20 Date Night Ideas To Try During COVID

While we continue to grapple with the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic in the United States, many places still have social distancing mandates in effect and others are simply closed down. Finding fun and creative ideas for a date night with your partner can be challenging. 

In a time of stress, chaos, and uncertainty it can be important to find an outlet, a moment of relief, relaxation, and fun. This is especially true if you are enjoying it with your partner. Stress can often have a negative impact on a relationship so it’s important to continue to put forth that effort and dedication to your partner. 

How can you keep the romance and passion alive in your relationship while you remain safe during this pandemic? Here are some date night ideas that you can do in the comfort of your own home or in an outdoor space that allows for plenty of social distancing. 

Date Night Ideas While Social Distancing:

1. Try a Virtual Visit: 

There are many museum tours, aquariums, and National parks that are offering free virtual visits. This allows a unique opportunity to view places that are not local and you may not see otherwise or at least without having to travel a far distance. Taking a virtual tour also allows you and your partner to engage in good conversation about the art, landscape, animals, or scenery that you experience. It may give you a change in your normal surroundings and even help you to feel like you got to escape the four walls of your quarantined home. 

2. Game Night: 

Are you and your partner in for a little healthy competition? Try a game night. You could bring out some of your favorite games from growing up or order some new ones to challenge each of you. Depending on your mood or even personality, you may be in for something more interactive, like charades or something with more strategy like chess or poker. No matter your choice, having a game night with your partner can help shake up the normal routine and bring some fun into your home. 

3. Couples Enrichment Activities:

There are many great marriage boosting activities that you and your partner could try. While we are maintaining social distance, it’s a great opportunity to allow for focus and dedication to your partner. Some marriage enrichment activities include journal prompts to either write about or just verbally share with your partner. You can find lots of articles with marriage tips and there are several free marriage tip videos that you could watch with your spouse. Many webpages have prompts and questions for couples that serve as great conversation starters. These types of activities help couples work on communication and connection.

4. Outdoor Movie:

Many couples enjoy snuggling up with one another while watching their favorite flick. If you’ve been binge-watching Netflix nightly from your sofa and want to change things up a bit, try creating an outdoor movie theater. Some people have outdoor TVs on their decks or even projectors that work with your smartphone so you can view the movie from a blank wall. You could string some lights for a more romantic glow, lay down a blanket and pillows and snuggle up under the stars. 

5. Creative Picnic:

Another fun outdoor activity is to create a picnic, either at a local park, your backyard, or even your living room. You could get appetizers from a favorite restaurant or choose an assortment of charcuterie to sample. Another fun idea is to make your picnic a theme, such as Hawaiian night, tastes of Italy, or an evening of sweet treats for a decadent touch. Picnics can also have a romantic touch with candles, lights, or simply under the moonlight. 

6. Romantic Dine-in: 

Create a space in your home for a romantic dinner. You could try dressing up an outdoor table or even a spot in your living room with a table cloth, candlelight, and perhaps some freshly picked flowers. The idea here is to re-create a private and romantic dining experience. You could pick-up take-out from your favorite spot that you get to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

7. Scavenger Hunt or Hide & Seek:

Bring back some fun childhood memories and an element of suspense and surprise by creating a scavenger hunt for each other or even play hide and seek with items throughout your home. While it may seem silly, it’s a great way to view your home, your partner, and the evening in a different way. You can try a scavenger hunt that’s filled with brain-busting riddles for your partner to solve along the way or how about a sexy hide and seek game with your favorite pieces of lingerie. Get creative with using your everyday space and household items to stimulate some fun together in a new way. 

8. Art Night:

Let your creativity flow! Try having a painting night where you both work on the same picture and compare at the end or even try a new craft or woodworking project together. Pinterest has lots of ideas that are not for the faint-hearted. You can keep things relationship-focused by creating a keepsake that will represent your pandemic time together or a memento that highlights your marriage and the love you have together. 

9. Get to Cooking: 

Many people find cooking to be therapeutic and it can be a great activity for couples to do together. There are often cooking classes that are focused on couples and you may be able to find some online right now. You can also try following along with a cooking demonstration from a tv show or class or simply look up a new recipe online to try. You could also try a little competition and each creates a dish that you critique and share at the end. 

10. Food & Drink Pairing:

Try creating an interesting selection of food and drink pairings, such as local wine & artisan cheeses or your favorite tea and biscuits. You could try various tapas or appetizers from around the world or keep it close to home with samplings of beers from your local brewery. This can serve as a conversation starter by giving you something a little different to engage in and share your thoughts with your partner on the selections. You can discover what you and your partner like and don’t like while you compare notes.

11. A Mini Book Club:

A unique idea to share with your partner may be to try some new reading material together. There are often motivational marriage stories and other material for couples such as relationship boosters. You could try each reading a short story or other article and then sharing the content. The idea here is to choose an activity that you both enjoy, such as reading and find unique ways that you can share the time and engage in conversation about the activity. 

12. At-Home Spa Day: 

While many of us have missed our routine pedicure and trip to the local salon, you can try and recreate a spa day in the comfort of your own home and with your partner. Think bubble bath for two, followed by facial scrubs and massages. You can even try some new or different products or even try and make your own sugar scrub or soap together. This may give you something new to try and be a great way to reduce stress.

13. Healthy Competition: 

Many couples may enjoy the healthy competition of video gaming, a fitness challenge, or even an online trivia game. You could also try having a sing-off with some living room karaoke or a pajama dance party to show off your best skills. The idea of challenging your partner in a healthy way can create some competition and maybe even fuel your sexual desire for each other. 

14. Fondue Tasting:

Another fun food idea is to try a night of fondue tasting. You can melt some of your favorite cheeses or mix various additions in with chocolate and have a sample. This again allows for an opportunity to try something different and promotes conversation for the two of you. For a romantic touch, you could try doing the entire fondue sampling by feeding one another. 

15. Backyard Camping:

If you are fans of camping but haven’t had the opportunity to go or perhaps campgrounds are closed, then try creating your own camping experience right at home. You can get into the activity with roasting s’mores over your fire pit, inside in your fireplace, or melted in the oven. And if you don’t have space to pitch a tent in your backyard, then try a pillow fort in the living room. The point here is to completely shake up your normal routine and recreate a different and unique experience that you can share with your partner. 

16. Online Classes:

With so many things going virtual right now, there is no shortage of interesting classes and activities online. You and your partner could try a new activity or exercise class, perhaps do some yoga or Zumba together. There are also several wellness classes offered for free that focus on your overall mind-body wellbeing, such as stress management or a mindfulness meditation class. Many top universities are also offering free classes on a variety of subjects such as gaming, design, writing, filmmaking, photography, science, business, or foreign languages. If you and your partner have ever talked about learning something new, now might be your chance! You can try a new class, hit pause, and share some thoughts along the way with your spouse.

17. Create a Photo Book or Digital Collage

Many couples enjoy reminiscing about some fun times together! So try looking through old photos of vacations, trips or even your wedding. You can put together a digital collage to share on social or create a custom photo book to have printed. Looking through pictures can boost positive memories, good conversation, and build a connection between two people. 

18. Try Photography:

For those who may have an eye for photography, you may enjoy having a photography night. You could each take snapshots of unique items or views from around your home and share them later. You could even make it a contest and have your partner guess where the pic was taken or simply what the item is. Even if you don’t have a professional lens, you can simply click away with your smartphone and create unique pictures of everyday items. 

19. Get Outside: 

While many couples enjoy outdoor activities together, now is one of the best times to get outside and keep your social distance. You can try hiking, biking, canoeing, fishing, gardening, or just simply go for a walk around your neighborhood. Being outdoors and in nature has been proven to boost feelings of relaxation and happiness. When shared with your partner, you can build some great memories enjoying nature and each other. 

20. Last, but not least, have sex! 

Seems self-explanatory, but take some time to just be intimate with your partner. Try something new. Think lingerie, feathers, sex toys, or role-play. When many businesses are closed down, activities are limited and friends are socially distancing, there seems to be no better time than to spend an afternoon in bed. If you have kids, this may not be an afternoon in bed, but a quickie in the morning before the house wakes. Physical intimacy, touch, and sex are all great ways to boost those love hormones, which foster feelings of safety, affection, and love. 

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Have some great date night ideas that you’ve tried during the pandemic? Please share them in the comments section below! We’d love to hear more.

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Can Your Marriage Survive COVID?

Many couples have found that COVID has brought on new and different challenges or even highlighted existing difficulties. For many, it has been very hard, but with a few strategies on coping, it’s possible to make it though.

Click for more tips on helping your marriage survive the coronavirus pandemic.

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Tips for Mental Wellness Amid COVID-19

The coronavirus pandemic has been stressful and can take a toll on your mental health. Self-care and coping strategies are really essential during this time.

To read more about managing your mental health and mental wellness amid COVID-19, click here:

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FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

If you’d like to hear more on relationship topics and tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free and closed Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that is closed and private. It provides tips and inspirational material for couples as well as supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Online services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Can Long Distance Relationships Really Work?

Can long-distance relationships really work? This is a question that I receive often by clients who’ve just started dating someone or who want to date someone who lives far away, but they’re hesitant to do so for fear that it just won’t work out. So while long-distance relationships can work, they do require extra effort to address the distance and to maintain connection, intimacy, and trust.

This connection is one of the most important aspects for making long-distance relationships successful, along with honesty and good communication as well. Long-distance relationships require mutual respect, trust, and dedication to the relationship and making the relationship work because relationships are difficult as it is, but then to add distance and other barriers, it can make it more challenging to balance.  So having both partners put forth the effort to make a long-distance relationship work, is crucial.

Here are some tips to maintaining connection:

1: Daily chitchat: 

Be sure to talk on the phone often and be open about the day to day activities that you’re involved in. When someone is not near you, it can be hard to know exactly what’s going on with them. So describe your day and discuss the little things. They can get overlooked, but this can help couples feel connected to one another and as though they are right there next to the other one. Talk about everyday things to feel as though you are right there in each other’s lives.

2: Plan distant date nights: 

So just as though you were in person, you should continue and maintain courtship, you may just have to get a bit more creative with it. So plan some activities that you can do together on video. So perhaps you both pick up take-out from a favorite restaurant to where you are locally and then share dinner together while on FaceTime or Skype. You could order your partner a meal to be delivered or watch a movie together or separately and then talk about it while on video. Seeing each other through video can be helpful to maintain that “physical” connection since you can actually see the person versus talking over the phone.

3: Make sweet gestures: 

This means that you could send each other care packages that include some of your partner’s favorite things or send a sweet card or love letter. There is something very sweet and romantic about getting a handwritten card or letter that’s a surprise from your loved one. Also, random text messages to express your love and appreciation for your partner can keep that romance alive.

4: Spend time together: 

So for many, this will be impossible or very difficult to do or even afford, but if you can, be sure to spend some time together. Spending time in person is essential to beating the challenge of distance so plan trips to visit one another in your location or you could even plan to meet somewhere new. This can help boost the physical intimacy of the relationship and it gives both partners something to look forward to! 

5: Maintain sexual intimacy: 

Having physical contact is important in relationships. The research shows us that physical touch, like hugging, kissing, handholding and sex can boost neurotransmitters and hormones, such as oxytocin that boost our feelings of being in love. While it may be impossible to physically touch while you are at a distant, you have to come up with some creative ideas to keep that passion, romance, and sexual tension alive in your relationship. This may be romantic ideas over the phone or video or it could be discussing intimate ideas for your next visit in person together.

I hope you find these tips helpful to maintaining connection in your relationship.

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ONLINE SESSIONS AVAILABLE

If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ON RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Ways to Boost Intimacy in Your Relationship

Intimacy is a key element to maintaining a healthy relationship, just like trust and communication. Like other relationship components, we can often forget or overlook the importance of maintaining these aspects in our relationship. They do take work and effort. So intimacy should go beyond a special holiday or only date nights, it’s important to keep intimacy alive and well in your relationship all of the time. And remember, physical intimacy is more than just sex, it also includes other physical affection like touching, hand-holding, kissing, or even hugging.  These types of gestures stimulate a physiological reaction in the brain and body. It increases things like oxytocin and dopamine, which make us feel good, safe and loved.

The research shows us that these chemical and hormonal responses in the brain can produce feelings of love. Oxytocin, for example, is stimulated when a mother nurses her baby, which again produces feelings of love, safety, and connection. So it’s easy to see how the brain has an automatic response to physical touch that can increase our feelings of love toward our partners.

5 Quick TIPS to boost intimacy in your relationship:

1. Hug & kiss often:

So this could be something as simple as a daily hug or kiss when you greet or say goodbye to your partner. Or it could be an unexpected or spontaneous kiss when your partner is least expecting it. So this may sound simple, but a kiss or hug can be quite meaningful especially when it’s done with positive intention. 

2. Hug longer: 

While a quick embrace is great, try hugging for just a little bit longer. A longer embrace can work to increase that physiological response. The simple act of hugging has been shown to decrease the stress hormone cortisol and also increase oxytocin, which again can increase feelings of love. 

3. Try some sweet gestures: 

Writing little notes to your partner, giving compliments or small gifts. When partners show each other small tokens of appreciation and thoughtfulness, this can also increase feelings of connection and feeling cared about.

4. Date nights:

Make sure that you keep courting in your relationship. Dating is one of the most important intimacy building activities that we can do because it allows us private time with our partner and allows physical touch and intimacy. 

5. Sex: 

Put in the effort toward your sexual relationship. This means taking the time, making effort, changing up routines, if necessary, and changing up who initiates sex. Many couples can get stuck into a routine or simply not put forth effort and time to maintain their sexual relationship. So be sure to remember the things that attract you to your partner and maintain the sexual intimacy and bond in your relationship.

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ON RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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How Better Self-Awareness Builds Stronger Connections & Intimacy in Relationships

Many couples find that no matter how long they’ve been together, there are periods where their level of intimacy and connection can really be lacking. While there are some natural ebb and flow in our relationships, we also should work to ensure that both parties are working toward maintaining that connection. Being in a long-term committed relationship does not automatically mean there are intimacy and closeness at all times, but it does allow for the foundation to build and work on it through a relationship. Commitment is based on the attraction and feelings we have for one another, but intimacy is a place we can be with our partner that is something and somewhere very different. It is a place of openness, vulnerability, defenselessness, and most importantly, a place of self-awareness.

The idea of self-awareness in intimacy is that we can maintain our own identity in a relationship while being fully aware of ourselves and how we are feeling. It is also the ability to look within ourselves for how we contribute to problems in a relationship and to see what role we play. Taking responsibility for our own actions and contributions to the problem can be quite difficult, but is essential for moving forward. Our initial reaction tends to be blamed on our partner and focus on what he or she is doing wrong. We could sit down and easily come up with a list of faults our partner has done wrong, but could we write a list of our own? Being self-aware and having the ability to focus on ourselves, including our own faults, is challenging, but reaching this higher level of awareness is important for making a healthy change in our relationships and increasing levels of intimacy.

5 Steps to Building Connection:

Be present and in the moment: 

Practicing mindfulness on a regular basis can actually help people to be very present and engaged while participating in activities or spending time with their significant other. This, therefore, boosts relationships as couples are more in tune and present when they are spending time together. This only helps to strengthen intimacy and connection between the two people. It can also boost passion and sexual pleasure. 

Engage in self-awareness: 

Again, one of the core pieces of being more vulnerable and intimate with your partner is being very aware of yourself. It’s important that you understand your role in the relationship and focus on actions for which you can be responsible and change. Most people focus on trying to change the other person when the one thing that we actually can change is ourselves. Be aware of your actions and ways that you could better the relationship. 

Be honest with your partner and yourself: 

We can often have ideas, thoughts, and expectations about the intimacy in our relationship, but we never truly connect with ourselves on those thoughts or express them to our partners. When this happens, then there can be times of miscommunication, misunderstanding and unfulfilled expectations. 

Communicate: 

Express to your feelings to your partner. This is crucial to relationship success, but many people avoid talking about certain things with their partners or they let their anger and resentment build to a point that it then becomes unhealthy and impacts the relationship in a negative way. Be sure to share the good and the bad also. Giving positive reinforcement to your partner about things that you enjoy can be a real booster, both for your partner and the sexual health and intimacy in your relationship. 

Take time to connect: 

Be sure to commit to making time for intimacy and connection in the relationship. This means really setting aside time for a regular date night or an intimate dinner at home as well as following through and being very present and engaged during your time together. Date nights or simply time alone with your partner to connect can be an often overlooked action and one that is frequently taken for granted. It is actually having this alone time to connect that can really boost the intimacy and health of your relationship. 

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ONLINE SERVICES ARE AVAILABLE

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

---

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS:

If you’d like to read more on relationship topics and hear tips for couples, be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group called The Couples Collaborative. This is a free, but private and closed online support group that is listed under the Loving Roots Project Facebook page. The group is facilitated by Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Coach and provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & video posts:

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Tips for a Better Dating Mindset

Oh the stress, the anxiety, and the excitement of dating! It’s a time that’s promising, fun, but sometimes down right daunting. There are many different things to keep in mind when embarking on the dating journey. Many of these things have to do with the way you feel about yourself, your state of mind and the overall mindset about the dating process. So how can you get in the right state of mind? Here are a few tips to steer you in a positive direction:  

Build Confidence:

It’s important when you are beginning to date that you feel confident. Showing your confidence not only makes you feel better, but it can make you more attractive to the other person as well. This is a critical step especially considering some of the latest research shows that online dating can lead to lower self-esteem, so it’s important that you are working to counteract that. With the ease of online dating, rejection can often be easier to dish out, whether you send a message that goes unanswered or never hear back from someone after a great date, it can hard to face that rejection. It’s crucial before you begin this process that you ensure that you feel good about yourself and know your great qualities. Sit down and make a list of your strengths. Think about all the wonderful things that you have to offer in a relationship. You can talk with a friend about your dating adventures and tell them why you think that you are a good catch. They will often provide you with great feedback, boost your confidence and may even give you some tips or even set you up with someone whom they know.

Take Emotional Risks: 

Relationships of any sort involve an element of emotional risk-taking. This means that it requires you to step outside your comfort zone and be open and vulnerable to new situations. This may seem obvious as dating pushes us to take many emotional risks; however, many people may still remain closed off during the process without even realizing. Often times people remain closed off because they are scared of being hurt or rejected. When people are closed off, they send negative signals to their dates and tend to not have as much fun with the dating process. Learning to let go of rejection fears, will put you in a better place to let your guard down and make dating a more open and fun experience. It is a necessary step in moving forward and realizing that not every relationship will end the same way or be a negative experience. 

Be Open to Possibilities: 

It’s important to be realistic and keep your eyes open for different possibilities. Many people will tell you “don’t put your eggs in one basket” and that’s kind of the point in this message. It’s important not to see everything as “all or nothing” or “black or white” as there are often gray areas. It’s important to think about what’s right for you and be open for new possibilities. For example, if you go out on one great date, it is important to stay open and continue to meet others, rather than jumping all in for the person you had one great date with. Remember your goal here is to find the right connection for you and not just any connection, so remain open to different possibilities. Many people often have an outline of an “ideal partner” and while this can be important to know what you want in a relationship, it is also important that you are not being shut down to other relationships just because you think the person doesn’t fit into a list. So give people a chance and take time to see if you’re a good match.

Hold on to Yourself:

Maintaining your own identity and personal interests are extremely important when entering into and sustaining a relationship. Obviously, dating and beginning a new relationship can be very exciting and its easy to begin focusing all your time and energy into this new person. When people do that, they stop hanging out with their friends or discontinue things that interest them and this can really be negative as you lose your own identity and an element of yourself. So be sure and work toward maintaining a balance between spending time with someone new as well as maintaining your own identity and interests. Having your own hobbies and individual identity makes you a more interesting person and therefore more attractive as well!

Forget the Contest: 

Dating is not a contest and we can often get caught up in the game play rather than staying focused on what the purpose is for us. Dating is not about seeing how many people you can go out with or making sure you get the follow-up phone call or the second date even if you’re not a match. It is not about the quantity, but about the quality of the date and the compatibility of the person you are with. So a date that is not followed up with a phone call or a second date might actually be more clarification for you of who is or is not the right match. The focus and the goal here is to find someone who is the right connection for you and not to try and force something that simply does not work. So be sure and maintain a good mindset in the process without getting caught up in the game.

Look for the Best Qualities:

 When analyzing a person for a potential relationship, people can often go immediately to searching for the negative aspects and what they believe is “wrong” with the other person rather than looking for the positives. By doing this, we can unconsciously send out negative messages that end up showing our own negative side as well. We can come across as shut down and critical. Try to pick out the best in others as this will allow your best to shine through too. So after a date, first think of the positive qualities in the other person and the ways in which you might be a good match before making a list of the negatives.

Keep Going Forward:

After several bad dates, rejections, or just overall disappointments, it can be easy to say “forget it” and throw in the towel. Do your best to stay positive and continue to move forward. Use your support system when needed to help push you forward. It often helps to call a friend and laugh or complain about bad dates. Sometimes people may even find it appropriate to take a break from dating for a bit and that’s okay too. You have to find what works for you. Just keep in mind that this is a rollercoaster ride that will have many ups and downs along the way so it’s important to get back on that rollercoaster because another fun moment will come soon enough. 

Good luck in your dating journey!

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Online services are available

If you are needing support or are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Free facebook group on relationships

Be sure to JOIN our free Facebook group: The Couples Collaborative. This is an online support group that provides tips and inspirational material for couples and supportive discussions on challenging relationship-related issues.

---

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

Follow the Loving Roots Project on social media for weekly blogs & videos:

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Are "Date Nights" Important in Your Relationship?

Are date nights really that important in your relationship? The short answer is yes! It’s so important to remember that courting, dating, and keeping intimacy and connection alive in your relationship. It’s essential to the wellbeing and overall relationship happiness. 

Being consistent with having a date night or always setting aside time to spend alone time with your partner can sometimes be really challenging. We all know that life can be hectic, chaotic, and just plain stressful. So finding the time, energy and effort to get some alone time with your significant other can sometimes be difficult. It is very important that this not get overlooked, however. Once we get too wrapped up in our day to day activities and forget about putting importance into our relationships, we are letting the passion drift away. 

When people have been in a relationship for many years, it’s easy to get comfortable, complacent and not put in the work that relationships require in order to stay connected. We have all heard people say that relationships take hard work and honestly, they are exactly right, but this “hard work” does not have to be viewed as a negative thing. Working hard on your relationship can also be fun. Date nights are one of those fun aspects. Having connection, intimacy and relationships are an important social aspect of being human. It keeps us motivated, supported, feeling good about ourselves and loving of others. 

So now that we’ve reviewed the importance of date nights, let’s look at how you can establish this as a routine in your relationship.

Tips for Establishing a Date Night Routine:

1. Set a Goal: 

It is important that you and your partner agree on your goal for establishing a date night. People have various thoughts on what is realistic and helpful for them. While one couple may prefer weekly date nights, another may find that to be too much and too difficult to accomplish so they will aim for one time per month. Find what is right for you and your partner. Be sure to discuss this as a goal with your partner so that you are on the same page and have the same expectations. Having a shared goal, such as this, may seem simple, but it really allows both parties to know what is expected and puts the expectation on both people to carry this goal out.

2. Get Creative:

This is an opportunity to try something new and different. One thing to remember; however, is that date nights do not have to be going out. After working for many years with couples who were raising young children, it was very easy to see that sometimes finding a babysitter and making the time to go out was an impossible task. So you may have to get creative if you aren’t able to go out for a date night. One idea may be to eat a small snack with your children at the “usual” dinner time and then once kids are in bed, have take-out from your favorite restaurant or enjoy a decadent dessert with your partner. Set up something different and special at home. You could light candles in the living room or set up a nice table on the patio. This way if you are not able to leave the house, then you still feel that this is a unique and different experience than your regular routine. You can still bring in romance and intimacy even in the most familiar environment. The importance is that you and your partner are getting time alone together.

If you are able to go out regularly and this is an important aspect for you, then get creative! Make a list of new restaurants that you want to try or a list of fun activities that you can do together. Maybe it’s having a picnic at a local park, going to a concert, finding a local Facebook event in your area that’s new and different, or taking a day trip to a nearby venue. It’s important that both partners contribute this list and put down each of your interests. So take some time to brainstorm some creative ideas together.

3. Take Turns Planning:

This can be a fun step. Have each partner take turns in planning the date night to surprise the other person. So if you choose weekly date nights then each partner takes responsibility for a week that is theirs to plan. This is where you can pull in that creativity to find something new to do or surprise your partner with a thoughtful activity. Each person may have a different idea on what is important for them, which is why it can be beneficial that each partner gets to plan ideas that they enjoy and think their partner will enjoy also. This also changes up who initiates things in the relationship, which can be a nice change of pace if you have been stuck in a familiar routine with your partner. Also, this allows for each partner to feel surprised and it brings in an element of spontaneity. 

4. Enjoy:

When you set the goal, get creative and take turns to plan a date, be sure to have fun and enjoy the moment. This can be easier said than done. It can be easy for some people to stay distracted while on a date and think or talk about their work and/or their kids and not focus on being connected to their partner. The goal here is to increase connection with your partner. Do your best to disconnect from other activities and stay in the present moment. This is a time to focus on your relationship and enjoy the moment together. Date nights can provide an opportunity to talk about things that are important to your relationship that you might not otherwise get a chance to discuss so take that opportunity to be present and attentive to your partner. Having meaningful conversations is very important when it comes to reconnecting and strengthening your relationship.

Date nights should be positive, pleasurable and fun. So set up a date night routine with your partner, get creative and most importantly, enjoy!

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Here are some at-home date night ideas you may want to try:

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If you are interested in relationship coaching, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Services are available for individuals or couples. Appointments may be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

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Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

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