Ways to Cope With Stress

Stress is one of the most common challenges that we experience. It can have huge ramifications on our physical health, mental health, cognitive functioning, and emotional health so it’s essential to address stress and implement coping skills to help reduce the impact on our wellbeing.

This article will focus on a few coping skills to help reduce stress, but if you are looking for more in-depth information in an educational format, you can find our online Mindfulness & Stress Management class on our webpage. The program will delve more deeply into the negative impacts of stress, importance to address stress, stress management techniques, mindfulness, and several homework assignments to ensure your progress throughout the class.

In this article, we will look at coping strategies in a couple of different areas: physical and cognitive. You may notice that everyone handles stress differently. Some people take on stress more in a physical way, such as tension in your shoulders or back, disturbances in sleep or even headaches or stomachaches. It would be recommended that that person looks toward coping skills that take into account physical activities, such as exercise, massage, or yoga. 

Another example is the difference in the way in which we deal with stress is the person who is more impacted by cognitive effects. This is a person who may get stuck mentally in their stress, ruminate on the problems and have difficulty shutting their mind down. This person would most likely benefit from cognitive activities that address coping with stress, such as recognizing unhealthy thinking, changing your perspective or engaging in positive self-talk.

TIPS TO COPE WITH STRESS:

Behavioral Strategies:

• Physical stress relief, such as regular exercise or a daily walk

• Mindfulness and relaxation focused exercises. This may include a long bath, meditation, mindfulness practice, etc.

• Happiness activities: engage in activities that promote your happiness such as doing yoga, listening to music, or getting a massage.

• Write in a journal. The act of writing can provide an outlet for the release of emotions and thoughts, which can help with healing and coping.

• Consider emotional support activities such as talking to friends or family 

• Keep things in moderation: coffee, diet, and alcohol. Overuse of substances can create further dependency as become a crutch with coping.

Cognitive Strategies:

• Cognitive Restructuring: the act of recognizing your unhealthy thinking patterns and altering them to more positive and healthy cognition.

• Recognize unhealthy thinking patterns. By being able to catch yourself when you are thinking negatively or even ruminating on your stress, you can counteract its impact and reduce future experiences of stress.

• Perspective: Accept what you cannot control and do your best. The less we focus on perfectionism and attempting to control

• Use Positive self-talk: Try saying positive things to yourself daily. You can say things, like: “I can get through this,” “This is hard, but I can do it.”

Prevention:

• Balance: Maintain a better balance so that you do not get stressed in the future. This may include saying “no” and declining some events as well as maintaining a good balance with work-life so that life does not become overwhelming.

• Learn your triggers: For the future, learn triggers that lead to high levels of anxiety in your life. This way you can decrease or avoid these triggers and better cope.

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ONLINE SESSIONS

For more information on virtual services, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Remote services are provided online through a HIPAA compliant web portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during your sessions and have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Online Stress Management Class

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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How to Live a Well-Balanced Life

Why is balance important in life? Have you ever felt overwhelmed with an area of your life, such as work or felt that your attention was being pulled in one area so you could not devote enough time to other things? These are examples of life being out of balance and for all of us, that can be a normal experience when it’s infrequent and happens occasionally. The problem is, for many, being out of balance is a common occurrence that creates chaos and stress in their lives. Balance is important in one’s life because it creates harmony, a greater sense of peace and life satisfaction and it helps us to be more attentive to areas in our life as well as productive and successful.

It is impossible to have everything in your life completely balanced and perfect order at all times. The goal here is not perfection as that would be impossible. The goal is to learn how to adjust to the “give and take” that life demands and continually strive to come back to center when you notice things may be out of balance.

For example, if you notice that you have had to devote a lot of time to work due to a big work project or assignment, which has caused you to neglect free time activities, your social life or your family, then when you get your work project completed, it’s important that you spend some time re-centering your life. This may mean purposely devoting some time and energy to things which may have been neglected. The point here is that you are constantly changing with where your time is needed and ensuring that you are continuously working to bring that much-needed balance in your life. When people allow their lives to be too out of balance and for too long, it can impact their work, their relationships, friendships, and even their health.

There are a few ways to think about bringing better balance to your life. One would be to examine your current levels of energy and where your time is devoted. So think about the most important aspects of your life. For most people, those categories include their work, social life, health, relationship, and personal time. You may have other categories as well such as school or spiritual life.

I have included this pie graph below with some of the most important categories.

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After reviewing your life and thinking about where you are devoting most of your time, draw your own graph or think deeply about what percentages you would give to the different categories. How does your personal graph look? Are you spending a huge chunk of time at work or on your romantic life and not enough time on your personal growth, health or spirituality?

The point here is to visually see where your time is going and to see what is lacking the most. Now that you have a good visual, set some goals for how you will make some adjustments in your life. How can you currently bring better balance? Some example goals may be to spend time with your family this weekend or to plan a date night for your partner. Perhaps you set some fitness or personal goals that address self-improvement or some sort of self-care activity.

The most important aspect is that you review your life on a regular basis to examine where you are spending your time and alter that as needed. Once you get into the consistent habit of adjusting and balancing the various priorities in your life, you will begin to see relief, less stress, greater satisfaction and overall happiness.

Good luck in bringing on better balance in your life!

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Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management

For more information about living life in better balance, check out our online self-guided class called Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management Program. This program is taught by psychologist & Loving Roots Project founder, Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt. The online class includes 2 hours of video content along with a program workbook that covers 8 modules on a various topics with corresponding assignments and worksheets for practice at home.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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The Benefits of Mindfulness

The concept of mindfulness has been around for many years, but we are just now learning more and more about the positive impact that the practice of mindfulness can have on our mind and body. What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is a state of active attention to the present moment. It is bringing your full awareness and attention to your body, thoughts, feelings, surrounding environment, etc. 

Have you noticed that we often function on autopilot? This means that we just go through an activity automatically, without much focus or attention to it. This happens often when driving from home to work, for example. Since this is an activity that you do often, people can often drift off in their thoughts or not fully pay attention to the task at hand and accomplish this in autopilot. Mindfulness is the opposite! Mindfulness is having a complete awareness of everything you are doing and everything around you.

A simple way to start a mindfulness practice: 

Calm your mind and be very present

Raise your awareness to everything around you and you

Focus on your breathing, slow your breathing down

Observe your thoughts without judging them and release them

Sit for a few moments in the present moment

Check out our mindfulness video to be guided through simple and basic mindfulness practice. 

After engaging in mindfulness regularly, you may soon notice some of the many benefits. Mindfulness can impact our emotional, physical and mental health in positive ways. This practice is being promoted in many places due to the current research demonstrating such positive impacts. Many schools, places of employment and community centers are now promoting a regular mindfulness practice.

Benefits of Mindfulness:

Lower stress:

Mindfulness allows for moments of calmness and can help to lower stress and anxiety. The practice also promotes positive coping and engaging in self-help strategies. By consistently engaging in coping strategies, this can also keep stress and anxiety at levels that are better managed. 

Increased mental focus and attention:

This practice also increases our ability to be mentally focused and attentive to things around us and our thoughts and emotional process. The purpose of mindfulness is to be better aware in the present moment, therefore by regularly practicing this skill, people find that they can demonstrate increased focus and attention throughout their day and regularly.

Less emotional reactivity:

Since mindfulness is the practice of increasing self-awareness and better understanding one’s emotional and physical responses, this allows you to have more control over your reactions. People may notice that mindfulness helps them to reduce their emotional reactivity and overreaction to situations. 

More cognitive flexibility:

With regular mindfulness practice, you can also increase your ability to be cognitively flexible. This means that you can change your train of thought and mental tasks more easily. This flexibility allows you to switch mental tasks with ease and be able to focus on a new skill in a better way.

Improved connections with others:

Many people are surprised by how mindfulness increases their connection and relationships with others. Mindfulness allows for you to be more present, in the moment and aware when you are spending time with others. Being more present and connected in your relationships creates a better bond and more relationship happiness.

More in tune with your mind and body:

Since increasing mindfulness can increase your self-awareness and your attention to your thoughts, feelings, body and physical surroundings, this ultimately allows you to have a better relationship with your mind and body.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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The Healing Power of Journaling

Why is writing so beneficial? Journaling is a method of expressing and releasing thoughts and feelings. It can be a powerful tool for healing. Just as talking to someone about feelings, experiences, and emotions, journaling can also allow for the release of these thoughts and allow you to emotionally process what you’ve been dealing with. This essentially relieves the brain of holding all of these experiences within your mind and body and allows for a release, which can be essential to healing and feeling better. Journaling allows you to be open and honest with yourself. This type of truthful expressive writing about your thoughts and feelings can be quite therapeutic. It has been noted to improve both your cognitive and emotional wellbeing. 

The act of writing accesses your left brain, which is your rational and analytical side. While your right brain is creative, emotional and intuitive. So while your left brain is distracted with the task of writing, this allows your right brain to tap into the emotional and intuitive side to express your feelings. This can be very helpful in accessing both parts of your brain to clarify your thoughts, feelings, and know yourself on a deeper level. This specific act of writing can tap into your brainpower, improve mental wellbeing and get your creative juices flowing. 

Benefits of Journaling:

1. Express & clarify emotions, thoughts & experiences

Writing can help you to process your feelings on a subject. By writing, you can thoroughly explore what you are feeling and openly and honestly. This allows for further healing and even clarification on things that you may be struggling with.

2. Improve self-confidence

Journaling can bring on self-confidence as you are better able to explore your thoughts and feelings, thus feeling more confident and secure within yourself. Feeling more confident goes hand-in-hand with feeling secure and strong in your thoughts, actions, and feelings on a subject.

3. Increase self-awareness

Through the act of writing, you can more thoroughly explore your feelings, thoughts, and therefore, increase your understanding of yourself. This is the act of self-awareness and being more clear and confident with who you are as a person. Having a strong sense of self-awareness can also build higher confidence and help you to feel better about yourself. 

4. Reduce stress

Journaling allows you to express yourself, similarly to talking to a friend or therapist. Through this act of divulging your thoughts and feelings, you can reduce stress and anxiety that you may be holding in. Writing allows for these emotions to be expressed and often allows for feelings of relief, which can reduce stress.

5. Work on problem-solving

Writing can be a great way to brainstorm and explore ways to problem-solve challenges in your life. Through writing about problems, feelings, and experiences, you can work on strategizing and solving problems in your life. This helps you to explore various outcomes and ways in which you’d like to work toward handling difficult situations, which can be very helpful. 

6. Improve memory & cognitive function

Our brains require activities to stay alert, receptive and continually growing. These activities keep our brains and cognitive function healthy. Writing and journaling can be one of those great mental tasks which help to promote good memory and strong cognitive functioning.

7. Better coping with mental health issues 

Stress, anxiety, and depression are some of the most common emotional and mental health issues in the United States. Many people require various strategies to treat these conditions, which are often through therapy, coaching and psychiatric medication. There are many self-help strategies, however, and journaling is one that is often used in conjunction with therapy and coaching or simply as an ongoing strategy to help process these feelings. This is because journaling helps to boost coping and is overall a wonderful coping strategy to employ in your toolbox of self-care.

8. Help with goal setting

Writing helps to explore things within yourself such as working toward goals and handling challenges in your life. Writing things down can often make it feel more “real” and help you to visualize a step-by-step plan for achieving goals in your life. 

Tips to Start a Journaling Practice:

The first step in starting a journaling practice is to buy a journal, notebook, pad of paper or anything you like and just begin writing! It’s recommended that you set a goal of about 20 minutes per day. Also, choose a time of day in your schedule to plug in this activity and make it a goal. Perhaps you spend a few minutes each morning writing before starting your day or at night, to recap your day and your experiences. 

Many people may need a bit more structure to start, so if that’s you, then one idea may be to use daily or weekly prompts. Prompts are questions or themes that you can write about, which keep you focused on a topic and a bit more organized with your writing.

If your purpose of journaling is to work on emotional healing then ask yourself questions that you can write about that are related to healing, such as, “how can I focus on my healing today?” Or “what did I do today that has helped me to heal?” Another theme may be to focus on personal growth and write about your strengths or personal challenges that you’d like to grow from and overcome.

A gratitude journal is another common theme idea. You can write statements of gratitude each day. Writing about something that you are grateful for can give your mind a positive mental shift. 

I hope you’ve found these tips helpful and that you can start your writing journey.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Reducing Mental Health Stigma

Most people have been impacted by mental health-related issues in their life, either due to their own experience or someone they know. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in five Americans will experience a mental health disorder in their lifetime. More than 50% of people in the United States (U.S.) will be diagnosed with a mental illness at some point in their lives. Mood disorders, including major depression or bipolar disorder, are the third most common cause of hospitalization in the U.S. for youth and adults (18-44 years old). 

Suicide, which is often associated with symptoms of mental illness, is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S. These statistics show that mental illnesses are among the most common health conditions in the U.S., yet only 25 percent of people feel others are understanding or compassionate about their illness. This demonstrates how alive and well stigma and discrimination are regarding mental health-related issues and diagnoses.

A lack of understanding and familiarity about mental health as well as certain held social and cultural beliefs seem to impact one’s ability to have compassion and understanding. Another common cause of stigma is fear. It is a human tendency that we fear things that we do not fully understand. Stigma includes both the prejudicial attitudes and discriminatory behavior towards people with mental health issues. Studies have shown that the attitudes toward people who have mental illness are widespread and include beliefs like, people with mental health problems are more dangerous. When, in fact, studies indicate that people with mental health disorders are more likely to be victims of violence.

Stigma negatively impacts people who have mental illness by increasing isolation, social exclusion and providing poor social support. It also increases shame and secrecy as people will be less likely to want to share their issues related to mental health, if and when they experience discrimination as a result. People are also less likely to treatment when they experience discrimination due to their mental health-related issues. These negative experiences can greatly impact the person with a mental health diagnosis and at times, worsen symptoms by causing increased distress, lower self-esteem and hurt the person’s quality of daily living. This can also impact the person’s overall success because of poorer vocational outcomes due to workplace discrimination. 

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) suggests that people educate themselves and others about mental health-related issues to decrease stigma as well as talk more openly about mental health-related issues. Other suggestions include being more conscious of the language that we use and show more compassion for people impacted by mental illness. NAMI also encourages equality between physical and mental health conditions. A pretty impactful statement they provided on this topic was: would you make fun of someone with cancer? It is more common that we joke about mental health issues when we would never say such a thing about someone’s physical illness or disease.

The elimination of mental health stigma can, of course, reduce discrimination, it also allows for better social inclusion, can provide higher vocational outcomes for the person impacted and it can promote recovery of the person suffering from mental illness. This has a greater impact on workplace and societal environments, as well as employment and our overall communities. We all have our differences and challenges. Being compassionate, kind and accepting of all people, especially those with mental health-related issues can be beneficial for everyone.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Resources:

American Psychological Association: https://www.apa.org

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness: https://www.nami.org

Time to Change: https://www.time-to-change.org.uk

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References: 

• Byrne, P. (2000). Stigma of mental illness and ways of diminishing it. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 6(1), 65-72. doi:10.1192/apt.6.1.65

• Clement S, et al. Mass media interventions for reducing mental health-related stigma. Cochrane Database Systematic Reviews 2013; 23: CD009453.

• Clement S, et al. What is the impact of mental health-related stigma on help-seeking? A systematic review of quantitative and qualitative studies. Psychological Medicine 2015; 45: 11-27.

• The paper, “Community Violence Perpetration and Victimization Among Adults With Mental Illnesses,” is published online in the American Journal of Public Health. The paper was co-authored by Dr. Richard Van Dorn of RTI International; Kiersten Johnson, a graduate student at NC State; Dr. Kevin Grimm of University of California, Davis; Dr. Kevin Douglas of Simon Fraser University; and Dr. Marvin Swartz of Duke University.

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Blog written by: 

Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, a wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Using Positive Affirmations to Create a Good Mindset

Positive affirmations are simple statements that you can say to yourself regularly to help cope with a stressful situation or to improve mood and boost self-esteem. Affirmations can be such a simple yet powerful tool in our bag of coping skills. Positive affirmations can improve mood, decrease negative thinking, improve self-esteem and body image, it can also decrease worry, anxiety, stress and bring on a more positive and optimistic outlook.

Using daily affirmations can help you to work toward goals that you set for yourself and your personal growth and development. These are helpful when you are feeling down, insecure, worried or anytime that you might need to be uplifted. Many people undermine affirmations because it may seem too easy or even silly. But the power of positive thinking is very effective and it’s back by research. The studies have shown us that positive thinking can be beneficial in altering one’s mindset and effectively coping with emotional challenges.

The idea is that by constantly repeating positive statements to yourself, that is about yourself, your body, your relationship or your life in general, they will become engrained in your brain and you will begin to believe them and in turn, think more positively. 

You’re saturating your brain with positivity and training yourself to think more healthily. This is very helpful if you are dealing with an issue such as stress or self-esteem issues, then you can start each day with statements to yourself like, “I can do this.” “I am good enough.” So to start this exercise you can write down a list of affirmations that you can say to yourself and then practice that each day. 

It’s important when you are starting something new like this, that you find a place to incorporate it into your routine so that it becomes a good habit. But just remember, positive affirmations take time and practice and you need the constant repetitive nature of saying these positive things to yourself daily. 

You must find things that meet your needs and are specific to you. You can also write affirmations down on little sticky notes and place them where you will see them at the start of each day or even write them on your mirror so you that you see them while getting ready in the morning. Another idea is to listen to music or audio scripts that say positive affirmations. You could listen to this in the car on your way to work. 

Affirmation Ideas:

• Post-it notes

• Write on your mirror

• Get a calendar or journal with prompts

• Download an app

• Say it to yourself

• Say it aloud in the mirror or while you are driving

• Or you can listen to music or scripts that say positive affirmations
  

Example Positive Affirmations:

I bring good things into my life.

I attract positivity 

I am strong

I am kind

I am enough

I attract healthy relationships

I see the beauty within myself

Good things will happen for me

I can heal

I am grateful.

I can create my own future

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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5 Tips for Self-Improvement

Self-improvement is important. Growing as a person is essential to having a full and meaningful life. Living to your full potential means that you have to put forth effort into being open to changing yourself and continuing to grow. Ensuring you are being the best person you can be.

5 Tips for Self-Improvement:

1. Life-Long Goal:

Make it an ongoing goal to work on being a better person, constantly. It should be a daily goal and mission that you set and stick with it. It’s more than just a goal that you set and walk away. It’s a bigger process that requires constant work. It’s something that requires mental dedication. People may often read an article or see an advertisement related to bettering yourself, whether it’s physically, mentally, etc. and then they become focused on achieving that; however, once they feel they are in a good place, they drop their focus of this being something they work on. Make this something that you will continuously strive toward as it will always have rewards and benefits in your life. 

2. Boost Self-Worth

One of the main principles and a foundation for why this activity is important is feeling enough self-worth and believing that you are worth it. Believe in yourself, know the goal is important as this is your life and your ability to be the best person and best version of yourself that you can be. It’s important to believe in self-improvement and feels that you are worth this process and hard work. Once you have that foundation of strong self-worth and dedicate your time and energy to working on yourself, you can make quite a difference in your own life and ultimately achieve higher satisfaction and happiness.

3. Growth in All Areas

Make it a goal of constantly working on self-improvement in physical, mental and spiritual areas. It can be quite common that people resort to “spot treatment.” This means that when they are feeling “off” with their mental health, experiencing higher than usual levels of depression or anxiety, then they will seek help. Then they wait and when something happens again, either mental health or even physical health then they go get treatment for that issue. While this is a positive thing as we should be seeking treatment and help for issues that we are experiencing, it is healthier to maintain progress and growth toward keeping mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing at a good place. This means that we should constantly be looking at ways to improve our overall person rather than only when there are problems. This can help keep problems at bay when you have good maintenance. Get creative and look for activities and things you can get involved in, which benefit your growth as a person on an ongoing basis.

4. Positive Social Support

Surround yourself with like-minded individuals. This is the time to rid your life of toxic people. The people in our lives can often be quite influential even without us noticing. When we are surrounded by people who are negative, not supportive, criticize us or judge us, that can weigh heavily over time. So be sure to evaluate the relationship in your life to ensure that they are positive and supportive. Join positive groups and make connections with people who have the same goals. The better the people in your life, the higher and more positive the impact. You can all work to life one another up and support one another to achieve goals. 

5. Ever-Changing Process

Make this a process that is fluid and forever changing, not static. Forgive yourself if you get off track and then restart again. There isn’t an ultimate goal or finished project, but a constantly changing version of yourself who are devoted to self-improvement. When we have this mindset versus thinking of it as a final destination or end goal, it helps us to realize that working on ourselves and focusing on self-improvement is something that we must continually work on.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

If you are a “pet person” then it will come as no surprise that having pets can really be beneficial and happiness to our lives. Pets are very common in our lives. An estimated 68% of U.S. households have pets and 95% of those pet owners consider their pet a part of their family, which indicates the strong bond that pets create. Research shows us that pets can add a number of helpful elements to our lives, both physically and mentally.

For this reason, pets are often used as service animals or emotional support animals for a variety of disabilities and illnesses. Not only are certain animals capable of being trained to assist with physical and mobility needs, but many animals are highly in tune to how we are feeling and our emotional state, which means they also greatly assist with emotional and mental health needs.

Mental Health Benefits of Owning Pets: 

1. Meaning: 

Pet ownership can add so much meaning and fulfillment to our lives. They give us responsibility and something to care for. Many families add pets to their lives for the purpose of teaching responsibility to children and other family members. Pets can add so much meaning to our lives as well as prompt us to participate in pet driven activities, which can be very positive. Some of these activities may include daily walks, trips to the dog park or other outdoor activities such as hiking and visits to the park. Therefore, pets can motivate us to engage in positive physical activities outdoors as well as provide social opportunities with other pet owners.

2. Companionship: 

Pets can help to combat loneliness. Surprisingly, just the presence of having a pet nearby can decrease loneliness and helps to make us feel that someone or something is close by. This presence can help people feel less lonely in general. Also, along with meaning, pets can get us outdoors, active and engaged, which obviously reduces feelings of loneliness and adds more opportunities for social experiences. 

3. Loyalty: 

Similar to companionship, pets also bring loyalty. Many people may have fears related to trusting another human being because they are scared of being rejected, hurt or even abandoned. Pets are loyal companions who want to spend their time right by our side, which can be very helpful for someone who maybe struggling with these issues. Just in general, having that loyal companion can add more fulfillment and a sense of love to our lives.  

4. Emotional Awareness: 

Pets are very in tune and sensitive to our feelings. Often, pets can sense when we are feeling down or bad and they can curl up right next to us to offer support. This ability that pets naturally have, is similar to mindfulness. Pets are very present in the moment and put their full attention to you in the present moment. This experience can be very helpful to their human counterpart by teaching us to also be mindful, in the moment as well as reduce stress and be more in tune to our emotional state. Studies have shown that pets can increase our serotonin levels, which can help ward off depression and improve overall mood. For this reason, pets are commonly used for mental health and emotional support. 

5. Relaxation: 

Research shows us that the simple act of petting an animal can be meditative and relaxing. This is one of the reasons many service animals are taken into hospital units to provide a calm experience for the patient that will promote positive emotional and mental health as well as physical healing. Specifically, the various studies on stress reduction and pet ownership show us that this lower stress can lead to a healthier heart. The results showed lower rates of heart disease and lower blood pressure. Also, the simple tactile act of petting your cat or dog can increase a relaxation hormone and lower the stress hormone cortisol, which lowers overall stress levels and increases relaxation.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Tips for Managing Anger

Do you find that you are easily frustrated, quick to anger, or have a hot temper? Managing your anger may be an important skill for you! Through better managing and control of anger, you can feel calmer, less stressed, and let things go more easily. 

Letting anger continue to build can have a detrimental impact on your health. Anger increases stress and anxiety, which can increase blood pressure, sleep disturbance, headaches, and stomach discomfort as well as can have an effect on your cardiac health, impact your immune system, and increase your risk of stroke. 

Working to better control anger can have several positive benefits for your physical, emotional, and mental health. Decreased anger can also have a positive impact on your relationships and overall outlook on life! Below are some tips to help you to work on better managing anger.

Tips for Managing Anger:

Pause before speaking:

This initial step is one of the most obvious, but also one of the hardest. It may take going through the next few steps to actually be able to get your emotions more in control where you are able to think before speaking or reacting. The goal here is to put in a pause when you are feeling overly upset or angry. This pause will allow you to regain your composure before you just speak or react to the situation. 

Take a time-out:

This step is critical in helping you do task #1. When you take a quick time out, then it will allow you to do that pause before reacting. However, for some people, the time out may last for several days. The point is to take a break to allow yourself the space to get your emotions under control. 

Get physically active:

Getting physically active on a regular basis as well as during times of high frustration and anger can be key in calming down and keeping your temper at bay. Having a physical outlet can help to express and get rid of anger in your body. Exercising or taking a walk when you are at peak anger can also provide an immediate decrease in anger. 

Practice mindfulness:

Keeping yourself calm and relaxed is an important skill in managing anger. Mindfulness is a state of being fully in tune with how you are feeling, emotionally, mentally and physically. Being in this heightened state of awareness can be beneficial for many reasons, including having more insight and awareness about yourself as well as being calmer, more relaxed and lowering your anger levels. Try a brief mindfulness practice each day or several times a week to learn how to maintain a state of calm in your daily life. 

Stress management skills:

Anger is often tied to high stress and tension; therefore, it’s important to implement stress management skills. Stress can be completely unavoidable; therefore, developing good coping skills to handle stress is crucial. Be sure to come up with a regular routine in your daily or weekly schedule that can help to reduce the stress and anxiety in your life. Some examples include: meditation, mindfulness, walking, running, reading a book, listening to music, art, knitting, fishing, etc. For more examples, click here.

Let it go: 

An important piece to managing anger is practicing forgiveness. This is crucial because if you don’t let things go, they will only continue to build and actually accumulate. Therefore, expressing your anger (when you’re in a calmer state), letting it go and not holding grudges, is really key to moving forward and reducing anger. 

Look Underneath:

The final tip is to be sure and review what may be underlying your anger. Perhaps you are feeling more stressed than usual, under a large amount of tension or feeling anxious or depressed? It’s important to examine the underlying reasons for your quick to temper state. Taking a few moments to engage in self-reflection can help you to examine any personal issues that may be impacting your mood, which can lead to resolving anger in a better and more effective manner.

It is important to note that if you are finding that you are regularly practicing the above steps and feel that your anger remains out of control, then it may be time to seek professional help. There are often anger management programs in your local area or you can search on online directories to find psychologists or coaches who treat anger and work on self-improvement.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Therapeutic Benefits of Gardening

With springtime upon us and stores putting out their seedlings, vegetables and fresh young flowers, writing about some of the benefits of gardening seem fitting. Many people engage in gardening for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, it is simple to create more curb appeal to their home, others supply flowers to create more sustainable homesteads, some provide nourishment to bees and other creatures who need them, and some people just garden because they love it. Did you know there are some wonderful therapeutic and mental health benefits to gardening too? 

Horticulture as a treatment intervention has been around for quite some time, but it wasn’t until the 1940s and 50’s that it picked up steam with use and credibility. Rehabilitative care programs began to use horticulture therapy practice with hospitalized war veterans. A variety of professionals now use horticultural therapy techniques to assist participants in learning new skills, regaining some that were lost, improve memory, cognition, language, and socialization. There are some specifically designed therapeutic gardens that are helpful for sensory-orientation as well as just incorporating the healing elements of nature. This blog will specifically look at some of the mental health benefits to gardening.

Here are a few of the benefits: 

1. Sense of responsibility:

Gardening can provide one with a sense of responsibility as taking care of plants can add a sense of purpose, meaning and fulfillment. This gives a person a task that they are involved in, responsible for and in charge of, which can be very important if a person is struggling with feeling unfulfilled, lonely or just trying to find meaning in their life. Many horticulture programs have community gardens that can help increase social experiences. 

2. Nurturing:

Care-taking of any sort can provide us a sense of being nurturing to another living thing. This allows for one to nurture a plant and watch it grow. Many people enjoy starting from tiny seeds, watching them sprout into seedlings and eventually grow and bloom. The process allows people to really care and nurture something that will grow and succeed. Research has shown that providing support and nurturance can lead to reduced stress, increased happiness and feelings of connectedness. 

3. Focus and being in the present moment:

It may be surprising for some, but gardening can assist you in living in the present moment. It brings you to the here and now and as you focus on the activity at hand. It can increase your state of mindfulness. This also allows for a nice distraction away from everyday stressors and some people use it as a means to process and let go of unpleasant emotions. The activity also promotes interest and enthusiasm for the future as many want to see their plants grow and bloom. 

4. Gets you active and outdoors:

Gardening can get you active and take you outdoors to tend to plants and water. Many people find that just being outdoors, in the sunshine and fresh air can add a very healthy outlet in their life. Many school programs with children and even some agencies for the elderly bring in gardening as a means to teach as well as keep people active. Gardening can be hard physical work and lead to the development and improvement of motor skills and muscle coordination. It also allows for sensory experiences due to textures, colors, smells, etc., which can be helpful in stimulating the brain and responses of the person involved.

5. Brings about feelings of success:

Gardening can actually bring on improved confidence and self-esteem. When you plant those seeds in the fresh soil and you provide water and wait. Then you wait some more and suddenly you see the green sprouts. It’s fun and exciting and it gets even better when those green sprouts grow and grow and then, there are tomatoes, zucchinis or peppers hanging off your plant that began as that tiny little seed. Gardening brings on feelings of success, accomplishment, and pride. It feels good to work at something and have it bloom and grow. It is hard work and not everything is completely successful, but when you do put in dedication for something, it can bring on positive feelings.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Resources:

American Horticultural Therapy Association:

https://www.ahta.org/what-is-horticultural-therapy

Therapeutic Garden Characteristics:

https://www.ahta.org/assets/docs/therapeuticgardencharacteristics_ahtareprintpermission.pdf

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Finding Happiness in Everyday Things

Do you feel that you have difficulty finding time for activities that you love? Many people don’t take on new hobbies or activities simply because they don’t feel they have enough time, but it’s these activities and hobbies that can help bring happiness and enjoyment in life. So what about utilizing the activities that you already do? Can you maximize on those in order to increase meaning and happiness in your life? Many activities that we already do can actually become therapeutic and assist us when we are in the right mindset. This has many personal benefits, such as creativity, meaning, stimulation, distraction, and emotional healing.

People use going to the gym, exercising, knitting, gardening, painting, cooking, etc. as their own type of “therapy” without even realizing it. Although activities cannot truly replace psychotherapy, the point is, we can often make everyday activities therapeutic in some way if we set our mind and intention to do so. This requires you to really think about the activity before doing it and setting your mind to making the activity therapeutic for you. This can supplement personal growth and add deeper meaning and intention to our lives. This means that the activity is not just a mindless activity, but it’s something that can actually be beneficial to our mental, emotional or spiritual health and it adds to our life, meaning, and purpose.

These activities can be helpful for us to disengage from our day to day life, distract us from challenges we may be facing, reduce stress, assist us processing difficult emotions, help us pay more attention, focus in the present moment, and overall provide us with opportunities to engage in positive activities that bring meaning and health to our life.

You can increase the therapeutic benefit of everyday activities by following these steps:

Select: Choose an activity that will be meaningful to you in some way. So maybe it’s something that’s important for your health, such as exercise. Or maybe it's an everyday activity that you’re already engaged in, that’s important to you, such as walking your dog. Put some thought into an activity in which you feel that you can be mentally present. This needs to be something that fits you, your personality and interests. For example, many people find cooking to be therapeutic, but if you hate to cook, then that is probably not the best activity for you! Find something that you enjoy and believe that you can find meaning in.

Pause: Take a moment to pause before you begin your activity. Be present, mindful, and in the moment. Mindfulness is about being completely in tune and highly aware of a given moment. This is a chance to reflect on the activity, how you are feeling and focus on how this activity will be therapeutic for you. Take the time to think about how this is a therapeutic activity that you enjoy and are using in a way to promote health and happiness. For example, before walking your dog, think to yourself what the benefits are of the activity and how this might be helpful for you. So you may think about the physical benefits of walking as well as the benefit of stress reduction and the help of distracting your mind and mentally “clearing your head” while walking.

Enjoy: Often, we get into a routine of doing an activity and we go into autopilot, without even paying attention to the activity that we are doing. If you are wanting to make an activity therapeutic, then it's important that you are following these recommendations in order to really pause before engaging in the activity and be more mindful and present in the moment. This will allow the activity to have more meaning for you, bring more fulfillment and more joy. So be sure that once you have selected an activity with purpose and intention, you will then pause for a moment to be mindful and present. Lastly, enjoy the activity and make the most of the moment. This way, you are more likely to reap the benefits of a therapeutic and healing activity.

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Online services are available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Benefits of Unplugging & Having a Tech-Free Day

We are more connected than ever before. Well, by technology anyway. We have more access to information and resources through tech and social media. This keeps us “connected” with friends, family and perhaps people who we may have lost contact with otherwise. Technology and social media can increase the speed of dissemination of information with relevant news or law enforcement postings and be wonderful in sharing of relevant info. However, we are also exposed to so much negativity and it can actually pull us further away from our connections with people in front of us and in the present moment. This is especially true when the use of technology or social media is not done in moderation or awareness of the negative exposure is not better monitored.

Most of the latest research regarding our use of technology and with social media, in particular, has indicated several negative impacts on self-esteem, depression, anxiety, body image, unhealthy sleeping patterns, addiction and cyberbullying. While there can be both benefits and negative impacts of technology and social media, it’s important to understand that occasional breaks can be very helpful. This goes for children’s screen time as well. There is a National Day of Unplugging that is a good reminder to all of us, to take a much-needed break from tech.

Here are some benefits of unplugging:

Let’s us connect to people in the moment

The irony is that social media can keep us connected to people at a distance, but sometimes we can lose focus and connection with people right in front of us. Taking a brief break, allows you to be present, in the moment and connect with people in your life. Not being focused on your phone, allows you to be more aware, mindful and in tune with the present moment.

Increases personal growth

When we take breaks from technology, it can help us to focus on activities that are focused on our personal growth and development. This will give you an opportunity, for example, to go for a hike and leave your phone turned off so that you can fully enjoy being present in nature. You can also work on journaling or another activity that helps in the expression of emotions, such as practicing gratitude. Not being glued to our phones allows us the opportunity to engage in self-love and self-care as well as living with more intention and meaning in your day-to-day.

Less comparison to others

People may not realize that when they see images of other people’s lives, they can often compare this to their own. So taking a break from social media allows for “out of sight, out of mind.” This takes away that unconscious desire to compare ourselves to others. We stop looking at photos or videos of others and comparing them to our own lives. This comparison can really bring down mood and self-esteem without even realizing it. Taking that much-needed break will allow you to focus on yourself and what brings you happiness in your own life.

More free time

When we are not glued to our phones, tablets or computers, we have more time to do other stuff! You could set up a game night with your family or friends or you could go see a movie. There are lots of fun activities that take us away from being on our phones or computers. Many of these hobbies and fun activities can bring us more meaning and happiness in our lives.

Increases communication

Often times, when we are present in the moment with people in our lives and increase our connection, we are also more thoroughly engaged and increase levels of communication. Not being glued to our phones, allows us the opportunity to talk and engage with the people we are with and have more meaningful connections with others. This encourages a higher rate of engagement with those around us.

Gives a moment to recharge

This gives you an opportunity to rest your body and mind from technology. We often don’t realize how consuming news, social media, and graphic images can be. Usually, people feel refreshed and recharged once they get a brief break.

Improves sleep

Many studies show that the use of phones and other technology can impact our sleep and this is especially true when we use devices right before going to bed. Images, stories and even the phone light can stimulate our brain and when this happens before bedtime, it can be challenging to calm down and fall asleep. It’s best to begin a nighttime routine without the use of screens.

Ideas to get Started:

• Set up rules for tech-free family dinner or game night. Everyone can place their phones in a bowl or central location so that they all agree to enjoy the evening together.

• Have a tech-free weekend; Go on a family camping trip; Go see a movie.

• Put your phone away and on silent when you’re with friends and family and try not to pull it out to check it until you’re done with your activity.

• Set up a calendar reminder every week or every month to take a few hours off.

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Online services are available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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30 Activities to Reduce Stress

We live in a fast-paced, quick moving and stressful world. At times, it’s hard to even find a moment of calmness. Stress impacts us physically and mentally. It impacts the ability to focus, to be more productive, it disturbs sleep, impacts relationships as well as overall happiness. Most of the time, it’s impossible to fully remove all the stress in our lives, so what else can we do? How can we plug in a relaxing activity that will offset and lower stress? 

Well, there are lots of fun ideas out there to help relieve stress, but first, let’s discuss how you begin such a routine.

Take the time: 

This is probably the most important step to learning to relax and reduce stress. It is most crucial because no matter how many relaxing ideas we come up with if you do not take the time to actually pause and take a break, it will never work. Set aside a reasonable amount of time that is needed and set up a plan for how you will accomplish this. We often feel we do not have enough time as it is. So find a few moments in your daily routine to engage in a fun and relaxing activity. For example, you may set a reminder on your phone to meditate or go for a walk or you may plan to play relaxing music in the car on your way home from work every day. It’s just important that you find the right thing that works for you and you set aside the time to actually follow through with the activity.

Relax your mind: 

Be in the present moment when you are engaging in the activity. This is key to actually relaxing. Many people may focus on the physical aspects of relaxation, which is also important, but if you are not relaxing your mind, then your body also cannot relax. Think of how strong the mind-body connection can be and how important it is to address both aspects of ourselves at one time. If you get a massage, which may feel wonderful physically, but you do not address the mental aspect of calming, then your mind stays in a state of stress; therefore, impacting your body. Engage in mindfulness and take a brief mental pause. Also, if you are not mentally engaged in the activity and you are staying in a stressed state of mind, then you will not experience the maximum benefit. The goal here is to relax your mind as best you can and stay focused in the present moment with the activity that you are engaged in. In order to relax the mind, slow yourself, calm your breathing, and focus on your current state.

Practice: 

Now is the important step of finding an activity that is actually helpful for you in both mind and body that will help you to relax. Try a variety of activities and practice! What one person does to relax, may not help the next person. It is important that you find the right activity for you. You may hate reading, so reading a book will not be a relaxing activity for you so while that may be helpful for many, it might not work for you. Start by making a list of activities that you think would be relaxing or that you have seen others do that helped them to relax. Try them! Take the time to test out some different activities to see if you find them relaxing. Be sure to find activities that will target both mind and body.

Here is a list of 30 fun activities that will help reduce stress:

1. Going for a walk or exercising

2. Taking a bath or shower

3. Practicing deep breathing

4. Reading a book, newspaper or magazine    

5. Practicing meditation or mindfulness

6. Listening to relaxing music

7. Getting a massage

8. Sewing, knitting, cross stitching 

9. Doing yoga

10. Petting your dog or cat

11. Horseback riding

12. Writing in a journal

13. Reading a book

14. Talking to a friend

15. Watching a movie

16. Playing a musical instrument

17. Arts and crafts

18. Gardening

19. Playing games

20. Practicing gratitude

21. Completing puzzles

22. Taking a nap

23. Having a spa night at home

24. Practicing positive self-talk

25. Engaging in a hobby

26. Drinking soothing tea

27. Getting a good night’s sleep

28. Reducing caffeine intake

29. Disconnecting from tech

30. Trying aromatherapy

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Online services are available

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Tips for Coping with Emotional Pain

Dealing with emotional pain is extremely difficult. Learning how to cope and heal from this pain in a healthy way can be even harder. Emotional pain can come from many circumstances such as grief, loss, trauma, stress or toxic relationships. Developing good coping skills is really essential to the process of healing. We all need outlets. We need healthy ways to express our feelings and emotions. Actually healing from emotional pain is so important and powerful, versus getting stuck and letting negative feelings hinder you from moving forward and living to your full potential.

Most people attempt to avoid emotional pain that they are feeling and this often causes them to get trapped in a cycle that actually ends up holding onto negative emotions. Some people may use unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol or other substances as a means of numbing bad feelings. Often, this is unconscious. This, unfortunately, just temporarily masks the pain and does not actually help in the healing process.

Another common response to negative emotions is simply trying not to deal with them at all. Unfortunately, when we engage in this behavior, emotions do not heal and they will work themselves to the surface, but often in a very negative way. For example, with unresolved grief or other emotional pain, a person may find that they later have an increase in periods of high anxiety or acute stress. They may also notice more physical symptoms, such as difficulty sleeping, upset stomach, constant worry and rumination or even high blood pressure. It is crucial to learn healthy and appropriate ways to work through these difficult emotions. Learning good coping skills and self-care can heal pain and help to move forward. 

10 Tips For Healthy Coping:

1. Write in a journal 

Writing about emotional pain can be very powerful and help to actually release the emotions. Journaling allows you to mentally think about and process your feelings while you are “expressing” them, by writing, which can, in turn, release them and encourage the healing process. There have been many positive benefits seen from journaling about emotional pain. To start journaling, find anything that you feel comfortable writing in and just begin! If it’s more comfortable to be structured or use prompts then think of questions for yourself, such as “how did I get to the place where I am today?” “in my darkest place, I felt …” or “what have I learned from this experience?” The point is to write about your experience in great detail and write thoroughly about how you are feeling. This allows for the “expression” of the emotion and the symbolic “release,” which is critical to healing.

2. Use Your Creativity

This could be drawing, knitting, art, dance, photography, music, pottery, or really any activity that you enjoy. This exercise is similar to writing in a journal as it allows for the release of emotions. Through activities, we are able to find fun, freedom, distraction and often times, relief from holding onto negative emotions. This is another avenue that allows you to process and express emotions; therefore, release and heal from them.

3. Find a Healthy Support System

This could include talking to a friend or family member or even joining support groups. Having a social and emotional outlet is important. Also, speaking with someone and actually saying the words out loud about how you are feeling can be beneficial to healing. One word of caution with this step; however, is to not get too bogged down with just repeatedly venting where it can turn into unhealthy rumination and you get stuck. It’s important that you are using your support system to discuss how you are feeling, in a healthy way.

4. Use Self-Reflection

Think about your own role in the situation that is upsetting you and look for ways in which you can improve. Most of the time, when we become angry at someone else, we finger point and look to blame. We may focus on the ways in which the other person has hurt us or what they have done wrong. It can be important to express how we have been wronged and discuss that with the person who wronged us, but it is also helpful to look at ways in which we could have handled things differently, what we can change about our own behavior or how we can approach a situation differently in the future.

Another example is when people experience a bad situation that is outside of their control and they were victim to something. This can lead people to feel helpless and as though they had no control over their situation. While this may be true, it’s important to focus on what things they can do or change for the future. Perhaps it’s focusing on the positive and building their current relationships or focusing on bettering their health. These are things that we can control and keep us focused on the positive and moving forward.

5. Try Relaxation Techniques

There are many different types of relaxation techniques that can be helpful during the time of emotional pain and stress. These include using simple breathing techniques, meditation or mindfulness activities or it could even include grounding exercises, which are helpful in situations of trauma or acute stress. The point with these activities is to slow yourself down, to be very present in the moment and give yourself an opportunity of calming and healing.

A simple breathing exercise could take just a few short minutes to do and have very helpful effects. Here is an example of a simple breathing exercise: breath in and count to 5 as you are doing so, now hold your breath and count to 5 again and then exhale for 5. Repeat. This will allow you to slow your breathing and pay more focused attention on how you are feeling. After a few minutes of this calm focused breathing, you will notice a calming in your mind and your overall state of being.

6. Distract Yourself

There are times when our emotional state can be overwhelming and difficult to manage. This is when having a distraction could be helpful with coping. A distraction can be something as simple as watching a movie or having coffee with a friend. It just allows you a moment to not think about your emotional pain and in some ways, regain composure and control over how you are feeling. A distraction is a temporary relief strategy, but should not be your constant. It’s important to actually sit with your emotions and heal from them; therefore, distraction is best used only to help you through the process when you need a break or things feel too heavy. Having a temporary break from emotional pain and distracting yourself can be really important in the process.

7. Exercise

Physical exercise is a key component of mind-body wellness. Movement can allow for our negative emotions to become unstuck and actually move; therefore, allowing us to process these emotions and release them. So, do not discount the importance of going for a walk or going to the gym. Exercise can also help in reducing any negative impacts that stress has caused to the body. If you are not someone who exercises often, then a simple 20-minute walk around the neighborhood may be a great place to start to get your body and mind moving.

8. Identify Unhealthy Thinking Patterns

Learn to identify unhealthy patterns with your thinking, such as rumination or negative thinking and work toward changing those patterns. This is a common cognitive-behavioral strategy that is often seen in the management of stress or even depression and trauma. For example, when you notice yourself engaging in negative thinking or ruminating over the bad situation that happened, use self-talk to change that pattern. You can say things like, “I will get through this,” “I am strong” or “I am brave.” First, you must identify when we are not thinking in a healthy manner and then work to change that. Changing the way that we think can have a very positive impact.

9. Sit With Your Emotions

Now, this is the opposite of what I described above with distraction, but both can be healthy and healing in their own way and at the right time. As difficult as it can be, there is importance to just sitting and being present with how you are feeling. This allows you to be very aware, in the present moment with how you are feeling and to not dismiss or hide from painful emotions. It allows for an opportunity to reflect and validate your emotions and how you are feeling. It also allows for you to express these emotions to yourself and perhaps allow yourself time to cry or grieve. This again will help you to process how you are feeling and work toward healing.

10. Look Forward

It is important in the process that we do not get stuck in a negative cycle for too long. It’s crucial to keep moving forward. Of course, you should always allow yourself time to heal because this is an extremely difficult process. However, it is also important that you are working toward progress and looking for a future time when these emotions do not weigh heavily on you. This could include setting goals for something in the future or perhaps making plans for an activity as something to work toward and look forward to. This action of thinking about the future can be helpful. When people are overwhelmed with difficult feelings in the moment, it can be hard to think about the future or even picture a time when they aren’t experiencing this emotional pain. So it’s a challenge, but a purposeful one that can actually be quite helpful. This can get you setting future goals and thinking positively, which helps with healing.

Positive thinking can have a major impact in a good way toward healing. Many people underestimate the power of positive thinking, but it can help us to adjust our mood and the way that we think overall. When we have gone through a difficult situation and are working toward healing from emotional pain, it can be extremely challenging yet helpful to find something positive and meaningful in our situation, such as something we learned from the experience or how we can take a bad experience and move forward in a positive way.

Working through painful emotions is never easy. The importance here is that you are finding healthy activities and coping mechanisms that will promote your healing in a positive way. Each person is different and the situation that they experienced is very different; therefore, the coping strategies and personal preferences will also be different. It’s essential to find things that work well for you and stick to it. Painful emotions take time to heal so don’t give up right away. Keep moving forward and working on your own self-care. Healing will come and you will get through this.

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ONLINE SESSIONS available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

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