Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt 3/12/22 Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt 3/12/22

5 Tips for Living With Intention

With a few helpful tips, we can learn to live a more fulfilling and meaning life. By prioritizing things, experiences, and people in our life who bring us the most joy, we can live with more intention & happiness.

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to fall into the rhythm of going through the motions—checking off tasks, reacting to demands, and moving from one obligation to the next without much thought. But a fulfilling life doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built through conscious choices and deliberate actions. Living with intention means aligning your time, energy, and efforts with what truly matters to you.

Living with intention means striving for better-balance and living with more meaning and purpose. It means the activities that you are engaging in are worthwhile to you and focused on betterment. You are stepping out of mindless activities and from being in autopilot and you are ensuring your life is based on your own conscious choice of how you want your life to be.

Living with intention is beneficial as it can increase our self-awareness, meaning, and happiness in our own lives. By living with intention, we set out each day to ensure we engage in meaningful activities that serve a good purpose and will have a positive influence on our lives. Here are five tips to help you live more intentionally every day.

Steps to Living with Intention:

1. Choose activities that matter:

Time is a limited resource, and how we spend it defines the quality of our lives. One of the most important steps toward intentional living is being selective with how you use your time. Assess what’s really important to you and try to live your life by your beliefs, values, and top priorities. When you get a good idea of the most important activities, people and experiences in your life, you will be more inclined to choose activities that really matter and are crucial for your betterment. We then spend less time on activities that do not serve a positive purpose in our lives. This tends to increase our overall happiness and purpose in life.

Some questions that you may ask yourself would be:

“What makes my life worth living?”

“What’s most important to me?”

“What do I want out of life?”

“Does this activity align with my values?”

“Is this helping me grow, connect, or contribute?”

2. Work toward betterment:

Intentional living is grounded in growth. When life encompasses a path of self-improvement and personal growth, we tend to feel more fulfilled and have more meaning in our lives. Bettering yourself should be something that we all try and strive for. This doesn’t mean constantly striving for more in a material sense—but rather committing to becoming a better version of yourself. Personal growth is a lifelong process that requires constant work and attention. This could mean developing a new skill, nurturing healthier habits, or working on your emotional intelligence.

Progress, no matter how small, builds confidence and momentum. It reminds us that we have the power to shape our lives one step at a time.

3. Enjoy the moment:

Presence is a powerful ingredient of an intentional life. When we’re caught up in the past or worried about the future, we miss the richness of what’s happening right now. Being mindful of the present moment helps you to increase self-awareness, build stronger relationships with others and can decrease stress and worry. Often, people feel that they are “in the moment” and enjoying the present, but truly being mindful and practicing mindfulness can be quite challenging.

Mindfulness requires one to be aware of everything in the present moment, which includes their own body, physical experience, environment, surroundings as well as their emotional state, mindset, and thoughts. Being mindful and truly in the moment requires much effort, but regular practice can help us to be more present and aware that leads to living life with more intention and meaning.

4. Strive toward balance:

Living with intention isn’t about doing everything perfectly—it’s about doing what’s right for you, and knowing when to shift gears. Balance doesn’t always mean equal—it means harmonious. Working toward maintaining balance and overall wellness in your life is essential to living your life to the fullest. Ensure all areas are well-cared for and if things feel out of balance, work to get re-centered.

Recognize when to work and when to rest. When to give and when to receive. When to speak up and when to listen. A balanced life allows you to thrive without burning out, and it ensures that your pursuits are sustainable and aligned with your well-being.

5. Make a difference:

At the heart of intentional living is the desire to leave the world a little better than you found it. Whether it’s through your career, your relationships, or your daily interactions, look for ways to make a positive impact. Small gestures—a kind word, a helpful hand, a moment of understanding—can create powerful ripples. Living intentionally means using your unique strengths and voice to contribute to something meaningful.

Helpful actions toward others, as well as yourself, can be beneficial to your mental wellbeing. By giving back and helping others, it can help us to feel better about ourselves in the process. Volunteerism has many known benefits.

Living with intention doesn’t require a dramatic life overhaul. It starts with small, conscious choices made each day. By focusing on what matters, growing with purpose, staying present, finding balance, and seeking to make a difference, you can create a life that feels not just full—but truly fulfilling.When you live with intention, you have more passion, more focus and more attention to your actions, which can enrich your experience and your life.

So take a breath, reflect on what matters most to you, and begin moving toward a more intentional way of living—one moment, one decision at a time.

Good luck to you in your journey!

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If you are needing support, virtual services are available, see Online Coaching with Dr. Shelley. Services are provided by telephone or online through a HIPAA-compliant telehealth portal, which allows you to be in the comfort of your own home during sessions & have increased privacy. Sessions are available for individuals or couples. Appointments can be booked online or simply email Dr. Shelley with any questions or appointment requests.

Blog written by: Dr. Shelley Sommerfeldt, Clinical Psychologist, Relationship Coach & Founder of the Loving Roots Project, an online wellness practice specializing in personal growth, mental wellness, & relationship betterment.

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The Benefits of Mindfulness

A regular mindfulness practice can help to lower stress, increase mental focus & attention, reduce emotional reactivity, improve connections with others & help you to be more in tune with your mind-body.

The concept of mindfulness has been around for many years, but we are just now learning more and more about the positive impact that the practice of mindfulness can have on our mind and body. What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is a state of active attention to the present moment. It is bringing your full awareness and attention to your body, thoughts, feelings, surrounding environment, etc.

Have you noticed that we often function on autopilot? This means that we just go through an activity automatically, without much focus or attention to it. This happens often when driving from home to work, for example. Since this is an activity that you do often, people can often drift off in their thoughts or not fully pay attention to the task at hand and accomplish this in autopilot. Mindfulness is the opposite! Mindfulness is having a complete awareness of everything you are doing and everything around you.

A simple way to start a mindfulness practice:

Calm your mind and be very present

Raise your awareness to everything around you and you

Focus on your breathing, slow your breathing down

Observe your thoughts without judging them and release them

Sit for a few moments in the present moment

Check out our mindfulness video to be guided through simple and basic mindfulness practice.

After engaging in mindfulness regularly, you may soon notice some of the many benefits. Mindfulness can impact our emotional, physical and mental health in positive ways. This practice is being promoted in many places due to the current research demonstrating such positive impacts. Many schools, places of employment and community centers are now promoting a regular mindfulness practice.

Benefits of Mindfulness:

Lower stress:

Mindfulness allows for moments of calmness and can help to lower stress and anxiety. The practice also promotes positive coping and engaging in self-help strategies. By consistently engaging in coping strategies, this can also keep stress and anxiety at levels that are better managed.

Increased mental focus and attention:

This practice also increases our ability to be mentally focused and attentive to things around us and our thoughts and emotional process. The purpose of mindfulness is to be better aware in the present moment, therefore by regularly practicing this skill, people find that they can demonstrate increased focus and attention throughout their day and regularly.

Less emotional reactivity:

Since mindfulness is the practice of increasing self-awareness and better understanding one’s emotional and physical responses, this allows you to have more control over your reactions. People may notice that mindfulness helps them to reduce their emotional reactivity and overreaction to situations.

More cognitive flexibility:

With regular mindfulness practice, you can also increase your ability to be cognitively flexible. This means that you can change your train of thought and mental tasks more easily. This flexibility allows you to switch mental tasks with ease and be able to focus on a new skill in a better way.

Improved connections with others:

Many people are surprised by how mindfulness increases their connection and relationships with others. Mindfulness allows for you to be more present, in the moment and aware when you are spending time with others. Being more present and connected in your relationships creates a better bond and more relationship happiness.

More in tune with your mind and body:

Since increasing mindfulness can increase your self-awareness and your attention to your thoughts, feelings, body and physical surroundings, this ultimately allows you to have a better relationship with your mind and body.

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Life in Balance: Stress Management & Mindfulness program is an 8-module online class to help you better cope with stress and anxiety, as well as learn strategies for better balance and incorporate mindfulness. This program is a self-guided virtual class that you can complete at your own pace. Click here for more information.

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Tips to Getting Over a Break-Up

Going through a break-up or ending any sort of relationship can be extremely difficult. There are many self-help tips that may be helpful through the healing process.

Going through a break-up, ending a relationship or divorce is a major loss and can be very challenging to navigate. Many people experience feelings of grief, loss and even trauma. It’s a major transition to lose a relationship with someone and it’s difficult to experience. Divorce can be especially challenging considering that many people have shared possessions, legal considerations, and even children that they must also care for through the process.

Tips to help you cope with a break-up:

1. Take Care of Yourself:

Implementing coping skills and a self-care practice is essential to surviving the pain of divorce or a break-up. Try setting a daily or weekly goal of participating in at least one activity that will be beneficial to your emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. Some activities could include writing in a journal, meditating, exercising, taking a hot bath, reading a book or any other activity that you find helpful and healing. Be sure to make taking care of yourself a priority. You can set an alarm or calendar reminder to complete your daily healing activity.

2. Use your support system:

Lean on your friends and family during this difficult time. It’s important to have a good strong support system that you can lean upon in a time of need. Having support helps by having someone to talk to, distract you, vent to or even to laugh with. Support can also come in many forms. You can find support with your friends and family as well as social clubs, community-based groups, and even grief and healing support groups. Support groups can be especially helpful to talk with people who may be experiencing a similar situation as your own.

3. Express your feelings:

If you find it helpful, be sure to talk about your feelings, but be sure that you are doing so in a healthy & constructive way. Many people want to vent and for a short time, that can be helpful, but if we get stuck on the same material in an unhealthy way and not move forward, it ends up being more detrimental than helpful. Talking about how you feel can be helpful with releasing hurt feelings and difficult emotions so be sure to find opportunities to express yourself and situation.

4. Take the time that you need:

Don’t rush into feeling better and especially according to other people’s standards. You don’t have to jump back into dating right away and remember that responses to break-ups can be very different as every relationship, break-up, and situation is completely different. Some relationships may be short in comparison to others, but it could be that the shorter relationship hits harder because it was more intense. Perhaps your breakup came as a surprise, which can play a role in the response, reaction and how you need to heal. Again, each situation and relationship is completely different, which means the path to recovery and healing will also be different. Therefore, allow yourself the time you need to heal.

5. Use Distraction:

Be sure to engage in fun activities or hobbies during your healing process. Many people may want to hide or find that doing anything fun while they are in pain is impossible, but it’s these distracting activities that can facilitate healing. By hiding inside your house or not socializing, you may find that this will cause you to constantly think of their ex or memories that you had together, which tends to make things feel worse. So when you feel up for it, distract yourself with a fun activity. You can try going to coffee or lunch with a friend, get a manicure or pedicure, go watch a movie, or join a new social group. The point here is to attempt to force yourself into finding a distracting activity that can help to facilitate your mental and emotional healing.

6. Do something new:

Trying something new or spontaneous can boost self-esteem, excitement, and distraction, which can all be helpful when you’re going through a break-up. This is similar to finding a distracting activity or hobby, as stated above, but the difference here is trying something new. When we engage in something new, it can be very beneficial for our minds. It causes us to use more focus, attention and mental energy since we are unfamiliar with the task. New activities can be very helpful for your brain health as well because it creates new neural pathways in the brain and again enhances mental and cognitive focus and attention. These types of activities can help with emotional healing.

7. Engage in Reflection:

Self-reflection allows you to think about things that you may have learned about yourself while in a relationship. Take time to reflect on aspects that you liked and did not like about your relationship, yourself or your partner. This can be very eye-opening and allow you to be more self-aware and healthy for future relationships. Many people can see aspects or dynamics that they do not want in future relationships simply due to something negative that has happened previously. This again can help us to better future relationship as well as ourselves.

8. Practice Gratitude:

Expressing ‘thanks’ may sound opposite of what you want to engage in during a break-up or while ending any relationship, but it can be quite helpful and healing. Try forcing yourself to find the positives in a very negative situation. This is similar to engaging in self-reflection as you may want to review things that you learned from your relationship and what you feel thankful for. This can be extremely helpful in the healing process. Expressing gratitude helps to boost optimism and happiness and it can lead to a happier and healthier relationship in the future.

9. Use Caution With Social Media:

While you do not need to completely stay off of social media, it’s important that you are not giving into temptation and searching for your ex online or stalking their social media profile. While this can be very tempting and hard not to do, this can create lingering emotions and even stir up new emotional content, especially if you see current or recent pictures of your ex. This tends to be unhealthy and not very helpful in the healing process. Be sure to use caution with social media and engage in activities online that will be helpful for your own healing.

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Simple Steps to a Calm Mind

Rushing through our day-to-day lives, juggling work, family, and errands can be hectic, chaotic, stressful and constantly busy. It can feel hard to stop your mind at the end of the day. Take a few moments each day to calm the mind and just breathe can have incredible benefits. One popular strategy for calming the mind is through meditation or mindfulness.

Rushing through our day-to-day lives, juggling work, family, and errands can be hectic, chaotic, stressful and constantly busy. It can feel hard to stop your mind at the end of the day. This mental exhaustion can have impacts on our concentration, memory, focus and even sleep. Taking a few moments each day to calm the mind and just breathe, can have incredible benefits. One popular strategy for calming the mind is through meditation or mindfulness.

Mindfulness is described as a mental state in which a person is highly present and aware of their own body, mind, thoughts, and surroundings. We are often not fully aware of how we may feel in a given moment or what specific thoughts are present in our minds. We are usually on autopilot. By increasing awareness of one’s physical and mental experience, this can assist in building appreciation for various aspects of life as well as gain better emotional control, focus, and even help to create more concentration, empathy, and lower stress.

Many people feel intimidated by the idea of starting a mindfulness practice. One simple way to begin is to simply focus on breathing. The act of focusing on your breath can slow you down, help you to maintain focus, and stay in the present moment.

Simple Breathing Exercise:

Pause & take a moment to just breathe.
Sit or lay down and get comfortable.
Close your eyes or leave them at half gaze.
Breathe in slowly and deeply while counting to 5 in your mind.
Pause with your breath for a small count of 5.
Exhale completely while counting to 5.
Continue this 5 - 5 - 5 pattern for several minutes while breathing in deeply, pausing, exhaling, and repeating.
Practice daily!

Now that you’ve read through the instructions, practice and try this exercise on your own. Remember, breathe in while counting to 5, hold your breath for 5, and then exhale while counting to 5. Simple, yet calming.

Try this exercise for a few minutes each day for one week and see how you feel. Maintaining a regular practice can have many benefits, including lowering stress, increasing mental focus and attention, less emotional reactivity, more cognitive flexibility, improving connections with others, and being more in tune with your mind and body.

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