20 Date Ideas To Try at Home

While we know that quality time with our partners is essential as it boosts our connection, it can be challenging to think of new and creative ways to spend time together. Many couples may face difficulty arranging childcare, while others may be financially strained due to rising living costs, and some may simply enjoy the comfort of their own home.

How can you keep the romance and passion alive in your relationship? Here are some date night ideas that you can try at home. 

Date Ideas To Try at Home:

1. Try a Virtual Visit: 

There are many museum tours, aquariums, nature webcams and National parks that offer free virtual visits. This allows a unique opportunity to view places that are not local and you may not see otherwise or at least without having to travel a far distance. Taking a virtual tour also allows you and your partner to engage in good conversation about the art, landscape, animals, or scenery that you experience. It may give you a change in your normal surroundings and even help you to feel like you got to escape your home. 

2. Game Night: 

Are you and your partner in for a little healthy competition? Try a game night. You could bring out some of your favorite games from growing up or order some new ones to challenge each of you. Depending on your mood or even personality, you may be in for something more interactive, like charades or something with more strategy, like chess or poker. No matter your choice, having a game night with your partner can help shake up the normal routine and bring some fun into your home. 

3. Couples Enrichment Activities:

There are many great marriage boosting activities that you and your partner could try. It’s a great opportunity to allow for focus and dedication to your partner. Some marriage enrichment activities include journal prompts to either write about or just verbally share with your partner. You can find lots of articles with marriage tips and there are several free marriage tip videos that you could watch with your spouse. Many webpages have prompts and questions for couples that serve as great conversation starters. These types of activities help couples work on communication and connection.

4. Outdoor Movie:

Many couples enjoy snuggling up with one another while watching their favorite flick. If you’ve been binge-watching Netflix nightly from your sofa and want to change things up a bit, try creating an outdoor movie theater. Some people have outdoor TVs on their decks or even projectors that work with your smartphone so you can view the movie from a blank wall. You could string some lights for a more romantic glow, lay down a blanket and pillows and snuggle up under the stars. 

5. Creative Picnic:

Another fun outdoor activity is to create a picnic, either at a local park, your backyard, or even your living room. You could get appetizers from a favorite restaurant or choose an assortment of charcuterie to sample. Another fun idea is to make your picnic a theme, such as Hawaiian night, tastes of Italy, or an evening of sweet treats for a decadent touch. Picnics can also have a romantic touch with candles, lights, or simply under the moonlight. 

6. Romantic Dine-in: 

Create a space in your home for a romantic dinner. You could try dressing up an outdoor table or even a spot in your living room with a table cloth, candlelight, and perhaps some freshly picked flowers. The idea here is to re-create a private and romantic dining experience. You could pick-up take-out from your favorite spot that you get to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

7. Scavenger Hunt or Hide & Seek:

Bring back some fun childhood memories and an element of suspense and surprise by creating a scavenger hunt for each other or even play hide and seek with items throughout your home. While it may seem silly, it’s a great way to view your home, your partner, and the evening in a different way. You can try a scavenger hunt that’s filled with brain-busting riddles for your partner to solve along the way or how about a sexy hide and seek game with your favorite pieces of lingerie. Get creative with using your everyday space and household items to stimulate some fun together in a new way. 

8. Art Night:

Let your creativity flow! Try having a painting night where you both work on the same picture and compare at the end or even try a new craft or woodworking project together. Pinterest has lots of ideas that are not for the faint-hearted. You can keep things relationship-focused by creating a keepsake that highlights your relationship and the love you have together. 

9. Get to Cooking: 

Many people find cooking to be therapeutic and it can be a great activity for couples to do together. There are often cooking classes that are focused on couples and you may be able to find some online right now. You can also try following along with a cooking demonstration from a tv show or class or simply look up a new recipe online to try. You could also try a little competition and each creates a dish that you critique and share at the end. 

10. Food & Drink Pairing:

Try creating an interesting selection of food and drink pairings, such as local wine & artisan cheeses or your favorite tea and biscuits. You could try various tapas or appetizers from around the world or keep it close to home with samplings of beers from your local brewery. This can serve as a conversation starter by giving you something a little different to engage in and share your thoughts with your partner on the selections. You can discover what you and your partner like and don’t like while you compare notes.

11. A Mini Book Club:

A unique idea to share with your partner may be to try some new reading material together. There are often motivational marriage stories and other material for couples such as relationship boosters. You could try each reading a short story or other article and then sharing the content. The idea here is to choose an activity that you both enjoy, such as reading and find unique ways that you can share the time and engage in conversation about the activity. 

12. At-Home Spa Day: 

You can try and recreate a spa day in the comfort of your own home and with your partner. Think bubble bath for two, followed by facial scrubs and massages. You can even try some new or different products or even make your own sugar scrub or soap together. This may give you something new to try and be a great way to reduce stress.

13. Healthy Competition: 

Many couples may enjoy the healthy competition of video gaming, a fitness challenge, or even an online trivia game. You could also try having a sing-off with some living room karaoke or a pajama dance party to show off your best skills. The idea of challenging your partner in a healthy way can create some competition and maybe even fuel your sexual desire for each other. 

14. Fondue Tasting:

Another fun food idea is to try a night of fondue tasting. You can melt some of your favorite cheeses or mix various additions in with chocolate and have a sample. This again allows for an opportunity to try something different and promotes conversation for the two of you. For a romantic touch, you could try doing the entire fondue sampling by feeding one another. 

15. Backyard Camping:

If you are fans of camping but haven’t had the opportunity to go, then try creating your own camping experience right at home. You can get into the activity with roasting s’mores over your fire pit, inside in your fireplace, or melted in the oven. And if you don’t have space to pitch a tent in your backyard, then try a pillow fort in the living room. The point here is to completely shake up your normal routine and recreate a different and unique experience that you can share with your partner. 

16. Online Classes:

With so many things being virtual now, there is no shortage of interesting classes and activities online. You and your partner could try a new activity or exercise class, perhaps do some yoga or Zumba together. There are also several wellness classes offered for free that focus on your overall mind-body wellbeing, such as stress management or a mindfulness meditation class. Many top universities are also offering free classes on a variety of subjects such as gaming, design, writing, filmmaking, photography, science, business, or foreign languages. If you and your partner have ever talked about learning something new, now might be your chance! You can try a new class, hit pause, and share some thoughts along the way with your spouse.

17. Create a Photo Book or Digital Collage

Many couples enjoy reminiscing about some fun times they’ve had together! Try looking through old photos of vacations, trips or even your wedding or honeymoon. You can put together a digital collage to share on social or create a custom photo book to have printed. Looking through pictures can boost positive memories, good conversation, and build a connection between two people. 

18. Try Photography:

For those who may have an eye for photography, you may enjoy having a photography night. You could each take snapshots of unique items or views from around your home and share them later. You could even make it a contest and have your partner guess where the pic was taken or simply what the item is. Even if you don’t have a professional lens, you can simply click away with your smartphone and create unique pictures of everyday items. 

19. Get Outside: 

Many couples enjoy outdoor activities together and being in nature does have benefits. You can try hiking, biking, canoeing, fishing, gardening, or just simply go for a walk around your neighborhood. Being outdoors and in nature has been proven to boost feelings of relaxation and happiness. When shared with your partner, you can build some great memories enjoying nature and each other. 

20. Last, but not least, have sex! 

Seems self-explanatory, but take some time to just be intimate with your partner. Try something new. Think lingerie, feathers, sex toys, or role-play. If you have kids, this may not mean you will spend an afternoon in bed, but a quickie in the morning before the house wakes. Physical intimacy, touch, and sex are all great ways to boost those love hormones, which foster feelings of safety, affection, and love. 

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social:

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5 Tips for Increasing Emotional Connection in Relationships

5 Tips for Increasing Emotional Connection in Relationships

Emotional connection is the foundation of a healthy, loving, and thriving relationship. Whether you're nurturing a romantic partnership, family bond, or friendship, cultivating emotional intimacy can deepen understanding, build trust, and create a lasting connection. While every relationship is unique, there are core principles that can help anyone strengthen emotional ties. Here are five practical tips for increasing emotional connection in relationships:

1. Active Listening: Truly Hear and Understand

One of the most powerful ways to build an emotional connection is through active listening. Many people listen to respond, rather than to truly understand their partner's feelings and experiences. Active listening requires full attention, eye contact, and an openness to hearing what the other person is expressing—both in words and emotions. Simply taking an interest and caring about your partner's life and experiences can be very meaningful.

When listening, avoid interrupting or formulating your response while the other person is speaking. Instead, offer affirming nods or verbal cues such as “I understand” or “Tell me more.” This creates a safe space for the other person to express themselves without fear of being judged or dismissed, enhancing emotional intimacy. Reflecting on what you've heard, such as “It sounds like you feel frustrated when…” also shows empathy and ensures you’re interpreting their feelings correctly.

2. Share Vulnerabilities: Open Up About Your Inner World

Emotional connection thrives when both partners feel safe being vulnerable. Sharing personal fears, dreams, or past experiences can create a deeper bond as it invites the other person into your inner world. This doesn't mean disclosing every thought or feeling, but rather creating moments of openness where both of you can share something meaningful.

Being vulnerable allows your partner to see your authentic self, imperfections, and all. It also encourages reciprocal sharing, creating a feedback loop of trust. When you open up about something close to your heart, such as a personal struggle or a deeply held belief, it sends the message that you trust the other person with your emotional truth. This mutual vulnerability fosters deeper emotional intimacy. Read more on how self-awareness can boost your ability to be more emotionally open and vulnerable.

3. Practice Empathy: Understand Their Perspective

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and genuinely feel their emotions. Developing empathy allows you to better understand and respond to your partner’s emotional needs, creating a strong emotional bond. When your partner is going through something difficult, instead of jumping to problem-solving or giving advice, start by validating their feelings.

Simple statements like "That sounds really tough" or "I can see why you feel that way" show that you’re emotionally attuned to them. Empathy strengthens the emotional connection because it reassures the other person that you care deeply about their emotional experience, regardless of whether you can fix the situation or not.

4. Engage in Meaningful Conversations: Go Beyond the Surface

While day-to-day conversations are important, deep emotional connection often comes from meaningful conversations that go beyond small talk. Take time to discuss your shared values, goals, or aspirations. Ask thoughtful questions like, “What’s something you’ve been thinking about a lot lately?” or “What are you most passionate about?”

These conversations allow for deeper self-disclosure and help you connect over what really matters. It also strengthens your emotional bond by allowing each of you to feel seen and understood in a more profound way. By discussing topics like personal growth, fears, and hopes, you open doors to new levels of intimacy.

5. Physical Affection and Presence: The Power of Touch

Physical affection is often underrated in its ability to build emotional connection. A simple hug, holding hands, or a reassuring touch on the shoulder can communicate love, care, and security in ways that words sometimes cannot. Research shows that physical touch releases oxytocin, the "love hormone," which helps foster feelings of closeness and trust. Read more here on building physical touch in your relationship.

It’s also essential to be fully present when spending time together. This means putting away distractions like phones or laptops and focusing on your partner. Non-verbal communication, such as affectionate gestures or maintaining eye contact, strengthens emotional connection by reinforcing the feeling that you are fully engaged in the moment with them.

Final Thoughts:

Building emotional connections in relationships requires intentionality and effort from both partners. Through active listening, vulnerability, empathy, deep conversations, and physical presence, you can create a strong and enduring emotional bond. Emotional connection isn’t built overnight; it’s nurtured through consistent acts of love, care, and understanding.

Remember, relationships thrive when both partners feel emotionally safe and valued. By integrating these tips into your daily interactions, you can cultivate a deeper, more meaningful emotional connection that stands the test of time.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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10 Ways to Improve Your Relationship When Your Partner Won't

10 Ways to Improve A Relationship When Your Partner Won't

Relationships can be incredibly rewarding, but they also require effort and cooperation from both partners. When one partner feels unsupported, it can lead to frustration and resentment. If you're in a situation where your partner isn't actively helping to improve the relationship, it may feel like you're carrying the emotional load alone. While you can’t force your partner to change, there are ways to work on the relationship that may inspire growth and reconnection.

This is one of the most common complaints that I hear from my clients. I’m often contacted by one partner who is frustrated, hurt, and upset by the fact that they feel alone in trying to make their relationship work. They want to work on things, but can’t get their partner on board to agree to do the same. It’s important to stay on the right path for yourself and your relationship, regardless of what your partner chooses and it’s important to remember that we all decide to change at different times. So continue your path forward, while working on some of the tips below and give your partner that opportunity to be your teammate through this process. 

Here are 10 strategies to improve your relationship when your partner isn’t contributing as much as you’d like:

1. Lead by Example

Instead of focusing on what your partner isn’t doing, concentrate on what you can do. Show through your actions what a healthy, loving partnership looks like. For example, if you wish for more open communication, start by expressing yourself more clearly and empathetically. Try to steer clear of blaming, yelling, instigating, etc., and lead with kind open communication that will promote productive conversations between the two of you. When you take the lead, you set a positive tone, and your partner may follow suit as they observe the benefits of your efforts. You also show by example that you are making every effort to work toward a better you and a better relationship.

2. Focus on Your Own Growth

When your partner isn't engaged in improving the relationship, it's important to take responsibility for your own growth. Work on personal development by nurturing your interests, hobbies, and emotional health. By becoming the best version of yourself, you contribute more positively to the relationship dynamic and feel less dependent on your partner’s involvement for your own happiness.

3. Communicate Without Blame

It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming your partner for the relationship’s challenges, but this approach will likely lead to defensiveness. Instead, practice non-blaming communication by focusing on "I" statements rather than "you" statements. For example, say, “I feel hurt when we don’t spend quality time together” rather than “You never make time for me.” This makes it easier for your partner to hear your concerns without feeling attacked.

4. Appreciate the Small Things

While your partner may not contribute in the ways you wish, they may be helping in other areas you haven’t acknowledged. Look for small acts of love or support and express appreciation for them. Acknowledging your partner’s efforts, even if they’re subtle or different from your own expectations, can create a more positive atmosphere. This may encourage them to do more once they see their actions are valued. Sharing of appreciation is an important aspect of expressing and feeling love and affection in a relationship.

5. Set Healthy Boundaries

If your partner isn’t helping in areas that matter to you, it’s crucial to set healthy boundaries. Boundaries are not ultimatums but rather ways to protect your emotional wellbeing. For example, if your partner isn’t contributing to household tasks, you might say, “I can’t manage all of this on my own. I’ll do my part, but I need your help, or we’ll need to adjust how things get done.” Setting clear boundaries helps define your expectations while giving your partner the space to respond.

6. Adjust Your Expectations

While it’s reasonable to want your partner’s involvement in maintaining the relationship, sometimes expectations can become unrealistic or one-sided. Take a step back and reflect on whether you’re expecting too much or demanding change on your terms. Everyone has different capacities for emotional or physical involvement at different points in their lives, so it may be helpful to adjust your expectations based on what’s realistic and fair for both of you.

7. Practice Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance means acknowledging the reality of your situation without resisting or wishing things were different. If your partner isn’t contributing in the way you’d like, it doesn’t mean you need to settle for dissatisfaction, but accepting the situation as it is can reduce your frustration. For example, this might mean that it's important to accept that both partners communicate in different ways or that your partner has a different style or expectation around cleaning and household chores. When you stop resisting or fighting against the current state of your relationship, you can think more clearly about how to navigate it without the emotional burden of constant disappointment.

8. Make Self-Care a Priority

When one partner is not actively contributing to the relationship, the other can often feel emotionally drained, disappointed and sad. In this case, practicing self-care is essential. Taking care of yourself emotionally, physically, and mentally ensures that you are strong enough to manage the relationship’s challenges without feeling burnt out. Engage in activities that bring you joy, connect with supportive friends or family, and make sure to nurture your own well-being.

9. Reframe the Situation

Often, we get stuck in patterns of negative thinking that can harm our perception of the relationship. Instead of focusing on how your partner isn’t helping, try to reframe the situation to see it from a different perspective. Ask yourself, "Is there something else going on that might be affecting their behavior?" Perhaps stress from work, family issues, or personal struggles are impacting their ability to contribute. Reframing helps cultivate compassion and patience, which can shift the emotional dynamic between you.

10. Seek Professional Help

When you feel like you've tried everything and the relationship still isn’t improving, it might be time to seek outside support. Relationship coaching, pastoral counseling, or couples therapy can all offer a neutral space to address the issues at hand. While your partner may initially be resistant to this idea, you can start by seeking individual services to gain insight and strategies for managing your emotions and actions. Sometimes, when one partner starts the process, it encourages the other to join in. This will also provide you with an opportunity to express yourself, receive support from a neutral party, and give your partner time to get on board with the process of bettering your relationship.

Improving a relationship when your partner is reluctant to help can be challenging, but it isn’t impossible. The key is to focus on what you can control—your own actions, reactions, and mindset. By leading with empathy, clear communication, and personal growth, you can create an environment that fosters positive change. While you can’t force your partner to change, you may inspire them to take steps toward reconnecting emotionally. Remember, relationships are about mutual effort, and sometimes giving a little extra can eventually encourage balance.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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What's the Difference Between Therapy and Coaching?

WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THERAPY & COACHING?

In the pursuit of personal growth, mental health, or life fulfillment, many individuals find themselves wondering whether they should seek the help of a psychotherapist or a coach. While both professionals can play pivotal roles in guiding individuals through challenges, psychotherapy and coaching are distinct disciplines with different methods, goals, and frameworks.

Let’s take a look at some of the key differences between psychotherapy and coaching, helping you understand which approach might be best suited to your needs.

1. Purpose and Focus

One of the fundamental differences between psychotherapy and coaching is their purpose and focus.

• Psychotherapy: The primary aim of psychotherapy is to heal emotional or psychological distress. It is often the treatment for mental health disorders. It focuses on resolving past traumas, managing mental health conditions (such as anxiety, depression, PTSD), and improving emotional well-being. Therapists are trained to identify underlying issues and patterns, often rooted in childhood or early life experiences, and help individuals work through these problems to foster healthier thinking and behaviors. Therapy often involves exploring deep-seated emotions and addressing dysfunctional beliefs or coping mechanisms.

• Coaching: In contrast, coaching focuses on goal-setting, personal development, and future-oriented growth. Coaches help individuals clarify their goals, enhance their performance, and achieve success in various areas of life, such as career, relationships, or overall fulfillment. While coaching may touch on emotions, it is generally more action-oriented and solutions-based, concentrating on improving present and future outcomes rather than analyzing the past.

2. The Nature of the Relationship

The relationship dynamic between a client and a therapist or coach is another critical distinction.

• Psychotherapy: The therapist-client relationship is often more structured and hierarchical, with the therapist taking on the role of an expert who guides the client through the healing process. Therapists are ethically and professionally bound to provide clinical support based on psychological theories and techniques. This relationship is typically more formal, with clear boundaries in place to maintain a safe and supportive environment for discussing sensitive issues.

• Coaching: The coach-client relationship tends to be more collaborative and equal. A coach acts as a partner in helping the client achieve their personal or professional goals. Coaching is less about treating problems and more about maximizing potential, so the relationship is built on mutual trust, open communication, and shared responsibility. Clients are encouraged to take ownership of their growth, and coaches provide accountability, motivation, and practical tools to help them succeed.

3. Training and Credentials

The training and credentials required for therapists and coaches are vastly different.

• Psychotherapy: Therapists are mental health professionals who must undergo extensive education, training, and certification. Most therapists hold advanced degrees in psychology, counseling, or social work (e.g., a master’s or doctoral degree), and they are licensed to practice by state or national boards. They are required to follow strict ethical guidelines and receive ongoing supervision and education throughout their careers. Therapists are also trained to diagnose and treat mental health disorders, making them uniquely equipped to handle complex emotional or psychological issues.

• Coaching: Coaching, while an established and growing field, is not regulated in the same way as psychotherapy. Coaches come from a variety of backgrounds and typically receive training through coaching certification programs. While some coaches may have backgrounds in psychology or related fields, formal psychological training is not required to become a coach. The certification process for coaches is generally shorter and less rigorous than that for therapists, and there are many coaching organizations with different standards and approaches. However, reputable coaches often obtain certifications from well-known coaching bodies, such as the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and often hold masters or doctorate degrees.

4. Scope of Practice

Another significant difference between therapy and coaching is the scope of practice—what each professional is legally and ethically allowed to address.

• Psychotherapy: Therapists are trained to work with individuals dealing with mental health disorders, trauma, and deep emotional struggles. They can diagnose psychological conditions such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. Therapists are also equipped to manage crises, including issues of self-harm, suicidal ideation, or substance abuse. Therapy typically involves in-depth exploration of emotional, cognitive, and behavioral patterns, often delving into past experiences to foster healing and growth.

• Coaching: Coaching, on the other hand, focuses on the present and future, helping clients set and achieve personal or professional goals. Coaches do not treat or diagnose mental health conditions, and they are not equipped to manage severe emotional distress or psychiatric disorders. Coaching is more practical and strategy-based, dealing with issues like career progression, work-life balance, improving relationships, and developing skills. If a client presents with mental health concerns, a responsible coach will refer them to a therapist for proper treatment.

5. Approach and Techniques

Therapists and coaches use different techniques and approaches to guide their clients toward change.

• Psychotherapy: Therapy draws from a wide range of psychological theories and therapeutic modalities, such as Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, psychodynamic therapy, or trauma-informed approaches. Therapists help clients understand their emotions, identify negative patterns, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Therapy often involves deep introspection, emotional expression, and the development of self-awareness. It is generally a longer-term process, aimed at addressing complex issues over time.

• Coaching: Coaching uses a goal-oriented and action-focused approach. Coaches often help clients identify their strengths, overcome limiting beliefs, and create concrete plans to achieve their objectives. Popular techniques in coaching include goal-setting, accountability tracking, motivational interviewing, and performance-based assessments. The coaching process is typically shorter-term, with the focus on helping clients make tangible progress toward their goals. Coaches also encourage clients to challenge their own thinking and take proactive steps to reach their desired outcomes. Coaching often involved activities and action-oriented tasks to do outside of the coaching sessions.

6. Time Commitment

The duration and frequency of sessions can differ between therapy and coaching.

• Psychotherapy: Therapy often requires a long-term commitment, especially when addressing deep-rooted emotional or psychological issues. Sessions are typically held once a week or every other week and can continue for months or even years, depending on the client’s needs and goals. The timeline for therapy is more open-ended, as emotional healing can take time and varies from person to person.

• Coaching: Coaching tends to be more short-term and goal-specific. Clients often work with a coach for a few months, focusing on a specific area they want to improve or a goal they want to achieve. Sessions may be held weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly, and the coaching relationship often concludes once the desired outcomes have been reached.

7. Client Population

The types of clients who seek therapy versus coaching may also differ.

• Psychotherapy: Individuals seeking therapy often do so to address emotional pain, trauma, or psychological distress. They may be experiencing issues such as depression, anxiety, grief, or post traumatic stress disorder. Therapy is appropriate for anyone struggling with mental health conditions, personal crises, or unresolved issues from the past.

• Coaching: Coaching clients are usually people who are already functioning well but want to improve specific areas of their lives, such as their relationship. They may be seeking career advancement, personal development, or support in reaching life goals. Coaches work with individuals who are motivated to make changes but don’t necessarily have deeper mental health concerns.

Both psychotherapy and coaching offer valuable support, but they serve different purposes. Psychotherapy is essential for those dealing with emotional distress, trauma, or mental health issues, providing a safe space for healing and recovery. Coaching, on the other hand, is ideal for individuals looking to enhance their performance, achieve goals, and foster personal or professional growth.

Understanding the differences between the two can help you decide which path is right for you, whether you need deep emotional work or goal-focused guidance to navigate life’s challenges. Both disciplines, when used appropriately, can lead to profound personal transformation and success.

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ONLINE coaching SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual coaching services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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5 Tips for Living With Intention

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to fall into the rhythm of going through the motions—checking off tasks, reacting to demands, and moving from one obligation to the next without much thought. But a fulfilling life doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built through conscious choices and deliberate actions. Living with intention means aligning your time, energy, and efforts with what truly matters to you.

Living with intention means striving for better-balance and living with more meaning and purpose. It means the activities that you are engaging in are worthwhile to you and focused on betterment. You are stepping out of mindless activities and from being in autopilot and you are ensuring your life is based on your own conscious choice of how you want your life to be. 

Living with intention is beneficial as it can increase our self-awareness, meaning, and happiness in our own lives. By living with intention, we set out each day to ensure we engage in meaningful activities that serve a good purpose and will have a positive influence on our lives. Here are five tips to help you live more intentionally every day.

Steps to Living with Intention:

1. Choose activities that matter:

Time is a limited resource, and how we spend it defines the quality of our lives. One of the most important steps toward intentional living is being selective with how you use your time. Assess what’s really important to you and try to live your life by your beliefs, values, and top priorities. When you get a good idea of the most important activities, people and experiences in your life, you will be more inclined to choose activities that really matter and are crucial for your betterment. We then spend less time on activities that do not serve a positive purpose in our lives. This tends to increase our overall happiness and purpose in life.

Some questions that you may ask yourself would be: 

“What makes my life worth living?”  

“What’s most important to me?”  

“What do I want out of life?”

“Does this activity align with my values?”

“Is this helping me grow, connect, or contribute?”

2. Work toward betterment:

Intentional living is grounded in growth. When life encompasses a path of self-improvement and personal growth, we tend to feel more fulfilled and have more meaning in our lives. Bettering yourself should be something that we all try and strive for. This doesn’t mean constantly striving for more in a material sense—but rather committing to becoming a better version of yourself. Personal growth is a lifelong process that requires constant work and attention. This could mean developing a new skill, nurturing healthier habits, or working on your emotional intelligence.

Progress, no matter how small, builds confidence and momentum. It reminds us that we have the power to shape our lives one step at a time.

3. Enjoy the moment:

Presence is a powerful ingredient of an intentional life. When we’re caught up in the past or worried about the future, we miss the richness of what’s happening right now. Being mindful of the present moment helps you to increase self-awareness, build stronger relationships with others and can decrease stress and worry. Often, people feel that they are “in the moment” and enjoying the present, but truly being mindful and practicing mindfulness can be quite challenging.

Mindfulness requires one to be aware of everything in the present moment, which includes their own body, physical experience, environment, surroundings as well as their emotional state, mindset, and thoughts. Being mindful and truly in the moment requires much effort, but regular practice can help us to be more present and aware that leads to living life with more intention and meaning. 

4. Strive toward balance:

Living with intention isn’t about doing everything perfectly—it’s about doing what’s right for you, and knowing when to shift gears. Balance doesn’t always mean equal—it means harmonious. Working toward maintaining balance and overall wellness in your life is essential to living your life to the fullest. Ensure all areas are well-cared for and if things feel out of balance, work to get re-centered.

Recognize when to work and when to rest. When to give and when to receive. When to speak up and when to listen. A balanced life allows you to thrive without burning out, and it ensures that your pursuits are sustainable and aligned with your well-being.

5. Make a difference:

At the heart of intentional living is the desire to leave the world a little better than you found it. Whether it’s through your career, your relationships, or your daily interactions, look for ways to make a positive impact. Small gestures—a kind word, a helpful hand, a moment of understanding—can create powerful ripples. Living intentionally means using your unique strengths and voice to contribute to something meaningful.

Helpful actions toward others, as well as yourself, can be beneficial to your mental wellbeing. By giving back and helping others, it can help us to feel better about ourselves in the process. Volunteerism has many known benefits.

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Living with intention doesn’t require a dramatic life overhaul. It starts with small, conscious choices made each day. By focusing on what matters, growing with purpose, staying present, finding balance, and seeking to make a difference, you can create a life that feels not just full—but truly fulfilling.When you live with intention, you have more passion, more focus and more attention to your actions, which can enrich your experience and your life. 

So take a breath, reflect on what matters most to you, and begin moving toward a more intentional way of living—one moment, one decision at a time.

Good luck to you in your journey!

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Ways to Increase Affection in Your Relationship

Has your relationship hit a rut? Do you feel that you and your partner are just not as affectionate anymore? Are you trying to boost affection and physical touch in your relationship, but not sure how?

Well, you are not alone. One of the most common issues that I work on with couples in my relationship practice is the rebuilding of affection in their relationship. It’s incredibly common that affection decreases in a relationship, especially if we are not putting forth a conscious effort to maintain that intimacy and affection with our partner.

A reduction in the levels of affection can happen for a number of reasons. For many, it could simply be a difference in their personality style and comfort level. Perhaps they just are not as physically affectionate as their partner. This difference can often create challenges between the two parties. Decreased affection can also happen when there is increased stress, tension, arguments, or even when one party is experiencing some mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress, trauma, etc.

People can also simply feel off balance. Their focus may be too much on work or a social issue that they don’t even realize they’ve let the intimacy and affection levels drop in their relationship. Another similar and common issue is feeling very comfortable with your partner. While is generally a wonderful thing in a relationship, it can also lead people to stop putting forth as much attention and passion toward their partner, which will lead to a decrease in affection levels. One of the more common personal issues that tend to arise for people is having difficulty with vulnerability, trust, and letting their guard down. We can put up emotional barriers or walls that guard and protect us from being hurt, but they also separate and distance us from having intimate and loving experiences. Read more on some reasons behind lack of affection here.

Tips to increase affection in your relationship:

1. Talk it Out:

Well, first and for most, it’s important to talk to your partner. Communication is one of the best and most direct ways to address issues in a relationship. Sit down and have a conversation with your partner about how you are feeling and what you are noticing. It’s important to not point fingers and place blame as this can create defensiveness but to approach the situation with care and concern. This way you can discuss any feelings and develop a strategy for best addressing the situation. This is also crucial if your partner is struggling with an issue that may be hindering their ability to show you affection. Give them a chance to express what that may be and how the two of you can work on that.

2. Don’t Nag:

This may seem opposite from point #1 and in some ways it is, but it’s not that simple. A very common cycle that I see with couples is getting trapped in a nag and retreat pattern. This is when one partner nags and the other retreats. When the partner retreats and becomes even more emotionally distant, the nagging partner increases their behavior as well, which causes the retreating partner to retreat even more and so on. It’s a vicious cycle that seems to escalate and become very damaging to the relationship. If you have addressed your desire for more affection in a positive and constructive way, then try some other tips and ideas without hounding the issue further. Again, the continuous commenting on lacking in affection may actually cause your partner to retreat more so just be cautious and mindful when you do communicate. As stated in the above point, be sure that your communication is attempting to find strategies to address the issues rather than blaming them.

3. Boost the Good:

It can be helpful, positive, and uplifting to build upon the positives in your relationship. This doesn’t change or take away from the negative, but it can often make it feel much, much smaller. So while your partner may not be as affectionate as you would like, perhaps they are wonderful with providing for your family or taking care of household chores. Instead of focusing solely on the negative and lacking aspect, build upon the good. Praise them for the things done well, provide positive reinforcement and praise as can help everyone to feel good. If a partner is aware that they have difficulties expressing and showing affection, receiving praise in other areas that they do well, can be very helpful and even assist in breaking down emotional barriers and walls that may be contributing to their lack of affection. This strategy can also help to boost feelings of connection and intimacy between partners and this often leads to higher levels of love and even affection.

4. Work on You:

If you are the partner who is having difficulty showing affection, reflect on reasons that might be causing this for you. As stated before, many people have difficulty opening up due to trust issues, past trauma or betrayal, personality factors, challenges with emotional vulnerability, etc. It’s important if you are finding that expressing yourself through physical actions or verbally is difficult, then it may be time for some self-reflection. Also, start with baby steps! Take it one day at a time and slowly start with one small step each day. This can often help people to begin to build more trust and confidence in themselves, their partner, and their relationship; therefore, allowing them to be more emotionally vulnerable. Read more about reducing emotional barriers in your relationship.

5. Have Date Nights:

While this may seem obvious or perhaps you always have date nights with your partner, it’s important that when there are concerns about intimacy and affection in the relationship, you continue to utilize date nights as a means of having quality alone time with your partner. We can often get “stuck in a rut” in our relationship where we are necessarily making effort for quality time. We may sometimes engage in the same routines that feel comfortable, so try shaking it up a bit and change up your date nights. This can set the stage for some quality alone time with your partner in a new and different way. Sometimes getting out of our routine can spark a different way to connect and your partner may be more responsive to this avenue. This can also be the foundation for connection, intimacy, and that most sought after affection.

6. Initiate Affection & Intimacy:

Next, try initiating intimacy, sex, and affection with your partner or continuing to do so. It’s important that you continue to initiate affection as this shows your partner you desire a particular level of affection. While they may have a different level or need for affection, it’s important that we are compromising in our relationships and meeting somewhere in the middle. Also, when a person feels rejected then they can stop initiating affection also and when this happens, then all affection in the relationship is gone. So this is just to try and encourage you to continue to express love and care through affection. When you initiate intimacy, try discussing what things they enjoy about your partner or affection with them and assess where your partner’s comfort level may be with demonstrating affection. This way you can determine things that they like and dislike which may help build more affection and intimacy between the two of you and perhaps generate more helpful conversation on the topic as well.

7. Seek Professional Help:

If you and your partner have a difference in expressing affection or your partner is not able to show affection and it’s negatively impacting your relationship, then you may consider professional couples services. While seeing a professional for relationship issues can seem intimidating, it is actually quite helpful, normal, and can be very successful. Having a neutral party to discuss issues with can help in reducing the defensiveness between partners as well as facilitate better communication. It helps to have another set of eyes … or ears, to hear about your situation and offer suggestions and tips. You can find many local marriage counselors, couples therapists, religious leaders, and relationship coaches who offer services. Many also offer virtual and online services as well. See the section below for our virtual relationship coaching services.

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You can read more on common reasons for lack of affection here or see below for more relationship-related blogs & videos:

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free Facebook Group About Relationships

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Conflict Resolution for Couples

Arguments are inevitable in relationships. However, there are some important tips to helping couples have arguments that are more productive and result in understanding and forward progress. These conflict resolution tips are more helpful than continuing negativity and hurtful statements, which can build more resentment between partners.

Tips to resolve conflict and argue more fairly & productively:

1. Establish a time to talk: 

It’s important that both parties are going into a situation prepared to talk and come to a mutual understanding. It’s a common occurrence that one partner is ready to talk and bombards the other person before they are ready, which can result in further argument and a negative situation. So preface the situation by asking your partner if they are ready to talk or set up a time you both agree upon. This will help ensure that both parties are ready and willing, which can lead to more effective communication.

2. Prepare: 

Preparation before communicating with your partner is an important, but often overlooked step in conflict resolution. Preparing does not mean you are coming up with ammunition to yell at your partner, but more that you are preparing yourself mentally and emotionally to come to resolution. This will allow you to process your own thoughts and feelings about the situation and prepare yourself for what you hope to speak about. This provides time to calm yourself and really explore how you are feeling and what is important to you in this situation. 

To accomplish this, it is recommended to make a list with two parts to it: 

A. First: List the relevant topics that you would like to cover. Perhaps this is where you list things that have upset you. 

B. Second: Write about how you are feeling and why these topics are important to you. 

Now before presenting this list to your partner, flip it around. Start with talking about your feelings first, rather than jumping immediately to what has upset you.  The reason this is important is that most people are willing to listen with open ears when they hear these more vulnerable things from their partner rather than feeling blamed or as though their partner is constantly pointing the finger. So try starting with the vulnerable info first and see if this helps the conversation be more productive.

3. Calm Yourself: 

This is a really crucial step prior to talking with your partner as well as during the communication, that you calm yourself. It’s essential that you feel more calm and in control of your emotional state when talking through difficult and challenging material. If you find that you are feeling too upset to effectively communicate, then delay your talk to another day. Give yourself time. People often jump into having a conversation too quickly, when emotions are running too high and this just results in anger, yelling, and further arguments.

4. Talk with the Goal of Understanding & Being Understood: 

Most people enter a conversation with their partner with a goal of being heard. They want to get their point across and that is it. Be sure to focus on listening and understanding during the discussion. This means actually talking and not yelling, interrupting or criticizing. Make it a goal to actually understand your partner’s point of view in addition to getting your point across. This means that it is important to make it a primary focus to understand your partner’s point of view, even if you don’t agree with it and then to express your own point of view. This simple act of being heard and understanding your partner can have a meaningful impact that can often greatly reduce disagreements, better calm the situation and have a more productive argument. 

5. Forgive & Let Go:

This is a key step and it is really the definition of resolution. Forgiveness is essential. When you resolve something, that does not mean that you will forget it or pretend that it did not happen, it means that you will heal from it. It is important that we do not continue to throw arguments in our partner’s face or bring up past material once we have agreed to forgive and move forward. Make it a goal to actually move forward.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Getting Through The Holiday Season - COVID Edition

While our nation and most parts of the world continue to deal with the devastation of the COVID pandemic, we are right in the holiday season. For many, this is a joyous season where they get to spend time with family, honoring decades-long traditions and starting new ones with their youngest family members. Some people look forward to ringing in the New Year with friends and spending the night out on the town. 

This year is different. 

Many have lost their lives to the coronavirus. Some have lost their dearest family members, and others are frustrated and tired of social distancing, masks, lines at grocery stores, and being told they need to protect others' health and safety. Regardless of your opinion, I think we can all agree that we want normalcy again. We want our day-to-day lives to go back to "normal." We want closeness and connection with our family and friends. We want to enter whatever store we'd like and freely go about our business at restaurants and movie theaters. We want our lives back. 

The holiday season can exacerbate some of these desires and the frustration that life isn't normal right now. We may have to change our plans and figure out how to do things differently. We may be grappling with particular family and friends not agreeing with our decision to spend the holidays. You may be an avid mask wearer and social distance every chance you get. Meanwhile, your Uncle Ron thinks 350K dead isn't a big deal and says he's socially distancing while he quickly comes into land a big sloppy kiss. Tensions are raised amongst family members and even friends with differences in opinions and choices on handling safe options during a pandemic. 

Many are having a tough time making the right decision on how they spend their holidays. Many are sad that they will be away from family and friends, and many won't make a change at all. Regardless of how you choose to celebrate the holidays, it is absolutely different for all of us this year. Managing your emotional and mental health during this time is essential, and doing a few key things can make all the difference. 

1. Acknowledge how you're feeling

It's okay to be upset, sad, frustrated, or even angry that your plans have changed or are different this year. It's been a challenging year. The world is suffering from a pandemic, and our nation has endured such a divide for months now. Everyone is handling this situation differently, and we are all entitled to how we are feeling. It's our reaction and response to others that are key. Be open and honest with yourself about how you are feeling. Acknowledge your emotions. Write about them, journal, talk to a friend, or sing in the shower about it if you need. Just be true to yourself and express what you're feeling.

2. Understand That It's Different

While we know the world is different right now, we see the masks on faces, we see the signs and markers to keep our distance, we hear about the deaths on the news, and we may have even suffered a loss ourselves, we can also become so numb that it's hard to comprehend. Be sure to acknowledge and prepare yourself for the differences this holiday season. Know that gatherings will be different or not happen at all. You may spend the holidays alone for the first time in years, or you may keep it small and safe with your chosen pod. Regardless of your plans, it's essential to acknowledge that things will undoubtedly be different this year. We must mentally prepare ourselves for that. Going into a situation expecting things to be the same as years before can set you up for more disappointment. This year will look a bit strange, but we can have hope for the future to bring back a sense of normalcy. 

3. Don't Dwell on the Negative or the Past

While you should acknowledge the differences this year, don't get stuck on the past events or the way things "should" look. Staying stuck on this will keep you in a mindset of disappointment. View this as a temporary change that will get better. If you focus only on the negative and the things you don't like or wish were different, it doesn't allow you to move forward mentally.

4. Engage in Mindfulness

While mindfulness is good any time of the year, it can be beneficial during the holidays as it allows you to take a moment, slow down, and be present. More than others, this holiday season can be critical to really be in the moment and be mindful. Practicing mindfulness lowers stress and increases mental attention and focus, and it will help you have deeper and better connections with those around you. 

5. See the Positive & Make it Special

Find a way to focus on the good this year and make new memories. Many people chose Christmas ornaments to commemorate 2020 with masks, hand sanitizers, or images of quarantines and social distancing. Some took photos of their family in masks or kept their distance with a porch pic. Find new ways to let this year go down in the history books. Look for a positive way to mark this year as complete and move toward the future.

6. Focus on What You Can Control

This year has proven that so much of life is really just out of our control. That's hard. It can be challenging not to have control of significant aspects of our life, especially our day-to-day routines. Rather than dwelling on all of the things, you can't change, focus on what you can. If you have family members who don't take health seriously, don't ruminate on their decisions or behaviors and instead maintain your own health and safety. Make a good decision for you and your family and continue walking your own path forward. 

7. Reach Out to Others

Reaching out to others if you need support is essential. We can also reach out to others in a unique way this year to celebrate at a distance. Reach out to family and friends for a virtual video call or to share your favorite food or drink recipe together. Commemorate the holidays with a unique "at a distance" photo or online celebration. Also, pick up the phone and call a friend if you need support. It's okay to reach out for help. Our support system is just that, a system of support for when we need it. If you are struggling, let someone know. Talk about how you are feeling and share with others your process. 

8. Be a Role Model for Your Children

Remember that our children absorb what we say and do. They watch how we act, and we teach them through our own actions and how we face the world. If we complain every day about how awful life is, they feel that and begin to express it too. Be a positive role model for them. Show and teach them that it's okay to express how you feel, and it's okay to feel disappointed or upset. But also teach them that we can find the positive in a very negative situation. Create something special for you all as a family to help you move forward and persevere during this challenging time. 

9. Practice Gratitude 

There is much research to show the many mental, emotional, and physical benefits of gratitude. It can be beneficial to focus on the positive and think about things for which you are grateful. The practice of gratitude has many benefits and helps during stressful and challenging times. By practicing gratitude, we are forcing ourselves to find the positive in a challenging situation. It also helps to gain perspective in our lives and see that many positives still exist.

10. Make Good & Healthy Decisions

Making good and healthy decisions may mean saying "no" to a gathering or family event that you don't feel comfortable with and setting good boundaries. Or it may mean sticking to good healthy food and monitoring yourself for overindulgence. Monitoring alcohol consumption should also prioritize, as the holidays can most certainly be a time of excess. Making good decisions is really key to managing good emotional health. Be sure to eat healthy meals, get plenty of sleep, include some physical activity into your daily routine, and avoid excess alcohol use. Also, manage the amount of news and social media that you consume. We live in such a connected world that it can be easy to stay glued to our phones and know every post on social, but that can often come with a hefty price tag. Look to maintain overall balance in your life this holiday season. 

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For more articles on maintain good mental health during the COVID19 pandemic, click here.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a virtual portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

View fullsize

Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

View fullsize

5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

View fullsize

How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

Can Your Marriage Survive Coronavirus?

When the coronavirus pandemic and social distancing first began, there were many jokes that we would see an increase in babies being born about 9 months from now, but the reality is, we’ve seen increased tension, stress, arguments, and even divorce. So while some couples may be spending their time having sex, others may be arguing and feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. This is an incredibly difficult time and especially with this being a novel situation that none of us have had to experience before. Navigating new and unknown waters is challenging. Our lives have been turned upside down and there are so many new and different stressors that we didn’t have before.

Many people have children without any childcare options or who may not be going back to school at all, which means parents are learning how to homeschool while also managing their jobs and other daily responsibilities. Many have tremendous financial concerns or may have even lost their jobs completely. Lots of people are juggling working from home, but also parenting in a different way and without any reprieve. We are navigating a new and different mask-wearing world where there are many public restrictions and a lack of any social outlets. And it's stressful. Situations like this can exacerbate already existing problems in a marriage and even create new ones. That's hard.

Here are some tips to help your marriage survive a pandemic:

1. Communicate:

One of the most important tips is to keep lines of communication open. Often, couples let problems, feelings, or complaints build until it's too late and it turns into a huge argument. These types of situations can often be avoided if we maintain good communication as small situations arises along the way. Many couples are spending more time together due to social distancing and therefore feel that they are “talking” all the time because they are constantly around one another, but the type of communication that I’m referring to is not the day-to-day chit chat, but deeper, more meaningful conversations. Be sure to check-in with your partner to see how they are feeling and functioning during this stressful time. Having open and consistent streams of communication can increase the understanding and happiness in a relationship.

2. Establish a Routine:

Often we don’t realize how many routines we have established in our lives until they are impacted and we are unable to do them. Routines offer us a sense of normalcy. Do your best during this time, to re-establish or maintain a routine in your home. This may be your evening or nighttime routine, which is very helpful if you have children. Also, for individuals or couples, it's helpful to establish some sort of routine during the day, especially if both or one person is working from home and that is not typical or something they are accustomed to. Try creating a routine and have healthy habits throughout your day, with your partner, with your family, and in your household. This can provide a sense of safety, comfort, normalcy, and balance.

3. Give Each Other Some Space: 

Most of us are spending way more time at home than ever before and this can create a strong feeling of togetherness. While that might be delightful for some or even be good for a small period of time, it can also get overwhelming. We are not used to seeing each other 24/7. Prior to social distancing, we often had natural breaks that are plugged in during our day due to work or school. Now we are seeing each other constantly. Create space for yourself and your family members. Give yourself and your partner some alone time. Having that “me time” is essential to practicing self-care and promoting a healthy balance in your life and your relationship. While most of us may not have many options in leaving the home, you could try some alone time without your house. Perhaps, explain to your partner that you need an hour to yourself and take a nice relaxing bath, read a book, go to your workshop or the garage, close yourself off in a bedroom and lock the door or just find a way that you can have a few moments to yourself. This time allows you to clear your mind, decompress, and gather your thoughts and feelings. It's important to find time for yourself and ensure that your family members are doing the same. 

4. Create New Memories:

Get creative! This can be a challenge, but try to think about new and different things that you and your partner can do together. Create some memories during this time that you can share and laugh about down the road. You may try something different within your home that you don’t usually do together. This can also be very helpful if you are a couple that usually does activities outside of the home. Try some unique family time, such as game nights, hikes, outdoor activities, etc. Finding new and different activities together can create more of a positive atmosphere, good memories during a challenging time, and help serve as a distraction during a stressful situation. Read more here on our blog: 20 Date Night Ideas During COVID.

5. Focus on Health: 

While it may seem obvious to focus on health during a pandemic, for many it isn’t and especially if they are feeling stress and overwhelmed. Health includes both your physical and your mental health an overall mind-body wellness. That means ensuring that you are monitoring your emotional well-being as well. Be sure to practice self-care and encourage your partner to do the same. Also, try establishing some goals together that will help you two focus on your health and well-being. This may be cooking together and focusing on healthy meals or even exercising at home or trying a new online workout program. The point here is that by focusing on health, it can create a positive goal that you share to boost your emotional and mental health. 

6. Find The Positives:

It can be incredibly easy to only focus on the negative right now. There are so many negative things to complain about! Everything feels unknown, uncertain, and very unsteady. Many places are closed down or have restrictions and nothing feels normal. It’s very easy to focus on how terrible all of that is, but it's also important to find something positive amidst all of this negative. It may be helpful to write down a few things that you are grateful for. Perhaps social distancing has brought you two together to complete some much-needed home improvement projects or you’ve taken a step back from work to actually be present and enjoy a family dinner together. Look for some of those positives that you can focus on and spin in a direction of growth and progress.

7. Try Online Activities:

As a couple, you could try some new activities together. There are currently many options for online and virtual activities as most businesses have increased their online presence due to the limitations of in-person services. Try a new online class, exercise program, yoga class, meditation program, or even some shared games that you can do together. Remember, as stated above, new memories and experiences can help to change the focus from all negative onto things that are positive and exciting.

8. Have Your Own Experience: 

It's okay to not agree on how to feel or handle the coronavirus. Guess what? This is pretty challenging for all of us and completely new and different. It's okay to feel the way that each of us feels. Whatever that might be. Give your partner the space to process the situation or have their own experience with the COVID restrictions. We may not always agree and it's challenging for all of us. We all have different reactions, beliefs, and thoughts about the situation and the best way to handle it. That’s okay. It can be challenging to have different viewpoints in the same household, but we have to create space for those differing opinions. Constant debates or trying to prove a point can lead to resentments, disagreements, and further distance in your relationship. Focus on your own experience, reaction, and emotional processing while giving your partner the space to do the same.

9. Let Go of Control: 

It's okay that things aren’t perfect right now. They shouldn’t be. This is new, different, and hard for us all and we are all having to figure out how to navigate these waters. So many things are unknown and cannot be planned. While this may make some people feel uncomfortable, we must remember that we can’t control what’s going to happen in the future. Things keep changing by the minute. It's frustrating, difficult, and can make your head spin. The point is that you have to let go of that desire to control the unknown and do your best to move forward. Let go of the expectation that things will feel the way they usually do. You may try a mindfulness meditation or simply focus on taking a few deep breaths throughout the day to re-center yourself and let go of that control.

10. Be Kind:

Last, but not least, be kind. Show kindness to your partner and yourself. These are tough times. Be sure that you are viewing your partner, your family, and yourself with patience and compassion. Know that this is hard for everyone and we have to show one another kindness, empathy, and compassion, especially during tough times. We can often let frustration, stress, and worry build to the point that it impacts how we treat others. Be mindful of your attitude, mindset, and actions toward others. This is especially true with your partner as you’re spending larger amounts of time together, which naturally can create a challenging dynamic. By practicing kindness, we can build stronger bonds and connections together that will outlast the coronavirus pandemic and boost the love in our relationship. 

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For more tips on maintaining positive mental wellness during COVID-19 & the coronavirus pandemic, click here to read more:

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT & Mindfulness CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. This class will cover strategies for coping with stress as well as teach you helpful mindfulness techniques. Click here for more information.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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See more of our Blogs & Videos below for tips on relationships & mental wellness:

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Finding Happiness in Everyday Things

20 Date Night Ideas To Try During COVID

While we continue to grapple with the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic in the United States, many places still have social distancing mandates in effect and others are simply closed down. Finding fun and creative ideas for a date night with your partner can be challenging. 

In a time of stress, chaos, and uncertainty it can be important to find an outlet, a moment of relief, relaxation, and fun. This is especially true if you are enjoying it with your partner. Stress can often have a negative impact on a relationship so it’s important to continue to put forth that effort and dedication to your partner. 

How can you keep the romance and passion alive in your relationship while you remain safe during this pandemic? Here are some date night ideas that you can do in the comfort of your own home or in an outdoor space that allows for plenty of social distancing. 

Date Night Ideas While Social Distancing:

1. Try a Virtual Visit: 

There are many museum tours, aquariums, and National parks that are offering free virtual visits. This allows a unique opportunity to view places that are not local and you may not see otherwise or at least without having to travel a far distance. Taking a virtual tour also allows you and your partner to engage in good conversation about the art, landscape, animals, or scenery that you experience. It may give you a change in your normal surroundings and even help you to feel like you got to escape the four walls of your quarantined home. 

2. Game Night: 

Are you and your partner in for a little healthy competition? Try a game night. You could bring out some of your favorite games from growing up or order some new ones to challenge each of you. Depending on your mood or even personality, you may be in for something more interactive, like charades or something with more strategy like chess or poker. No matter your choice, having a game night with your partner can help shake up the normal routine and bring some fun into your home. 

3. Couples Enrichment Activities:

There are many great marriage boosting activities that you and your partner could try. While we are maintaining social distance, it’s a great opportunity to allow for focus and dedication to your partner. Some marriage enrichment activities include journal prompts to either write about or just verbally share with your partner. You can find lots of articles with marriage tips and there are several free marriage tip videos that you could watch with your spouse. Many webpages have prompts and questions for couples that serve as great conversation starters. These types of activities help couples work on communication and connection.

4. Outdoor Movie:

Many couples enjoy snuggling up with one another while watching their favorite flick. If you’ve been binge-watching Netflix nightly from your sofa and want to change things up a bit, try creating an outdoor movie theater. Some people have outdoor TVs on their decks or even projectors that work with your smartphone so you can view the movie from a blank wall. You could string some lights for a more romantic glow, lay down a blanket and pillows and snuggle up under the stars. 

5. Creative Picnic:

Another fun outdoor activity is to create a picnic, either at a local park, your backyard, or even your living room. You could get appetizers from a favorite restaurant or choose an assortment of charcuterie to sample. Another fun idea is to make your picnic a theme, such as Hawaiian night, tastes of Italy, or an evening of sweet treats for a decadent touch. Picnics can also have a romantic touch with candles, lights, or simply under the moonlight. 

6. Romantic Dine-in: 

Create a space in your home for a romantic dinner. You could try dressing up an outdoor table or even a spot in your living room with a table cloth, candlelight, and perhaps some freshly picked flowers. The idea here is to re-create a private and romantic dining experience. You could pick-up take-out from your favorite spot that you get to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

7. Scavenger Hunt or Hide & Seek:

Bring back some fun childhood memories and an element of suspense and surprise by creating a scavenger hunt for each other or even play hide and seek with items throughout your home. While it may seem silly, it’s a great way to view your home, your partner, and the evening in a different way. You can try a scavenger hunt that’s filled with brain-busting riddles for your partner to solve along the way or how about a sexy hide and seek game with your favorite pieces of lingerie. Get creative with using your everyday space and household items to stimulate some fun together in a new way. 

8. Art Night:

Let your creativity flow! Try having a painting night where you both work on the same picture and compare at the end or even try a new craft or woodworking project together. Pinterest has lots of ideas that are not for the faint-hearted. You can keep things relationship-focused by creating a keepsake that will represent your pandemic time together or a memento that highlights your marriage and the love you have together. 

9. Get to Cooking: 

Many people find cooking to be therapeutic and it can be a great activity for couples to do together. There are often cooking classes that are focused on couples and you may be able to find some online right now. You can also try following along with a cooking demonstration from a tv show or class or simply look up a new recipe online to try. You could also try a little competition and each creates a dish that you critique and share at the end. 

10. Food & Drink Pairing:

Try creating an interesting selection of food and drink pairings, such as local wine & artisan cheeses or your favorite tea and biscuits. You could try various tapas or appetizers from around the world or keep it close to home with samplings of beers from your local brewery. This can serve as a conversation starter by giving you something a little different to engage in and share your thoughts with your partner on the selections. You can discover what you and your partner like and don’t like while you compare notes.

11. A Mini Book Club:

A unique idea to share with your partner may be to try some new reading material together. There are often motivational marriage stories and other material for couples such as relationship boosters. You could try each reading a short story or other article and then sharing the content. The idea here is to choose an activity that you both enjoy, such as reading and find unique ways that you can share the time and engage in conversation about the activity. 

12. At-Home Spa Day: 

While many of us have missed our routine pedicure and trip to the local salon, you can try and recreate a spa day in the comfort of your own home and with your partner. Think bubble bath for two, followed by facial scrubs and massages. You can even try some new or different products or even try and make your own sugar scrub or soap together. This may give you something new to try and be a great way to reduce stress.

13. Healthy Competition: 

Many couples may enjoy the healthy competition of video gaming, a fitness challenge, or even an online trivia game. You could also try having a sing-off with some living room karaoke or a pajama dance party to show off your best skills. The idea of challenging your partner in a healthy way can create some competition and maybe even fuel your sexual desire for each other. 

14. Fondue Tasting:

Another fun food idea is to try a night of fondue tasting. You can melt some of your favorite cheeses or mix various additions in with chocolate and have a sample. This again allows for an opportunity to try something different and promotes conversation for the two of you. For a romantic touch, you could try doing the entire fondue sampling by feeding one another. 

15. Backyard Camping:

If you are fans of camping but haven’t had the opportunity to go or perhaps campgrounds are closed, then try creating your own camping experience right at home. You can get into the activity with roasting s’mores over your fire pit, inside in your fireplace, or melted in the oven. And if you don’t have space to pitch a tent in your backyard, then try a pillow fort in the living room. The point here is to completely shake up your normal routine and recreate a different and unique experience that you can share with your partner. 

16. Online Classes:

With so many things going virtual right now, there is no shortage of interesting classes and activities online. You and your partner could try a new activity or exercise class, perhaps do some yoga or Zumba together. There are also several wellness classes offered for free that focus on your overall mind-body wellbeing, such as stress management or a mindfulness meditation class. Many top universities are also offering free classes on a variety of subjects such as gaming, design, writing, filmmaking, photography, science, business, or foreign languages. If you and your partner have ever talked about learning something new, now might be your chance! You can try a new class, hit pause, and share some thoughts along the way with your spouse.

17. Create a Photo Book or Digital Collage

Many couples enjoy reminiscing about some fun times together! So try looking through old photos of vacations, trips or even your wedding. You can put together a digital collage to share on social or create a custom photo book to have printed. Looking through pictures can boost positive memories, good conversation, and build a connection between two people. 

18. Try Photography:

For those who may have an eye for photography, you may enjoy having a photography night. You could each take snapshots of unique items or views from around your home and share them later. You could even make it a contest and have your partner guess where the pic was taken or simply what the item is. Even if you don’t have a professional lens, you can simply click away with your smartphone and create unique pictures of everyday items. 

19. Get Outside: 

While many couples enjoy outdoor activities together, now is one of the best times to get outside and keep your social distance. You can try hiking, biking, canoeing, fishing, gardening, or just simply go for a walk around your neighborhood. Being outdoors and in nature has been proven to boost feelings of relaxation and happiness. When shared with your partner, you can build some great memories enjoying nature and each other. 

20. Last, but not least, have sex! 

Seems self-explanatory, but take some time to just be intimate with your partner. Try something new. Think lingerie, feathers, sex toys, or role-play. When many businesses are closed down, activities are limited and friends are socially distancing, there seems to be no better time than to spend an afternoon in bed. If you have kids, this may not be an afternoon in bed, but a quickie in the morning before the house wakes. Physical intimacy, touch, and sex are all great ways to boost those love hormones, which foster feelings of safety, affection, and love. 

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Have some great date night ideas that you’ve tried during the pandemic? Please share them in the comments section below! We’d love to hear more.

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Can Your Marriage Survive COVID?

Many couples have found that COVID has brought on new and different challenges or even highlighted existing difficulties. For many, it has been very hard, but with a few strategies on coping, it’s possible to make it though.

Click for more tips on helping your marriage survive the coronavirus pandemic.

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Tips for Mental Wellness Amid COVID-19

The coronavirus pandemic has been stressful and can take a toll on your mental health. Self-care and coping strategies are really essential during this time.

To read more about managing your mental health and mental wellness amid COVID-19, click here:

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FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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See more of our Blogs & Videos below for tips on relationships & mental wellness:

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Tips for Mental Wellness Amid COVID-19

With the isolation of social distancing and fears and uncertainty of COVID-19 coronavirus, our worlds have been turned upside down. In a matter of days and without warning, we’ve had to rearrange our lives, finances, work, schedules, childcare, emotions and much more. This is hard and we’re all experiencing a variety of reactions. Most of us have never faced a pandemic and are doing our best to function in this time of crisis. As with anything new, different, scary or out of our control, it challenges us to get creative and be dedicated to strategies of self-care, connection, health, and mental wellness. 

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Here are some tips to help you get through:

1. Connect with Others:

We are social creatures and being isolated for long periods can be harmful to our emotional and mental wellbeing. Be sure to stay connected to loved ones while continuing to practice social distancing. One common idea is virtual time through Skype, FaceTime, Zoom, etc. to enjoy shared dinners, happy hours and conversations with friends and family. This provides an opportunity to receive much-needed support from loved ones and be supportive of them as well. Being helpful to others can often provide us with a sense of purpose and meaning. This time also offers a unique situation in which we can focus on boosting our relationship and being better connected with our partners. Try some quarantine approved date night ideas.

2. Practice Self-Care:

Be sure to engage in self-care activities. This is more important than ever! During times of high stress, anxiety, and uncertainty, it’s critical to take care of your emotional, mental and physical health. Try reading a book, taking a bath, sewing, gardening, playing guitar, cooking, journaling, listening to music, coloring, engaging in any hobby or activity that can serve as coping and distraction. Creative activities can also be helpful in processing and expressing emotions. 

3. Stay Healthy:

Physical health and nutrition play key roles in mental and emotional wellbeing. Studies show that we have a higher likelihood of illness when we are not maintaining good mental health. Less stress can actually boost your immune system. There’s a strong connection between gut health and mental health so eat whole nutritious fruits and veggies while avoiding processed, sugary and less nutritious foods as this can help us to feel better. Exercise also stimulates neurotransmitters in the brain that bring on positive feelings. Go for a hike, walk around your neighborhood, dance in your living room or take advantage of the many free and low-cost online exercise or yoga programs. You can even try sitting outside for some fresh air and sunshine. Just stay active!

4. Be Mindful:

Practice mindfulness, meditation or prayer. Taking time for a mental break, to sit in silence and focus on your current state can bring about much needed inner peace. This will allow your brain a moment of calm. The heaviness of our situation is emotionally and mentally taxing and it’s important to plug in some relief.

5. Find the Good:

In a time of so much negativity, give yourself time to focus on something positive. It’s important that we are getting a reprieve because facing a pandemic is scary and overwhelming. Try focusing on something positive every day. This could be reading a funny story, watching a comedy, or finding stories of recovery and hope. You can also try practicing gratitude and thanking our healthcare providers, grocery store workers, delivery drivers and many more who are working the frontlines to keep us safe. Just make time to adjust your mindset to one of hope and positivity as this plays a role in how you feel.

6. Be Kind:

First and foremost, be kind to yourself. This is a tough situation. Monitor your expectations and cut yourself some slack. It’s okay to struggle right now. During difficult times, we must focus on simply doing the best that we can. Next, be kind to others. You never know how someone may be impacted. Send a check-in text to a friend, FaceTime your family or check on a neighbor. Right now, being supportive of ourselves and those around us is more important than ever. We are a community of people impacted together and kindness matters. 

7. Set a schedule:

Do your best to keep a regular and consistent schedule. This helps maintain some normalcy, predictability, and control in your life, which is especially important in times of uncertainty. When our world feels out of control, we need a consistent routine to feel more in control of our daily life. Try to wake at the same time, shower and dress as though you’re leaving the house, start your day with something positive, and be sure to plug-in some “me time” for self-care practice throughout the day. 

8. Limit news:

It’s important to stay informed about the current pandemic; however, when stress levels are high, too much can be a bad thing. Reading and watching all things- COVID19 can create and exacerbate feelings of fear and anxiety. Aim for a healthy balance of staying informed and also limiting harmful exposure. Try including some positive stories of hope, recovery, and strategies for your own health and safety. 

9. Strike a Balance:

While these are incredibly challenging and uncertain times, it’s important to find a bit of balance in your life. We need to balance safety, be socially distant, practice good hygiene, hand-washing, and protective techniques, while also not living in fear. This is difficult. We are faced with empty streets and stores, people wearing face masks and protective gear and reading stories of people dying from a virus that could impact us at any moment. It is scary. But we cannot function well by living solely in fear. We must also find space for things that bring us feelings of safety, security, and control.  

10. Sit With Your Emotions:

While this is uncomfortable, it’s important to be aware of and process your feelings. This is a time of intense emotion and we can experience a variety: fear, stress, anxiety, sadness, frustration, trauma, and even grief. If we try to sweep emotions under the rug, they’ll eventually find their way out and it’s often in the most difficult of ways. Sit with your feelings and identify how this experience is impacting you as this helps with healing. 

11. Seek Online Support:

Virtual therapy or coaching services can be helpful by having a professional and neutral person to talk with about feelings, frustrations and the current situation. There’s been a huge boost in teletherapy and online coaching. This is a service that can be done from the safety of your own home and provide some much-needed support. Check-out our virtual services.

12. Just Survive:

Last, but not least - do the best you can! Maybe the best you can means you’re barely making it through the day. Maybe your kids are driving you nuts and you haven’t spent this much time with your partner in decades so it’s exhausting. Maybe you don’t create the latest Martha Stewart inspiration or Marie Kondo your entire house. Maybe you haven’t become an expert, homeschool, stay-at-home parent or created a sensational educational project from an online kids program. Maybe you are just making it day-to-day. Maybe YOU, like the rest of us, are just trying to get by. And you know what? That’s okay too. Just know you’re not alone and we will all take it one day at a time

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Ways to Cope With Stress

Stress is one of the most common challenges that we experience. It can have huge ramifications on our physical health, mental health, cognitive functioning, and emotional health so it’s essential to address stress and implement coping skills to help reduce the impact on our wellbeing.

This article will focus on a few coping skills to help reduce stress, but if you are looking for more in-depth information in an educational format, you can find our online Mindfulness & Stress Management class on our webpage. The program will delve more deeply into the negative impacts of stress, importance to address stress, stress management techniques, mindfulness, and several homework assignments to ensure your progress throughout the class.

In this article, we will look at coping strategies in a couple of different areas: physical and cognitive. You may notice that everyone handles stress differently. Some people take on stress more in a physical way, such as tension in your shoulders or back, disturbances in sleep or even headaches or stomachaches. It would be recommended that that person looks toward coping skills that take into account physical activities, such as exercise, massage, or yoga. 

Another example is the difference in the way in which we deal with stress is the person who is more impacted by cognitive effects. This is a person who may get stuck mentally in their stress, ruminate on the problems and have difficulty shutting their mind down. This person would most likely benefit from cognitive activities that address coping with stress, such as recognizing unhealthy thinking, changing your perspective or engaging in positive self-talk.

TIPS TO COPE WITH STRESS:

Behavioral Strategies:

• Physical stress relief, such as regular exercise or a daily walk

• Mindfulness and relaxation focused exercises. This may include a long bath, meditation, mindfulness practice, etc.

• Happiness activities: engage in activities that promote your happiness such as doing yoga, listening to music, or getting a massage.

• Write in a journal. The act of writing can provide an outlet for the release of emotions and thoughts, which can help with healing and coping.

• Consider emotional support activities such as talking to friends or family 

• Keep things in moderation: coffee, diet, and alcohol. Overuse of substances can create further dependency as become a crutch with coping.

Cognitive Strategies:

• Cognitive Restructuring: the act of recognizing your unhealthy thinking patterns and altering them to more positive and healthy cognition.

• Recognize unhealthy thinking patterns. By being able to catch yourself when you are thinking negatively or even ruminating on your stress, you can counteract its impact and reduce future experiences of stress.

• Perspective: Accept what you cannot control and do your best. The less we focus on perfectionism and attempting to control

• Use Positive self-talk: Try saying positive things to yourself daily. You can say things, like: “I can get through this,” “This is hard, but I can do it.”

Prevention:

• Balance: Maintain a better balance so that you do not get stressed in the future. This may include saying “no” and declining some events as well as maintaining a good balance with work-life so that life does not become overwhelming.

• Learn your triggers: For the future, learn triggers that lead to high levels of anxiety in your life. This way you can decrease or avoid these triggers and better cope.

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ONLINE SESSIONS

For more information on virtual services, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Remote services are provided online through a HIPAA compliant web portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during your sessions and have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Online Stress Management Class

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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The Benefits of Mindfulness

The concept of mindfulness has been around for many years, but we are just now learning more and more about the positive impact that the practice of mindfulness can have on our mind and body. What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is a state of active attention to the present moment. It is bringing your full awareness and attention to your body, thoughts, feelings, surrounding environment, etc. 

Have you noticed that we often function on autopilot? This means that we just go through an activity automatically, without much focus or attention to it. This happens often when driving from home to work, for example. Since this is an activity that you do often, people can often drift off in their thoughts or not fully pay attention to the task at hand and accomplish this in autopilot. Mindfulness is the opposite! Mindfulness is having a complete awareness of everything you are doing and everything around you.

A simple way to start a mindfulness practice: 

Calm your mind and be very present

Raise your awareness to everything around you and you

Focus on your breathing, slow your breathing down

Observe your thoughts without judging them and release them

Sit for a few moments in the present moment

Check out our mindfulness video to be guided through simple and basic mindfulness practice. 

After engaging in mindfulness regularly, you may soon notice some of the many benefits. Mindfulness can impact our emotional, physical and mental health in positive ways. This practice is being promoted in many places due to the current research demonstrating such positive impacts. Many schools, places of employment and community centers are now promoting a regular mindfulness practice.

Benefits of Mindfulness:

Lower stress:

Mindfulness allows for moments of calmness and can help to lower stress and anxiety. The practice also promotes positive coping and engaging in self-help strategies. By consistently engaging in coping strategies, this can also keep stress and anxiety at levels that are better managed. 

Increased mental focus and attention:

This practice also increases our ability to be mentally focused and attentive to things around us and our thoughts and emotional process. The purpose of mindfulness is to be better aware in the present moment, therefore by regularly practicing this skill, people find that they can demonstrate increased focus and attention throughout their day and regularly.

Less emotional reactivity:

Since mindfulness is the practice of increasing self-awareness and better understanding one’s emotional and physical responses, this allows you to have more control over your reactions. People may notice that mindfulness helps them to reduce their emotional reactivity and overreaction to situations. 

More cognitive flexibility:

With regular mindfulness practice, you can also increase your ability to be cognitively flexible. This means that you can change your train of thought and mental tasks more easily. This flexibility allows you to switch mental tasks with ease and be able to focus on a new skill in a better way.

Improved connections with others:

Many people are surprised by how mindfulness increases their connection and relationships with others. Mindfulness allows for you to be more present, in the moment and aware when you are spending time with others. Being more present and connected in your relationships creates a better bond and more relationship happiness.

More in tune with your mind and body:

Since increasing mindfulness can increase your self-awareness and your attention to your thoughts, feelings, body and physical surroundings, this ultimately allows you to have a better relationship with your mind and body.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Tips to Getting Over a Break-Up

Going through a break-up, ending a relationship or divorce is a major loss and can be very challenging to navigate. Many people experience feelings of grief, loss and even trauma. It’s a major transition to lose a relationship with someone and it’s difficult to experience. Divorce can be especially challenging considering that many people have shared possessions, legal considerations, and even children that they must also care for through the process. 

Tips to help you cope with a break-up:

1. Take Care of Yourself:

Implementing coping skills and a self-care practice is essential to surviving the pain of divorce or a break-up. Try setting a daily or weekly goal of participating in at least one activity that will be beneficial to your emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. Some activities could include writing in a journal, meditating, exercising, taking a hot bath, reading a book or any other activity that you find helpful and healing. Be sure to make taking care of yourself a priority. You can set an alarm or calendar reminder to complete your daily healing activity. 

2. Use your support system:

Lean on your friends and family during this difficult time. It’s important to have a good strong support system that you can lean upon in a time of need. Having support helps by having someone to talk to, distract you, vent to or even to laugh with. Support can also come in many forms. You can find support with your friends and family as well as social clubs, community-based groups, and even grief and healing support groups. Support groups can be especially helpful to talk with people who may be experiencing a similar situation as your own.

3. Express your feelings:

If you find it helpful, be sure to talk about your feelings, but be sure that you are doing so in a healthy & constructive way. Many people want to vent and for a short time, that can be helpful, but if we get stuck on the same material in an unhealthy way and not move forward, it ends up being more detrimental than helpful. Talking about how you feel can be helpful with releasing hurt feelings and difficult emotions so be sure to find opportunities to express yourself and situation. 

4. Take the time that you need:

Don’t rush into feeling better and especially according to other people’s standards. You don’t have to jump back into dating right away and remember that responses to break-ups can be very different as every relationship, break-up, and situation is completely different. Some relationships may be short in comparison to others, but it could be that the shorter relationship hits harder because it was more intense. Perhaps your breakup came as a surprise, which can play a role in the response, reaction and how you need to heal. Again, each situation and relationship is completely different, which means the path to recovery and healing will also be different. Therefore, allow yourself the time you need to heal. 

5. Use Distraction:

Be sure to engage in fun activities or hobbies during your healing process. Many people may want to hide or find that doing anything fun while they are in pain is impossible, but it’s these distracting activities that can facilitate healing. By hiding inside your house or not socializing, you may find that this will cause you to constantly think of their ex or memories that you had together, which tends to make things feel worse. So when you feel up for it, distract yourself with a fun activity. You can try going to coffee or lunch with a friend, get a manicure or pedicure, go watch a movie, or join a new social group. The point here is to attempt to force yourself into finding a distracting activity that can help to facilitate your mental and emotional healing. 

6. Do something new:

Trying something new or spontaneous can boost self-esteem, excitement, and distraction, which can all be helpful when you’re going through a break-up. This is similar to finding a distracting activity or hobby, as stated above, but the difference here is trying something new. When we engage in something new, it can be very beneficial for our minds. It causes us to use more focus, attention and mental energy since we are unfamiliar with the task. New activities can be very helpful for your brain health as well because it creates new neural pathways in the brain and again enhances mental and cognitive focus and attention. These types of activities can help with emotional healing.

7. Engage in Reflection:

Self-reflection allows you to think about things that you may have learned about yourself while in a relationship. Take time to reflect on aspects that you liked and did not like about your relationship, yourself or your partner. This can be very eye-opening and allow you to be more self-aware and healthy for future relationships. Many people can see aspects or dynamics that they do not want in future relationships simply due to something negative that has happened previously. This again can help us to better future relationship as well as ourselves. 

8. Practice Gratitude:

Expressing ‘thanks’ may sound opposite of what you want to engage in during a break-up or while ending any relationship, but it can be quite helpful and healing. Try forcing yourself to find the positives in a very negative situation. This is similar to engaging in self-reflection as you may want to review things that you learned from your relationship and what you feel thankful for. This can be extremely helpful in the healing process. Expressing gratitude helps to boost optimism and happiness and it can lead to a happier and healthier relationship in the future. 

9. Use Caution With Social Media:

While you do not need to completely stay off of social media, it’s important that you are not giving into temptation and searching for your ex online or stalking their social media profile. While this can be very tempting and hard not to do, this can create lingering emotions and even stir up new emotional content, especially if you see current or recent pictures of your ex. This tends to be unhealthy and not very helpful in the healing process. Be sure to use caution with social media and engage in activities online that will be helpful for your own healing.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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5 Tips for Self-Improvement

Self-improvement is important. Growing as a person is essential to having a full and meaningful life. Living to your full potential means that you have to put forth effort into being open to changing yourself and continuing to grow. Ensuring you are being the best person you can be.

5 Tips for Self-Improvement:

1. Life-Long Goal:

Make it an ongoing goal to work on being a better person, constantly. It should be a daily goal and mission that you set and stick with it. It’s more than just a goal that you set and walk away. It’s a bigger process that requires constant work. It’s something that requires mental dedication. People may often read an article or see an advertisement related to bettering yourself, whether it’s physically, mentally, etc. and then they become focused on achieving that; however, once they feel they are in a good place, they drop their focus of this being something they work on. Make this something that you will continuously strive toward as it will always have rewards and benefits in your life. 

2. Boost Self-Worth

One of the main principles and a foundation for why this activity is important is feeling enough self-worth and believing that you are worth it. Believe in yourself, know the goal is important as this is your life and your ability to be the best person and best version of yourself that you can be. It’s important to believe in self-improvement and feels that you are worth this process and hard work. Once you have that foundation of strong self-worth and dedicate your time and energy to working on yourself, you can make quite a difference in your own life and ultimately achieve higher satisfaction and happiness.

3. Growth in All Areas

Make it a goal of constantly working on self-improvement in physical, mental and spiritual areas. It can be quite common that people resort to “spot treatment.” This means that when they are feeling “off” with their mental health, experiencing higher than usual levels of depression or anxiety, then they will seek help. Then they wait and when something happens again, either mental health or even physical health then they go get treatment for that issue. While this is a positive thing as we should be seeking treatment and help for issues that we are experiencing, it is healthier to maintain progress and growth toward keeping mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing at a good place. This means that we should constantly be looking at ways to improve our overall person rather than only when there are problems. This can help keep problems at bay when you have good maintenance. Get creative and look for activities and things you can get involved in, which benefit your growth as a person on an ongoing basis.

4. Positive Social Support

Surround yourself with like-minded individuals. This is the time to rid your life of toxic people. The people in our lives can often be quite influential even without us noticing. When we are surrounded by people who are negative, not supportive, criticize us or judge us, that can weigh heavily over time. So be sure to evaluate the relationship in your life to ensure that they are positive and supportive. Join positive groups and make connections with people who have the same goals. The better the people in your life, the higher and more positive the impact. You can all work to life one another up and support one another to achieve goals. 

5. Ever-Changing Process

Make this a process that is fluid and forever changing, not static. Forgive yourself if you get off track and then restart again. There isn’t an ultimate goal or finished project, but a constantly changing version of yourself who are devoted to self-improvement. When we have this mindset versus thinking of it as a final destination or end goal, it helps us to realize that working on ourselves and focusing on self-improvement is something that we must continually work on.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Can Long Distance Relationships Really Work?

Can long-distance relationships really work? This is a question that I receive often by clients who’ve just started dating someone or who want to date someone who lives far away, but they’re hesitant to do so for fear that it just won’t work out. So while long-distance relationships can work, they do require extra effort to address the distance and to maintain connection, intimacy, and trust.

This connection is one of the most important aspects for making long-distance relationships successful, along with honesty and good communication as well. Long-distance relationships require mutual respect, trust, and dedication to the relationship and making the relationship work because relationships are difficult as it is, but then to add distance and other barriers, it can make it more challenging to balance.  So having both partners put forth the effort to make a long-distance relationship work, is crucial.

Here are some tips to maintaining connection:

1: Daily chitchat: 

Be sure to talk on the phone often and be open about the day to day activities that you’re involved in. When someone is not near you, it can be hard to know exactly what’s going on with them. So describe your day and discuss the little things. They can get overlooked, but this can help couples feel connected to one another and as though they are right there next to the other one. Talk about everyday things to feel as though you are right there in each other’s lives.

2: Plan distant date nights: 

So just as though you were in person, you should continue and maintain courtship, you may just have to get a bit more creative with it. So plan some activities that you can do together on video. So perhaps you both pick up take-out from a favorite restaurant to where you are locally and then share dinner together while on FaceTime or Skype. You could order your partner a meal to be delivered or watch a movie together or separately and then talk about it while on video. Seeing each other through video can be helpful to maintain that “physical” connection since you can actually see the person versus talking over the phone.

3: Make sweet gestures: 

This means that you could send each other care packages that include some of your partner’s favorite things or send a sweet card or love letter. There is something very sweet and romantic about getting a handwritten card or letter that’s a surprise from your loved one. Also, random text messages to express your love and appreciation for your partner can keep that romance alive.

4: Spend time together: 

So for many, this will be impossible or very difficult to do or even afford, but if you can, be sure to spend some time together. Spending time in person is essential to beating the challenge of distance so plan trips to visit one another in your location or you could even plan to meet somewhere new. This can help boost the physical intimacy of the relationship and it gives both partners something to look forward to! 

5: Maintain sexual intimacy: 

Having physical contact is important in relationships. The research shows us that physical touch, like hugging, kissing, handholding and sex can boost neurotransmitters and hormones, such as oxytocin that boost our feelings of being in love. While it may be impossible to physically touch while you are at a distant, you have to come up with some creative ideas to keep that passion, romance, and sexual tension alive in your relationship. This may be romantic ideas over the phone or video or it could be discussing intimate ideas for your next visit in person together.

I hope you find these tips helpful to maintaining connection in your relationship.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ON RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Steps to Building a Stronger Connection in Your Relationship

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Coping With Insecurities in a Relationship

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10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship

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5 Tips for Mindful Eating

We know how important mindfulness can be in our daily lives and that it provides many wonderful benefits, but how about being mindful at mealtime? Yes, you guessed it, being mindful while eating has powerful benefits! This is especially true for a person who may be experiencing and struggling with unhealthy eating patterns, such as mindlessly overeating or eating unhealthy foods. 

The idea of mindfulness is being fully present and in the moment with your thoughts, sights, sounds, and experience. Therefore, mindful eating means being fully in tune with your eating experience, including being aware of the food you are eating, the taste, texture, flavor, and the experience while also paying close attention to your feelings and emotional state. This allows us to slow down while eating, be fully aware of the present moment with ourselves and the food we are putting into our bodies as well have a better overall relationship with food. 

A mindful eating practice can help with particular challenges, such as binge eating or overeating and it can also help anyone wanting to begin a more healthful eating habit. By slowing down and being more mindful while eating, this reduces overeating and creates more awareness of healthy eating.

Here are a few strategies to get you started with a mindful eating practice.

5 Tips for Mindful Eating:

1. Take the time: 

We live in a fast-paced and stressful culture and tend to rush through tasks during the day. One of those tasks is eating and mealtime, which is especially true during the busy workday. Most people will rush through their mealtime and not pay attention to what they are eating, how fast or how they are feeling. This type of situation often encourages people to eat more rapidly, rather than slowing down and actually enjoying their meal in the moment. This can encourage overeating since you are mindlessly rushing through so quickly that your brain and stomach do not have time to sufficiently communicate when you are full. 

Another common example of not taking the time to eat is snacking on the go or in front of the television. Again, these are situations that can encourage overeating as well as not being fully present in the moment. I know it can be difficult to always sit down for a meal, but when you can, try it! This is an important step to slowing down, being more aware of what you are doing in the moment and engaging in more mindful eating.

2. Breathe beforehand: 

Before you even begin to take a bite of your meal, sit still, and just breathe. This could be 5 deep breathes to slow yourself down and be fully present with the activity. By focusing on breath, this allows you to better connect to the moment. Remember mindfulness is about being fully aware of the present moment and in tune with how you are feeling. So take that time to take 5 deep breaths before beginning to eat and get yourself in a calm, connected, and mindful state.

3. Slow down: 

Once you start eating, slow down. We often become rushed and want to speed through the experience, which can actually increase overindulgence and the amount of food that we are taking in. Slow down and savor each bite. Similar to the breathing exercise before you began eating, you also want to slow down between bites and while chewing. You could even try taking a few deep breathes in between bites to really slow down take notice of your experience. During this time, be sure to connect to how you are feeling and everything that is happening in the moment.

4. Enjoy & savor: 

During this step, it’s important that you are aware of the moment and experience and actually enjoy the food that you are eating. Be sure to really take time to notice everything your current experience. It’s important to really savor each bite of food. This means that you will observe what the food looks like on your plate, take note of the colors, the shape, and size. Also, notice if the food has any smell and sit for a moment as you breathe them in. Then as you eat your meal, really savor the flavors in each bite. Notice how the food tastes, what flavors you taste, what the texture is like in your mouth and how the food feels as you eat. This step will allow you to be very aware, present and mindful of the food you are eating, which really encourages a more healthy eating pattern. 

5. Repeat: 

Like most new activities, it takes continued practice to really get the hang of it. Repeat this exercise many times until it becomes more of a habit during your mealtime routine. When you are beginning a new habit, it is easy to fall back into your same old routine. It really does take time, effort and practice. So try these techniques often and remember that if you get off track for a few days, that is completely normal. The key here is to get back on a healthy and more mindful path. It will take work and practice, but you are worth it.

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Online Mindful Eating Class

For more information on mindful eating, check out our self-guided online class: Mindful Eating: A Healthy Relationship With Food. This class provides a workbook complete with information on emotional eating, mindful eating tips and homework assignments to guide you through the material as well as an hour and half of video series content. The class also comes with a guided mindful eating exercise.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Therapeutic Benefits of Gardening

With springtime upon us and stores putting out their seedlings, vegetables and fresh young flowers, writing about some of the benefits of gardening seem fitting. Many people engage in gardening for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, it is simple to create more curb appeal to their home, others supply flowers to create more sustainable homesteads, some provide nourishment to bees and other creatures who need them, and some people just garden because they love it. Did you know there are some wonderful therapeutic and mental health benefits to gardening too? 

Horticulture as a treatment intervention has been around for quite some time, but it wasn’t until the 1940s and 50’s that it picked up steam with use and credibility. Rehabilitative care programs began to use horticulture therapy practice with hospitalized war veterans. A variety of professionals now use horticultural therapy techniques to assist participants in learning new skills, regaining some that were lost, improve memory, cognition, language, and socialization. There are some specifically designed therapeutic gardens that are helpful for sensory-orientation as well as just incorporating the healing elements of nature. This blog will specifically look at some of the mental health benefits to gardening.

Here are a few of the benefits: 

1. Sense of responsibility:

Gardening can provide one with a sense of responsibility as taking care of plants can add a sense of purpose, meaning and fulfillment. This gives a person a task that they are involved in, responsible for and in charge of, which can be very important if a person is struggling with feeling unfulfilled, lonely or just trying to find meaning in their life. Many horticulture programs have community gardens that can help increase social experiences. 

2. Nurturing:

Care-taking of any sort can provide us a sense of being nurturing to another living thing. This allows for one to nurture a plant and watch it grow. Many people enjoy starting from tiny seeds, watching them sprout into seedlings and eventually grow and bloom. The process allows people to really care and nurture something that will grow and succeed. Research has shown that providing support and nurturance can lead to reduced stress, increased happiness and feelings of connectedness. 

3. Focus and being in the present moment:

It may be surprising for some, but gardening can assist you in living in the present moment. It brings you to the here and now and as you focus on the activity at hand. It can increase your state of mindfulness. This also allows for a nice distraction away from everyday stressors and some people use it as a means to process and let go of unpleasant emotions. The activity also promotes interest and enthusiasm for the future as many want to see their plants grow and bloom. 

4. Gets you active and outdoors:

Gardening can get you active and take you outdoors to tend to plants and water. Many people find that just being outdoors, in the sunshine and fresh air can add a very healthy outlet in their life. Many school programs with children and even some agencies for the elderly bring in gardening as a means to teach as well as keep people active. Gardening can be hard physical work and lead to the development and improvement of motor skills and muscle coordination. It also allows for sensory experiences due to textures, colors, smells, etc., which can be helpful in stimulating the brain and responses of the person involved.

5. Brings about feelings of success:

Gardening can actually bring on improved confidence and self-esteem. When you plant those seeds in the fresh soil and you provide water and wait. Then you wait some more and suddenly you see the green sprouts. It’s fun and exciting and it gets even better when those green sprouts grow and grow and then, there are tomatoes, zucchinis or peppers hanging off your plant that began as that tiny little seed. Gardening brings on feelings of success, accomplishment, and pride. It feels good to work at something and have it bloom and grow. It is hard work and not everything is completely successful, but when you do put in dedication for something, it can bring on positive feelings.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Resources:

American Horticultural Therapy Association:

https://www.ahta.org/what-is-horticultural-therapy

Therapeutic Garden Characteristics:

https://www.ahta.org/assets/docs/therapeuticgardencharacteristics_ahtareprintpermission.pdf

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Simple Steps to a Calm Mind

Rushing through our day-to-day lives, juggling work, family, and errands can be hectic, chaotic, stressful and constantly busy. It can feel hard to stop your mind at the end of the day. This mental exhaustion can have impacts on our concentration, memory, focus and even sleep. Taking a few moments each day to calm the mind and just breathe, can have incredible benefits. One popular strategy for calming the mind is through meditation or mindfulness.

Mindfulness is described as a mental state in which a person is highly present and aware of their own body, mind, thoughts, and surroundings. We are often not fully aware of how we may feel in a given moment or what specific thoughts are present in our minds. We are usually on autopilot. By increasing awareness of one’s physical and mental experience, this can assist in building appreciation for various aspects of life as well as gain better emotional control, focus, and even help to create more concentration, empathy, and lower stress.

Many people feel intimidated by the idea of starting a mindfulness practice. One simple way to begin is to simply focus on breathing. The act of focusing on your breath can slow you down, help you to maintain focus, and stay in the present moment.

Simple Breathing Exercise:

1. Pause & take a moment to just breathe.

2. Sit or lay down and get comfortable.

3. Close your eyes or leave them at half gaze.

4. Breathe in slowly and deeply while counting to 5 in your mind.

5. Pause with your breath for a small count of 5.

6. Exhale completely while counting to 5.

7. Continue this 5 - 5 - 5 pattern for several minutes while breathing in deeply, pausing, exhaling, and repeating.

8. Practice daily! 

Now that you’ve read through the instructions, practice and try this exercise on your own. Remember, breathe in while counting to 5, hold your breath for 5, and then exhale while counting to 5. Simple, yet calming.

Try this exercise for a few minutes each day for one week and see how you feel. Maintaining a regular practice can have many benefits, including lowering stress, increasing mental focus and attention, less emotional reactivity, more cognitive flexibility, improving connections with others, and being more in tune with your mind and body.

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Online services are available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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View fullsize

Steps to Forgiveness

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10 Tips for Couples

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Maintaining Intimacy After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Tips for a Better Dating Mindset

Oh the stress, the anxiety, and the excitement of dating! It’s a time that’s promising, fun, but sometimes down right daunting. There are many different things to keep in mind when embarking on the dating journey. Many of these things have to do with the way you feel about yourself, your state of mind and the overall mindset about the dating process. So how can you get in the right state of mind? Here are a few tips to steer you in a positive direction:  

Build Confidence:

It’s important when you are beginning to date that you feel confident. Showing your confidence not only makes you feel better, but it can make you more attractive to the other person as well. This is a critical step especially considering some of the latest research shows that online dating can lead to lower self-esteem, so it’s important that you are working to counteract that. With the ease of online dating, rejection can often be easier to dish out, whether you send a message that goes unanswered or never hear back from someone after a great date, it can hard to face that rejection. It’s crucial before you begin this process that you ensure that you feel good about yourself and know your great qualities. Sit down and make a list of your strengths. Think about all the wonderful things that you have to offer in a relationship. You can talk with a friend about your dating adventures and tell them why you think that you are a good catch. They will often provide you with great feedback, boost your confidence and may even give you some tips or even set you up with someone whom they know.

Take Emotional Risks: 

Relationships of any sort involve an element of emotional risk-taking. This means that it requires you to step outside your comfort zone and be open and vulnerable to new situations. This may seem obvious as dating pushes us to take many emotional risks; however, many people may still remain closed off during the process without even realizing. Often times people remain closed off because they are scared of being hurt or rejected. When people are closed off, they send negative signals to their dates and tend to not have as much fun with the dating process. Learning to let go of rejection fears, will put you in a better place to let your guard down and make dating a more open and fun experience. It is a necessary step in moving forward and realizing that not every relationship will end the same way or be a negative experience. 

Be Open to Possibilities: 

It’s important to be realistic and keep your eyes open for different possibilities. Many people will tell you “don’t put your eggs in one basket” and that’s kind of the point in this message. It’s important not to see everything as “all or nothing” or “black or white” as there are often gray areas. It’s important to think about what’s right for you and be open for new possibilities. For example, if you go out on one great date, it is important to stay open and continue to meet others, rather than jumping all in for the person you had one great date with. Remember your goal here is to find the right connection for you and not just any connection, so remain open to different possibilities. Many people often have an outline of an “ideal partner” and while this can be important to know what you want in a relationship, it is also important that you are not being shut down to other relationships just because you think the person doesn’t fit into a list. So give people a chance and take time to see if you’re a good match.

Hold on to Yourself:

Maintaining your own identity and personal interests are extremely important when entering into and sustaining a relationship. Obviously, dating and beginning a new relationship can be very exciting and its easy to begin focusing all your time and energy into this new person. When people do that, they stop hanging out with their friends or discontinue things that interest them and this can really be negative as you lose your own identity and an element of yourself. So be sure and work toward maintaining a balance between spending time with someone new as well as maintaining your own identity and interests. Having your own hobbies and individual identity makes you a more interesting person and therefore more attractive as well!

Forget the Contest: 

Dating is not a contest and we can often get caught up in the game play rather than staying focused on what the purpose is for us. Dating is not about seeing how many people you can go out with or making sure you get the follow-up phone call or the second date even if you’re not a match. It is not about the quantity, but about the quality of the date and the compatibility of the person you are with. So a date that is not followed up with a phone call or a second date might actually be more clarification for you of who is or is not the right match. The focus and the goal here is to find someone who is the right connection for you and not to try and force something that simply does not work. So be sure and maintain a good mindset in the process without getting caught up in the game.

Look for the Best Qualities:

 When analyzing a person for a potential relationship, people can often go immediately to searching for the negative aspects and what they believe is “wrong” with the other person rather than looking for the positives. By doing this, we can unconsciously send out negative messages that end up showing our own negative side as well. We can come across as shut down and critical. Try to pick out the best in others as this will allow your best to shine through too. So after a date, first think of the positive qualities in the other person and the ways in which you might be a good match before making a list of the negatives.

Keep Going Forward:

After several bad dates, rejections, or just overall disappointments, it can be easy to say “forget it” and throw in the towel. Do your best to stay positive and continue to move forward. Use your support system when needed to help push you forward. It often helps to call a friend and laugh or complain about bad dates. Sometimes people may even find it appropriate to take a break from dating for a bit and that’s okay too. You have to find what works for you. Just keep in mind that this is a rollercoaster ride that will have many ups and downs along the way so it’s important to get back on that rollercoaster because another fun moment will come soon enough. 

Good luck in your dating journey!

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Online services are available

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free facebook group on relationships

Be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group: The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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