Relationships Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt Relationships Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt

Ways to Boost Intimacy in Your Relationship

Maintaining sex, love & intimacy in a relationship is critical for its success. Read more for ways to boost physical intimacy in your relationship.

Intimacy is a key element to maintaining a healthy relationship, just like trust and communication. Like other relationship components, we can often forget or overlook the importance of maintaining these aspects in our relationship. They do take work and effort. So intimacy should go beyond a special holiday or only date nights, it’s important to keep intimacy alive and well in your relationship all of the time. And remember, physical intimacy is more than just sex, it also includes other physical affection like touching, hand-holding, kissing, or even hugging.  These types of gestures stimulate a physiological reaction in the brain and body. It increases things like oxytocin and dopamine, which make us feel good, safe and loved.

The research shows us that these chemical and hormonal responses in the brain can produce feelings of love. Oxytocin, for example, is stimulated when a mother nurses her baby, which again produces feelings of love, safety, and connection. So it’s easy to see how the brain has an automatic response to physical touch that can increase our feelings of love toward our partners.

5 Quick TIPS to boost intimacy in your relationship:

1. Hug & kiss often:

So this could be something as simple as a daily hug or kiss when you greet or say goodbye to your partner. Or it could be an unexpected or spontaneous kiss when your partner is least expecting it. So this may sound simple, but a kiss or hug can be quite meaningful especially when it’s done with positive intention. 

2. Hug longer: 

While a quick embrace is great, try hugging for just a little bit longer. A longer embrace can work to increase that physiological response. The simple act of hugging has been shown to decrease the stress hormone cortisol and also increase oxytocin, which again can increase feelings of love. 

3. Try some sweet gestures: 

Writing little notes to your partner, giving compliments or small gifts. When partners show each other small tokens of appreciation and thoughtfulness, this can also increase feelings of connection and feeling cared about.

4. Date nights:

Make sure that you keep courting in your relationship. Dating is one of the most important intimacy building activities that we can do because it allows us private time with our partner and allows physical touch and intimacy. 

5. Sex: 

Put in the effort toward your sexual relationship. This means taking the time, making effort, changing up routines, if necessary, and changing up who initiates sex. Many couples can get stuck into a routine or simply not put forth effort and time to maintain their sexual relationship. So be sure to remember the things that attract you to your partner and maintain the sexual intimacy and bond in your relationship.

ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ON RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Tips for Boosting Self-Esteem

Increasing self-esteem can be a very challenging task, but self-love and feeling confident plays an important role in our overall happiness. Our self-esteem can also impact our productivity with work, school as well as our relationships with others.. Here are some tips to help boost your confidence.

Many people go through periods of feeling down on themselves, self-conscious, and needing a boost in their self-esteem. Increasing self-esteem can be a very challenging task, especially if you are accustomed to being critical about yourself or easily fall into negative thinking. The following are some tips to help break this pattern, but it’s important to remember that you are starting a practice of more positive thinking and just as starting any new practice or habit, it will take work, commitment and time!

So how can we give our confidence a boost? Here are 6 tips you can start today:

1. Get moving & exercise! 

It’s amazing how much better we feel when we exercise and it is a tremendous confidence booster. There is such a strong mind-body connection that not only does exercise get your endorphins flowing causing an actual biological change in your brain, but it can also reduce feelings of stress, anxiety, worry, sadness and overall make you feel better. So take a walk around the neighborhood, dance in your living room to your favorite jams, and get moving!

2. Surround yourself with good people. 

Ensure you build a good network of people who encourage you, support you, and love you. We’re often in unhealthy relationships without even realizing it! These unhealthy relationships can pull us down and hold us back. Think of the people who you surround yourself with as a reflection of who you are and who you desire to become. Rid yourself of these unhealthy relationships and move forward in your life to let your self-esteem flourish. 

3. Start your day with positive affirmations. 

Positive thinking has been shown to have huge benefits in helping us feel better and increasing happiness. You can find many avenues for positive affirmations, such as apps, journals, calendars, etc. You can also write your own! Think of positive aspects about yourself and write them down on post-it notes or in a journal and read through them each morning to start your day on a positive note. 

4. Love your body. 

Feeling good about our bodies is an important aspect of feeling good about ourselves overall. It’s important to recognize that beauty is a state of mind and more than just outward appearances.  Think of all the wonderful things your body can do for you and view yourself as a whole person, both inside and out. Also, remember step one: get moving and exercise! There is a strong connection between the mind and body for overall wellness and happiness. The more active and physically healthy we are, the happier.

5. Find hobbies and activities that you enjoy. 

Engaging in activities that you enjoy can provide you with a positive outlet, allow you to socialize and meet new people as well as boost your confidence by trying something new. You can join a neighborhood group, a book club, an athletic or sports group, a community-based organization or a volunteer program. You can check out things like meetup.com or even Facebook to search for activities, events and interests that might be fitting for you. Being active with hobbies and interests can really allow you an opportunity to flourish and has so many benefits.

6. Set goals for yourself.

 It’s important that we are working toward self-improvement and personal development at all times. This is a never-ending process, not a single goal that we achieve and then we are done. We should always be on the hunt for personal growth and progress. It’s important that you continue to work on yourself, your confidence and your mind and body wellness. This will help you maintain your self-confidence and self-esteem as well as continue to grow and thrive as a person. 

ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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