster healing and growth.
Coaching: Coaching, on the other hand, focuses on the present and future, helping clients set and achieve personal or professional goals. Coaches do not treat or diagnose mental health conditions, and they are not equipped to manage severe emotional distress or psychiatric disorders. Coaching is more practical and strategy-based, dealing with issues like career progression, work-life balance, improving relationships, and developing skills. If a client presents with mental health concerns, a responsible coach will refer them to a therapist for proper treatment.
5. Approach and Techniques
Therapists and coaches use different techniques and approaches to guide their clients toward change.
Psychotherapy: Therapy draws from a wide range of psychological theories and therapeutic modalities, such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, psychodynamic therapy, or trauma-informed approaches. Therapists help clients understand their emotions, identify negative patterns, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Therapy often involves deep introspection, emotional expression, and the development of self-awareness. It is generally a longer-term process, aimed at addressing complex issues over time.
Coaching: Coaching uses a goal-oriented and action-focused approach. Coaches often help clients identify their strengths, overcome limiting beliefs, and create concrete plans to achieve their objectives. Popular techniques in coaching include goal-setting, accountability tracking, motivational interviewing, and performance-based assessments. The coaching process is typically shorter-term, with the focus on helping clients make tangible progress toward their goals. Coaches also encourage clients to challenge their own thinking and take proactive steps to reach their desired outcomes. Coaching often involved activities and action-oriented tasks to do outside of the coaching sessions.
6. Time Commitment
The duration and frequency of sessions can differ between therapy and coaching.
Psychotherapy: Therapy often requires a long-term commitment, especially when addressing deep-rooted emotional or psychological issues. Sessions are typically held once a week or every other week and can continue for months or even years, depending on the client’s needs and goals. The timeline for therapy is more open-ended, as emotional healing can take time and varies from person to person.
Coaching: Coaching tends to be more short-term and goal-specific. Clients often work with a coach for a few months, focusing on a specific area they want to improve or a goal they want to achieve. Sessions may be held weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly, and the coaching relationship often concludes once the desired outcomes have been reached.
7. Client Population
The types of clients who seek therapy versus coaching may also differ.
Psychotherapy: Individuals seeking therapy often do so to address emotional pain, trauma, or psychological distress. They may be experiencing issues such as depression, anxiety, grief, or post traumatic stress disorder. Therapy is appropriate for anyone struggling with mental health conditions, personal crises, or unresolved issues from the past.
Coaching: Coaching clients are usually people who are already functioning well but want to improve specific areas of their lives, such as their relationship. They may be seeking career advancement, personal development, or support in reaching life goals. Coaches work with individuals who are motivated to make changes but don’t necessarily have deeper mental health concerns.
Both psychotherapy and coaching offer valuable support, but they serve different purposes. Psychotherapy is essential for those dealing with emotional distress, trauma, or mental health issues, providing a safe space for healing and recovery. Coaching, on the other hand, is ideal for individuals looking to enhance their performance, achieve goals, and foster personal or professional growth.
Understanding the differences between the two can help you decide which path is right for you, whether you need deep emotional work or goal-focused guidance to navigate life’s challenges. Both disciplines, when used appropriately, can lead to profound personal transformation and success.
ONLINE coaching SESSIONS AVAILABLE
If you are needing support, virtual coaching services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
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Ways to Increase Affection in Your Relationship
Levels of affections can change in a relationship and often drift apart leaving partners wondering if their love and passion will survive. Here are some tips to get you back on track with love, affection, and intimacy in your relationship.
Has your relationship hit a rut? Do you feel that you and your partner are just not as affectionate anymore? Are you trying to boost affection and physical touch in your relationship, but not sure how?
Well, you are not alone. One of the most common issues that I work on with couples in my relationship practice is the rebuilding of affection in their relationship. It’s incredibly common that affection decreases in a relationship, especially if we are not putting forth a conscious effort to maintain that intimacy and affection with our partner.
A reduction in the levels of affection can happen for a number of reasons. For many, it could simply be a difference in their personality style and comfort level. Perhaps they just are not as physically affectionate as their partner. This difference can often create challenges between the two parties. Decreased affection can also happen when there is increased stress, tension, arguments, or even when one party is experiencing some mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress, trauma, etc.
People can also simply feel off balance. Their focus may be too much on work or a social issue that they don’t even realize they’ve let the intimacy and affection levels drop in their relationship. Another similar and common issue is feeling very comfortable with your partner. While is generally a wonderful thing in a relationship, it can also lead people to stop putting forth as much attention and passion toward their partner, which will lead to a decrease in affection levels. One of the more common personal issues that tend to arise for people is having difficulty with vulnerability, trust, and letting their guard down. We can put up emotional barriers or walls that guard and protect us from being hurt, but they also separate and distance us from having intimate and loving experiences. Read more on some reasons behind lack of affection here.
Tips to increase affection in your relationship:
1. Talk it Out:
Well, first and for most, it’s important to talk to your partner. Communication is one of the best and most direct ways to address issues in a relationship. Sit down and have a conversation with your partner about how you are feeling and what you are noticing. It’s important to not point fingers and place blame as this can create defensiveness but to approach the situation with care and concern. This way you can discuss any feelings and develop a strategy for best addressing the situation. This is also crucial if your partner is struggling with an issue that may be hindering their ability to show you affection. Give them a chance to express what that may be and how the two of you can work on that.
2. Don’t Nag:
This may seem opposite from point #1 and in some ways it is, but it’s not that simple. A very common cycle that I see with couples is getting trapped in a nag and retreat pattern. This is when one partner nags and the other retreats. When the partner retreats and becomes even more emotionally distant, the nagging partner increases their behavior as well, which causes the retreating partner to retreat even more and so on. It’s a vicious cycle that seems to escalate and become very damaging to the relationship. If you have addressed your desire for more affection in a positive and constructive way, then try some other tips and ideas without hounding the issue further. Again, the continuous commenting on lacking in affection may actually cause your partner to retreat more so just be cautious and mindful when you do communicate. As stated in the above point, be sure that your communication is attempting to find strategies to address the issues rather than blaming them.
3. Boost the Good:
It can be helpful, positive, and uplifting to build upon the positives in your relationship. This doesn’t change or take away from the negative, but it can often make it feel much, much smaller. So while your partner may not be as affectionate as you would like, perhaps they are wonderful with providing for your family or taking care of household chores. Instead of focusing solely on the negative and lacking aspect, build upon the good. Praise them for the things done well, provide positive reinforcement and praise as can help everyone to feel good. If a partner is aware that they have difficulties expressing and showing affection, receiving praise in other areas that they do well, can be very helpful and even assist in breaking down emotional barriers and walls that may be contributing to their lack of affection. This strategy can also help to boost feelings of connection and intimacy between partners and this often leads to higher levels of love and even affection.
4. Work on You:
If you are the partner who is having difficulty showing affection, reflect on reasons that might be causing this for you. As stated before, many people have difficulty opening up due to trust issues, past trauma or betrayal, personality factors, challenges with emotional vulnerability, etc. It’s important if you are finding that expressing yourself through physical actions or verbally is difficult, then it may be time for some self-reflection. Also, start with baby steps! Take it one day at a time and slowly start with one small step each day. This can often help people to begin to build more trust and confidence in themselves, their partner, and their relationship; therefore, allowing them to be more emotionally vulnerable. Read more about reducing emotional barriers in your relationship.
5. Have Date Nights:
While this may seem obvious or perhaps you always have date nights with your partner, it’s important that when there are concerns about intimacy and affection in the relationship, you continue to utilize date nights as a means of having quality alone time with your partner. We can often get “stuck in a rut” in our relationship where we are necessarily making effort for quality time. We may sometimes engage in the same routines that feel comfortable, so try shaking it up a bit and change up your date nights. This can set the stage for some quality alone time with your partner in a new and different way. Sometimes getting out of our routine can spark a different way to connect and your partner may be more responsive to this avenue. This can also be the foundation for connection, intimacy, and that most sought after affection.
6. Initiate Affection & Intimacy:
Next, try initiating intimacy, sex, and affection with your partner or continuing to do so. It’s important that you continue to initiate affection as this shows your partner you desire a particular level of affection. While they may have a different level or need for affection, it’s important that we are compromising in our relationships and meeting somewhere in the middle. Also, when a person feels rejected then they can stop initiating affection also and when this happens, then all affection in the relationship is gone. So this is just to try and encourage you to continue to express love and care through affection. When you initiate intimacy, try discussing what things they enjoy about your partner or affection with them and assess where your partner’s comfort level may be with demonstrating affection. This way you can determine things that they like and dislike which may help build more affection and intimacy between the two of you and perhaps generate more helpful conversation on the topic as well.
7. Seek Professional Help:
If you and your partner have a difference in expressing affection or your partner is not able to show affection and it’s negatively impacting your relationship, then you may consider professional couples services. While seeing a professional for relationship issues can seem intimidating, it is actually quite helpful, normal, and can be very successful. Having a neutral party to discuss issues with can help in reducing the defensiveness between partners as well as facilitate better communication. It helps to have another set of eyes … or ears, to hear about your situation and offer suggestions and tips. You can find many local marriage counselors, couples therapists, religious leaders, and relationship coaches who offer services. Many also offer virtual and online services as well. See the section below for our virtual relationship coaching services.
You can read more on common reasons for lack of affection here or see below for more relationship-related blogs & videos:
ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE
If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
Free Facebook Group About Relationships
If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
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Getting Through The Holiday Season - COVID Edition
Managing the holiday season can be stressful and challenging. This year especially has create new and different struggles due to the COVID19 pandemic. Check out these 10 tips to help you cope and maintain positivity during the holiday season.
While our nation and most parts of the world continue to deal with the devastation of the COVID pandemic, we are right in the holiday season. For many, this is a joyous season where they get to spend time with family, honoring decades-long traditions and starting new ones with their youngest family members. Some people look forward to ringing in the New Year with friends and spending the night out on the town.
This year is different.
Many have lost their lives to the coronavirus. Some have lost their dearest family members, and others are frustrated and tired of social distancing, masks, lines at grocery stores, and being told they need to protect others' health and safety. Regardless of your opinion, I think we can all agree that we want normalcy again. We want our day-to-day lives to go back to "normal." We want closeness and connection with our family and friends. We want to enter whatever store we'd like and freely go about our business at restaurants and movie theaters. We want our lives back.
The holiday season can exacerbate some of these desires and the frustration that life isn't normal right now. We may have to change our plans and figure out how to do things differently. We may be grappling with particular family and friends not agreeing with our decision to spend the holidays. You may be an avid mask wearer and social distance every chance you get. Meanwhile, your Uncle Ron thinks 350K dead isn't a big deal and says he's socially distancing while he quickly comes into land a big sloppy kiss. Tensions are raised amongst family members and even friends with differences in opinions and choices on handling safe options during a pandemic.
Many are having a tough time making the right decision on how they spend their holidays. Many are sad that they will be away from family and friends, and many won't make a change at all. Regardless of how you choose to celebrate the holidays, it is absolutely different for all of us this year. Managing your emotional and mental health during this time is essential, and doing a few key things can make all the difference.
1. Acknowledge how you're feeling
It's okay to be upset, sad, frustrated, or even angry that your plans have changed or are different this year. It's been a challenging year. The world is suffering from a pandemic, and our nation has endured such a divide for months now. Everyone is handling this situation differently, and we are all entitled to how we are feeling. It's our reaction and response to others that are key. Be open and honest with yourself about how you are feeling. Acknowledge your emotions. Write about them, journal, talk to a friend, or sing in the shower about it if you need. Just be true to yourself and express what you're feeling.
2. Understand That It's Different
While we know the world is different right now, we see the masks on faces, we see the signs and markers to keep our distance, we hear about the deaths on the news, and we may have even suffered a loss ourselves, we can also become so numb that it's hard to comprehend. Be sure to acknowledge and prepare yourself for the differences this holiday season. Know that gatherings will be different or not happen at all. You may spend the holidays alone for the first time in years, or you may keep it small and safe with your chosen pod. Regardless of your plans, it's essential to acknowledge that things will undoubtedly be different this year. We must mentally prepare ourselves for that. Going into a situation expecting things to be the same as years before can set you up for more disappointment. This year will look a bit strange, but we can have hope for the future to bring back a sense of normalcy.
3. Don't Dwell on the Negative or the Past
While you should acknowledge the differences this year, don't get stuck on the past events or the way things "should" look. Staying stuck on this will keep you in a mindset of disappointment. View this as a temporary change that will get better. If you focus only on the negative and the things you don't like or wish were different, it doesn't allow you to move forward mentally.
4. Engage in Mindfulness
While mindfulness is good any time of the year, it can be beneficial during the holidays as it allows you to take a moment, slow down, and be present. More than others, this holiday season can be critical to really be in the moment and be mindful. Practicing mindfulness lowers stress and increases mental attention and focus, and it will help you have deeper and better connections with those around you.
5. See the Positive & Make it Special
Find a way to focus on the good this year and make new memories. Many people chose Christmas ornaments to commemorate 2020 with masks, hand sanitizers, or images of quarantines and social distancing. Some took photos of their family in masks or kept their distance with a porch pic. Find new ways to let this year go down in the history books. Look for a positive way to mark this year as complete and move toward the future.
6. Focus on What You Can Control
This year has proven that so much of life is really just out of our control. That's hard. It can be challenging not to have control of significant aspects of our life, especially our day-to-day routines. Rather than dwelling on all of the things, you can't change, focus on what you can. If you have family members who don't take health seriously, don't ruminate on their decisions or behaviors and instead maintain your own health and safety. Make a good decision for you and your family and continue walking your own path forward.
7. Reach Out to Others
Reaching out to others if you need support is essential. We can also reach out to others in a unique way this year to celebrate at a distance. Reach out to family and friends for a virtual video call or to share your favorite food or drink recipe together. Commemorate the holidays with a unique "at a distance" photo or online celebration. Also, pick up the phone and call a friend if you need support. It's okay to reach out for help. Our support system is just that, a system of support for when we need it. If you are struggling, let someone know. Talk about how you are feeling and share with others your process.
8. Be a Role Model for Your Children
Remember that our children absorb what we say and do. They watch how we act, and we teach them through our own actions and how we face the world. If we complain every day about how awful life is, they feel that and begin to express it too. Be a positive role model for them. Show and teach them that it's okay to express how you feel, and it's okay to feel disappointed or upset. But also teach them that we can find the positive in a very negative situation. Create something special for you all as a family to help you move forward and persevere during this challenging time.
9. Practice Gratitude
There is much research to show the many mental, emotional, and physical benefits of gratitude. It can be beneficial to focus on the positive and think about things for which you are grateful. The practice of gratitude has many benefits and helps during stressful and challenging times. By practicing gratitude, we are forcing ourselves to find the positive in a challenging situation. It also helps to gain perspective in our lives and see that many positives still exist.
10. Make Good & Healthy Decisions
Making good and healthy decisions may mean saying "no" to a gathering or family event that you don't feel comfortable with and setting good boundaries. Or it may mean sticking to good healthy food and monitoring yourself for overindulgence. Monitoring alcohol consumption should also prioritize, as the holidays can most certainly be a time of excess. Making good decisions is really key to managing good emotional health. Be sure to eat healthy meals, get plenty of sleep, include some physical activity into your daily routine, and avoid excess alcohol use. Also, manage the amount of news and social media that you consume. We live in such a connected world that it can be easy to stay glued to our phones and know every post on social, but that can often come with a hefty price tag. Look to maintain overall balance in your life this holiday season.
For more articles on maintain good mental health during the COVID19 pandemic, click here.
ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE
If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:
Can Your Marriage Survive Coronavirus?
The coronavirus pandemic has added a challenging time for most people. This is a new and different situation that is incredibly difficult. This is especially true for couples. Read more to see tips for helping your marriage survive COVID-19.
When the coronavirus pandemic and social distancing first began, there were many jokes that we would see an increase in babies being born about 9 months from now, but the reality is, we’ve seen increased tension, stress, arguments, and even divorce. So while some couples may be spending their time having sex, others may be arguing and feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. This is an incredibly difficult time and especially with this being a novel situation that none of us have had to experience before. Navigating new and unknown waters is challenging. Our lives have been turned upside down and there are so many new and different stressors that we didn’t have before.
Many people have children without any childcare options or who may not be going back to school at all, which means parents are learning how to homeschool while also managing their jobs and other daily responsibilities. Many have tremendous financial concerns or may have even lost their jobs completely. Lots of people are juggling working from home, but also parenting in a different way and without any reprieve. We are navigating a new and different mask-wearing world where there are many public restrictions and a lack of any social outlets. And it's stressful. Situations like this can exacerbate already existing problems in a marriage and even create new ones. That's hard.
Here are some tips to help your marriage survive a pandemic:
1. Communicate:
One of the most important tips is to keep lines of communication open. Often, couples let problems, feelings, or complaints build until it's too late and it turns into a huge argument. These types of situations can often be avoided if we maintain good communication as small situations arises along the way. Many couples are spending more time together due to social distancing and therefore feel that they are “talking” all the time because they are constantly around one another, but the type of communication that I’m referring to is not the day-to-day chit chat, but deeper, more meaningful conversations. Be sure to check-in with your partner to see how they are feeling and functioning during this stressful time. Having open and consistent streams of communication can increase the understanding and happiness in a relationship.
2. Establish a Routine:
Often we don’t realize how many routines we have established in our lives until they are impacted and we are unable to do them. Routines offer us a sense of normalcy. Do your best during this time, to re-establish or maintain a routine in your home. This may be your evening or nighttime routine, which is very helpful if you have children. Also, for individuals or couples, it's helpful to establish some sort of routine during the day, especially if both or one person is working from home and that is not typical or something they are accustomed to. Try creating a routine and have healthy habits throughout your day, with your partner, with your family, and in your household. This can provide a sense of safety, comfort, normalcy, and balance.
3. Give Each Other Some Space:
Most of us are spending way more time at home than ever before and this can create a strong feeling of togetherness. While that might be delightful for some or even be good for a small period of time, it can also get overwhelming. We are not used to seeing each other 24/7. Prior to social distancing, we often had natural breaks that are plugged in during our day due to work or school. Now we are seeing each other constantly. Create space for yourself and your family members. Give yourself and your partner some alone time. Having that “me time” is essential to practicing self-care and promoting a healthy balance in your life and your relationship. While most of us may not have many options in leaving the home, you could try some alone time without your house. Perhaps, explain to your partner that you need an hour to yourself and take a nice relaxing bath, read a book, go to your workshop or the garage, close yourself off in a bedroom and lock the door or just find a way that you can have a few moments to yourself. This time allows you to clear your mind, decompress, and gather your thoughts and feelings. It's important to find time for yourself and ensure that your family members are doing the same.
4. Create New Memories:
Get creative! This can be a challenge, but try to think about new and different things that you and your partner can do together. Create some memories during this time that you can share and laugh about down the road. You may try something different within your home that you don’t usually do together. This can also be very helpful if you are a couple that usually does activities outside of the home. Try some unique family time, such as game nights, hikes, outdoor activities, etc. Finding new and different activities together can create more of a positive atmosphere, good memories during a challenging time, and help serve as a distraction during a stressful situation. Read more here on our blog: 20 Date Night Ideas During COVID.
5. Focus on Health:
While it may seem obvious to focus on health during a pandemic, for many it isn’t and especially if they are feeling stress and overwhelmed. Health includes both your physical and your mental health an overall mind-body wellness. That means ensuring that you are monitoring your emotional well-being as well. Be sure to practice self-care and encourage your partner to do the same. Also, try establishing some goals together that will help you two focus on your health and well-being. This may be cooking together and focusing on healthy meals or even exercising at home or trying a new online workout program. The point here is that by focusing on health, it can create a positive goal that you share to boost your emotional and mental health.
6. Find The Positives:
It can be incredibly easy to only focus on the negative right now. There are so many negative things to complain about! Everything feels unknown, uncertain, and very unsteady. Many places are closed down or have restrictions and nothing feels normal. It’s very easy to focus on how terrible all of that is, but it's also important to find something positive amidst all of this negative. It may be helpful to write down a few things that you are grateful for. Perhaps social distancing has brought you two together to complete some much-needed home improvement projects or you’ve taken a step back from work to actually be present and enjoy a family dinner together. Look for some of those positives that you can focus on and spin in a direction of growth and progress.
7. Try Online Activities:
As a couple, you could try some new activities together. There are currently many options for online and virtual activities as most businesses have increased their online presence due to the limitations of in-person services. Try a new online class, exercise program, yoga class, meditation program, or even some shared games that you can do together. Remember, as stated above, new memories and experiences can help to change the focus from all negative onto things that are positive and exciting.
8. Have Your Own Experience:
It's okay to not agree on how to feel or handle the coronavirus. Guess what? This is pretty challenging for all of us and completely new and different. It's okay to feel the way that each of us feels. Whatever that might be. Give your partner the space to process the situation or have their own experience with the COVID restrictions. We may not always agree and it's challenging for all of us. We all have different reactions, beliefs, and thoughts about the situation and the best way to handle it. That’s okay. It can be challenging to have different viewpoints in the same household, but we have to create space for those differing opinions. Constant debates or trying to prove a point can lead to resentments, disagreements, and further distance in your relationship. Focus on your own experience, reaction, and emotional processing while giving your partner the space to do the same.
9. Let Go of Control:
It's okay that things aren’t perfect right now. They shouldn’t be. This is new, different, and hard for us all and we are all having to figure out how to navigate these waters. So many things are unknown and cannot be planned. While this may make some people feel uncomfortable, we must remember that we can’t control what’s going to happen in the future. Things keep changing by the minute. It's frustrating, difficult, and can make your head spin. The point is that you have to let go of that desire to control the unknown and do your best to move forward. Let go of the expectation that things will feel the way they usually do. You may try a mindfulness meditation or simply focus on taking a few deep breaths throughout the day to re-center yourself and let go of that control.
10. Be Kind:
Last, but not least, be kind. Show kindness to your partner and yourself. These are tough times. Be sure that you are viewing your partner, your family, and yourself with patience and compassion. Know that this is hard for everyone and we have to show one another kindness, empathy, and compassion, especially during tough times. We can often let frustration, stress, and worry build to the point that it impacts how we treat others. Be mindful of your attitude, mindset, and actions toward others. This is especially true with your partner as you’re spending larger amounts of time together, which naturally can create a challenging dynamic. By practicing kindness, we can build stronger bonds and connections together that will outlast the coronavirus pandemic and boost the love in our relationship.
For more tips on maintaining positive mental wellness during COVID-19 & the coronavirus pandemic, click here to read more:
ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT & Mindfulness CLASS
Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. This class will cover strategies for coping with stress as well as teach you helpful mindfulness techniques. Click here for more information.
ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE
If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:
See more of our Blogs & Videos below for tips on relationships & mental wellness:
20 Date Night Ideas To Try During COVID
During the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic, it can be hard to find date night ideas that maintain social distancing or are quarantine approved. Here are 20 creative and fun activities you can do with your partner that don’t require you to leave the house. These date night activities should boost your connection, communication, affection and even your creativity.
While we continue to grapple with the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic in the United States, many places still have social distancing mandates in effect and others are simply closed down. Finding fun and creative ideas for a date night with your partner can be challenging.
In a time of stress, chaos, and uncertainty it can be important to find an outlet, a moment of relief, relaxation, and fun. This is especially true if you are enjoying it with your partner. Stress can often have a negative impact on a relationship so it’s important to continue to put forth that effort and dedication to your partner.
How can you keep the romance and passion alive in your relationship while you remain safe during this pandemic? Here are some date night ideas that you can do in the comfort of your own home or in an outdoor space that allows for plenty of social distancing.
Date Night Ideas While Social Distancing:
1. Try a Virtual Visit:
There are many museum tours, aquariums, and National parks that are offering free virtual visits. This allows a unique opportunity to view places that are not local and you may not see otherwise or at least without having to travel a far distance. Taking a virtual tour also allows you and your partner to engage in good conversation about the art, landscape, animals, or scenery that you experience. It may give you a change in your normal surroundings and even help you to feel like you got to escape the four walls of your quarantined home.
2. Game Night:
Are you and your partner in for a little healthy competition? Try a game night. You could bring out some of your favorite games from growing up or order some new ones to challenge each of you. Depending on your mood or even personality, you may be in for something more interactive, like charades or something with more strategy like chess or poker. No matter your choice, having a game night with your partner can help shake up the normal routine and bring some fun into your home.
3. Couples Enrichment Activities:
There are many great marriage boosting activities that you and your partner could try. While we are maintaining social distance, it’s a great opportunity to allow for focus and dedication to your partner. Some marriage enrichment activities include journal prompts to either write about or just verbally share with your partner. You can find lots of articles with marriage tips and there are several free marriage tip videos that you could watch with your spouse. Many webpages have prompts and questions for couples that serve as great conversation starters. These types of activities help couples work on communication and connection.
4. Outdoor Movie:
Many couples enjoy snuggling up with one another while watching their favorite flick. If you’ve been binge-watching Netflix nightly from your sofa and want to change things up a bit, try creating an outdoor movie theater. Some people have outdoor TVs on their decks or even projectors that work with your smartphone so you can view the movie from a blank wall. You could string some lights for a more romantic glow, lay down a blanket and pillows and snuggle up under the stars.
5. Creative Picnic:
Another fun outdoor activity is to create a picnic, either at a local park, your backyard, or even your living room. You could get appetizers from a favorite restaurant or choose an assortment of charcuterie to sample. Another fun idea is to make your picnic a theme, such as Hawaiian night, tastes of Italy, or an evening of sweet treats for a decadent touch. Picnics can also have a romantic touch with candles, lights, or simply under the moonlight.
6. Romantic Dine-in:
Create a space in your home for a romantic dinner. You could try dressing up an outdoor table or even a spot in your living room with a table cloth, candlelight, and perhaps some freshly picked flowers. The idea here is to re-create a private and romantic dining experience. You could pick-up take-out from your favorite spot that you get to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.
7. Scavenger Hunt or Hide & Seek:
Bring back some fun childhood memories and an element of suspense and surprise by creating a scavenger hunt for each other or even play hide and seek with items throughout your home. While it may seem silly, it’s a great way to view your home, your partner, and the evening in a different way. You can try a scavenger hunt that’s filled with brain-busting riddles for your partner to solve along the way or how about a sexy hide and seek game with your favorite pieces of lingerie. Get creative with using your everyday space and household items to stimulate some fun together in a new way.
8. Art Night:
Let your creativity flow! Try having a painting night where you both work on the same picture and compare at the end or even try a new craft or woodworking project together. Pinterest has lots of ideas that are not for the faint-hearted. You can keep things relationship-focused by creating a keepsake that will represent your pandemic time together or a memento that highlights your marriage and the love you have together.
9. Get to Cooking:
Many people find cooking to be therapeutic and it can be a great activity for couples to do together. There are often cooking classes that are focused on couples and you may be able to find some online right now. You can also try following along with a cooking demonstration from a tv show or class or simply look up a new recipe online to try. You could also try a little competition and each creates a dish that you critique and share at the end.
10. Food & Drink Pairing:
Try creating an interesting selection of food and drink pairings, such as local wine & artisan cheeses or your favorite tea and biscuits. You could try various tapas or appetizers from around the world or keep it close to home with samplings of beers from your local brewery. This can serve as a conversation starter by giving you something a little different to engage in and share your thoughts with your partner on the selections. You can discover what you and your partner like and don’t like while you compare notes.
11. A Mini Book Club:
A unique idea to share with your partner may be to try some new reading material together. There are often motivational marriage stories and other material for couples such as relationship boosters. You could try each reading a short story or other article and then sharing the content. The idea here is to choose an activity that you both enjoy, such as reading and find unique ways that you can share the time and engage in conversation about the activity.
12. At-Home Spa Day:
While many of us have missed our routine pedicure and trip to the local salon, you can try and recreate a spa day in the comfort of your own home and with your partner. Think bubble bath for two, followed by facial scrubs and massages. You can even try some new or different products or even try and make your own sugar scrub or soap together. This may give you something new to try and be a great way to reduce stress.
13. Healthy Competition:
Many couples may enjoy the healthy competition of video gaming, a fitness challenge, or even an online trivia game. You could also try having a sing-off with some living room karaoke or a pajama dance party to show off your best skills. The idea of challenging your partner in a healthy way can create some competition and maybe even fuel your sexual desire for each other.
14. Fondue Tasting:
Another fun food idea is to try a night of fondue tasting. You can melt some of your favorite cheeses or mix various additions in with chocolate and have a sample. This again allows for an opportunity to try something different and promotes conversation for the two of you. For a romantic touch, you could try doing the entire fondue sampling by feeding one another.
15. Backyard Camping:
If you are fans of camping but haven’t had the opportunity to go or perhaps campgrounds are closed, then try creating your own camping experience right at home. You can get into the activity with roasting s’mores over your fire pit, inside in your fireplace, or melted in the oven. And if you don’t have space to pitch a tent in your backyard, then try a pillow fort in the living room. The point here is to completely shake up your normal routine and recreate a different and unique experience that you can share with your partner.
16. Online Classes:
With so many things going virtual right now, there is no shortage of interesting classes and activities online. You and your partner could try a new activity or exercise class, perhaps do some yoga or Zumba together. There are also several wellness classes offered for free that focus on your overall mind-body wellbeing, such as stress management or a mindfulness meditation class. Many top universities are also offering free classes on a variety of subjects such as gaming, design, writing, filmmaking, photography, science, business, or foreign languages. If you and your partner have ever talked about learning something new, now might be your chance! You can try a new class, hit pause, and share some thoughts along the way with your spouse.
17. Create a Photo Book or Digital Collage
Many couples enjoy reminiscing about some fun times together! So try looking through old photos of vacations, trips or even your wedding. You can put together a digital collage to share on social or create a custom photo book to have printed. Looking through pictures can boost positive memories, good conversation, and build a connection between two people.
18. Try Photography:
For those who may have an eye for photography, you may enjoy having a photography night. You could each take snapshots of unique items or views from around your home and share them later. You could even make it a contest and have your partner guess where the pic was taken or simply what the item is. Even if you don’t have a professional lens, you can simply click away with your smartphone and create unique pictures of everyday items.
19. Get Outside:
While many couples enjoy outdoor activities together, now is one of the best times to get outside and keep your social distance. You can try hiking, biking, canoeing, fishing, gardening, or just simply go for a walk around your neighborhood. Being outdoors and in nature has been proven to boost feelings of relaxation and happiness. When shared with your partner, you can build some great memories enjoying nature and each other.
20. Last, but not least, have sex!
Seems self-explanatory, but take some time to just be intimate with your partner. Try something new. Think lingerie, feathers, sex toys, or role-play. When many businesses are closed down, activities are limited and friends are socially distancing, there seems to be no better time than to spend an afternoon in bed. If you have kids, this may not be an afternoon in bed, but a quickie in the morning before the house wakes. Physical intimacy, touch, and sex are all great ways to boost those love hormones, which foster feelings of safety, affection, and love.
Have some great date night ideas that you’ve tried during the pandemic? Please share them in the comments section below! We’d love to hear more.
Can Your Marriage Survive COVID?
Many couples have found that COVID has brought on new and different challenges or even highlighted existing difficulties. For many, it has been very hard, but with a few strategies on coping, it’s possible to make it though.
Click for more tips on helping your marriage survive the coronavirus pandemic.
Tips for Mental Wellness Amid COVID-19
The coronavirus pandemic has been stressful and can take a toll on your mental health. Self-care and coping strategies are really essential during this time.
To read more about managing your mental health and mental wellness amid COVID-19, click here:
FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.
ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE
If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:
See more of our Blogs & Videos below for tips on relationships & mental wellness:
How to Live a Well-Balanced Life
Aiming to live life in better balance can create a higher level of mental health & life satisfaction. Having good balance in your life means that you are constantly reviewing where your time and energy is being spent and trying to alter that to reach a good level of homeostasis.
Why is balance important in life? Have you ever felt overwhelmed with an area of your life, such as work or felt that your attention was being pulled in one area so you could not devote enough time to other things? These are examples of life being out of balance and for all of us, that can be a normal experience when it’s infrequent and happens occasionally. The problem is, for many, being out of balance is a common occurrence that creates chaos and stress in their lives. Balance is important in one’s life because it creates harmony, a greater sense of peace and life satisfaction and it helps us to be more attentive to areas in our life as well as productive and successful.
It is impossible to have everything in your life completely balanced and perfect order at all times. The goal here is not perfection as that would be impossible. The goal is to learn how to adjust to the “give and take” that life demands and continually strive to come back to center when you notice things may be out of balance.
For example, if you notice that you have had to devote a lot of time to work due to a big work project or assignment, which has caused you to neglect free time activities, your social life or your family, then when you get your work project completed, it’s important that you spend some time re-centering your life. This may mean purposely devoting some time and energy to things which may have been neglected. The point here is that you are constantly changing with where your time is needed and ensuring that you are continuously working to bring that much-needed balance in your life. When people allow their lives to be too out of balance and for too long, it can impact their work, their relationships, friendships, and even their health.
There are a few ways to think about bringing better balance to your life. One would be to examine your current levels of energy and where your time is devoted. So think about the most important aspects of your life. For most people, those categories include their work, social life, health, relationship, and personal time. You may have other categories as well such as school or spiritual life.
I have included this pie graph below with some of the most important categories.
After reviewing your life and thinking about where you are devoting most of your time, draw your own graph or think deeply about what percentages you would give to the different categories. How does your personal graph look? Are you spending a huge chunk of time at work or on your romantic life and not enough time on your personal growth, health or spirituality?
The point here is to visually see where your time is going and to see what is lacking the most. Now that you have a good visual, set some goals for how you will make some adjustments in your life. How can you currently bring better balance? Some example goals may be to spend time with your family this weekend or to plan a date night for your partner. Perhaps you set some fitness or personal goals that address self-improvement or some sort of self-care activity.
The most important aspect is that you review your life on a regular basis to examine where you are spending your time and alter that as needed. Once you get into the consistent habit of adjusting and balancing the various priorities in your life, you will begin to see relief, less stress, greater satisfaction and overall happiness.
Good luck in bringing on better balance in your life!
Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management
For more information about living life in better balance, check out our online self-guided class called Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management Program. This program is taught by psychologist & Loving Roots Project founder, Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt. The online class includes 2 hours of video content along with a program workbook that covers 8 modules on a various topics with corresponding assignments and worksheets for practice at home.
ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE
If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:
Tips for Boosting Self-Esteem
Increasing self-esteem can be a very challenging task, but self-love and feeling confident plays an important role in our overall happiness. Our self-esteem can also impact our productivity with work, school as well as our relationships with others.. Here are some tips to help boost your confidence.
Many people go through periods of feeling down on themselves, self-conscious, and needing a boost in their self-esteem. Increasing self-esteem can be a very challenging task, especially if you are accustomed to being critical about yourself or easily fall into negative thinking. The following are some tips to help break this pattern, but it’s important to remember that you are starting a practice of more positive thinking and just as starting any new practice or habit, it will take work, commitment and time!
So how can we give our confidence a boost? Here are 6 tips you can start today:
1. Get moving & exercise!
It’s amazing how much better we feel when we exercise and it is a tremendous confidence booster. There is such a strong mind-body connection that not only does exercise get your endorphins flowing causing an actual biological change in your brain, but it can also reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, worry, sadness and overall make you feel better. So take a walk around the neighborhood, dance in your living room to your favorite jams, and get moving!
2. Surround yourself with good people.
Ensure you build a good network of people who encourage you, support you, and love you. We’re often in unhealthy relationships without even realizing it! These unhealthy relationships can pull us down and hold us back. Think of the people who you surround yourself with as a reflection of who you are and who you desire to become. Rid yourself of these unhealthy relationships and move forward in your life to let your self-esteem flourish.
3. Start your day with positive affirmations.
Positive thinking has been shown to have huge benefits in helping us feel better and increasing happiness. You can find many avenues for positive affirmations, such as apps, journals, calendars, etc. You can also write your own! Think of positive aspects about yourself and write them down on post-it notes or in a journal and read through them each morning to start your day on a positive note.
4. Love your body.
Feeling good about our bodies is an important aspect of feeling good about ourselves overall. It’s important to recognize that beauty is a state of mind and more than just outward appearances. Think of all the wonderful things your body can do for you and view yourself as a whole person, both inside and out. Also, remember step one: get moving and exercise! There is a strong connection between the mind and body for overall wellness and happiness. The more active and physically healthy we are, the happier.
5. Find hobbies and activities that you enjoy.
Engaging in activities that you enjoy can provide you with a positive outlet, allow you to socialize and meet new people as well as boost your confidence by trying something new. You can join a neighborhood group, a book club, an athletic or sports group, a community-based organization or a volunteer program. You can check out things like meetup.com or even Facebook to search for activities, events and interests that might be fitting for you. Being active with hobbies and interests can really allow you an opportunity to flourish and has so many benefits.
6. Set goals for yourself.
It’s important that we are working toward self-improvement and personal development at all times. This is a never-ending process, not a single goal that we achieve and then we are done. We should always be on the hunt for personal growth and progress. It’s important that you continue to work on yourself, your confidence and your mind and body wellness. This will help you maintain your self-confidence and self-esteem as well as continue to grow and thrive as a person.
ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE
If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
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Worried About Overindulging This Holiday Season? Here Are 6 Mindful Eating Tips to Help:
As we enter into the holiday season, it’s important to remember that having a balanced mindset can help reduce overindulging and promote healthier eating habits. Read more for tips on mindful eating.
This year has been incredibly challenging for most, if not all of us. With a pandemic, quarantines, social distancing, isolation, etc., it’s hard just to function day-to-day. When we add on holidays, it can be even more challenging. Many people are choosing to avoid holiday gatherings, in general, or to join in online or zoom calls to “see” friends and family. While this may reduce the chances of overindulging, for some, they are still faced with struggles in their own home. It is important to remember that balance and healthy eating are still essential to our overall wellbeing. The key here is balance This means that while we can absolutely indulge in celebration and enjoy a slice of our favorite pie, we must also maintain good self-awareness of our food intake and emotional process while eating and get back on track after the celebration ends.
The number of individuals struggling with eating disorders in this country has been quoted as high as 30 million by the National Eating Disorder Association. Therefore, many people may be dealing with the challenges of be triggered by food during the holidays. Emotional eating occurs when one’s emotional state causes them to binge eat or repeatedly overindulge. This can be particularly difficult to manage during this season as we tend to have more food available as well as lots of sugary treats to entice. If you find yourself struggling to control emotional eating episodes or urges to overindulge this holiday season, here are some tips that may be helpful.
6 Tips to Reduce Emotional Eating:
1. Prepare for mealtimes.
It is important to think ahead. This could include bringing some healthier snacks along with you where you know healthy food options may be limited or preparing a side dish that is a healthier option for you. Also, be sure that your good decisions begin while grocery shopping. If you limit your unhealthy options to begin with, this can help you fair better when it comes to mealtimes.
2. Manage stress.
The holidays can be stressful. When our stress levels are high, it has been noted that we tend to have higher episodes of emotional eating. It is important that you are managing your stress levels before and during the season to ensure that you do not engage in unhealthy eating as a poor coping mechanism. Some healthy ways to manage stress include: exercising, journaling, laughing, and engaging in distracting hobbies.
3. Get emotions under control.
Emotional eating is triggered by experiencing difficult or unhealthy emotions as well as challenging cognitions that impact the way that we think. One way to reduce emotional eating is to feel more in control of your emotions. This may include engaging in mindfulness or meditation. Mindfulness is a state of being fully in tune and aware of your present moment, including your thoughts, feelings and body experiences. Mindfulness can help you to feel very present and engaged in the moment as well as more in control to how you are feeling. Another way to get emotions under control is to express them. This could be to briefly write in a journal or call up a friend to talk about how you are feeling. The point here is that you are walking into a situation with a better overall mental and emotional state.
4. Engage in mindful eating.
Mindfulness is a state of being fully aware and in tune with your present moment; therefore, when we eat mindfully, this means we are being fully aware of ourselves and our experience with food. Mindful eating means taking a pause prior to eating to calm and center yourself. You can take a few deep breaths to really get yourself grounded. Then prior to eating, pay full attention to your food, how it looks and if there are any smells. Then as you take your first bite, really focus on the experience of chewing the food, what the food tastes like, what the texture is like and how it feels to eat the food. Continue this exercise throughout your eating experience to really help you slow down and focus on the present moment.
5. Manage alcohol consumption.
One critical piece of food intake that people often forget, is consuming alcohol. During the holiday season, many people may enjoy an alcoholic beverage here and there. It’s important to be mindful of your alcohol intake as this can impact your food consumption. When people do not monitor their alcohol intake they can often over eat without even realizing. Alcohol can lower our inhibitions and impact our judgment and thought process.
6. Get in the right mindset.
While emotions obviously play a huge role in emotional eating episodes, your mindset and the way that you think are equally important. Get into a good mindset! This could be engaging in positive affirmations before you go and speaking to yourself in a positive way like, “I can do this,” “I have my relationship with food under control,” “I can have a healthier relationship with food.” The purpose here is to utilize positive self-talk to impact the way that you think about yourself and your situation. This will set you up for entering the holidays with both your emotional and mental state in a more positive frame.
ONLINE MINDFUL EATING CLASS
For more information on mindful eating, check out our self-guided online class: Mindful Eating: A Healthy Relationship With Food. This class provides a workbook complete with information on emotional eating, mindful eating tips and homework assignments to guide you through the material as well as an hour and half of video series content. The class also comes with a guided mindful eating exercise.
ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE
If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:
Online Versus In-Person Coaching Services
Online counseling and online therapy have picked up in popularity recently. With the ease of finding an online therapist and the use of technology from your own sofa, it’s no wonder why. People often wonder what online coaching services would be like in comparison to going into an office. Read more about online vs. in-person services.
When beginning an online business, I debated at length about providing services solely online versus having office visits as I have previously done. I thought long and hard about my decision. I read lots of research studies that have been conducted about the difference in efficacy and challenges that may arise depending on if you are meeting in person versus online. Surprisingly, I found that the research shows outcomes of online services are just as effective as office visits and meeting face-to-face with someone in person. I have also noticed a big movement toward online therapy services, although I will have to admit after working for years in an office setting where I met my clients face-to-face, having my first Skype call was a bit odd simply because it was something new and different. However, after several calls, it began to feel like second nature. I find that once you make a personal connection with someone then talking over the phone or online comes with ease.
I will say that this is very much a personal choice based on your own comfort level. If you are searching for services and feel that telehealth and virtual services would be too awkward or you have tried online services and just did not feel like a good match for you, then you should definitely search for a local provider. There are some great online directories that will help you find someone including: mycoachmatch.com or noomi.com. Also, if you are facing a more serious mental health condition and need traditional psychological services versus coaching, then I would recommend finding a mental health provider in your area. You may start your search for mental health services through your health insurance or you can also search online directories such as psychologytoday.com for a psychologist in your local area.
However, for those who may see the convenience, ease and comfort of online services, then why not keep up with the modern digital age? Let’s face it, the times have changed and we are definitely more digital than ever before! Online counseling provides more of an opportunity to meet at your convenience without restrictions due to scheduling, timing or travel. When you are able to meet online then you can be in the comfort of your own home or office without the worry of having to travel to an appointment. The online therapy option also allows you a bit more privacy considering you do not have to walk into an office somewhere or sit in the waiting room with others passing through. You can simply sit in the comfort of your own home or office and connect with your online coach without anyone knowing. It’s simple, private and convenient.
Online coaching services also offer the opportunity to find a variety of options with services. You have access to many more people, specialities and a variety of coaches and therapists than just the local people in your area. Online counseling services can connect you to professionals in each and every state as well as worldwide! This opens so many doors. This allows for ample opportunity to choose from a variety of specialties and areas of focus that you may not be able to find locally. Many people, especially in rural communities, may have a hard time finding mental health services available in their area or finding a professional who they feel they match well with or has the specialty training that they need. So being able to search online really broadens the criteria and allows for many more options.
There are lots and lots of coaches and therapists available. So when looking for someone to work with, be sure and review their credentials, look at their experiences, watch videos or read their written work to get a sense of who they are as a person. Most importantly, once you find someone, make sure that you “click” with that person when you speak to them and have a compatible personality and style. If you are finding that you just aren’t the right match, then try your search again and keep working to find the right person for you. Research suggests that it is the relationship between the two people that has one of the greatest impacts on effecting change and outcomes of the sessions. So believe me, it’s worth the time and effort to find just the right person for you.
Read more about the Loving Roots Project online services for individual and couples & our self-guided online wellness classes.
ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE
If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for couples or individuals. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.
Research:
Barak, Azy, et al. (2008). A comprehensive review and a meta-analysis of the effectiveness of internet-based psychotherapeutic interventions. Journal of Technology in Human Services, 26.2-4: 109-160. http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15228830802094429#.VI8vaCvF_hs
Wantland, D. J., Portillo, C. J., Holzemer, W. L., Slaughter, R., & McGhee, E. M. (2004). The effectiveness of Web-based vs. non-Web-based interventions: a meta-analysis of behavioral change outcomes. Journal of Medical Internet Research, 6(4). http://www.jmir.org/2004/4/e40/
Other Articles:
What you need to know before choosing online therapy. https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/online-therapy
Is Online Therapy Worth The Money? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-lines/201802/is-online-therapy-worth-the-money
Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.
Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:
Emotional connection is the foundation of a healthy, loving, and thriving relationship. Whether you're nurturing a romantic partnership, family bond, or friendship, cultivating emotional intimacy can deepen understanding, build trust, and create a lasting connection. While every relationship is unique, there are core principles that can help anyone strengthen emotional ties. Here are five practical tips for increasing emotional connection in relationships: