Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt 1/1/19 Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt 1/1/19

Are New Year's Resolutions Possible?

It’s the beginning of a new year and we often want to get started on the right foot, but setting New Year’s resolutions and actually achieving them can be near impossible. Here are some tips to help you stay focused and positive about your goals.

Setting goals for the New Year is a great tradition that many of us participate in, but unfortunately the success rate of achieving resolutions is very poor. The success rate of actual completion of goals has been reported at 12%. So how can we be more successful in reaching goals that we have set out for ourselves?

First, it’s important to understand that setting a meaningless goal at the beginning of the year may not be as helpful or useful as creating positive intentions or even healthy habits. The research has shown that healthy habits can positively influence overall lifestyle rather than aiming for achieving goals.

Here are some tips to help you stay focused in the New Year:

Get in the Right Mindset:

You have to believe you can accomplish your goal in order to actually reach it! Get motivated and excited about your goal and get others involved too. If you plan with a friend or family member, you won’t feel alone while working toward your goal and doing it with others can be more fun too!

Cautious Selection:

Spend time selecting your goal. Often people make a nonchalant statement like “I’m going to lose weight in the New Year,” but really do not take the time to think the goal through and really plan what weight loss will mean for them. The selection is important to keep you on track so really think about something that you want to accomplish, something that is important to you. If you are passionate about your goal and it is something you really want to accomplish then you are more likely to follow through and be successful.

Make Your Goal Measurable:

Setting a goal that you can monitor and track is really important in order to keep you motivated and seeing the finish line. If your goal is too general then you are more likely to not stay focused. You can log your progress in a journal or there are several apps that can help with goal setting. Again, this can help you see your accomplishments along the way and increase your success.

Start Small:

Make a goal that is realistic and something reasonable that you can accomplish. If our goal is too big or we do not see ourselves making progress then we are more likely to give up. It is much better to set a small goal that have you accomplish and need to set the bar higher rather than a goal that is too large you end up giving up.

Share Your Goal:

Tell others about your goal and let people know what you need in order to accomplish this goal. This keeps you accountable and others may provide support and reinforcement to you as you work toward your goal.

Give Yourself Positive Reinforcement:

It’s important to reinforce and reward yourself for achieving progress. Rewarding yourself with give you that boost of confidence and reinforcement that you need in order to continue working toward your goal or healthy habit.

Now you have some tips to help you to accomplish your New Years resolution, good luck, and know that you can do it!

Happy New Year!

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If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

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Coping with Grief & Loss During the Holidays

The holiday season can be a joyous time when we celebrate with our friends and family; however, for many who have lost loved ones, it can bring up memories that cause sadness and feelings of loss. It’s important to find positive ways to cope with grief and loss that can better facilitate our healing process. The following coping skills and suggestions can help with healing as well as be useful anytime of the year.

The holiday season can be a joyous time when we celebrate with our friends and family; however, for many who have lost loved ones, it can bring up memories that cause sadness and feelings of loss. This can make the holidays challenging and difficult. It’s important to find positive ways to cope with grief and loss that can better facilitate our healing process. The following coping skills and suggestions can help with healing as well as be useful any time of the year.

Engage in Activities:

Find an activity that you enjoy and be sure to stay active and occupied with this during the holidays. Activities can often serve as a positive distraction and help us to engage in something fun that we enjoy, which is important during difficult and challenging times. Many people shut down when they are feeling emotionally overwhelmed and forget to engage in activities that they enjoy. It’s this time in particular when it’s most important to engage in these activities as they serve as positive coping skills. Some examples include activities such as: getting a massage, practicing meditation or mindfulness, going to the beach, engaging in outdoor activities, talking to a friend, reading a book, going to the movies, soaking in the bathtub, etc.

Build Positive Social Support:

Be sure to surround yourself with people who provide support and encouragement. Having a positive support system is really important. Our friends, family and social network can serve as a great outlet to discuss and process our feelings and give us much needed support. Be sure to pick your social support wisely, as they should have your back, encourage and empower you. If you do not currently have a positive support system, there are many group social groups that build connections as well as provide support specifically for grief and loss. Many local community centers, hospitals, and churches often have grief and loss support groups where you may find individuals who are experiencing similar issues and can provide support and guidance.

Create New Traditions:

Create something new and different for yourself, your family, and/or a way to remember your loved one. It can be very healing and symbolic to do something in memory of a loved one who has passed away. This may be something such as lighting a candle during the holidays as a symbol that they are there with you in spirit or lighting a candle on the anniversary of their death. It may also be helpful to write them a letter and tie it to a balloon and set it free. Activities such as this can help with saying goodbye and releasing of feelings. During the holidays, you could also cook their favorite meal, look through old photos, or simply take a walk to be alone and think about all the wonderful memories you had with that person. The important thing is to do something special, different or new that can create a special tradition that will be helpful for you in processing feelings of loss.

Eat Well and Make Healthy Food Choices:

Maintaining a healthy diet and eating nutritious food is also important, especially during the holidays. Many people may not realize, but they can use food as an unhealthy way to deal with difficult emotions. This is often referred to as “emotional eating.” It can be particularly common during the holidays because the holiday season can bring on higher levels of stress as well as these feelings of grief and loss. This challenging emotions combined with decadent food and endless holiday parties sets one up for overeating. So be aware of your food choices and the amount of food that you are consuming.

Reduce Alcohol Consumption:

Similar to eating well and making healthy food choices, it is also important that we remain aware of alcohol consumption. With alcohol being a depressant, it can contribute and sometimes increase feelings of sadness, loneliness or depression. This is especially true during the holidays as this season can evoke many different emotions and memories. Therefore, monitor your alcohol consumption or don’t drink at all. You could instead bring along an interesting non-alcoholic beverage to enjoy at a party.

Volunteer or Help Others:

Another helpful coping mechanism is to engage in an activity that is helpful for others. The research shows that showing gratitude, kindness, and compassion to others, can also increase our own happiness. You may consider engaging in a volunteer organization that is related to your loved one’s memory. For example, if your loved one passed away of cancer, you may consider helping out a local cancer organization or make a donation in their honor. Some other ideas to help others might include: sending cards or care packages to deployed military members, visiting a children’s center or nursing home, serving lunch at a homeless shelter, entering a 5k run/walk benefiting an organization, or anything else you can find that may be beneficial and helpful to others.

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5 Tips for Maintaining Sobriety During the Holidays

The path to recovery from alcohol addiction can be a very challenging one and this is especially true during the holiday season. Many events and festivities can be quite triggering; therefore, knowing some key strategies to maintain sobriety is critical.

The holiday season can be a fun and joyous occasion that is filled with family gatherings, work parties, and spirit-filled festivities, but it’s also a stressful time that can bring on triggers of unhealthy behavior and make it difficult to cope with certain situations. This is particularly true for those who are newly sober or in recovery and attempting to manage the holiday season sober. Many people have access to indulgent food and alcoholic beverages; therefore, creating plenty of temptation and pressure. With this combination of heightened emotions being triggered and the availability and temptation of alcohol, it can be very difficult to manage.

Here are some tips for managing alcohol during the holidays:

1. Plan Ahead:

Going into the holiday season, we already know challenges and stressful situations will arise, so it's imperative to be prepared. Have a backup plan for when you need to leave a party abruptly or even bring your support system along with you to events. You may also need to strategize surviving certain events where more alcohol may be present than others. Perhaps you bring along an interesting non-alcoholic beverage to enjoy or plan a very brief appearance to minimize any triggers or temptations that you might feel while attending these events.

2. Coping Skills:

It's important that you are managing your own health and wellness during high-stress events, including the holiday season. This should be a top priority. Implementing coping skills is really key to managing difficult and challenging emotions as well as situations. Coping skills are strategies that we use to help us manage our response and reactions to these challenges. Some ideas for coping include: going for a walk or other exercise, practicing mindfulness or meditation, and listening to music. If you are beginning to feel overwhelmed while at a holiday event, excuse yourself to take a quick break and use your coping strategies. Self-care is critical during this time to stay on your path to recovery.

3. Set Clear Boundaries:

If you are at a holiday event and are feeling uncomfortable, then set a clear boundary about how you are feeling. Express this discomfort to others or leave the engagement. This is especially true if you are newly sober and get offered alcohol. Being around alcohol can be very triggering so it's important that you set clear boundaries right from the start. This way, the other person isn't constantly trying to pressure you into drinking and is aware of where you stand. Another idea is to the designated driver. This way you can set a clear boundary you are not drinking that others should respect. The path to recovery is a challenging one and it's important that people are aware of and respect your boundaries. If you feel that your social network does not respect and honor your boundaries, then it may be time to develop a new, healthy and respectful support system.

4. Build Your Support Network:

As we know, people can get triggered during the holidays, so it's important to have a healthy support network available to you during this time. Perhaps this is a sober friend, sponsor or significant other who can go to the party with you to be a strong support system at the event. Another idea is to have people who are willing to be available for a quick phone call or visit so that you are able to discuss how you are feeling and be supported. When people know ahead of time that a loved one is struggling, they will often carve out time to ensure they are available to be a listening ear.

5. Monitor Your Emotional State:

Managing your emotions is critical during high-stress situations, such as the holidays or family dinners. It's important that you are monitoring how you feel and are implementing your coping skills when necessary. Be sure to take the time that you need and give yourself some space. Recovery is very challenging and is a top priority. Monitoring your emotional state and implementing coping skills when needed is crucial. Perhaps there is bickering at your family dinner and you feel overwhelmed, then it's important to step back and take a few moments for some self-care. You could go for a walk or excuse yourself to another room while you can composure over your feelings. The point is to make that time for yourself.

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