5 Tips for Living With Intention

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to fall into the rhythm of going through the motions—checking off tasks, reacting to demands, and moving from one obligation to the next without much thought. But a fulfilling life doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built through conscious choices and deliberate actions. Living with intention means aligning your time, energy, and efforts with what truly matters to you.

Living with intention means striving for better-balance and living with more meaning and purpose. It means the activities that you are engaging in are worthwhile to you and focused on betterment. You are stepping out of mindless activities and from being in autopilot and you are ensuring your life is based on your own conscious choice of how you want your life to be. 

Living with intention is beneficial as it can increase our self-awareness, meaning, and happiness in our own lives. By living with intention, we set out each day to ensure we engage in meaningful activities that serve a good purpose and will have a positive influence on our lives. Here are five tips to help you live more intentionally every day.

Steps to Living with Intention:

1. Choose activities that matter:

Time is a limited resource, and how we spend it defines the quality of our lives. One of the most important steps toward intentional living is being selective with how you use your time. Assess what’s really important to you and try to live your life by your beliefs, values, and top priorities. When you get a good idea of the most important activities, people and experiences in your life, you will be more inclined to choose activities that really matter and are crucial for your betterment. We then spend less time on activities that do not serve a positive purpose in our lives. This tends to increase our overall happiness and purpose in life.

Some questions that you may ask yourself would be: 

“What makes my life worth living?”  

“What’s most important to me?”  

“What do I want out of life?”

“Does this activity align with my values?”

“Is this helping me grow, connect, or contribute?”

2. Work toward betterment:

Intentional living is grounded in growth. When life encompasses a path of self-improvement and personal growth, we tend to feel more fulfilled and have more meaning in our lives. Bettering yourself should be something that we all try and strive for. This doesn’t mean constantly striving for more in a material sense—but rather committing to becoming a better version of yourself. Personal growth is a lifelong process that requires constant work and attention. This could mean developing a new skill, nurturing healthier habits, or working on your emotional intelligence.

Progress, no matter how small, builds confidence and momentum. It reminds us that we have the power to shape our lives one step at a time.

3. Enjoy the moment:

Presence is a powerful ingredient of an intentional life. When we’re caught up in the past or worried about the future, we miss the richness of what’s happening right now. Being mindful of the present moment helps you to increase self-awareness, build stronger relationships with others and can decrease stress and worry. Often, people feel that they are “in the moment” and enjoying the present, but truly being mindful and practicing mindfulness can be quite challenging.

Mindfulness requires one to be aware of everything in the present moment, which includes their own body, physical experience, environment, surroundings as well as their emotional state, mindset, and thoughts. Being mindful and truly in the moment requires much effort, but regular practice can help us to be more present and aware that leads to living life with more intention and meaning. 

4. Strive toward balance:

Living with intention isn’t about doing everything perfectly—it’s about doing what’s right for you, and knowing when to shift gears. Balance doesn’t always mean equal—it means harmonious. Working toward maintaining balance and overall wellness in your life is essential to living your life to the fullest. Ensure all areas are well-cared for and if things feel out of balance, work to get re-centered.

Recognize when to work and when to rest. When to give and when to receive. When to speak up and when to listen. A balanced life allows you to thrive without burning out, and it ensures that your pursuits are sustainable and aligned with your well-being.

5. Make a difference:

At the heart of intentional living is the desire to leave the world a little better than you found it. Whether it’s through your career, your relationships, or your daily interactions, look for ways to make a positive impact. Small gestures—a kind word, a helpful hand, a moment of understanding—can create powerful ripples. Living intentionally means using your unique strengths and voice to contribute to something meaningful.

Helpful actions toward others, as well as yourself, can be beneficial to your mental wellbeing. By giving back and helping others, it can help us to feel better about ourselves in the process. Volunteerism has many known benefits.

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Living with intention doesn’t require a dramatic life overhaul. It starts with small, conscious choices made each day. By focusing on what matters, growing with purpose, staying present, finding balance, and seeking to make a difference, you can create a life that feels not just full—but truly fulfilling.When you live with intention, you have more passion, more focus and more attention to your actions, which can enrich your experience and your life. 

So take a breath, reflect on what matters most to you, and begin moving toward a more intentional way of living—one moment, one decision at a time.

Good luck to you in your journey!

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Tips for Mental Wellness Amid COVID-19

With the isolation of social distancing and fears and uncertainty of COVID-19 coronavirus, our worlds have been turned upside down. In a matter of days and without warning, we’ve had to rearrange our lives, finances, work, schedules, childcare, emotions and much more. This is hard and we’re all experiencing a variety of reactions. Most of us have never faced a pandemic and are doing our best to function in this time of crisis. As with anything new, different, scary or out of our control, it challenges us to get creative and be dedicated to strategies of self-care, connection, health, and mental wellness. 

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Here are some tips to help you get through:

1. Connect with Others:

We are social creatures and being isolated for long periods can be harmful to our emotional and mental wellbeing. Be sure to stay connected to loved ones while continuing to practice social distancing. One common idea is virtual time through Skype, FaceTime, Zoom, etc. to enjoy shared dinners, happy hours and conversations with friends and family. This provides an opportunity to receive much-needed support from loved ones and be supportive of them as well. Being helpful to others can often provide us with a sense of purpose and meaning. This time also offers a unique situation in which we can focus on boosting our relationship and being better connected with our partners. Try some quarantine approved date night ideas.

2. Practice Self-Care:

Be sure to engage in self-care activities. This is more important than ever! During times of high stress, anxiety, and uncertainty, it’s critical to take care of your emotional, mental and physical health. Try reading a book, taking a bath, sewing, gardening, playing guitar, cooking, journaling, listening to music, coloring, engaging in any hobby or activity that can serve as coping and distraction. Creative activities can also be helpful in processing and expressing emotions. 

3. Stay Healthy:

Physical health and nutrition play key roles in mental and emotional wellbeing. Studies show that we have a higher likelihood of illness when we are not maintaining good mental health. Less stress can actually boost your immune system. There’s a strong connection between gut health and mental health so eat whole nutritious fruits and veggies while avoiding processed, sugary and less nutritious foods as this can help us to feel better. Exercise also stimulates neurotransmitters in the brain that bring on positive feelings. Go for a hike, walk around your neighborhood, dance in your living room or take advantage of the many free and low-cost online exercise or yoga programs. You can even try sitting outside for some fresh air and sunshine. Just stay active!

4. Be Mindful:

Practice mindfulness, meditation or prayer. Taking time for a mental break, to sit in silence and focus on your current state can bring about much needed inner peace. This will allow your brain a moment of calm. The heaviness of our situation is emotionally and mentally taxing and it’s important to plug in some relief.

5. Find the Good:

In a time of so much negativity, give yourself time to focus on something positive. It’s important that we are getting a reprieve because facing a pandemic is scary and overwhelming. Try focusing on something positive every day. This could be reading a funny story, watching a comedy, or finding stories of recovery and hope. You can also try practicing gratitude and thanking our healthcare providers, grocery store workers, delivery drivers and many more who are working the frontlines to keep us safe. Just make time to adjust your mindset to one of hope and positivity as this plays a role in how you feel.

6. Be Kind:

First and foremost, be kind to yourself. This is a tough situation. Monitor your expectations and cut yourself some slack. It’s okay to struggle right now. During difficult times, we must focus on simply doing the best that we can. Next, be kind to others. You never know how someone may be impacted. Send a check-in text to a friend, FaceTime your family or check on a neighbor. Right now, being supportive of ourselves and those around us is more important than ever. We are a community of people impacted together and kindness matters. 

7. Set a schedule:

Do your best to keep a regular and consistent schedule. This helps maintain some normalcy, predictability, and control in your life, which is especially important in times of uncertainty. When our world feels out of control, we need a consistent routine to feel more in control of our daily life. Try to wake at the same time, shower and dress as though you’re leaving the house, start your day with something positive, and be sure to plug-in some “me time” for self-care practice throughout the day. 

8. Limit news:

It’s important to stay informed about the current pandemic; however, when stress levels are high, too much can be a bad thing. Reading and watching all things- COVID19 can create and exacerbate feelings of fear and anxiety. Aim for a healthy balance of staying informed and also limiting harmful exposure. Try including some positive stories of hope, recovery, and strategies for your own health and safety. 

9. Strike a Balance:

While these are incredibly challenging and uncertain times, it’s important to find a bit of balance in your life. We need to balance safety, be socially distant, practice good hygiene, hand-washing, and protective techniques, while also not living in fear. This is difficult. We are faced with empty streets and stores, people wearing face masks and protective gear and reading stories of people dying from a virus that could impact us at any moment. It is scary. But we cannot function well by living solely in fear. We must also find space for things that bring us feelings of safety, security, and control.  

10. Sit With Your Emotions:

While this is uncomfortable, it’s important to be aware of and process your feelings. This is a time of intense emotion and we can experience a variety: fear, stress, anxiety, sadness, frustration, trauma, and even grief. If we try to sweep emotions under the rug, they’ll eventually find their way out and it’s often in the most difficult of ways. Sit with your feelings and identify how this experience is impacting you as this helps with healing. 

11. Seek Online Support:

Virtual therapy or coaching services can be helpful by having a professional and neutral person to talk with about feelings, frustrations and the current situation. There’s been a huge boost in teletherapy and online coaching. This is a service that can be done from the safety of your own home and provide some much-needed support. Check-out our virtual services.

12. Just Survive:

Last, but not least - do the best you can! Maybe the best you can means you’re barely making it through the day. Maybe your kids are driving you nuts and you haven’t spent this much time with your partner in decades so it’s exhausting. Maybe you don’t create the latest Martha Stewart inspiration or Marie Kondo your entire house. Maybe you haven’t become an expert, homeschool, stay-at-home parent or created a sensational educational project from an online kids program. Maybe you are just making it day-to-day. Maybe YOU, like the rest of us, are just trying to get by. And you know what? That’s okay too. Just know you’re not alone and we will all take it one day at a time

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Ways to Cope With Stress

Stress is one of the most common challenges that we experience. It can have huge ramifications on our physical health, mental health, cognitive functioning, and emotional health so it’s essential to address stress and implement coping skills to help reduce the impact on our wellbeing.

This article will focus on a few coping skills to help reduce stress, but if you are looking for more in-depth information in an educational format, you can find our online Mindfulness & Stress Management class on our webpage. The program will delve more deeply into the negative impacts of stress, importance to address stress, stress management techniques, mindfulness, and several homework assignments to ensure your progress throughout the class.

In this article, we will look at coping strategies in a couple of different areas: physical and cognitive. You may notice that everyone handles stress differently. Some people take on stress more in a physical way, such as tension in your shoulders or back, disturbances in sleep or even headaches or stomachaches. It would be recommended that that person looks toward coping skills that take into account physical activities, such as exercise, massage, or yoga. 

Another example is the difference in the way in which we deal with stress is the person who is more impacted by cognitive effects. This is a person who may get stuck mentally in their stress, ruminate on the problems and have difficulty shutting their mind down. This person would most likely benefit from cognitive activities that address coping with stress, such as recognizing unhealthy thinking, changing your perspective or engaging in positive self-talk.

TIPS TO COPE WITH STRESS:

Behavioral Strategies:

• Physical stress relief, such as regular exercise or a daily walk

• Mindfulness and relaxation focused exercises. This may include a long bath, meditation, mindfulness practice, etc.

• Happiness activities: engage in activities that promote your happiness such as doing yoga, listening to music, or getting a massage.

• Write in a journal. The act of writing can provide an outlet for the release of emotions and thoughts, which can help with healing and coping.

• Consider emotional support activities such as talking to friends or family 

• Keep things in moderation: coffee, diet, and alcohol. Overuse of substances can create further dependency as become a crutch with coping.

Cognitive Strategies:

• Cognitive Restructuring: the act of recognizing your unhealthy thinking patterns and altering them to more positive and healthy cognition.

• Recognize unhealthy thinking patterns. By being able to catch yourself when you are thinking negatively or even ruminating on your stress, you can counteract its impact and reduce future experiences of stress.

• Perspective: Accept what you cannot control and do your best. The less we focus on perfectionism and attempting to control

• Use Positive self-talk: Try saying positive things to yourself daily. You can say things, like: “I can get through this,” “This is hard, but I can do it.”

Prevention:

• Balance: Maintain a better balance so that you do not get stressed in the future. This may include saying “no” and declining some events as well as maintaining a good balance with work-life so that life does not become overwhelming.

• Learn your triggers: For the future, learn triggers that lead to high levels of anxiety in your life. This way you can decrease or avoid these triggers and better cope.

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ONLINE SESSIONS

For more information on virtual services, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Remote services are provided online through a HIPAA compliant web portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during your sessions and have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Online Stress Management Class

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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How to Live a Well-Balanced Life

Why is balance important in life? Have you ever felt overwhelmed with an area of your life, such as work or felt that your attention was being pulled in one area so you could not devote enough time to other things? These are examples of life being out of balance and for all of us, that can be a normal experience when it’s infrequent and happens occasionally. The problem is, for many, being out of balance is a common occurrence that creates chaos and stress in their lives. Balance is important in one’s life because it creates harmony, a greater sense of peace and life satisfaction and it helps us to be more attentive to areas in our life as well as productive and successful.

It is impossible to have everything in your life completely balanced and perfect order at all times. The goal here is not perfection as that would be impossible. The goal is to learn how to adjust to the “give and take” that life demands and continually strive to come back to center when you notice things may be out of balance.

For example, if you notice that you have had to devote a lot of time to work due to a big work project or assignment, which has caused you to neglect free time activities, your social life or your family, then when you get your work project completed, it’s important that you spend some time re-centering your life. This may mean purposely devoting some time and energy to things which may have been neglected. The point here is that you are constantly changing with where your time is needed and ensuring that you are continuously working to bring that much-needed balance in your life. When people allow their lives to be too out of balance and for too long, it can impact their work, their relationships, friendships, and even their health.

There are a few ways to think about bringing better balance to your life. One would be to examine your current levels of energy and where your time is devoted. So think about the most important aspects of your life. For most people, those categories include their work, social life, health, relationship, and personal time. You may have other categories as well such as school or spiritual life.

I have included this pie graph below with some of the most important categories.

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After reviewing your life and thinking about where you are devoting most of your time, draw your own graph or think deeply about what percentages you would give to the different categories. How does your personal graph look? Are you spending a huge chunk of time at work or on your romantic life and not enough time on your personal growth, health or spirituality?

The point here is to visually see where your time is going and to see what is lacking the most. Now that you have a good visual, set some goals for how you will make some adjustments in your life. How can you currently bring better balance? Some example goals may be to spend time with your family this weekend or to plan a date night for your partner. Perhaps you set some fitness or personal goals that address self-improvement or some sort of self-care activity.

The most important aspect is that you review your life on a regular basis to examine where you are spending your time and alter that as needed. Once you get into the consistent habit of adjusting and balancing the various priorities in your life, you will begin to see relief, less stress, greater satisfaction and overall happiness.

Good luck in bringing on better balance in your life!

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Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management

For more information about living life in better balance, check out our online self-guided class called Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management Program. This program is taught by psychologist & Loving Roots Project founder, Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt. The online class includes 2 hours of video content along with a program workbook that covers 8 modules on a various topics with corresponding assignments and worksheets for practice at home.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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The Benefits of Mindfulness

The concept of mindfulness has been around for many years, but we are just now learning more and more about the positive impact that the practice of mindfulness can have on our mind and body. What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is a state of active attention to the present moment. It is bringing your full awareness and attention to your body, thoughts, feelings, surrounding environment, etc. 

Have you noticed that we often function on autopilot? This means that we just go through an activity automatically, without much focus or attention to it. This happens often when driving from home to work, for example. Since this is an activity that you do often, people can often drift off in their thoughts or not fully pay attention to the task at hand and accomplish this in autopilot. Mindfulness is the opposite! Mindfulness is having a complete awareness of everything you are doing and everything around you.

A simple way to start a mindfulness practice: 

Calm your mind and be very present

Raise your awareness to everything around you and you

Focus on your breathing, slow your breathing down

Observe your thoughts without judging them and release them

Sit for a few moments in the present moment

Check out our mindfulness video to be guided through simple and basic mindfulness practice. 

After engaging in mindfulness regularly, you may soon notice some of the many benefits. Mindfulness can impact our emotional, physical and mental health in positive ways. This practice is being promoted in many places due to the current research demonstrating such positive impacts. Many schools, places of employment and community centers are now promoting a regular mindfulness practice.

Benefits of Mindfulness:

Lower stress:

Mindfulness allows for moments of calmness and can help to lower stress and anxiety. The practice also promotes positive coping and engaging in self-help strategies. By consistently engaging in coping strategies, this can also keep stress and anxiety at levels that are better managed. 

Increased mental focus and attention:

This practice also increases our ability to be mentally focused and attentive to things around us and our thoughts and emotional process. The purpose of mindfulness is to be better aware in the present moment, therefore by regularly practicing this skill, people find that they can demonstrate increased focus and attention throughout their day and regularly.

Less emotional reactivity:

Since mindfulness is the practice of increasing self-awareness and better understanding one’s emotional and physical responses, this allows you to have more control over your reactions. People may notice that mindfulness helps them to reduce their emotional reactivity and overreaction to situations. 

More cognitive flexibility:

With regular mindfulness practice, you can also increase your ability to be cognitively flexible. This means that you can change your train of thought and mental tasks more easily. This flexibility allows you to switch mental tasks with ease and be able to focus on a new skill in a better way.

Improved connections with others:

Many people are surprised by how mindfulness increases their connection and relationships with others. Mindfulness allows for you to be more present, in the moment and aware when you are spending time with others. Being more present and connected in your relationships creates a better bond and more relationship happiness.

More in tune with your mind and body:

Since increasing mindfulness can increase your self-awareness and your attention to your thoughts, feelings, body and physical surroundings, this ultimately allows you to have a better relationship with your mind and body.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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How Spending Time Alone Can Boost Personal Growth

Going into any activity with the right mindset can help to maximize the benefits. Having alone time is one of those activities that can have wonderful self-care and coping benefits, especially when done right.

So first, why is alone time important? Well, being alone allows the space for self-reflection and it allows you to relax and focus on your personal needs. It reduces our likelihood of being overstimulated and it allows us the space for healing, self-care, and practicing good coping skills. 

Our society tends to be based on instant gratification as well as being constantly connected and stimulated. But we are missing out on the connection with ourselves and the calmness that our brain can desire and benefit from. For some, being in solitude for a length of time without social contact or technology can be extremely difficult. 

One study found that we can spend as much as five hours a day on our phones, which means we are more connected than ever and we may find it challenging to disconnect. It’s important to note that having alone time is not selfish or abnormal. And solitude is not only for introverts. It’s an exercise of self-care that can be beneficial for everyone.

Benefits:

• Promotes mindfulness

• Increases creativity

• Allows space for daydreaming

• Increases problem-solving skills

• It can make you smarter

• Increases self-awareness

• Increases empathy

• Increases focus & connection with people in your life

• Improves your health

• Boosts energy & productivity

• Increases calmness & happiness 

• Helps to manage stress
  

Tips to Maximizing Your Alone Time:

Be mindful.

Think about activities and your time wisely. This means when you set the space for some alone time, choose wisely and with intention. Focus on what will be meaningful for you to do and be sure to put your phone away and stay off social media. This just allows you to reconnect with yourself during this time.

Make your needs a priority.

Think about activities that may be helpful for you or help with something you’re currently struggling with, such as your health or even stress. Keep an ongoing list that you can turn to when you want to spend some time alone.

Choose activities that focus on your self-care.

You can engage in activities like journaling, reading, gratitude, mindfulness, cooking, taking an online class, exercise, trying something new or something you’ve wanted to try, or take a nap! Rest and relaxation are also important to a self-care routine.

So be sure to schedule some alone time for yourself and enjoy the solitude!

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Can Being Kind Increase Happiness?

Kindness is often a disregarded and undervalued trait. While kindness can be an undervalued trait, it is important to note that true acts of kindness take courage and strength as well as demonstrate a great deal of interpersonal skill. It carries a great deal of importance in our lives, however. Kindness is simply the act of being good, friendly, and compassionate toward other people. It also encompasses an element of being altruistic, which means that you are being kind to others without the expectation of something in return. 

A few interesting facts about kindness:

Kindness can actually be good for you!

It can be helpful to both our physical and mental health. It’s been shown that even witnessing acts of kindness can produce oxytocin, which is often called the “love hormone.” Oxytocin helps to increase our optimism, confidence and even lower blood pressure. Kindness can also stimulate the production of serotonin, which can help you to feel happy. There was a research study done in Japan that showed that happy people were kinder than people who were not happy. So there really is a connection between our own happiness and being kinder to others.

Kindness has been shown to:

• Help us to live longer 

• Reduce stress

• Help get rid of negative feelings

• Increases optimism

• Lowers blood pressure

• Increases happiness
  

Kindness is contagious! 

After a person witnesses an act of kindness, they are more likely to engage in a good deed and “pay it forward.” Meaning that they are more likely to be kind to other people. Therefore, kindness is contagious and tends to spread.

To start living a kinder & happier life, here are some tips:

1. Start with being kind to yourself:

Remember that the happier you are, the more kind you will be to others. So first start with treating yourself in a kind matter. Many people find they can be critical of themselves or engage in negative self-talk. This includes that little voice in your head that may tell you that you can’t do something or that you aren’t good enough. Catch this negative self-talk and shoot it down. Engage in positive affirmations about yourself and your life. This will increase your overall positivity. Another activity that can help you begin to be kind to yourself is to make a list of your positive qualities and strengths. We can sometimes forget all of the great qualities that we possess. 

2. Be more present and mindful:

When you live in the moment, you’ll be more likely to notice people around you and see opportunities where you can be kind to others. Being more in tune with the present moment will allow you to view moments of kindness that may be happening around you that you would have otherwise not noticed. Research shows us that the witnessing of kindness can help us to feel more positive and optimistic as well as increase the likelihood that we will spread that kindness. The practice of mindfulness can also ease your daily stressors and help you to be more aware of your critical inside voice and therefore, increase the kindness toward yourself. 

3. Just start:

Do a small random act of kindness today or even this week. You can express gratitude to someone, hold the door open for a random stranger, or pay a compliment to a friend. It’s a small step toward a much bigger cause. Kindness is such an important concept for us on a personal level, for people around us, in our communities and neighborhoods and for all humans.

So remember - spread kindness today!

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Resources:

https://www.kindness.org

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-nourishment/201711/why-random-acts-kindness-matter-your-wellbeing

https://www.dartmouth.edu/wellness/emotional/rakhealthfacts.pdf

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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A Holistic Approach to Mind-Body Wellness

There is a strong connection between the mind and the body. When you’re working on your own personal development, it’s essential that you address both your physical health needs and your mental health needs. When it comes to health and wellness, it is no wonder when we’re not well physically it impacts us emotionally and when we’re not feeling well mentally this impacts our physical health. This means that your mindset, attitude, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, your emotional state; they all directly impact your physical health and vice versa.

Research shows that mind-body therapies such as relaxation, hypnosis, visual imagery, meditation, biofeedback, even cognitive-behavioral therapy have all been helpful at managing certain physical illnesses such as arthritis and pain management. These studies indicate that mind-body focused activities can actually help to improve psychological functioning, they can reduce the symptoms of disease and increase one’s overall quality of life.

Nutrition has also been seen as having a large role in mental health and cognitive functioning. There is quite a bit of research that shows the brain-gut connection; therefore, maintaining a healthy gut with good foods can help to promote positive mental health and cognitive function. Nutrition can directly impact things such as memory, processing speed, mood (depression and anxiety) as well as physical energy and mental focus and attention.

What is having a holistic approach to wellness?

A holistic view takes into account all of our bodily systems working together to optimize our functioning. It means that we believe further in the relationship of all of the systems being interrelated and impacting one another. For example, nutrition impacting the brain, mental health impacting physical health or more specifically depression impacting pain management.

Having a holistic view is critical as views us as a whole being and takes into account all parts of our life: our physical body, our emotional wellbeing, our mental health, cognition, and spiritual being. This also goes to show how important things like nutrition are for both our physical and mental health. This mind-body and holistic view means taking care of all aspects of yourself and making good healthy decisions from a well-rounded perspective.

Activities to Boost Mind-Body Wellness:

• Make healthy nutrition food choices

• Pray, meditate, pause or breathe

• Engage in stress management

• Be thankful, engage in a gratitude practice

• Exercise your body

• Walk or get outdoors and enjoy

• Deepen your connections with others

• Foster friendships

• Positive thinking

• Production with work

• Active in hobbies and activities for enjoyment

• Get good sleep

• Focus on self-love, happiness, and greater self-esteem

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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5 Tips for Mindful Eating

We know how important mindfulness can be in our daily lives and that it provides many wonderful benefits, but how about being mindful at mealtime? Yes, you guessed it, being mindful while eating has powerful benefits! This is especially true for a person who may be experiencing and struggling with unhealthy eating patterns, such as mindlessly overeating or eating unhealthy foods. 

The idea of mindfulness is being fully present and in the moment with your thoughts, sights, sounds, and experience. Therefore, mindful eating means being fully in tune with your eating experience, including being aware of the food you are eating, the taste, texture, flavor, and the experience while also paying close attention to your feelings and emotional state. This allows us to slow down while eating, be fully aware of the present moment with ourselves and the food we are putting into our bodies as well have a better overall relationship with food. 

A mindful eating practice can help with particular challenges, such as binge eating or overeating and it can also help anyone wanting to begin a more healthful eating habit. By slowing down and being more mindful while eating, this reduces overeating and creates more awareness of healthy eating.

Here are a few strategies to get you started with a mindful eating practice.

5 Tips for Mindful Eating:

1. Take the time: 

We live in a fast-paced and stressful culture and tend to rush through tasks during the day. One of those tasks is eating and mealtime, which is especially true during the busy workday. Most people will rush through their mealtime and not pay attention to what they are eating, how fast or how they are feeling. This type of situation often encourages people to eat more rapidly, rather than slowing down and actually enjoying their meal in the moment. This can encourage overeating since you are mindlessly rushing through so quickly that your brain and stomach do not have time to sufficiently communicate when you are full. 

Another common example of not taking the time to eat is snacking on the go or in front of the television. Again, these are situations that can encourage overeating as well as not being fully present in the moment. I know it can be difficult to always sit down for a meal, but when you can, try it! This is an important step to slowing down, being more aware of what you are doing in the moment and engaging in more mindful eating.

2. Breathe beforehand: 

Before you even begin to take a bite of your meal, sit still, and just breathe. This could be 5 deep breathes to slow yourself down and be fully present with the activity. By focusing on breath, this allows you to better connect to the moment. Remember mindfulness is about being fully aware of the present moment and in tune with how you are feeling. So take that time to take 5 deep breaths before beginning to eat and get yourself in a calm, connected, and mindful state.

3. Slow down: 

Once you start eating, slow down. We often become rushed and want to speed through the experience, which can actually increase overindulgence and the amount of food that we are taking in. Slow down and savor each bite. Similar to the breathing exercise before you began eating, you also want to slow down between bites and while chewing. You could even try taking a few deep breathes in between bites to really slow down take notice of your experience. During this time, be sure to connect to how you are feeling and everything that is happening in the moment.

4. Enjoy & savor: 

During this step, it’s important that you are aware of the moment and experience and actually enjoy the food that you are eating. Be sure to really take time to notice everything your current experience. It’s important to really savor each bite of food. This means that you will observe what the food looks like on your plate, take note of the colors, the shape, and size. Also, notice if the food has any smell and sit for a moment as you breathe them in. Then as you eat your meal, really savor the flavors in each bite. Notice how the food tastes, what flavors you taste, what the texture is like in your mouth and how the food feels as you eat. This step will allow you to be very aware, present and mindful of the food you are eating, which really encourages a more healthy eating pattern. 

5. Repeat: 

Like most new activities, it takes continued practice to really get the hang of it. Repeat this exercise many times until it becomes more of a habit during your mealtime routine. When you are beginning a new habit, it is easy to fall back into your same old routine. It really does take time, effort and practice. So try these techniques often and remember that if you get off track for a few days, that is completely normal. The key here is to get back on a healthy and more mindful path. It will take work and practice, but you are worth it.

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Online Mindful Eating Class

For more information on mindful eating, check out our self-guided online class: Mindful Eating: A Healthy Relationship With Food. This class provides a workbook complete with information on emotional eating, mindful eating tips and homework assignments to guide you through the material as well as an hour and half of video series content. The class also comes with a guided mindful eating exercise.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Will Anxiety Ever Get Better? Helpful Tips for Coping

There are times when it feels that anxiety will never get better. It’s worrisome, exhausting and overwhelming. But yes, anxiety is a very treatable disorder and with work and dedication to reduce the symptoms and implement coping skills, it can get better.

Anxiety disorder is the most common mental health condition in the United States with nearly 40 million adults experiencing it at some point in their life. Anxiety can impact people differently and have a wide variety of symptoms. Usually, the symptoms impact our cognitive, emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. Because the symptoms impact such a variety of areas, the coping skills should also target these different areas. 

Read more below about the common symptoms and some tips for coping.

Symptoms of Anxiety:

• Feeling restless or nervous

• Easily fatigued & feeling overwhelmed

• Having trouble sleeping

• Feeling irritable & restless

• Impact memory & judgment

• Increased muscle tension or headaches

• Difficulty controlling worry

• Increased sweating & trembling

• Difficulty concentrating

• Having trouble making decisions

• Increases self-doubt

Tips for Coping: 

Positive Thinking:

Altering your mindset can be a key factor in managing anxiety. In fact, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective treatment strategies in addressing and reducing anxiety. CBT aims to address the role of one’s cognitions and thoughts with how that is impairing their behavior and emotional state. CBT is quite effective in helping people to alter and adjust their negative thoughts while replacing them with more positive thinking. The power of positive thinking has had extensive research showing its effectiveness and usefulness when implemented during challenging times. So when you notice yourself worrying or feeling anxious, try your best to force positive thoughts, such as saying positive affirmations to yourself or even thinking of something in which you are grateful. These are small exercises that can actually have a large impact in reducing overall anxiety.

Mindfulness Meditation: 

Mindfulness can help to calm the mind and this is especially important when one is experiencing anxiety, stress, and high levels of worry. Even taking a few moments each day to just breathe can be extremely helpful. The idea of meditation and mindfulness means that we are creating a safe space for ourselves to engage in a calming experience where we will be keenly aware of our body, mind, and physical space. There are many mindfulness exercises that will guide you through practicing a meditation. You can try this for a few moments each day or even on a weekly basis.

Exercise:

There is extensive research on the mental and emotional benefits of physical activity. When people are experiencing high stress or anxiety, they can often forget the importance of making time for exercise. It is this activity that can actually help to reduce stress and anxiety so it is therefore very important. Physical exercise boosts certain neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and other endorphins, which can again, help us to manage our mood and emotional state. You can start small and set daily goals, such as a 20-minute walk in your neighborhood. Any physical activity can help in boosting your mood so get out and try a little exercise to improve your emotional wellbeing. 

Healthy Nutrition:

Eating healthy foods is an important aspect to maintaining both good physical and mental health. Healthy nutrition, just as exercise, plays a direct role in our mind-body functioning. People often notice if they eat more processed, high sugar or junk foods, they feel more sluggish, have difficulty thinking clearly and it often impacts their mood. Be sure to focus on maintaining a healthy diet during times of stress as this actually helps in reducing and controlling our mental health symptoms. Also, it’s important to limit alcohol and caffeine as both of these substances can play a direct role in feelings of anxiety. Alcohol, in particular, can work to numb the negative feelings; however, when you are not drinking alcohol, the feelings then return, which can ultimately worsen your situation.

Support System: 

Having a strong support system is an important aspect of managing anxiety symptoms. Support systems can be a variety of people, such as friends, family, sports clubs, therapy groups or even community-based groups. Depending on the situation, it can be helpful to talk to others about what you’re experiencing. If talking to your friends or family has not been helpful or if you are feeling that they may not understand, then perhaps joining support groups with individuals who are experiencing similar situations can be helpful. Support groups can provide a distraction, positive interaction, companionship or other general support needed during a difficult time. 

Master your Time: 

Time management is a critical skill in managing anxiety. This is because if we take on too many tasks or procrastinate and wait until the very last minute, this creates additional stress and contributes to an anxiety-provoking situation. By managing your time wisely and not waiting until the last minute or taking on too many projects, you can reduce the overall anxiety of situations.

Learn to say “no:”

Setting appropriate boundaries and not taking on too many tasks as discussed with time management, can be helpful in learning how to control your anxiety levels. Many people can get caught up in the worry and concern about others, which can lead them to have an increase in their own anxiety. It’s important to realize that by taking on other people’s worry, you ultimately increase your own. So if you are experiencing high levels of anxiety, stress, and worry, try setting better boundaries and say “no” when you need to in order to reduce tasks. 

Get a good night’s sleep:

Getting adequate sleep is actually crucial for both our physical and mental health. People can often find themselves in a negative cycle where worry and anxiety are keeping them awake at night and they find it hard to fall or stay asleep. However, it is also this experience of not getting enough sleep that will actually worsen the anxiety; therefore, adequate sleep is essential. 

There are a few strategies that can assist a positive bedtime routine and better sleep:

    Wind down before bed: For many, spending the last 30 minutes to an hour before bed, to wind down with calming activities can help them sleep better. This means reducing or completely eliminating over-stimulating activities such as watching tv, your phone or exercise. Calming activities may include lighting candles in your house to reduce bright lights, read a book, soak in a hot bath or shower, meditate or use aromatherapy.

    Write in a journal: Writing down your thoughts before bed can be helpful in reducing anxiety and worry that you might experience during the night. People often find that they are focused on their thoughts while trying to go to sleep or something worrisome wakes them in the night. By keeping a journal on your nightstand, you can write down some of these thoughts and attempt to get them out of your mind to create better sleep.

    Speak to your healthcare provider. Lastly, if you have attempted several strategies, repeatedly overtime and still feel that you are unable to get adequate sleep, then talk to your doctor as there may be physical ailments that are contributing to insomnia or perhaps a sleep aid or medication may be appropriate. 

Unplug Regularly:

It’s important that we take time away from technology on a regular basis. This doesn’t have to be something too complicated either. It could be something as simple as putting away your cell phone and turning off your ringer during dinner with your family or something bigger, such as a tech-free weekend. If you work in a job where you are on-call and need to be by your phone, and then schedule time away from tech when it’s your break from on-call. Make this a commitment that will work for you. Staying overly connected to technology, social media, email, and our phones do not give our minds time to actually take a mental break. It keeps us connected, distracted and stressed.

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Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management Program

For more information and strategies for reducing stress and anxiety, check out our online Mindfulness & Stress Management program. This is an 8-module program that covers: what stress and worry are, the negative impacts of stress, how to live life in better balance, the benefits of calming, strategies to reduce stress, mindfulness, cognitive restructuring and how to establish healthy habits. The program purchase includes a corresponding workbook, at-home assignments, and video series content featuring Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, psychologist & founder of the Loving Roots Project.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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How Better Self-Awareness Builds Stronger Connections & Intimacy in Relationships

Many couples find that no matter how long they’ve been together, there are periods where their level of intimacy and connection can really be lacking. While there are some natural ebb and flow in our relationships, we also should work to ensure that both parties are working toward maintaining that connection. Being in a long-term committed relationship does not automatically mean there are intimacy and closeness at all times, but it does allow for the foundation to build and work on it through a relationship. Commitment is based on the attraction and feelings we have for one another, but intimacy is a place we can be with our partner that is something and somewhere very different. It is a place of openness, vulnerability, defenselessness, and most importantly, a place of self-awareness.

The idea of self-awareness in intimacy is that we can maintain our own identity in a relationship while being fully aware of ourselves and how we are feeling. It is also the ability to look within ourselves for how we contribute to problems in a relationship and to see what role we play. Taking responsibility for our own actions and contributions to the problem can be quite difficult, but is essential for moving forward. Our initial reaction tends to be blamed on our partner and focus on what he or she is doing wrong. We could sit down and easily come up with a list of faults our partner has done wrong, but could we write a list of our own? Being self-aware and having the ability to focus on ourselves, including our own faults, is challenging, but reaching this higher level of awareness is important for making a healthy change in our relationships and increasing levels of intimacy.

5 Steps to Building Connection:

Be present and in the moment: 

Practicing mindfulness on a regular basis can actually help people to be very present and engaged while participating in activities or spending time with their significant other. This, therefore, boosts relationships as couples are more in tune and present when they are spending time together. This only helps to strengthen intimacy and connection between the two people. It can also boost passion and sexual pleasure. 

Engage in self-awareness: 

Again, one of the core pieces of being more vulnerable and intimate with your partner is being very aware of yourself. It’s important that you understand your role in the relationship and focus on actions for which you can be responsible and change. Most people focus on trying to change the other person when the one thing that we actually can change is ourselves. Be aware of your actions and ways that you could better the relationship. 

Be honest with your partner and yourself: 

We can often have ideas, thoughts, and expectations about the intimacy in our relationship, but we never truly connect with ourselves on those thoughts or express them to our partners. When this happens, then there can be times of miscommunication, misunderstanding and unfulfilled expectations. 

Communicate: 

Express to your feelings to your partner. This is crucial to relationship success, but many people avoid talking about certain things with their partners or they let their anger and resentment build to a point that it then becomes unhealthy and impacts the relationship in a negative way. Be sure to share the good and the bad also. Giving positive reinforcement to your partner about things that you enjoy can be a real booster, both for your partner and the sexual health and intimacy in your relationship. 

Take time to connect: 

Be sure to commit to making time for intimacy and connection in the relationship. This means really setting aside time for a regular date night or an intimate dinner at home as well as following through and being very present and engaged during your time together. Date nights or simply time alone with your partner to connect can be an often overlooked action and one that is frequently taken for granted. It is actually having this alone time to connect that can really boost the intimacy and health of your relationship. 

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

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Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

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Tips to Finding Your Center

When we speak about being centered, physically, we often think of the center of gravity and being well-balanced. For mental and emotional states, it is very similar. Being centered means being very balanced and at peace. It is often referred to as a state of emotional and spiritual equilibrium. It allows you to be accepting of the good and the bad in life and understand that things are always changing, but you can return back to your center to help yourself feel more balanced and grounded when things are difficult.

Being grounded and centered is more of an emotionally controlled state. Similar to mindfulness, it is a position where you are connected to how you are feeling, what you are thinking and you feel in control of these thoughts and emotions. Now it would be completely impossible for any person to be in complete control 100% of the time and if we really examine our experiences you will want to have times of intense emotions, such as happiness or surprise. It is also normal to experience sadness and even anger. If we sit emotionless then we are not connected truly to how we are feeling so that is not the goal here.

The goal is to feel what you feel in the moment, but also be reflective and pensive about the situation so that you are more centered and in control of your experience. This is a time when we want to focus on having balance between our emotions and our thoughts. Again, many people can focus too much on their thoughts and be wrapped up in their head or the reverse and be too focused on emotions. That is not the goal. Again, the goal is about maintaining a balance of our thoughts and our feelings - our head and our heart.

Being centered or being able to return to center during an emotionally difficult situation is very helpful. Centering allows you a moment of self-reflection and to work on bettering yourself. Centering also helps you to be more in tune and aware of how you are feeling as well as your overall mind-body well-being. This will help you to cope with difficult emotional experiences in the future as well. Centering can help with coping of many negative emotions, such as grief, anger, trauma, depression, and sadness. A regular practice of centering can also allow you to have deeper and more meaningful connections with others. 

Tips for centering yourself:

1. Breathe Mindfully:

Take a few minutes each day to meditate, pray, or sit in a quiet space being mindfully present and focus on breath. Take it easy in the beginning and start with 30 seconds, then build to 1 minute, 2 minutes and so on. Practice and work up to 5 minutes. Many people are turned off at the idea of meditation because it seems too difficult or they do not fully understand what that may entail. This is simply a breathing exercise that provides time to pause, breathe and just be. A time to be quiet without distractions and be very present in the moment. One of the easiest ways to be mindful is to focus just on your breathing.

An example breathing exercise is to sit or lay comfortably, close your eyes or leave them in a soft gaze and focus on your breathing. You’ll take notice of each time you breathe in and what this feels like. Slow your breathing down to a controlled state. Pause after you breathe in and then exhale slowly, again while paying close attention to how this feels both physically and emotionally. Continue these steps for a few minutes, again building on the amount of time you do this. This simple breathing exercise will assist you in feeling more centered and it’s a great way to start your day being more mindful and present.

2. Be Present:

Focus on the moment. Limit your distractions and be present. Put technology away for a brief time and be present. Now, this isn’t possible every moment of the day. We need to make phone calls, check our email, do work, etc., but this is making a purposeful effort to be present with those around you at particular times. For example, you may be out to lunch with a friend or having date night with your partner and you think to yourself, this is a good time to put my phone away and be present with the person I am with. This allows you to be more engaged in the experience and moment. The point here is that being in a more centered state means that you are very present in the moment. So work to increase times of being present in your day to day routine.

3. Be Aware:

Be aware of your emotional state and take a moment to pause when you are feeling out of balance. Many times throughout the day we may succumb to feelings of stress, anxiety or sadness and when we take a moment to realize those feelings and sit with them, it can have a profound impact. You can be present for a moment with the feelings and get rebalanced and centered before continuing your day. Often times, if we do not get rebalanced or centered, we continue to carry these emotions and they build throughout the day often leaving us with overwhelming feelings of stress or anxiety. This idea of being present with your emotions is not necessarily going to make all the “yucky feelings” go away, but it will help you to be more aware, more present and more in control to how you are feeling. This helps you to feel more centered, aware and in control.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

View fullsize

How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Finding Happiness in Everyday Things

Do you feel that you have difficulty finding time for activities that you love? Many people don’t take on new hobbies or activities simply because they don’t feel they have enough time, but it’s these activities and hobbies that can help bring happiness and enjoyment in life. So what about utilizing the activities that you already do? Can you maximize on those in order to increase meaning and happiness in your life? Many activities that we already do can actually become therapeutic and assist us when we are in the right mindset. This has many personal benefits, such as creativity, meaning, stimulation, distraction, and emotional healing.

People use going to the gym, exercising, knitting, gardening, painting, cooking, etc. as their own type of “therapy” without even realizing it. Although activities cannot truly replace psychotherapy, the point is, we can often make everyday activities therapeutic in some way if we set our mind and intention to do so. This requires you to really think about the activity before doing it and setting your mind to making the activity therapeutic for you. This can supplement personal growth and add deeper meaning and intention to our lives. This means that the activity is not just a mindless activity, but it’s something that can actually be beneficial to our mental, emotional or spiritual health and it adds to our life, meaning, and purpose.

These activities can be helpful for us to disengage from our day to day life, distract us from challenges we may be facing, reduce stress, assist us processing difficult emotions, help us pay more attention, focus in the present moment, and overall provide us with opportunities to engage in positive activities that bring meaning and health to our life.

You can increase the therapeutic benefit of everyday activities by following these steps:

Select: Choose an activity that will be meaningful to you in some way. So maybe it’s something that’s important for your health, such as exercise. Or maybe it's an everyday activity that you’re already engaged in, that’s important to you, such as walking your dog. Put some thought into an activity in which you feel that you can be mentally present. This needs to be something that fits you, your personality and interests. For example, many people find cooking to be therapeutic, but if you hate to cook, then that is probably not the best activity for you! Find something that you enjoy and believe that you can find meaning in.

Pause: Take a moment to pause before you begin your activity. Be present, mindful, and in the moment. Mindfulness is about being completely in tune and highly aware of a given moment. This is a chance to reflect on the activity, how you are feeling and focus on how this activity will be therapeutic for you. Take the time to think about how this is a therapeutic activity that you enjoy and are using in a way to promote health and happiness. For example, before walking your dog, think to yourself what the benefits are of the activity and how this might be helpful for you. So you may think about the physical benefits of walking as well as the benefit of stress reduction and the help of distracting your mind and mentally “clearing your head” while walking.

Enjoy: Often, we get into a routine of doing an activity and we go into autopilot, without even paying attention to the activity that we are doing. If you are wanting to make an activity therapeutic, then it's important that you are following these recommendations in order to really pause before engaging in the activity and be more mindful and present in the moment. This will allow the activity to have more meaning for you, bring more fulfillment and more joy. So be sure that once you have selected an activity with purpose and intention, you will then pause for a moment to be mindful and present. Lastly, enjoy the activity and make the most of the moment. This way, you are more likely to reap the benefits of a therapeutic and healing activity.

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Online services are available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Simple Steps to a Calm Mind

Rushing through our day-to-day lives, juggling work, family, and errands can be hectic, chaotic, stressful and constantly busy. It can feel hard to stop your mind at the end of the day. This mental exhaustion can have impacts on our concentration, memory, focus and even sleep. Taking a few moments each day to calm the mind and just breathe, can have incredible benefits. One popular strategy for calming the mind is through meditation or mindfulness.

Mindfulness is described as a mental state in which a person is highly present and aware of their own body, mind, thoughts, and surroundings. We are often not fully aware of how we may feel in a given moment or what specific thoughts are present in our minds. We are usually on autopilot. By increasing awareness of one’s physical and mental experience, this can assist in building appreciation for various aspects of life as well as gain better emotional control, focus, and even help to create more concentration, empathy, and lower stress.

Many people feel intimidated by the idea of starting a mindfulness practice. One simple way to begin is to simply focus on breathing. The act of focusing on your breath can slow you down, help you to maintain focus, and stay in the present moment.

Simple Breathing Exercise:

1. Pause & take a moment to just breathe.

2. Sit or lay down and get comfortable.

3. Close your eyes or leave them at half gaze.

4. Breathe in slowly and deeply while counting to 5 in your mind.

5. Pause with your breath for a small count of 5.

6. Exhale completely while counting to 5.

7. Continue this 5 - 5 - 5 pattern for several minutes while breathing in deeply, pausing, exhaling, and repeating.

8. Practice daily! 

Now that you’ve read through the instructions, practice and try this exercise on your own. Remember, breathe in while counting to 5, hold your breath for 5, and then exhale while counting to 5. Simple, yet calming.

Try this exercise for a few minutes each day for one week and see how you feel. Maintaining a regular practice can have many benefits, including lowering stress, increasing mental focus and attention, less emotional reactivity, more cognitive flexibility, improving connections with others, and being more in tune with your mind and body.

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Online services are available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Benefits of Unplugging & Having a Tech-Free Day

We are more connected than ever before. Well, by technology anyway. We have more access to information and resources through tech and social media. This keeps us “connected” with friends, family and perhaps people who we may have lost contact with otherwise. Technology and social media can increase the speed of dissemination of information with relevant news or law enforcement postings and be wonderful in sharing of relevant info. However, we are also exposed to so much negativity and it can actually pull us further away from our connections with people in front of us and in the present moment. This is especially true when the use of technology or social media is not done in moderation or awareness of the negative exposure is not better monitored.

Most of the latest research regarding our use of technology and with social media, in particular, has indicated several negative impacts on self-esteem, depression, anxiety, body image, unhealthy sleeping patterns, addiction and cyberbullying. While there can be both benefits and negative impacts of technology and social media, it’s important to understand that occasional breaks can be very helpful. This goes for children’s screen time as well. There is a National Day of Unplugging that is a good reminder to all of us, to take a much-needed break from tech.

Here are some benefits of unplugging:

Let’s us connect to people in the moment

The irony is that social media can keep us connected to people at a distance, but sometimes we can lose focus and connection with people right in front of us. Taking a brief break, allows you to be present, in the moment and connect with people in your life. Not being focused on your phone, allows you to be more aware, mindful and in tune with the present moment.

Increases personal growth

When we take breaks from technology, it can help us to focus on activities that are focused on our personal growth and development. This will give you an opportunity, for example, to go for a hike and leave your phone turned off so that you can fully enjoy being present in nature. You can also work on journaling or another activity that helps in the expression of emotions, such as practicing gratitude. Not being glued to our phones allows us the opportunity to engage in self-love and self-care as well as living with more intention and meaning in your day-to-day.

Less comparison to others

People may not realize that when they see images of other people’s lives, they can often compare this to their own. So taking a break from social media allows for “out of sight, out of mind.” This takes away that unconscious desire to compare ourselves to others. We stop looking at photos or videos of others and comparing them to our own lives. This comparison can really bring down mood and self-esteem without even realizing it. Taking that much-needed break will allow you to focus on yourself and what brings you happiness in your own life.

More free time

When we are not glued to our phones, tablets or computers, we have more time to do other stuff! You could set up a game night with your family or friends or you could go see a movie. There are lots of fun activities that take us away from being on our phones or computers. Many of these hobbies and fun activities can bring us more meaning and happiness in our lives.

Increases communication

Often times, when we are present in the moment with people in our lives and increase our connection, we are also more thoroughly engaged and increase levels of communication. Not being glued to our phones, allows us the opportunity to talk and engage with the people we are with and have more meaningful connections with others. This encourages a higher rate of engagement with those around us.

Gives a moment to recharge

This gives you an opportunity to rest your body and mind from technology. We often don’t realize how consuming news, social media, and graphic images can be. Usually, people feel refreshed and recharged once they get a brief break.

Improves sleep

Many studies show that the use of phones and other technology can impact our sleep and this is especially true when we use devices right before going to bed. Images, stories and even the phone light can stimulate our brain and when this happens before bedtime, it can be challenging to calm down and fall asleep. It’s best to begin a nighttime routine without the use of screens.

Ideas to get Started:

• Set up rules for tech-free family dinner or game night. Everyone can place their phones in a bowl or central location so that they all agree to enjoy the evening together.

• Have a tech-free weekend; Go on a family camping trip; Go see a movie.

• Put your phone away and on silent when you’re with friends and family and try not to pull it out to check it until you’re done with your activity.

• Set up a calendar reminder every week or every month to take a few hours off.

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Online services are available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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---

View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

View fullsize

How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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