5 Tips for Living With Intention

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to fall into the rhythm of going through the motions—checking off tasks, reacting to demands, and moving from one obligation to the next without much thought. But a fulfilling life doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built through conscious choices and deliberate actions. Living with intention means aligning your time, energy, and efforts with what truly matters to you.

Living with intention means striving for better-balance and living with more meaning and purpose. It means the activities that you are engaging in are worthwhile to you and focused on betterment. You are stepping out of mindless activities and from being in autopilot and you are ensuring your life is based on your own conscious choice of how you want your life to be. 

Living with intention is beneficial as it can increase our self-awareness, meaning, and happiness in our own lives. By living with intention, we set out each day to ensure we engage in meaningful activities that serve a good purpose and will have a positive influence on our lives. Here are five tips to help you live more intentionally every day.

Steps to Living with Intention:

1. Choose activities that matter:

Time is a limited resource, and how we spend it defines the quality of our lives. One of the most important steps toward intentional living is being selective with how you use your time. Assess what’s really important to you and try to live your life by your beliefs, values, and top priorities. When you get a good idea of the most important activities, people and experiences in your life, you will be more inclined to choose activities that really matter and are crucial for your betterment. We then spend less time on activities that do not serve a positive purpose in our lives. This tends to increase our overall happiness and purpose in life.

Some questions that you may ask yourself would be: 

“What makes my life worth living?”  

“What’s most important to me?”  

“What do I want out of life?”

“Does this activity align with my values?”

“Is this helping me grow, connect, or contribute?”

2. Work toward betterment:

Intentional living is grounded in growth. When life encompasses a path of self-improvement and personal growth, we tend to feel more fulfilled and have more meaning in our lives. Bettering yourself should be something that we all try and strive for. This doesn’t mean constantly striving for more in a material sense—but rather committing to becoming a better version of yourself. Personal growth is a lifelong process that requires constant work and attention. This could mean developing a new skill, nurturing healthier habits, or working on your emotional intelligence.

Progress, no matter how small, builds confidence and momentum. It reminds us that we have the power to shape our lives one step at a time.

3. Enjoy the moment:

Presence is a powerful ingredient of an intentional life. When we’re caught up in the past or worried about the future, we miss the richness of what’s happening right now. Being mindful of the present moment helps you to increase self-awareness, build stronger relationships with others and can decrease stress and worry. Often, people feel that they are “in the moment” and enjoying the present, but truly being mindful and practicing mindfulness can be quite challenging.

Mindfulness requires one to be aware of everything in the present moment, which includes their own body, physical experience, environment, surroundings as well as their emotional state, mindset, and thoughts. Being mindful and truly in the moment requires much effort, but regular practice can help us to be more present and aware that leads to living life with more intention and meaning. 

4. Strive toward balance:

Living with intention isn’t about doing everything perfectly—it’s about doing what’s right for you, and knowing when to shift gears. Balance doesn’t always mean equal—it means harmonious. Working toward maintaining balance and overall wellness in your life is essential to living your life to the fullest. Ensure all areas are well-cared for and if things feel out of balance, work to get re-centered.

Recognize when to work and when to rest. When to give and when to receive. When to speak up and when to listen. A balanced life allows you to thrive without burning out, and it ensures that your pursuits are sustainable and aligned with your well-being.

5. Make a difference:

At the heart of intentional living is the desire to leave the world a little better than you found it. Whether it’s through your career, your relationships, or your daily interactions, look for ways to make a positive impact. Small gestures—a kind word, a helpful hand, a moment of understanding—can create powerful ripples. Living intentionally means using your unique strengths and voice to contribute to something meaningful.

Helpful actions toward others, as well as yourself, can be beneficial to your mental wellbeing. By giving back and helping others, it can help us to feel better about ourselves in the process. Volunteerism has many known benefits.

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Living with intention doesn’t require a dramatic life overhaul. It starts with small, conscious choices made each day. By focusing on what matters, growing with purpose, staying present, finding balance, and seeking to make a difference, you can create a life that feels not just full—but truly fulfilling.When you live with intention, you have more passion, more focus and more attention to your actions, which can enrich your experience and your life. 

So take a breath, reflect on what matters most to you, and begin moving toward a more intentional way of living—one moment, one decision at a time.

Good luck to you in your journey!

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Ways to Cope With Stress

Stress is one of the most common challenges that we experience. It can have huge ramifications on our physical health, mental health, cognitive functioning, and emotional health so it’s essential to address stress and implement coping skills to help reduce the impact on our wellbeing.

This article will focus on a few coping skills to help reduce stress, but if you are looking for more in-depth information in an educational format, you can find our online Mindfulness & Stress Management class on our webpage. The program will delve more deeply into the negative impacts of stress, importance to address stress, stress management techniques, mindfulness, and several homework assignments to ensure your progress throughout the class.

In this article, we will look at coping strategies in a couple of different areas: physical and cognitive. You may notice that everyone handles stress differently. Some people take on stress more in a physical way, such as tension in your shoulders or back, disturbances in sleep or even headaches or stomachaches. It would be recommended that that person looks toward coping skills that take into account physical activities, such as exercise, massage, or yoga. 

Another example is the difference in the way in which we deal with stress is the person who is more impacted by cognitive effects. This is a person who may get stuck mentally in their stress, ruminate on the problems and have difficulty shutting their mind down. This person would most likely benefit from cognitive activities that address coping with stress, such as recognizing unhealthy thinking, changing your perspective or engaging in positive self-talk.

TIPS TO COPE WITH STRESS:

Behavioral Strategies:

• Physical stress relief, such as regular exercise or a daily walk

• Mindfulness and relaxation focused exercises. This may include a long bath, meditation, mindfulness practice, etc.

• Happiness activities: engage in activities that promote your happiness such as doing yoga, listening to music, or getting a massage.

• Write in a journal. The act of writing can provide an outlet for the release of emotions and thoughts, which can help with healing and coping.

• Consider emotional support activities such as talking to friends or family 

• Keep things in moderation: coffee, diet, and alcohol. Overuse of substances can create further dependency as become a crutch with coping.

Cognitive Strategies:

• Cognitive Restructuring: the act of recognizing your unhealthy thinking patterns and altering them to more positive and healthy cognition.

• Recognize unhealthy thinking patterns. By being able to catch yourself when you are thinking negatively or even ruminating on your stress, you can counteract its impact and reduce future experiences of stress.

• Perspective: Accept what you cannot control and do your best. The less we focus on perfectionism and attempting to control

• Use Positive self-talk: Try saying positive things to yourself daily. You can say things, like: “I can get through this,” “This is hard, but I can do it.”

Prevention:

• Balance: Maintain a better balance so that you do not get stressed in the future. This may include saying “no” and declining some events as well as maintaining a good balance with work-life so that life does not become overwhelming.

• Learn your triggers: For the future, learn triggers that lead to high levels of anxiety in your life. This way you can decrease or avoid these triggers and better cope.

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ONLINE SESSIONS

For more information on virtual services, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Remote services are provided online through a HIPAA compliant web portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during your sessions and have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Online Stress Management Class

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Reducing Mental Health Stigma

Most people have been impacted by mental health-related issues in their life, either due to their own experience or someone they know. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in five Americans will experience a mental health disorder in their lifetime. More than 50% of people in the United States (U.S.) will be diagnosed with a mental illness at some point in their lives. Mood disorders, including major depression or bipolar disorder, are the third most common cause of hospitalization in the U.S. for youth and adults (18-44 years old). 

Suicide, which is often associated with symptoms of mental illness, is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S. These statistics show that mental illnesses are among the most common health conditions in the U.S., yet only 25 percent of people feel others are understanding or compassionate about their illness. This demonstrates how alive and well stigma and discrimination are regarding mental health-related issues and diagnoses.

A lack of understanding and familiarity about mental health as well as certain held social and cultural beliefs seem to impact one’s ability to have compassion and understanding. Another common cause of stigma is fear. It is a human tendency that we fear things that we do not fully understand. Stigma includes both the prejudicial attitudes and discriminatory behavior towards people with mental health issues. Studies have shown that the attitudes toward people who have mental illness are widespread and include beliefs like, people with mental health problems are more dangerous. When, in fact, studies indicate that people with mental health disorders are more likely to be victims of violence.

Stigma negatively impacts people who have mental illness by increasing isolation, social exclusion and providing poor social support. It also increases shame and secrecy as people will be less likely to want to share their issues related to mental health, if and when they experience discrimination as a result. People are also less likely to treatment when they experience discrimination due to their mental health-related issues. These negative experiences can greatly impact the person with a mental health diagnosis and at times, worsen symptoms by causing increased distress, lower self-esteem and hurt the person’s quality of daily living. This can also impact the person’s overall success because of poorer vocational outcomes due to workplace discrimination. 

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) suggests that people educate themselves and others about mental health-related issues to decrease stigma as well as talk more openly about mental health-related issues. Other suggestions include being more conscious of the language that we use and show more compassion for people impacted by mental illness. NAMI also encourages equality between physical and mental health conditions. A pretty impactful statement they provided on this topic was: would you make fun of someone with cancer? It is more common that we joke about mental health issues when we would never say such a thing about someone’s physical illness or disease.

The elimination of mental health stigma can, of course, reduce discrimination, it also allows for better social inclusion, can provide higher vocational outcomes for the person impacted and it can promote recovery of the person suffering from mental illness. This has a greater impact on workplace and societal environments, as well as employment and our overall communities. We all have our differences and challenges. Being compassionate, kind and accepting of all people, especially those with mental health-related issues can be beneficial for everyone.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Resources:

American Psychological Association: https://www.apa.org

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness: https://www.nami.org

Time to Change: https://www.time-to-change.org.uk

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References: 

• Byrne, P. (2000). Stigma of mental illness and ways of diminishing it. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 6(1), 65-72. doi:10.1192/apt.6.1.65

• Clement S, et al. Mass media interventions for reducing mental health-related stigma. Cochrane Database Systematic Reviews 2013; 23: CD009453.

• Clement S, et al. What is the impact of mental health-related stigma on help-seeking? A systematic review of quantitative and qualitative studies. Psychological Medicine 2015; 45: 11-27.

• The paper, “Community Violence Perpetration and Victimization Among Adults With Mental Illnesses,” is published online in the American Journal of Public Health. The paper was co-authored by Dr. Richard Van Dorn of RTI International; Kiersten Johnson, a graduate student at NC State; Dr. Kevin Grimm of University of California, Davis; Dr. Kevin Douglas of Simon Fraser University; and Dr. Marvin Swartz of Duke University.

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Blog written by: 

Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, a wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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5 Tips for Self-Improvement

Self-improvement is important. Growing as a person is essential to having a full and meaningful life. Living to your full potential means that you have to put forth effort into being open to changing yourself and continuing to grow. Ensuring you are being the best person you can be.

5 Tips for Self-Improvement:

1. Life-Long Goal:

Make it an ongoing goal to work on being a better person, constantly. It should be a daily goal and mission that you set and stick with it. It’s more than just a goal that you set and walk away. It’s a bigger process that requires constant work. It’s something that requires mental dedication. People may often read an article or see an advertisement related to bettering yourself, whether it’s physically, mentally, etc. and then they become focused on achieving that; however, once they feel they are in a good place, they drop their focus of this being something they work on. Make this something that you will continuously strive toward as it will always have rewards and benefits in your life. 

2. Boost Self-Worth

One of the main principles and a foundation for why this activity is important is feeling enough self-worth and believing that you are worth it. Believe in yourself, know the goal is important as this is your life and your ability to be the best person and best version of yourself that you can be. It’s important to believe in self-improvement and feels that you are worth this process and hard work. Once you have that foundation of strong self-worth and dedicate your time and energy to working on yourself, you can make quite a difference in your own life and ultimately achieve higher satisfaction and happiness.

3. Growth in All Areas

Make it a goal of constantly working on self-improvement in physical, mental and spiritual areas. It can be quite common that people resort to “spot treatment.” This means that when they are feeling “off” with their mental health, experiencing higher than usual levels of depression or anxiety, then they will seek help. Then they wait and when something happens again, either mental health or even physical health then they go get treatment for that issue. While this is a positive thing as we should be seeking treatment and help for issues that we are experiencing, it is healthier to maintain progress and growth toward keeping mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing at a good place. This means that we should constantly be looking at ways to improve our overall person rather than only when there are problems. This can help keep problems at bay when you have good maintenance. Get creative and look for activities and things you can get involved in, which benefit your growth as a person on an ongoing basis.

4. Positive Social Support

Surround yourself with like-minded individuals. This is the time to rid your life of toxic people. The people in our lives can often be quite influential even without us noticing. When we are surrounded by people who are negative, not supportive, criticize us or judge us, that can weigh heavily over time. So be sure to evaluate the relationship in your life to ensure that they are positive and supportive. Join positive groups and make connections with people who have the same goals. The better the people in your life, the higher and more positive the impact. You can all work to life one another up and support one another to achieve goals. 

5. Ever-Changing Process

Make this a process that is fluid and forever changing, not static. Forgive yourself if you get off track and then restart again. There isn’t an ultimate goal or finished project, but a constantly changing version of yourself who are devoted to self-improvement. When we have this mindset versus thinking of it as a final destination or end goal, it helps us to realize that working on ourselves and focusing on self-improvement is something that we must continually work on.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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5 Ways Pets Can Boost Your Mental Health

If you are a “pet person” then it will come as no surprise that having pets can really be beneficial and happiness to our lives. Pets are very common in our lives. An estimated 68% of U.S. households have pets and 95% of those pet owners consider their pet a part of their family, which indicates the strong bond that pets create. Research shows us that pets can add a number of helpful elements to our lives, both physically and mentally.

For this reason, pets are often used as service animals or emotional support animals for a variety of disabilities and illnesses. Not only are certain animals capable of being trained to assist with physical and mobility needs, but many animals are highly in tune to how we are feeling and our emotional state, which means they also greatly assist with emotional and mental health needs.

Mental Health Benefits of Owning Pets: 

1. Meaning: 

Pet ownership can add so much meaning and fulfillment to our lives. They give us responsibility and something to care for. Many families add pets to their lives for the purpose of teaching responsibility to children and other family members. Pets can add so much meaning to our lives as well as prompt us to participate in pet driven activities, which can be very positive. Some of these activities may include daily walks, trips to the dog park or other outdoor activities such as hiking and visits to the park. Therefore, pets can motivate us to engage in positive physical activities outdoors as well as provide social opportunities with other pet owners.

2. Companionship: 

Pets can help to combat loneliness. Surprisingly, just the presence of having a pet nearby can decrease loneliness and helps to make us feel that someone or something is close by. This presence can help people feel less lonely in general. Also, along with meaning, pets can get us outdoors, active and engaged, which obviously reduces feelings of loneliness and adds more opportunities for social experiences. 

3. Loyalty: 

Similar to companionship, pets also bring loyalty. Many people may have fears related to trusting another human being because they are scared of being rejected, hurt or even abandoned. Pets are loyal companions who want to spend their time right by our side, which can be very helpful for someone who maybe struggling with these issues. Just in general, having that loyal companion can add more fulfillment and a sense of love to our lives.  

4. Emotional Awareness: 

Pets are very in tune and sensitive to our feelings. Often, pets can sense when we are feeling down or bad and they can curl up right next to us to offer support. This ability that pets naturally have, is similar to mindfulness. Pets are very present in the moment and put their full attention to you in the present moment. This experience can be very helpful to their human counterpart by teaching us to also be mindful, in the moment as well as reduce stress and be more in tune to our emotional state. Studies have shown that pets can increase our serotonin levels, which can help ward off depression and improve overall mood. For this reason, pets are commonly used for mental health and emotional support. 

5. Relaxation: 

Research shows us that the simple act of petting an animal can be meditative and relaxing. This is one of the reasons many service animals are taken into hospital units to provide a calm experience for the patient that will promote positive emotional and mental health as well as physical healing. Specifically, the various studies on stress reduction and pet ownership show us that this lower stress can lead to a healthier heart. The results showed lower rates of heart disease and lower blood pressure. Also, the simple tactile act of petting your cat or dog can increase a relaxation hormone and lower the stress hormone cortisol, which lowers overall stress levels and increases relaxation.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Will Anxiety Ever Get Better? Helpful Tips for Coping

There are times when it feels that anxiety will never get better. It’s worrisome, exhausting and overwhelming. But yes, anxiety is a very treatable disorder and with work and dedication to reduce the symptoms and implement coping skills, it can get better.

Anxiety disorder is the most common mental health condition in the United States with nearly 40 million adults experiencing it at some point in their life. Anxiety can impact people differently and have a wide variety of symptoms. Usually, the symptoms impact our cognitive, emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. Because the symptoms impact such a variety of areas, the coping skills should also target these different areas. 

Read more below about the common symptoms and some tips for coping.

Symptoms of Anxiety:

• Feeling restless or nervous

• Easily fatigued & feeling overwhelmed

• Having trouble sleeping

• Feeling irritable & restless

• Impact memory & judgment

• Increased muscle tension or headaches

• Difficulty controlling worry

• Increased sweating & trembling

• Difficulty concentrating

• Having trouble making decisions

• Increases self-doubt

Tips for Coping: 

Positive Thinking:

Altering your mindset can be a key factor in managing anxiety. In fact, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective treatment strategies in addressing and reducing anxiety. CBT aims to address the role of one’s cognitions and thoughts with how that is impairing their behavior and emotional state. CBT is quite effective in helping people to alter and adjust their negative thoughts while replacing them with more positive thinking. The power of positive thinking has had extensive research showing its effectiveness and usefulness when implemented during challenging times. So when you notice yourself worrying or feeling anxious, try your best to force positive thoughts, such as saying positive affirmations to yourself or even thinking of something in which you are grateful. These are small exercises that can actually have a large impact in reducing overall anxiety.

Mindfulness Meditation: 

Mindfulness can help to calm the mind and this is especially important when one is experiencing anxiety, stress, and high levels of worry. Even taking a few moments each day to just breathe can be extremely helpful. The idea of meditation and mindfulness means that we are creating a safe space for ourselves to engage in a calming experience where we will be keenly aware of our body, mind, and physical space. There are many mindfulness exercises that will guide you through practicing a meditation. You can try this for a few moments each day or even on a weekly basis.

Exercise:

There is extensive research on the mental and emotional benefits of physical activity. When people are experiencing high stress or anxiety, they can often forget the importance of making time for exercise. It is this activity that can actually help to reduce stress and anxiety so it is therefore very important. Physical exercise boosts certain neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and other endorphins, which can again, help us to manage our mood and emotional state. You can start small and set daily goals, such as a 20-minute walk in your neighborhood. Any physical activity can help in boosting your mood so get out and try a little exercise to improve your emotional wellbeing. 

Healthy Nutrition:

Eating healthy foods is an important aspect to maintaining both good physical and mental health. Healthy nutrition, just as exercise, plays a direct role in our mind-body functioning. People often notice if they eat more processed, high sugar or junk foods, they feel more sluggish, have difficulty thinking clearly and it often impacts their mood. Be sure to focus on maintaining a healthy diet during times of stress as this actually helps in reducing and controlling our mental health symptoms. Also, it’s important to limit alcohol and caffeine as both of these substances can play a direct role in feelings of anxiety. Alcohol, in particular, can work to numb the negative feelings; however, when you are not drinking alcohol, the feelings then return, which can ultimately worsen your situation.

Support System: 

Having a strong support system is an important aspect of managing anxiety symptoms. Support systems can be a variety of people, such as friends, family, sports clubs, therapy groups or even community-based groups. Depending on the situation, it can be helpful to talk to others about what you’re experiencing. If talking to your friends or family has not been helpful or if you are feeling that they may not understand, then perhaps joining support groups with individuals who are experiencing similar situations can be helpful. Support groups can provide a distraction, positive interaction, companionship or other general support needed during a difficult time. 

Master your Time: 

Time management is a critical skill in managing anxiety. This is because if we take on too many tasks or procrastinate and wait until the very last minute, this creates additional stress and contributes to an anxiety-provoking situation. By managing your time wisely and not waiting until the last minute or taking on too many projects, you can reduce the overall anxiety of situations.

Learn to say “no:”

Setting appropriate boundaries and not taking on too many tasks as discussed with time management, can be helpful in learning how to control your anxiety levels. Many people can get caught up in the worry and concern about others, which can lead them to have an increase in their own anxiety. It’s important to realize that by taking on other people’s worry, you ultimately increase your own. So if you are experiencing high levels of anxiety, stress, and worry, try setting better boundaries and say “no” when you need to in order to reduce tasks. 

Get a good night’s sleep:

Getting adequate sleep is actually crucial for both our physical and mental health. People can often find themselves in a negative cycle where worry and anxiety are keeping them awake at night and they find it hard to fall or stay asleep. However, it is also this experience of not getting enough sleep that will actually worsen the anxiety; therefore, adequate sleep is essential. 

There are a few strategies that can assist a positive bedtime routine and better sleep:

    Wind down before bed: For many, spending the last 30 minutes to an hour before bed, to wind down with calming activities can help them sleep better. This means reducing or completely eliminating over-stimulating activities such as watching tv, your phone or exercise. Calming activities may include lighting candles in your house to reduce bright lights, read a book, soak in a hot bath or shower, meditate or use aromatherapy.

    Write in a journal: Writing down your thoughts before bed can be helpful in reducing anxiety and worry that you might experience during the night. People often find that they are focused on their thoughts while trying to go to sleep or something worrisome wakes them in the night. By keeping a journal on your nightstand, you can write down some of these thoughts and attempt to get them out of your mind to create better sleep.

    Speak to your healthcare provider. Lastly, if you have attempted several strategies, repeatedly overtime and still feel that you are unable to get adequate sleep, then talk to your doctor as there may be physical ailments that are contributing to insomnia or perhaps a sleep aid or medication may be appropriate. 

Unplug Regularly:

It’s important that we take time away from technology on a regular basis. This doesn’t have to be something too complicated either. It could be something as simple as putting away your cell phone and turning off your ringer during dinner with your family or something bigger, such as a tech-free weekend. If you work in a job where you are on-call and need to be by your phone, and then schedule time away from tech when it’s your break from on-call. Make this a commitment that will work for you. Staying overly connected to technology, social media, email, and our phones do not give our minds time to actually take a mental break. It keeps us connected, distracted and stressed.

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Life in Balance: Mindfulness & Stress Management Program

For more information and strategies for reducing stress and anxiety, check out our online Mindfulness & Stress Management program. This is an 8-module program that covers: what stress and worry are, the negative impacts of stress, how to live life in better balance, the benefits of calming, strategies to reduce stress, mindfulness, cognitive restructuring and how to establish healthy habits. The program purchase includes a corresponding workbook, at-home assignments, and video series content featuring Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, psychologist & founder of the Loving Roots Project.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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How Gratitude Can Ease a Bad Day

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Benefits of Unplugging & Having a Tech-Free Day

We are more connected than ever before. Well, by technology anyway. We have more access to information and resources through tech and social media. This keeps us “connected” with friends, family and perhaps people who we may have lost contact with otherwise. Technology and social media can increase the speed of dissemination of information with relevant news or law enforcement postings and be wonderful in sharing of relevant info. However, we are also exposed to so much negativity and it can actually pull us further away from our connections with people in front of us and in the present moment. This is especially true when the use of technology or social media is not done in moderation or awareness of the negative exposure is not better monitored.

Most of the latest research regarding our use of technology and with social media, in particular, has indicated several negative impacts on self-esteem, depression, anxiety, body image, unhealthy sleeping patterns, addiction and cyberbullying. While there can be both benefits and negative impacts of technology and social media, it’s important to understand that occasional breaks can be very helpful. This goes for children’s screen time as well. There is a National Day of Unplugging that is a good reminder to all of us, to take a much-needed break from tech.

Here are some benefits of unplugging:

Let’s us connect to people in the moment

The irony is that social media can keep us connected to people at a distance, but sometimes we can lose focus and connection with people right in front of us. Taking a brief break, allows you to be present, in the moment and connect with people in your life. Not being focused on your phone, allows you to be more aware, mindful and in tune with the present moment.

Increases personal growth

When we take breaks from technology, it can help us to focus on activities that are focused on our personal growth and development. This will give you an opportunity, for example, to go for a hike and leave your phone turned off so that you can fully enjoy being present in nature. You can also work on journaling or another activity that helps in the expression of emotions, such as practicing gratitude. Not being glued to our phones allows us the opportunity to engage in self-love and self-care as well as living with more intention and meaning in your day-to-day.

Less comparison to others

People may not realize that when they see images of other people’s lives, they can often compare this to their own. So taking a break from social media allows for “out of sight, out of mind.” This takes away that unconscious desire to compare ourselves to others. We stop looking at photos or videos of others and comparing them to our own lives. This comparison can really bring down mood and self-esteem without even realizing it. Taking that much-needed break will allow you to focus on yourself and what brings you happiness in your own life.

More free time

When we are not glued to our phones, tablets or computers, we have more time to do other stuff! You could set up a game night with your family or friends or you could go see a movie. There are lots of fun activities that take us away from being on our phones or computers. Many of these hobbies and fun activities can bring us more meaning and happiness in our lives.

Increases communication

Often times, when we are present in the moment with people in our lives and increase our connection, we are also more thoroughly engaged and increase levels of communication. Not being glued to our phones, allows us the opportunity to talk and engage with the people we are with and have more meaningful connections with others. This encourages a higher rate of engagement with those around us.

Gives a moment to recharge

This gives you an opportunity to rest your body and mind from technology. We often don’t realize how consuming news, social media, and graphic images can be. Usually, people feel refreshed and recharged once they get a brief break.

Improves sleep

Many studies show that the use of phones and other technology can impact our sleep and this is especially true when we use devices right before going to bed. Images, stories and even the phone light can stimulate our brain and when this happens before bedtime, it can be challenging to calm down and fall asleep. It’s best to begin a nighttime routine without the use of screens.

Ideas to get Started:

• Set up rules for tech-free family dinner or game night. Everyone can place their phones in a bowl or central location so that they all agree to enjoy the evening together.

• Have a tech-free weekend; Go on a family camping trip; Go see a movie.

• Put your phone away and on silent when you’re with friends and family and try not to pull it out to check it until you’re done with your activity.

• Set up a calendar reminder every week or every month to take a few hours off.

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Online services are available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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30 Activities to Reduce Stress

We live in a fast-paced, quick moving and stressful world. At times, it’s hard to even find a moment of calmness. Stress impacts us physically and mentally. It impacts the ability to focus, to be more productive, it disturbs sleep, impacts relationships as well as overall happiness. Most of the time, it’s impossible to fully remove all the stress in our lives, so what else can we do? How can we plug in a relaxing activity that will offset and lower stress? 

Well, there are lots of fun ideas out there to help relieve stress, but first, let’s discuss how you begin such a routine.

Take the time: 

This is probably the most important step to learning to relax and reduce stress. It is most crucial because no matter how many relaxing ideas we come up with if you do not take the time to actually pause and take a break, it will never work. Set aside a reasonable amount of time that is needed and set up a plan for how you will accomplish this. We often feel we do not have enough time as it is. So find a few moments in your daily routine to engage in a fun and relaxing activity. For example, you may set a reminder on your phone to meditate or go for a walk or you may plan to play relaxing music in the car on your way home from work every day. It’s just important that you find the right thing that works for you and you set aside the time to actually follow through with the activity.

Relax your mind: 

Be in the present moment when you are engaging in the activity. This is key to actually relaxing. Many people may focus on the physical aspects of relaxation, which is also important, but if you are not relaxing your mind, then your body also cannot relax. Think of how strong the mind-body connection can be and how important it is to address both aspects of ourselves at one time. If you get a massage, which may feel wonderful physically, but you do not address the mental aspect of calming, then your mind stays in a state of stress; therefore, impacting your body. Engage in mindfulness and take a brief mental pause. Also, if you are not mentally engaged in the activity and you are staying in a stressed state of mind, then you will not experience the maximum benefit. The goal here is to relax your mind as best you can and stay focused in the present moment with the activity that you are engaged in. In order to relax the mind, slow yourself, calm your breathing, and focus on your current state.

Practice: 

Now is the important step of finding an activity that is actually helpful for you in both mind and body that will help you to relax. Try a variety of activities and practice! What one person does to relax, may not help the next person. It is important that you find the right activity for you. You may hate reading, so reading a book will not be a relaxing activity for you so while that may be helpful for many, it might not work for you. Start by making a list of activities that you think would be relaxing or that you have seen others do that helped them to relax. Try them! Take the time to test out some different activities to see if you find them relaxing. Be sure to find activities that will target both mind and body.

Here is a list of 30 fun activities that will help reduce stress:

1. Going for a walk or exercising

2. Taking a bath or shower

3. Practicing deep breathing

4. Reading a book, newspaper or magazine    

5. Practicing meditation or mindfulness

6. Listening to relaxing music

7. Getting a massage

8. Sewing, knitting, cross stitching 

9. Doing yoga

10. Petting your dog or cat

11. Horseback riding

12. Writing in a journal

13. Reading a book

14. Talking to a friend

15. Watching a movie

16. Playing a musical instrument

17. Arts and crafts

18. Gardening

19. Playing games

20. Practicing gratitude

21. Completing puzzles

22. Taking a nap

23. Having a spa night at home

24. Practicing positive self-talk

25. Engaging in a hobby

26. Drinking soothing tea

27. Getting a good night’s sleep

28. Reducing caffeine intake

29. Disconnecting from tech

30. Trying aromatherapy

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Online services are available

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Reasons Behind Lack of Affection in a Relationship

Have you gone through periods in your relationship where you felt your partner wasn’t as affectionate or addressing your needs for intimacy and comfort in the relationship? It can be quite normal in relationships for the level of physical affection and intimacy to vary. Relationships tend to ebb and flow when it comes to the intimacy level and closeness. People often worry that when their partner is not showing them physical intimacy, it means something bad about them or the relationship itself. While there are situations where that might be the case, there are also times that your partner may not be demonstrating affection and they have nothing to do with you or the health of your relationship. 

Here are some reasons behind your partner not showing affection:

1. Different Boundaries & Personality:

People have some basic differences with the amount of affection that they are comfortable expressing. For example, when someone grows up in a family that did not show affection often, then they may feel more uncomfortable demonstrating physical affection in their relationship. This has nothing to do with their partner, but it’s simply a different boundary and comfort zone for the person. It is not something that they are used to or comfortable with. Personality also plays a role in people’s level of comfort with showing affection. Introverts may feel less comfortable with expressing affection, while extroverts show affection often and with ease. It’s important that we have an understanding of our parnter’s comfort level. Another common theory showing a difference between partners is the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. He explains that we have different ways in which we recieve and give love. For example, if your love language is physical affection and your partner is words of affirmation, then you may continually attempt physical touch with your partner as a way to demonstrate love, but they are desiring words of affirmation. This difference, therefore, can leave people leaving feeling unloved or lacking in affection. This is a simple difference that having an understanding between partners may help with.

2. Feeling Comfy:

It is common in relationships, that when a couple has been together for quite a while, they can feel very comfortable and forget the key aspects of courtship and affection. When we are first dating, there is often more attention placed on demonstrating affection. Once there is a comfort level established, it is common to not place as much effort in showing your partner affection. This is not necessarily due to not desiring your partner, but simply due to feeling very comfortable and not putting forth the same amount of effort and attention. It’s important that we are continuously making that effort and putting forth time and dedication to our partnership as it is a key to happiness and relationship satisfaction.

3. Closed off to Intimacy:

For many people, showing affection is a very intimate act and when someone is feeling fearful or closed off to intimacy, then they will avoid initiating any affection altogether. This could be due to something that has happened to them previously, in other relationships, or even in childhood. The person may be more closed off and resistant to physical affection or even emotional vulnerability. People can often put up emotional barriers or walls to prevent being too open or vulnerable with someone else. This is an issue that is about them, their comfort level with intimacy and not their partner. It can be difficult for many people to show affection and not because they don’t want to, but because it is very uncomfortable and difficult for them to do so.

4. Off-Balance: 

Often, when we get caught up in focusing on other areas of our life, such as work, school, or social aspects, then we can unintentionally neglect other aspects of our life. This may not be due to not desiring our partner or the relationship, but simply because our attention is focused elsewhere. It is common that if one partner has something major happening in their life that is taking their full focus or creating high levels of stress, such as a major work project, then they can get off balance and “forget” to demonstrate affection with their partner. It really takes having a healthy balance and putting your partner and relationship as a priority to maintain physical affection, intimacy, and connection in the partnership. 

5. Insecurities & Difficulty with Vulnerability:

There can be times when someone may not be feeling as secure or confident within themselves. This could be due to body image issues or just overall self-esteem. Many times when someone is not feeling confident, they will not want to initiate affection. Demonstrating affection does take courage and being vulnerable; therefore, if someone is not feeling brave or wanting to put themselves out there in a vulnerable way, then they will not be as willing to demonstrating affection. This again has to do with their own issues related to self-esteem and confidence and nothing to do with their partner.

6. Mental Health:

It is common that when someone is experiencing a disturbance in their emotional and mental health, they may not demonstrate as much affection as they would at other times. Some mental health examples include depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, or even obsessive compulsive disorder. When someone is under distress due to an imbalance of emotions, then they are less like to show their partner affection. If you notice your partner is experiencing mental health symptoms, then it is important to talk with them about how they are feeling and ask if you can be of support or help them to seek professional help.

Although the reasons above demonstrate that the lack of affection in a relationship may not be due to a lack of love toward a partner or even an indication of the health of the relationship, often and over time, this lack of affection can be damaging to a partnership and have a direct impact on the happiness of the couple.

So what can you do?

Read more in our blog on Ways to Increase Affection in Your Relationship:

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Online services are available

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & has increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free Facebook Group About Relationships

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Tips for Coping with Emotional Pain

Dealing with emotional pain is extremely difficult. Learning how to cope and heal from this pain in a healthy way can be even harder. Emotional pain can come from many circumstances such as grief, loss, trauma, stress or toxic relationships. Developing good coping skills is really essential to the process of healing. We all need outlets. We need healthy ways to express our feelings and emotions. Actually healing from emotional pain is so important and powerful, versus getting stuck and letting negative feelings hinder you from moving forward and living to your full potential.

Most people attempt to avoid emotional pain that they are feeling and this often causes them to get trapped in a cycle that actually ends up holding onto negative emotions. Some people may use unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol or other substances as a means of numbing bad feelings. Often, this is unconscious. This, unfortunately, just temporarily masks the pain and does not actually help in the healing process.

Another common response to negative emotions is simply trying not to deal with them at all. Unfortunately, when we engage in this behavior, emotions do not heal and they will work themselves to the surface, but often in a very negative way. For example, with unresolved grief or other emotional pain, a person may find that they later have an increase in periods of high anxiety or acute stress. They may also notice more physical symptoms, such as difficulty sleeping, upset stomach, constant worry and rumination or even high blood pressure. It is crucial to learn healthy and appropriate ways to work through these difficult emotions. Learning good coping skills and self-care can heal pain and help to move forward. 

10 Tips For Healthy Coping:

1. Write in a journal 

Writing about emotional pain can be very powerful and help to actually release the emotions. Journaling allows you to mentally think about and process your feelings while you are “expressing” them, by writing, which can, in turn, release them and encourage the healing process. There have been many positive benefits seen from journaling about emotional pain. To start journaling, find anything that you feel comfortable writing in and just begin! If it’s more comfortable to be structured or use prompts then think of questions for yourself, such as “how did I get to the place where I am today?” “in my darkest place, I felt …” or “what have I learned from this experience?” The point is to write about your experience in great detail and write thoroughly about how you are feeling. This allows for the “expression” of the emotion and the symbolic “release,” which is critical to healing.

2. Use Your Creativity

This could be drawing, knitting, art, dance, photography, music, pottery, or really any activity that you enjoy. This exercise is similar to writing in a journal as it allows for the release of emotions. Through activities, we are able to find fun, freedom, distraction and often times, relief from holding onto negative emotions. This is another avenue that allows you to process and express emotions; therefore, release and heal from them.

3. Find a Healthy Support System

This could include talking to a friend or family member or even joining support groups. Having a social and emotional outlet is important. Also, speaking with someone and actually saying the words out loud about how you are feeling can be beneficial to healing. One word of caution with this step; however, is to not get too bogged down with just repeatedly venting where it can turn into unhealthy rumination and you get stuck. It’s important that you are using your support system to discuss how you are feeling, in a healthy way.

4. Use Self-Reflection

Think about your own role in the situation that is upsetting you and look for ways in which you can improve. Most of the time, when we become angry at someone else, we finger point and look to blame. We may focus on the ways in which the other person has hurt us or what they have done wrong. It can be important to express how we have been wronged and discuss that with the person who wronged us, but it is also helpful to look at ways in which we could have handled things differently, what we can change about our own behavior or how we can approach a situation differently in the future.

Another example is when people experience a bad situation that is outside of their control and they were victim to something. This can lead people to feel helpless and as though they had no control over their situation. While this may be true, it’s important to focus on what things they can do or change for the future. Perhaps it’s focusing on the positive and building their current relationships or focusing on bettering their health. These are things that we can control and keep us focused on the positive and moving forward.

5. Try Relaxation Techniques

There are many different types of relaxation techniques that can be helpful during the time of emotional pain and stress. These include using simple breathing techniques, meditation or mindfulness activities or it could even include grounding exercises, which are helpful in situations of trauma or acute stress. The point with these activities is to slow yourself down, to be very present in the moment and give yourself an opportunity of calming and healing.

A simple breathing exercise could take just a few short minutes to do and have very helpful effects. Here is an example of a simple breathing exercise: breath in and count to 5 as you are doing so, now hold your breath and count to 5 again and then exhale for 5. Repeat. This will allow you to slow your breathing and pay more focused attention on how you are feeling. After a few minutes of this calm focused breathing, you will notice a calming in your mind and your overall state of being.

6. Distract Yourself

There are times when our emotional state can be overwhelming and difficult to manage. This is when having a distraction could be helpful with coping. A distraction can be something as simple as watching a movie or having coffee with a friend. It just allows you a moment to not think about your emotional pain and in some ways, regain composure and control over how you are feeling. A distraction is a temporary relief strategy, but should not be your constant. It’s important to actually sit with your emotions and heal from them; therefore, distraction is best used only to help you through the process when you need a break or things feel too heavy. Having a temporary break from emotional pain and distracting yourself can be really important in the process.

7. Exercise

Physical exercise is a key component of mind-body wellness. Movement can allow for our negative emotions to become unstuck and actually move; therefore, allowing us to process these emotions and release them. So, do not discount the importance of going for a walk or going to the gym. Exercise can also help in reducing any negative impacts that stress has caused to the body. If you are not someone who exercises often, then a simple 20-minute walk around the neighborhood may be a great place to start to get your body and mind moving.

8. Identify Unhealthy Thinking Patterns

Learn to identify unhealthy patterns with your thinking, such as rumination or negative thinking and work toward changing those patterns. This is a common cognitive-behavioral strategy that is often seen in the management of stress or even depression and trauma. For example, when you notice yourself engaging in negative thinking or ruminating over the bad situation that happened, use self-talk to change that pattern. You can say things like, “I will get through this,” “I am strong” or “I am brave.” First, you must identify when we are not thinking in a healthy manner and then work to change that. Changing the way that we think can have a very positive impact.

9. Sit With Your Emotions

Now, this is the opposite of what I described above with distraction, but both can be healthy and healing in their own way and at the right time. As difficult as it can be, there is importance to just sitting and being present with how you are feeling. This allows you to be very aware, in the present moment with how you are feeling and to not dismiss or hide from painful emotions. It allows for an opportunity to reflect and validate your emotions and how you are feeling. It also allows for you to express these emotions to yourself and perhaps allow yourself time to cry or grieve. This again will help you to process how you are feeling and work toward healing.

10. Look Forward

It is important in the process that we do not get stuck in a negative cycle for too long. It’s crucial to keep moving forward. Of course, you should always allow yourself time to heal because this is an extremely difficult process. However, it is also important that you are working toward progress and looking for a future time when these emotions do not weigh heavily on you. This could include setting goals for something in the future or perhaps making plans for an activity as something to work toward and look forward to. This action of thinking about the future can be helpful. When people are overwhelmed with difficult feelings in the moment, it can be hard to think about the future or even picture a time when they aren’t experiencing this emotional pain. So it’s a challenge, but a purposeful one that can actually be quite helpful. This can get you setting future goals and thinking positively, which helps with healing.

Positive thinking can have a major impact in a good way toward healing. Many people underestimate the power of positive thinking, but it can help us to adjust our mood and the way that we think overall. When we have gone through a difficult situation and are working toward healing from emotional pain, it can be extremely challenging yet helpful to find something positive and meaningful in our situation, such as something we learned from the experience or how we can take a bad experience and move forward in a positive way.

Working through painful emotions is never easy. The importance here is that you are finding healthy activities and coping mechanisms that will promote your healing in a positive way. Each person is different and the situation that they experienced is very different; therefore, the coping strategies and personal preferences will also be different. It’s essential to find things that work well for you and stick to it. Painful emotions take time to heal so don’t give up right away. Keep moving forward and working on your own self-care. Healing will come and you will get through this.

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ONLINE SESSIONS available

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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