Coping Tips, Self-Development Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt Coping Tips, Self-Development Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt

The Benefits of Mindfulness

A regular mindfulness practice can help to lower stress, increase mental focus & attention, reduce emotional reactivity, improve connections with others & help you to be more in tune with your mind-body.

The concept of mindfulness has been around for many years, but we are just now learning more and more about the positive impact that the practice of mindfulness can have on our mind and body. What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is a state of active attention to the present moment. It is bringing your full awareness and attention to your body, thoughts, feelings, surrounding environment, etc. 

Have you noticed that we often function on autopilot? This means that we just go through an activity automatically, without much focus or attention to it. This happens often when driving from home to work, for example. Since this is an activity that you do often, people can often drift off in their thoughts or not fully pay attention to the task at hand and accomplish this in autopilot. Mindfulness is the opposite! Mindfulness is having a complete awareness of everything you are doing and everything around you.

A simple way to start a mindfulness practice

Calm your mind and be very present

Raise your awareness to everything around you and you

Focus on your breathing, slow your breathing down

Observe your thoughts without judging them and release them

Sit for a few moments in the present moment


Check out our mindfulness video to be guided through simple and basic mindfulness practice. 


After engaging in mindfulness regularly, you may soon notice some of the many benefits. Mindfulness can impact our emotional, physical and mental health in positive ways. This practice is being promoted in many places due to the current research demonstrating such positive impacts. Many schools, places of employment and community centers are now promoting a regular mindfulness practice.



Benefits of Mindfulness:


Lower stress:

Mindfulness allows for moments of calmness and can help to lower stress and anxiety. The practice also promotes positive coping and engaging in self-help strategies. By consistently engaging in coping strategies, this can also keep stress and anxiety at levels that are better managed. 


Increased mental focus and attention:

This practice also increases our ability to be mentally focused and attentive to things around us and our thoughts and emotional process. The purpose of mindfulness is to be better aware in the present moment, therefore by regularly practicing this skill, people find that they can demonstrate increased focus and attention throughout their day and regularly.


Less emotional reactivity:

Since mindfulness is the practice of increasing self-awareness and better understanding one’s emotional and physical responses, this allows you to have more control over your reactions. People may notice that mindfulness helps them to reduce their emotional reactivity and overreaction to situations. 

 

More cognitive flexibility:

With regular mindfulness practice, you can also increase your ability to be cognitively flexible. This means that you can change your train of thought and mental tasks more easily. This flexibility allows you to switch mental tasks with ease and be able to focus on a new skill in a better way.


Improved connections with others:

Many people are surprised by how mindfulness increases their connection and relationships with others. Mindfulness allows for you to be more present, in the moment and aware when you are spending time with others. Being more present and connected in your relationships creates a better bond and more relationship happiness.


More in tune with your mind and body:

Since increasing mindfulness can increase your self-awareness and your attention to your thoughts, feelings, body and physical surroundings, this ultimately allows you to have a better relationship with your mind and body.



ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.


ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.


Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:




Read More
Self-Development Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt Self-Development Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt

How Spending Time Alone Can Boost Personal Growth

When done correctly, spending time alone can be meditative, refreshing & lead to higher self-awareness and personal growth.

Going into any activity with the right mindset can help to maximize the benefits. Having alone time is one of those activities that can have wonderful self-care and coping benefits, especially when done right.

So first, why is alone time important? Well, being alone allows the space for self-reflection and it allows you to relax and focus on your personal needs. It reduces our likelihood of being overstimulated and it allows us the space for healing, self-care, and practicing good coping skills

Our society tends to be based on instant gratification as well as being constantly connected and stimulated. But we are missing out on the connection with ourselves and the calmness that our brain can desire and benefit from. For some, being in solitude for a length of time without social contact or technology can be extremely difficult. 

One study found that we can spend as much as five hours a day on our phones, which means we are more connected than ever and we may find it challenging to disconnect. It’s important to note that having alone time is not selfish or abnormal. And solitude is not only for introverts. It’s an exercise of self-care that can be beneficial for everyone.

Benefits:

Tips to Maximizing Your Alone Time:

Be mindful.

Think about activities and your time wisely. This means when you set the space for some alone time, choose wisely and with intention. Focus on what will be meaningful for you to do and be sure to put your phone away and stay off social media. This just allows you to reconnect with yourself during this time.

Make your needs a priority.

Think about activities that may be helpful for you or help with something you’re currently struggling with, such as your health or even stress. Keep an ongoing list that you can turn to when you want to spend some time alone.

Choose activities that focus on your self-care.

You can engage in activities like journaling, reading, gratitude, mindfulness, cooking, taking an online class, exercise, trying something new or something you’ve wanted to try, or take a nap! Rest and relaxation are also important to a self-care routine.

So be sure to schedule some alone time for yourself and enjoy the solitude!


ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.


Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:




Read More
Relationships Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt Relationships Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt

Maintaining a Healthy Sense of Self in a Relationship

Being true to your own self-identity & happiness is crucial to the success of your relationship. Here are some tips to maintaining a healthy sense of self while in a relationship.

Maintaining self in a relationship is an important aspect of happiness within yourself and your marriage. Keeping a sense of self is crucial to your own empowerment, self-worth, independence, happiness and the satisfaction in your relationship. 

Holding onto yourself while in a partnership means maintaining your own identity as well as taking care of yourself, your own needs and your own goals. This is an important component of self-care. This is something that can actually lead to relationship happiness as well.

It’s much more common that when there are challenges in a relationship, people focus solely on repairing the issues between the two people and while this is extremely important and you won’t be able to resolve relationship conflict without doing that, people often forget that each party also needs focus. It’s crucial that each person is working on themselves. Remember: a healthy relationship cannot exist without 2 healthy people. Actually working on yourself is a critical component to relationship betterment.


components of maintaining SELF while in a relationship:

Take time for you:

Taking care of yourself is one of the most essential parts of being a healthy person. So be sure that you are making it a priority to take care of yourself. Your own self-care means taking into account your physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. Again, people tend to focus on the wellbeing of their relationship rather than also putting emphasis on their own wellbeing.

Maintain your own identity & interests:

People often have a misconception that they need to spend all their free time with their partner and share all of the same interests. While shared interests can be exciting and make the relationship fun because you get to enjoy things together, it is also okay to have some differences and separate interests and activities. So be sure that you are holding true to you and your own identity even while you are in a relationship. And have some separate activities or time with friends that are just for you. 

Surround yourself with healthy people:

Many people can become negatively influenced by unhealthy people in their life, so be sure that you surround yourself with positive and supportive friends and family. This means reducing drama and negativity that’s around you. Find people to add to your support network who lift you up and care for you.

Be a loving person to yourself, your partner, and others: 

It’s been known that the more positive energy you put out in the world, the more you will also receive. So focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be and treat others with kindness and compassion. This especially includes your partner. When you are in a relationship, focus on being a good partner yourself and you will likely experience reciprocity.

Find balance: 

Maintaining a good balance in your life means juggling your self-identity, your relationship, your work, your physical health, your friends, etc. This means if you have gotten out of balance with something in your life, such as your health, or your friendships, then work to get these things back in balance. When things are out of balance, that can impact the health of our relationship as well.  


JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ON RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.


ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.


Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:


Read More
Relationships Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt Relationships Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt

How Better Self-Awareness Builds Stronger Connections & Intimacy in Relationships

Did you know focusing on self-awareness and bettering yourself can actually create more intimacy, deeper connection, and a more healthy relationship? Check out these tips for increasing connection in your relationship.

Many couples find that no matter how long they’ve been together, there are periods where their level of intimacy and connection can really be lacking. While there are some natural ebb and flow in our relationships, we also should work to ensure that both parties are working toward maintaining that connection. Being in a long-term committed relationship does not automatically mean there are intimacy and closeness at all times, but it does allow for the foundation to build and work on it through a relationship. Commitment is based on the attraction and feelings we have for one another, but intimacy is a place we can be with our partner that is something and somewhere very different. It is a place of openness, vulnerability, defenselessness, and most importantly, a place of self-awareness.

The idea of self-awareness in intimacy is that we can maintain our own identity in a relationship while being fully aware of ourselves and how we are feeling. It is also the ability to look within ourselves for how we contribute to problems in a relationship and to see what role we play. Taking responsibility for our own actions and contributions to the problem can be quite difficult, but is essential for moving forward. Our initial reaction tends to be blamed on our partner and focus on what he or she is doing wrong. We could sit down and easily come up with a list of faults our partner has done wrong, but could we write a list of our own? Being self-aware and having the ability to focus on ourselves, including our own faults, is challenging, but reaching this higher level of awareness is important for making a healthy change in our relationships and increasing levels of intimacy.

5 Steps to Building Connection:

Be present and in the moment: 

Practicing mindfulness on a regular basis can actually help people to be very present and engaged while participating in activities or spending time with their significant other. This, therefore, boosts relationships as couples are more in tune and present when they are spending time together. This only helps to strengthen intimacy and connection between the two people. It can also boost passion and sexual pleasure. 

Engage in self-awareness: 

Again, one of the core pieces of being more vulnerable and intimate with your partner is being very aware of yourself. It’s important that you understand your role in the relationship and focus on actions for which you can be responsible and change. Most people focus on trying to change the other person when the one thing that we actually can change is ourselves. Be aware of your actions and ways that you could better the relationship. 

Be honest with your partner and yourself: 

We can often have ideas, thoughts, and expectations about the intimacy in our relationship, but we never truly connect with ourselves on those thoughts or express them to our partners. When this happens, then there can be times of miscommunication, misunderstanding and unfulfilled expectations. 

Communicate: 

Express to your feelings to your partner. This is crucial to relationship success, but many people avoid talking about certain things with their partners or they let their anger and resentment build to a point that it then becomes unhealthy and impacts the relationship in a negative way. Be sure to share the good and the bad also. Giving positive reinforcement to your partner about things that you enjoy can be a real booster, both for your partner and the sexual health and intimacy in your relationship. 

Take time to connect: 

Be sure to commit to making time for intimacy and connection in the relationship. This means really setting aside time for a regular date night or an intimate dinner at home as well as following through and being very present and engaged during your time together. Date nights or simply time alone with your partner to connect can be an often overlooked action and one that is frequently taken for granted. It is actually having this alone time to connect that can really boost the intimacy and health of your relationship. 


ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.


JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.


Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:




Read More
Coping Tips Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt Coping Tips Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt

Tips to Finding Your Center

Being centered is an emotionally connected and balanced state where you feel more awareness and connection to your emotional & mental state. Being centered can be helpful in coping with many challenging & difficult emotions. Read more for tips on finding your center.  

When we speak about being centered, physically, we often think of the center of gravity and being well-balanced. For mental and emotional states, it is very similar. Being centered means being very balanced and at peace. It is often referred to as a state of emotional and spiritual equilibrium. It allows you to be accepting of the good and the bad in life and understand that things are always changing, but you can return back to your center to help yourself feel more balanced and grounded when things are difficult.

Being grounded and centered is more of an emotionally controlled state. Similar to mindfulness, it is a position where you are connected to how you are feeling, what you are thinking and you feel in control of these thoughts and emotions. Now it would be completely impossible for any person to be in complete control 100% of the time and if we really examine our experiences you will want to have times of intense emotions, such as happiness or surprise. It is also normal to experience sadness and even anger. If we sit emotionless then we are not connected truly to how we are feeling so that is not the goal here.

The goal is to feel what you feel in the moment, but also be reflective and pensive about the situation so that you are more centered and in control of your experience. This is a time when we want to focus on having balance between our emotions and our thoughts. Again, many people can focus too much on their thoughts and be wrapped up in their head or the reverse and be too focused on emotions. That is not the goal. Again, the goal is about maintaining a balance of our thoughts and our feelings - our head and our heart.

Being centered or being able to return to center during an emotionally difficult situation is very helpful. Centering allows you a moment of self-reflection and to work on bettering yourself. Centering also helps you to be more in tune and aware of how you are feeling as well as your overall mind-body well-being. This will help you to cope with difficult emotional experiences in the future as well. Centering can help with coping of many negative emotions, such as grief, anger, trauma, depression, and sadness. A regular practice of centering can also allow you to have deeper and more meaningful connections with others

Tips for centering yourself:

1. Breathe Mindfully:

Take a few minutes each day to meditate, pray, or sit in a quiet space being mindfully present and focus on breath. Take it easy in the beginning and start with 30 seconds, then build to 1 minute, 2 minutes and so on. Practice and work up to 5 minutes. Many people are turned off at the idea of meditation because it seems too difficult or they do not fully understand what that may entail. This is simply a breathing exercise that provides time to pause, breathe and just be. A time to be quiet without distractions and be very present in the moment. One of the easiest ways to be mindful is to focus just on your breathing.

An example breathing exercise is to sit or lay comfortably, close your eyes or leave them in a soft gaze and focus on your breathing. You’ll take notice of each time you breathe in and what this feels like. Slow your breathing down to a controlled state. Pause after you breathe in and then exhale slowly, again while paying close attention to how this feels both physically and emotionally. Continue these steps for a few minutes, again building on the amount of time you do this. This simple breathing exercise will assist you in feeling more centered and it’s a great way to start your day being more mindful and present.

2. Be Present:

Focus on the moment. Limit your distractions and be present. Put technology away for a brief time and be present. Now, this isn’t possible every moment of the day. We need to make phone calls, check our email, do work, etc., but this is making a purposeful effort to be present with those around you at particular times. For example, you may be out to lunch with a friend or having date night with your partner and you think to yourself, this is a good time to put my phone away and be present with the person I am with. This allows you to be more engaged in the experience and moment. The point here is that being in a more centered state means that you are very present in the moment. So work to increase times of being present in your day to day routine.

3. Be Aware:

Be aware of your emotional state and take a moment to pause when you are feeling out of balance. Many times throughout the day we may succumb to feelings of stress, anxiety or sadness and when we take a moment to realize those feelings and sit with them, it can have a profound impact. You can be present for a moment with the feelings and get rebalanced and centered before continuing your day. Often times, if we do not get rebalanced or centered, we continue to carry these emotions and they build throughout the day often leaving us with overwhelming feelings of stress or anxiety. This idea of being present with your emotions is not necessarily going to make all the “yucky feelings” go away, but it will help you to be more aware, more present and more in control to how you are feeling. This helps you to feel more centered, aware and in control.



ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.


ONLINE STRESS MANAGEMENT CLASS

Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.


Online Counseling

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:




Read More
Relationships Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt Relationships Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt

10 Tips For Couples

Relationships take time and effort and have to be a top priority in your life. There are many different factors and aspects that we have to take into consideration to maintain a healthy relationship. Here is a blog on 10 helpful tips to keeping good balance, communication, priority and intimacy in your relationship. 

Relationships are hard work! It takes time and effort to really put your partner and your relationship as a top priority in your life. There are many different factors and aspects that we have to take into consideration to maintain a healthy relationship. Below are 10 helpful tips to keeping good balance, communication, priority and intimacy in your relationship. 

1. Take Time:

It’s important to set aside time to commit to speaking to your partner about your relationship. This dialogue should include your likes and dislikes about the partnership and anything you see that you can try to change for the better. This exercise is designed to allow partners to express their feelings rather than allowing resentment to build over time. This could simply be 15 minutes at the end of the week when you and your partner can commit to not be disturbed by other things and actually communicate with each other. The purpose is to “check-in” every once in a while about how both parties feel about the relationship to ensure an opportunity for open lines of communication. 

2. Work on Communication Skills:

Healthy communication is the ability to speak in a way that allows you to feel heard and also giving your partner that same opportunity. The point is to have effective communication that is productive and allows you to solve problems and make progress. Learning how to communicate better with your partner should include the ability to also listen, which can be key. First, you must learn how to communicate your thoughts and feelings in a productive way rather than placing blame. When we point blame, it often raises defenses in the other person and creates resentments over time. During communication, try using “I” statements, such as “I feel _____”. This allows you to speak from your own perspective without pointing blame. For example, “I feel angry when you come home late at night” is more productive than, “you’re always coming home late!” It’s a small change that has a big impact. The two examples carry very different tones and meanings. This can greatly impact your partner’s response. This allows you to express how you are feelings without blaming your partner. Again, communication is about getting feelings across productively and working to find resolution.

3. Make Love a Priority:

Be sure to make your relationship with your partner a priority in your life. After being together for quite some time, it can be easy to put our relationship on the back burner and not actively work toward maintaining communication or passion. It can be difficult to manage all of the different activities and aspects in our lives. There are lots of things are important, such as our jobs, our health, our alone time, our children, social life, hobbies, etc. But be sure that you are also putting forth thought and effort toward your relationship. This sends a message to your partner that he or she is an important factor in your life. It is essential that we not only send the message to our partner that our relationship is important, but we also maintain a good balance of the different priorities in our life. 

4. Be Attentive:

The idea of being attentive and having high awareness to what is happening in your relationship and with your partner is crucial for it’s success. Many times, people attempt to “brush problems under the rug” and ignore the obvious. Or they may be physically present with their partner, but not really taking the time or fully paying attention to them. This can build resentments and hurtful feelings over time. People should address problems as they arise and discuss them regularly, rather than hiding from them and allowing them to accumulate. We should also take time to be really present with their partners so they feel heard and cared about. It may be impossible to do this 100% of the time, but be sure to devote some time and attention to your partner on a regular basis. This also relates back to taking that time to have healthy communication and “check-in” on your relationship is doing. 

5. Express Assertively:

The healthy balance in between being passive on one end and being aggressive on the other is assertiveness. Being assertive in the way that you speak to your partner allows you to state your needs in a direct and reasonable way.  Many times people do not think about the way that they speak and may do so in an aggressive manner, which can be very unhealthy or they may chose to not speak at all and remain very passive in their relationship, which contributes to the building of resentments and unsolved problems. Being assertive allows you to express thoughts, opinions, feelings and ideas in a healthy matter. Finding this balance can be difficult, but worth the time and practice. You can go back to the suggestion of using “I” statements to be sure and address things with your partner in a way that does not place blame and allows you two to communicate productively.

6. Practice Self-Soothing:

Soothing our own feelings and sitting with difficult emotions is an important part of taking responsibility for our own feelings as well as being in a relationship. People often project their feelings onto their partner rather than self-soothing and dealing with their own emotional state. We must learn how to deal with and heal from our own emotional baggage without needing validation or emotional soothing from our partners. The ability to comfort yourself means you can calm yourself in a healthy way even when your feelings are hurt or your partner is not validating you and telling you what you want to hear. When two people are able to both self-soothe, it makes for a much happier and healthier relationship. The communication becomes more productive and each person feels more in control of their own emotional state.

7. Engage in Conflict Resolution:

Resolving a conflict can seem overwhelming and at times, impossible to do. This is especially true when we allow conflicts and arguments to continue for a long period of time and resentments build. Not allowing conflict to go unresolved or those resentments to arise is essential for couples. Conflict resolution should take place when you and your partner are calm and willing to talk things through until you can reach a compromise. Resolving a conflict involves coming into the discussion with ideas of things that you want to change and an agreement that you are both willing to change the things that you can. That means that each party is involved in the change process and has to take responsibility for how they can work toward resolving a problem. This is where that self-soothing comes in because when we discuss resolving conflict, emotions can run high and communication can be difficult. Remember to self-soothe, calm yourself down, and remember that the goal of the discussion is to reach compromise and resolution. 

8. Build Your Sexual Relationship:

Your sexual relationship can often be a metaphor for the health and functioning of your relationship as a whole. Therefore, it is important that you are monitoring the state of your sexual relationship and ensuring that is a priority in your life. It is important that you are open and honest with your partner about how you are feeling. It is key that couples check-in occasionally about how they feel about their sex life and intimacy levels. Are both parties feeling that their needs are being met? Are there things that you wish you could change about your sexual relationship? Again, these are important aspects to share with your partner, but sex can be a difficult topic for couples to discuss. It may be helpful to set up a time to talk when both parties are aware of the discussion so that they go in prepared and ready to share their feelings. 

9. Focus on Self-Awareness:

Looking within ourselves and thinking about how we contribute to the challenges in our relationship is something that is essential to creating healthy change. Most people stray way from this; however, as it is much easier to blame your partner for things that are wrong. It requires you to be very vulnerable and honest with yourself on how you can also change in order to better the relationship. First, think of the common arguments you and your partner have and explore ways that you may contribute to these disagreements. Most of the time, we seek to change our partner rather than change ourselves so in this example, come up with a few items that you can do differently in the future. Taking responsibility for our own actions and things that we can change will help to create overall change and betterment in the relationship.

10. Find Personal Balance:

Maintaining a balance between your identity as an individual and your identity as a couple can be very difficult, but it can be a key component to relationship satisfaction. We actually tend to appreciate our relationship much more when we also have our own independence and autonomy. So be sure to maintain your own social life, activities or hobbies and encourage your partner to do the same as this will allow for better balance and health in your relationship.


ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals and/or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.


Online Group for Couples

Be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group: The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.


Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:


Read More